101 Uses for Emmanuel Eboue

noodlehair · 19th May 2006, 11:31

1. A Wheel

Scousers stolen your car wheel? Don't waste your money on expensive tyres and crap, simply attach Emmanuel Eboue to the underside of your car, and away you go

noodlehair · 19th May 2006, 11:33

2. A Lava Lamp

Why spend silly money on a spastic glow in the dark bubble machine;

Simply get a load of these up on your computer screen, and dim the lights. Hypnotic

noodlehair · 19th May 2006, 11:35

3. Cricket Ball

Fancy a game of cricket? Emmanuel Eboue's incredible rolling motion makes him a perfect cricket ball

Looks like he's heading for the boundary

noodlehair · 19th May 2006, 11:37

4. Steam Roller

Flatten crops, other people's cars, pets, valuables and what have you

SmashedHombre · 19th May 2006, 11:37

5. A giant tortilla roller.

Always dreamt of making the worlds largest tortilla but having trouble rolling it? Well now all your problems are solved with this life size roller! Simply wrap your tortilla around Eboue and watch him go!

noodlehair · 19th May 2006, 11:57

6. Rolling fireball of death

No army ever won a war without setting things on fire and sending them the way of the enemy.
Set Emmanuel Eboue on fire, and watch him roll his way through the entire enemy camp, causing an emmediate, unconditional surrender. Probably

Church o Choccy · 19th May 2006, 12:08

7. Lawnmower.

Can't afford one of those fancy "sit on and drive" types the neighbours shows off with every other weekend? Then for the ultimate act ofone upmanship that will put the Jones' well and truly in their place simply take one rubbish Arsenal player, attach blades and tell him it's the Champions League final.

SmashedHombre · 19th May 2006, 12:09

8. Bowling ball

Ever wanted tthat perfect game? Not working for you with the current balls? Simply pick up an Eboue and watch him roll down the lane hitting strike after strike

Namliam · 19th May 2006, 12:12

93 to go.

Stick · 19th May 2006, 12:12

Doesnt he break the law of perpetual motion?

Namliam · 19th May 2006, 12:14

Quote:

Originally Posted by Stick

Doesnt he break the law of perpetual motion?

Yes he does. He actually gets faster 'mid roll'.

He defies all laws of physics.

Eboue.

SmashedHombre · 19th May 2006, 12:14

9. Garden sprinkler

Fed up of trying to set up a sprinkler in your garden? Simply wrap Eboue in a hose pipe and watch him as he rolls around your garden, growing flowers in his wake.

Namliam · 19th May 2006, 12:15

Quote:

Originally Posted by SmashedHombre

9. Garden sprinkler

Fed up of trying to set up a sprinkler in your garden? Simply wrap Eboue in a hose pipe and watch him as he rolls around your garden, growing flowers in his wake.

I have to point out that this probably wouldn't work.

Still 93 more uses to list.

Stick · 19th May 2006, 12:16

Quote:

Originally Posted by Namliam

Yes he does. He actually gets faster 'mid roll'.

He defies all laws of physics.

Eboue.

The lad got badly exposed for the first. Good going forward but a bit suspect defending!!

Namliam · 19th May 2006, 12:19

Noodlehair should be banned. It turns out there are only 8 uses for Eboue.

RedCanuck · 19th May 2006, 12:21

10. Rolling Pin.

noodlehair · 19th May 2006, 12:22

Quote:

Originally Posted by Namliam

I have to point out that this probably wouldn't work.

Still 93 more uses to list.

I never said anything about the uses being practical.
Evra as a footballer probably wouldn't work, but it's happened

Giggsy PO · 19th May 2006, 12:22

10. Figure Skater

SmashedHombre · 19th May 2006, 12:23

11. Pomegranet juice maker

Simpley drop him in a batch of of pomegranets and watch the mouth watering juice squirt from the fruits

Namliam · 19th May 2006, 12:24

Quote:

Originally Posted by noodlehair

I never said anything about the uses being practical.
Evra as a footballer probably wouldn't work, but it's happened

Sorry, that isn't acceptable.

The uses don't have to be practical, but it must be conceptually practicable.

Namliam · 19th May 2006, 12:25

Quote:

Originally Posted by Giggsy PO

10. Figure Skater

This is pretty good.

Eboue could do a quintuple - quadruple - triple - double axle

noodlehair · 19th May 2006, 12:32

13. Superhero

Not sure how this would work exactly. Most superhero's are basically crap though. I mean, come on, Batman? rubbish. RollerBoue would flatten him no problem

SmashedHombre · 19th May 2006, 12:36

Are we skipping 12? Its a good way of skipping our target. I'll go for 63.

Street cleaner. simply let him rolling the streets and watch as that nuisance chewing gum attaches itself to Eboue, leaving the streets clean and sticky free.

