I see a battered head has turned up on a beach in Arbroath.
Those Jocks will deep fry anything!
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What have a porn mag and Shannon Matthews got in common?
Both get shoved back under the bed once you've finished with them
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A man enters a confessional and says to the Irish Priest, "Father, it has been one month since my last confession. I've had sex with Fanny Green every week for the last month."
The priest tells the sinner, "You are forgiven. Go out and say three 'Hail Marys."
Soon, another man enters the confessional. "Father, it has been two months since my last confession. I have had sex with Fanny Green twice a week for the last two months."
This time the priest asks, "Who is this Fanny Green?"
"A new woman in the neighbourhood," the sinner replies.
Very well," says the priest. "Go and say ten 'Hail Marys. "
The next morning in church, as the priest is preparing to deliver his sermon, a gorgeous, slim , redheaded woman enters the church. All the men's eyes fall upon her as she slowly sashays up the aisle and sits down in front of the Altar. Her dress is green and very short, with matching shiny emerald green shoes. The priest and altar boy gasp as the woman sits down with her legs slightly spread apart, Sharon Stone-style.
The priest turns to the altar boy and whisperingly asks, "Is that Fanny Green?"
The altar boy replies, ....
"No Father, I think it's just the reflection off her shoes".