Red Rat Racer

Dear Tech Support:


Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a
distinct slow down in the overall performance, particularly in the
Flower and Jewellery applications, which operated flawlessly under
Boyfriend 5.0. In addition, Husband 1.0 un-installed many other
valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5 and
then installed undesirable programs such as: Football 5.0, Rugby4.3 and
Cricket 3.0. Which all come with a really annoying pop up called

Having a Beer Tonight? 7.0. This pop up also makes Skype ring all night long.
Conversation 8.0 no longer runs; it simply crashes the system. I've
tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, to no avail. What can
I do?


Signed,
Desperate


Dear Desperate:


First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while
Husband 1.0 is an Operating System. Try entering the command: C:
/I-THOUGHT-YOU-LOVED-ME to download Tears 6.2, which should
automatically install Guilt 3.0. If that application works as designed,
Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewellery 2.0
and Flowers 3.5. But remember, overuse of the above application can
cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0, or
Beer 6.1.


WARNING: Beer 6.1 is a very nasty program that will create Snoring
Loudly, shortly followed by Grumpy Hangover 4.1.


CAUTION: Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-in-law 1.1.

while Grumpy Hangover 4.1. is running. This is not a
supported application and will crash Husband 1.0.


In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited
Memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider
buying additional software to improve memory and performance. I
personally recommend Hot Food 3.0 and Lingerie 7.7.


Good Luck,
Tech Support


Dear Technical Support,


18 months ago, I upgraded to Girlfriend 1.0 from DrinkingMates 4.2,
which I had used for years without any trouble. However, there are
apparently conflicts between these two products and the only solution
was to try and run Girlfriend 1.0 with the sound turned off. To make
matters worse, Girlfriend 1.0 is incompatible with several other
applications, such as LadsNightOut 3.1, Football 4.5, and Playboy 6.9.


Successive versions of GirlFriend proved no better. I tried a shareware
program, Slapper 2.1, but it had many bugs and left a virus in my
system, forcing me to shut down completely for several weeks.
Eventually, I tried to run GirlFriend 1.2 and Girlfriend 1.0 at the same
time, only to discover that when these two systems detected each other
they caused severe damage to my hardware. I eventually upgraded to
Fiancee 1.0, only to discover that this product soon had to be upgraded
further to Wife 1.0.


While Wife 1.0 tends to use up all my available resources, it does come
bundled with FreeSexPlus and Cleanhouse2007. Shortly after this
upgrade, however, I found that Wife 1.0 could be very unstable and
costly to run. Any mistakes I made were automatically stored in Wife
1.0's Memory and could not be deleted. They then resurfaced months
later when I had forgotten about them. Wife 1.0 also has an automatic
Diary, Explorer and E-mail filter, and can, without warning, launch
TurboStrop and Multi-Whinge. These latter products have no Help files,
and I have to try to guess what the problem is.


Additional problems are that Wife 1.0 needs updating regularly,
requiring Shoe Shop browser for new attachments and Hairstyle Express
which needs to be reinstalled every other week. Also, when Wife 1.0
attaches itself to my Saab 900 Classic Convertible hard drive, it often crashes.
Wife 1.0 also comes with an irritating pop-up called Mother in Law 1.1,
which can't be turned off, no matter how much i try.

Recently I've been tempted to install Mistress 2007, but there could be problems.

A friend of mine has alerted me to the fact that if Wife 1.0 detects Mistress 2007,

it tends to automatically delete all of your Money before uninstalling itself.

Is this true?


Help requested please