Dumbstar · 19th May 2006, 12:37

Quote:

Originally Posted by SmashedHombre

Are we skipping 12? Its a good way of skipping our target. I'll go for 63.

Street cleaner. simply let him rolling the streets and watch as that nuisance chewing gum attaches itself to Eboue, leaving the streets clean and sticky free.

I'll interject:

12. Thread winding machine - Roll up your yards and yards of thread/wool easily by this 2006 version. Also comes in red.

teh_dog · 19th May 2006, 12:37

14. Roller - To flatten the wicket at lords

Stick · 19th May 2006, 12:40

Crowd disperser and riot breaker. Those scousers getting rowdy again? Simply deploy Eboue and watch the crowds disappear.

SmashedHombre · 19th May 2006, 12:43

17.Snake catcher.

Having trouble catching those pesky snakes? Let loose an Eboue and watch as he rolls over the slithery creatures, tangling round his body. THe end result is a conveniently knotted serpent.

teh_dog · 19th May 2006, 12:48

18 Hamster excerciser. My hanster is gettign a bit fat and can't get around like he used to so I tie a rubber band to him and put the other end on my hamster's wheel. and as he turns the whell turns and hammy gets some excercise.

RedCanuck · 19th May 2006, 13:03

19 - Lawn roller. Makes your grass nice and flat, for bowling and the like.

Retirantmobs · 19th May 2006, 13:04

Quote:

Originally Posted by noodlehair

13. Superhero

Not sure how this would work exactly. Most superhero's are basically crap though. I mean, come on, Batman? rubbish. RollerBoue would flatten him no problem

Best yet.

green demon · 19th May 2006, 13:09

20 Crash Test Dummy.

Rona1do · 19th May 2006, 13:12

21. Giant Golf Ball

Tired of tiny white balls? Here is a big, black ball that rolls perfectly on the 18th green.

teh_dog · 19th May 2006, 13:14

22. Human car wash buffer. Attach a furry layer of fuzz to his body,attach him on an axle and let him wash your bonnet.

RedCanuck · 19th May 2006, 13:15

23 - Land Mine Clearer

Put him in a mindfield and watch him clear a path.

TGA · 19th May 2006, 13:30

24. WMD

US Government could release new footage of a hijacked Eboue crashing into the Pentagon

teh_dog · 19th May 2006, 13:39

25 A spin doctor - to make everybody forget how it wasnt arsenal's fault they lost the champion's league final.

Elliott · 19th May 2006, 13:42

26. Deco

teh_dog · 19th May 2006, 13:47

27. And with some paint on him art deco.

Justin · 19th May 2006, 13:47

28 - Live dummy for Fire Safety
"Stop, drop, and roll"

Rona1do · 19th May 2006, 13:54

29. Olympic Diving Gold Medallist

Just teach him to do the pike.....

19th May 2006, 11:31	#1 (permalink)
noodlehair "It's like..." Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: Flagg Posts: 2,094	101 Uses for Emmanuel Eboue 1. A Wheel Scousers stolen your car wheel? Don't waste your money on expensive tyres and crap, simply attach Emmanuel Eboue to the underside of your car, and away you go

19th May 2006, 12:48	#28 (permalink)
teh_dog Reserve Team Player Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: greenwich, cutty sark crows nest Posts: 1,736	18 Hamster excerciser. My hanster is gettign a bit fat and can't get around like he used to so I tie a rubber band to him and put the other end on my hamster's wheel. and as he turns the whell turns and hammy gets some excercise. Last edited by teh_dog; 19th May 2006 at 12:48. Reason: wrong number

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19th May 2006, 11:33	#2 (permalink)
noodlehair "It's like..." Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: Flagg Posts: 2,094	2. A Lava Lamp Why spend silly money on a spastic glow in the dark bubble machine; Simply get a load of these up on your computer screen, and dim the lights. Hypnotic

19th May 2006, 11:35	#3 (permalink)
noodlehair "It's like..." Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: Flagg Posts: 2,094	3. Cricket Ball Fancy a game of cricket? Emmanuel Eboue's incredible rolling motion makes him a perfect cricket ball Looks like he's heading for the boundary

19th May 2006, 11:37	#4 (permalink)
noodlehair "It's like..." Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: Flagg Posts: 2,094	4. Steam Roller Flatten crops, other people's cars, pets, valuables and what have you

19th May 2006, 11:37	#5 (permalink)
SmashedHombre Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: Lake Ch... Posts: 28,154	5. A giant tortilla roller. Always dreamt of making the worlds largest tortilla but having trouble rolling it? Well now all your problems are solved with this life size roller! Simply wrap your tortilla around Eboue and watch him go!

