Originally Posted by Livvie

"Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose woman"

"Is that you young Liam Murphy?" asked the priest.

"It is Father."

"And who was the woman you were with?"

"I can't tell you Father, I promised."

"Well Liam, I'm sure to find out, so you may as well tell me now. Was it Mary Maguire?"

"I'm sorry Father, but I can't tell you?"

"Bridie Callaghan?"

Silence.

"Was it Kathleen Power?"

Still silence.

"Would it be Noreen Duffy?"

"Father," said Liam. "My lips are sealed."

The priest sighed.

"Well you are very tight lipped and I admire that - but you must do penance. You cannot be an altar boy now for four months. Now go and behave yourself."

Outside the church, Liam meets his friend, Michael.

"What did you get?" asks Michael.

Liam grinned.

"Four months holiday, and some good leads."

****************

Mick and Pat went fishing one day, when Pat pulled out a cigar. He asked Mick for a light.

Reaching into his bag, Mick pulled out a Bic lighter, 10" long.

"Jesus Mary and Joseph," exclaimed Pat, "Where did you get that monster?"

"From a genie," said Mick.

"You've got a genie in your bag?" asked Pat.

"Sure," said Mick, and he produced the genie.

"Hey there," said Pat. "I'm a good friend of your man here. Will you give me one wish?"

The genie said he would, and Pat asked for a million bucks.

Shortly, the sky darkens and is filled with the sound of a million ducks flying overhead.

Over the roar of a million quacks, Pat yelled to Mick, "I asked for a million bucks, not a million ducks!"

Says Mick, "I forgot to tell you that the genie is a bit deaf. Do you really think I asked for a 10" Bic?"