barca99

1. you dont come from Manchester

everyone from Manchester is a city fan

2. you are a gloryseeker who only started supporting united in 93

you only did this because they won the league; previously every United game had been played in an empty stadium

3. you only see united on the television and have never been to Old Trafford- you dont even know where Manchester is

The 'crowd' at Old Trafford is made up of a giant hologram

4. Old Trafford is not in Manchester and as such City are the only manchester team

Although Old Trafford has a Manchester postcode, and although United was set up by Newton Heath railway workers the club has nothing to do with Manchester. It is not true that United merely pre-dated the likes of Bolton by moving to a purpose built out-of-town stadium. Bolton is a homely team and Horwich is in the centre of Bolton right next to the town hall and the whippet racing track.

5. You change your shirt every month

You also kidnap children and force their parents to pay over £2,000 for the one-hour hire of each shirt. You currently have 18 shirts. No other team has more than two kids and none have changed their shirt since the football league was invented.

6. Your players are the dirtiest in the league

This is proved by the fact that they become goody-two-shoes when they leave. Ince is now England's greatest player and Hughes is the darling if the BBC. Why can't United players conduct themselves with the dignity of the likes of Batty and Gerrard?

7. Your players moan all the time

They try to referee every game. When did you last see such disgusting behavious from other players?

8. Your manager is the biggest whinger of all time

No other manager ever moans. Why cant ferguson accept misfortune with a shrug as the likes of O'Neil, Wenger and the rest have perfected. Ferguson even moaned that everyone hates United- how paroniod can you get? What a whinger- no wonder everyone hates United.

9. All referrres favour you

All United goals are scored in the 30th minute of injury time. As soon as it is scored the ref ends the game so United can win.

10. Cantona should have been banned for life/executed

In any fair society, United would have been disbanded. Cantona was a great player at Leeds: look what United did to him.

11. United is not a football team but a giant commercial organisation

No other club's fans would like to be this successful. They prefer to watch crap football in dumps cause this is what the working class man deserves on his day off. Boltons new ground is called the Reebok stadium asfter their tea lady Elsie Reebok, and commercialism does not come into it.

12. United are a money bags outfit who try and buy success

No United player cost less than £100 million. All Newcastle players are local lads who are called up from the coal pits at five to three every Saturday.