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5th January 2003, 08:42
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#1 (permalink) |
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Reserve Team Player
Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: Utd eh , Liverpool shit rite
Posts: 2,156
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Classic Cricket Sledges
a couple of crackers here indeed !
When Australia toured New Zealand a few years back and Blair Pocock was opening the batting for the Kiwis. Having played and missed at a couple he was then approached by Mark Waugh from slip. Waugh pointed at Pocock and said "oh yeah, I remember you, you toured Australia a couple of years ago. You were shit then too." Pocock then proceded to hit the next ball for four and pointed at Waugh and said "oh yeah, I remember you too, you had that fucking ugly old girlfriend........and then you went and married her you dumb cunt." Glenn McGrath (to Otto Brandes, tubby South African no. 11, after a 85 mph delivery whistles past OB's chin) : Why are you so fat? OB : Because every time I fuck your wife, she gives me a biscuit. During Australia's last tour of South Africa it was rumoured that Daryll Cullinan had been consulting a psychologist to exorcise the demons that appeared whenever Warne removed his hat. No sooner had Cullinan arrived at the crease than Warne snarled: "I'm going to send you straight back to your shrink." Ian Healy once became frustrated with an overweight batsman from a South African provincial side who seemed not the least interested in scoring runs. Eventually Healy called to the bowler: "Why don't we put a Mars bar on a good length to see if we can lure him out of his crease?" An English county bowler was having surprising success against the great West Indian Viv Richards, who'd played and missed at several balls. Foolishly, the bowler piped up: "Hey Viv, it's red and it's round." A steaming Richards cracked the next ball into another postcode and told the bowler: "You know what it looks like, man - go fetch it." Merv Hughes was being Merv, aiming constant abuse at English batsman Robin Smith. But having been told that he "couldn't bat to save his fucking life," Smith smashed a four, walked down the pitch and said: "Make a good pair, don't we? I can't fucking bat and you can't fucking bowl." Sledging can be plain amusing. It's unlikely Merv Hughes was thinking tactically when he told a struggling English batsmen: "I'll bowl you a fucking piano, ya Pommie pooftah. Let's see if you can play that." During a WSC final at the SCG where the game had been shortened due to rain and the atmosphere was running at about 95% humidity a very exhausted Arjuna Ranatunga appealed that he had "sprained" something. He duly asked the umpire for a runner. As clear as a bell through the effects mic you heard Healey's legendary reply "you don't get a runner for being an overweight, unfit, fat cunt". |
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5th January 2003, 09:38
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#2 (permalink) |
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Striker
Join Date: Feb 2001
Location: MUFCUM...Manc-Union.
Posts: 21,103
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"Glenn McGrath (to Otto Brandes, tubby South African no. 11, after a 85 mph
delivery whistles past OB's chin) : Why are you so fat? OB : Because every time I fuck your wife, she gives me a biscuit." <img src="graemlins/lol.gif" border="0" alt="[Laugh Out Loud]" /> |
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6th January 2003, 09:23
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#4 (permalink) |
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Reserve Team Player
Join Date: Oct 2001
Location: South Africa
Posts: 1,783
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[quote]Originally posted by gaz hacket:
<strong> Glenn McGrath (to Otto Brandes, tubby South African no. 11, after a 85 mph delivery whistles past OB's chin) : Why are you so fat? OB : Because every time I fuck your wife, she gives me a biscuit. Ian Healy once became frustrated with an overweight batsman from a South African provincial side who seemed not the least interested in scoring runs. Eventually Healy called to the bowler: "Why don't we put a Mars bar on a good length to see if we can lure him out of his crease?" </strong><hr></blockquote> Otto brandes = Eddie Brandes, Zimbabwean no 11 the fat provincial guy = Kosie Venter and his reply was something like "I wouldn't bother as Boonie would get there first." |
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11th January 2003, 13:25
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#7 (permalink) |
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Trannie Lover
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Melbourne
Posts: 6,904
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[quote]Originally posted by gaz hacket:
[QB] An English county bowler was having surprising success against the great West Indian Viv Richards, who'd played and missed at several balls. Foolishly, the bowler piped up: "Hey Viv, it's red and it's round." A steaming Richards cracked the next ball into another postcode and told the bowler: "You know what it looks like, man - go fetch it." [QB]<hr></blockquote> Actually, that was Merv Hughes. |
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11th January 2003, 13:30
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#8 (permalink) |
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Trannie Lover
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Melbourne
Posts: 6,904
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Melbourne was facing Footscray in a Victoria Grade cricket match many years ago and two future Australian team-mates found themselves alongside each other at the urinals before the match. The young mustache-free Merv Hughes zipped his trousers and proceeded to move for the door. 'Oi,' called out Melbourne pacemen Tony Dodemaide, 'at Melbourne Grammar (exclusive private school) they taught us to wash our hands after taking a leak!'
'Really?', says big Merv, 'I went to Footscray High and they taught us not to piss on our fuckin' hands!' |
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