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Understanding a Woman
We need REALLY MEANS I want
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You want REALLY MEANS You need
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It's your decision REALLY MEANS The correct decision should be obvious by now.
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We need to talk REALLY MEANS I need to complain
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Do what you want REALLY MEANS You'll pay for this later.
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You're ... so manly REALLY MEANS You need a shave and you sweat a lot.
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Sure... go ahead REALLY MEANS I don't want you to.
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I'm not upset REALLY MEANS Of course I'm upset, you moron!
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You're certainly attentive tonight. REALLY MEANS Is sex all you ever think about?
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I'm not emotional! And I'm not overreacting! REALLY MEANS I'm on my period.
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Be romantic, turn out the lights. REALLY MEANS I'm Embarrassed
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This kitchen is so inconvenient REALLY MEANS I want a new house.
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You have to learn to communicate. REALLY MEANS Just agree with me.
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Yes REALLY MEANS No
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No REALLY MEANS No
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Maybe REALLY MEANS No
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I heard a noise REALLY MEANS I noticed you were almost asleep.
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Do you love me? REALLY MEANS I'm going to ask for something expensive.
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How much do you love me? REALLY MEANS I did something you're not going to like.
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I'll be ready in a minute. REALLY MEANS Be patient I'll be a while.
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Am I a little fat? REALLY MEANS Tell me I'm beautiful.
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I'm sorry. REALLY MEANS You'll be sorry.
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Do you like this recipe? REALLY MEANS It's easy to fix, so get used to it.
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Was that the baby? REALLY MEANS Why don't you wake up and deal with the baby.
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I'm not yelling! REALLY MEANS Yes I am yelling because I think this is important.
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All we're going to buy is a soap dish REALLY MEANS Major shopping trip. Did you bring your checkbook?
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Ah Sorority Girls
How many sorority girls does it take to change a light bulb?
She holds on to it, and the world revolves around her.
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Two, one to hold the Diet Pepsi, and one to call Daddy.
Six, one to screw it in, and five to make T-shirts.
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What three words will a sorority girl never hear?
"Attention K-mart shoppers."
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What is a sorority girls favorite position?
Facing Bloomingdale's.
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How do you get four sorority girls on one chair?
Tell them there is a rich guy sitting in it.
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Why does a sorority girl close her eyes during sex?
So she can fantasize about shopping.
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What's the difference between sorority girls and Jell-o?
Jell-o wiggles when you eat it.
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What do you call a sorority girl's waterbed?
Lake Placid.
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How do you know when a sorority girl is a nymphomaniac?
She'll make love the same day she had her hair done.
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What is the difference between sorority girls and hookers?
Sorority girls cost less per score.
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What's the difference between a sorority girl and a phone booth?
You need a quarter to use the phone.
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What do you say to a sorority girl that won't give in?
"Have another beer."
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What does a sorority girl put behind her ears to make her look more attractive?
Her ankles.
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Why does a sorority girl wear underwear?
To keep her ankles warm.
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What is the first thing a sorority girl does in the morning?
Walks home.
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What is a sorority girls mating call?
"I'm sooooooo drunk, I'm sooooooo drunk."
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How can you tell if a sorority girl has achieved orgasm?
She drops her nail file
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What's the difference between a sorority girl and a bowling ball?
There is no difference. They're both round and have three holes to poke.
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What does the Bermuda Triangle and sorority girls have in common?
They've both swallowed a lot of semen.
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Why is a sorority girl like a door knob?
'Cause everybody gets a turn.
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What's the difference between sorority girls and garbage?
Garbage gets taken out once a week.
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How do you prevent a sorority girl from having sex?
Marry her.
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Did you hear about the new sorority girl doll?
You put a ring on her finger and her hips expand.
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What do you get when you cross a sorority girl with an lawyer?
Don't know. There's only so much an lawyer can be forced to do.
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How do you get a sorority girl in your bed?
Grease her hips so she'll fit through the door and throw a Twinkie on the bed.
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What do you call 100 sorority girls bathing on a beach in Cuba?
Bay of Pigs.
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