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How are a bowling ball and a sorority girl alike?
You can pick them up, stick your fingers in them, and throw them in the gutter and they'll always come back.
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What's the difference between a sorority girl and a toilet?
A toilet doesn't follow you around after you use it
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What's the difference between a sorority and a circus?
A circus is a cunning array of stunts.
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Bananas
Two old maids were grocery shopping. The sign said `Bananas - 3 for 50 cents. So they put two in the shopping cart. One said to the other, "How much will that be apiece?" The other one said, " That would be fifty cents divided by three, multiplied by two, then divided by two - whatever that comes to." So the first old maid said, " Heck, just get three. That'll be a quarter apiece and we can eat the other one.
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A Day at the Zoo
It's a beautiful warm spring day and a man and his wife are at the zoo. She's wearing a cute, loose-fitting, pink spring dress, sleeveless with straps. As they walk through the ape exhibit and pass in front of a very large gorilla, the gorilla goes ape. He jumps up on the bars, holding on with one hand (and 2 feet), grunting and pounding his chest with the free hand. He is obviously excited at the pretty lady in the wavy dress. The husband, noticing the excitement, suggests that his wife tease the poor fellow. The husband suggests she pucker her lips, wiggle her bottom, and play along. She does and Mr. Gorilla gets even more excited, making noises that would wake the dead. Then the husband suggests that she let one of her straps fall, she does, and Mr. Gorilla is just about to tear the bars down. Now try lifting your dress up your thighs...this drives the gorilla absolutely crazy. Then, quickly the husband grabs his wife by the hair, rips open the door to the cage, slings her in with the gorilla and says, "Now, tell HIM you have a headache."
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Riding Bikes
Two women were riding their rickety old bikes down the back streets of Rome one late afternoon. As it turns dusk, the increasing darkness starts making one of the women a little nervous. She leans over to the other and says, "You know, I've never come this way before." The other says, "It's the cobblestones."
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Why Beer Is Better Than Women
You can enjoy a beer all month long.
Beer stains wash out.
You don't have to wine and dine a beer.
Your beer will always wait patiently in the car while you play ball.
If your beer is flat, you can toss it out.
Beer is never late.
A beer doesn't get jealous when you grab another beer.
A hangover will go away.
Beer labels come off without a fight.
When you go to a bar, you know you can always pick up a beer.
A beer never has a headache.
A beer will never nag you.
A beer won't get upset if you come home and have another beer.
If you pour a beer right, you'll always get good head.
A beer always goes down easy.
You can share a beer with friends.
You always know if you're the first one to pop a beer.
A beer is always wet.
A beer doesn't demand equality.
You can have a beer in public.
A beer doesn't care what time you come home.
A frigid beer is a good beer.
You don't have to wash a beer for it to taste good.
If you decide to change beers, you don't have to pay alimony.
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