The three worst films ever made (apart from
Swingers)
MATCH POINT
Woody Allen's continuing love affairs with London, Scarlett Johanson, and pissing all over his legacy, combine to create this brilliantly terrible film. I advise all you cnuts to watch it, as it's so bad it's funny.
It's about a tennis player, played by a plank of wood, who bones Scarlett Johansson (fair play, and she's by far the best thing in it), gets her up the duff, regrets it, panics, and shoots her.
Highlights include a posh financier who occasionally comes on, says something like, "I've been informed of a potentially lucrative business opportunity", and fucks off again; half a secretary; and a dead old woman coming back to life to confront the protagonist with the immortal line, "And what about me? I was just an innocent bystander."
1/10
CATCH 22
Some spastics massacre the 4th best novel of the 20th century. A group of guys go swimming, then someone dies in a plane and goes on about it being cold. Those are the only bits I remember.
0/10
SPAWN
I honestly can't remember much, except that it was berserkly rubbish. I think some sort of superhero was involved.
0/10