19th May 2006, 11:57	#6 (permalink)
noodlehair "It's like..." Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: Flagg Posts: 2,094	6. Rolling fireball of death No army ever won a war without setting things on fire and sending them the way of the enemy. Set Emmanuel Eboue on fire, and watch him roll his way through the entire enemy camp, causing an emmediate, unconditional surrender. Probably

19th May 2006, 12:08	#7 (permalink)
Church o Choccy Reserve Team Player Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: travelling the world Posts: 1,345	7. Lawnmower. Can't afford one of those fancy "sit on and drive" types the neighbours shows off with every other weekend? Then for the ultimate act ofone upmanship that will put the Jones' well and truly in their place simply take one rubbish Arsenal player, attach blades and tell him it's the Champions League final.

19th May 2006, 12:09	#8 (permalink)
SmashedHombre Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: Lake Ch... Posts: 28,154	8. Bowling ball Ever wanted tthat perfect game? Not working for you with the current balls? Simply pick up an Eboue and watch him roll down the lane hitting strike after strike

19th May 2006, 12:12	#9 (permalink)
Namliam Useless WUM Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Fantasy League Champion & King of Weboggle Posts: 5,334	93 to go.

19th May 2006, 12:12	#10 (permalink)
Stick Reserve Team Player Join Date: Jul 2005 Posts: 3,985	Doesnt he break the law of perpetual motion?

19th May 2006, 12:14	#12 (permalink)
SmashedHombre Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: Lake Ch... Posts: 28,154	9. Garden sprinkler Fed up of trying to set up a sprinkler in your garden? Simply wrap Eboue in a hose pipe and watch him as he rolls around your garden, growing flowers in his wake.

19th May 2006, 12:19	#15 (permalink)
Namliam Useless WUM Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Fantasy League Champion & King of Weboggle Posts: 5,334	Noodlehair should be banned. It turns out there are only 8 uses for Eboue.

19th May 2006, 12:21	#16 (permalink)
RedCanuck First Team Sub Join Date: May 2004 Location: Toronto Posts: 6,263	10. Rolling Pin.

19th May 2006, 12:22	#18 (permalink)
Giggsy PO Wimbledon Prediction Champion 09 Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: Shame on you Shane Vendrell. You little bastard! Posts: 10,324	10. Figure Skater

19th May 2006, 12:23	#19 (permalink)
SmashedHombre Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: Lake Ch... Posts: 28,154	11. Pomegranet juice maker Simpley drop him in a batch of of pomegranets and watch the mouth watering juice squirt from the fruits

19th May 2006, 12:32	#22 (permalink)
noodlehair "It's like..." Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: Flagg Posts: 2,094	13. Superhero Not sure how this would work exactly. Most superhero's are basically crap though. I mean, come on, Batman? rubbish. RollerBoue would flatten him no problem

19th May 2006, 12:36	#23 (permalink)
SmashedHombre Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: Lake Ch... Posts: 28,154	Are we skipping 12? Its a good way of skipping our target. I'll go for 63. Street cleaner. simply let him rolling the streets and watch as that nuisance chewing gum attaches itself to Eboue, leaving the streets clean and sticky free.

19th May 2006, 12:37	#25 (permalink)
teh_dog Reserve Team Player Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: greenwich, cutty sark crows nest Posts: 1,736	14. Roller - To flatten the wicket at lords

19th May 2006, 12:40	#26 (permalink)
Stick Reserve Team Player Join Date: Jul 2005 Posts: 3,985	Crowd disperser and riot breaker. Those scousers getting rowdy again? Simply deploy Eboue and watch the crowds disappear.

19th May 2006, 12:43	#27 (permalink)
SmashedHombre Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: Lake Ch... Posts: 28,154	17.Snake catcher. Having trouble catching those pesky snakes? Let loose an Eboue and watch as he rolls over the slithery creatures, tangling round his body. THe end result is a conveniently knotted serpent.

19th May 2006, 13:03	#29 (permalink)
RedCanuck First Team Sub Join Date: May 2004 Location: Toronto Posts: 6,263	19 - Lawn roller. Makes your grass nice and flat, for bowling and the like.

19th May 2006, 13:09	#31 (permalink)
green demon Caf Nostradamous 2008 Join Date: Sep 2003 Location: Near to nowhere, in the suburbs of Amnesia. Posts: 7,545	20 Crash Test Dummy.

19th May 2006, 13:12	#32 (permalink)
Rona1do A very special idiot Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: Sky1981 says I am not Cristiano Ronaldo. Why? 1. I don't have nice enough boobs for Sky1981 to dream on grapling 2. I am sweaty all over and smell like salted fish 3. Sky 1981 say no offence he is not gay 4. I am Rona1do, not Ronaldo. Posts: 2,403	21. Giant Golf Ball Tired of tiny white balls? Here is a big, black ball that rolls perfectly on the 18th green.

19th May 2006, 13:14	#33 (permalink)
teh_dog Reserve Team Player Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: greenwich, cutty sark crows nest Posts: 1,736	22. Human car wash buffer. Attach a furry layer of fuzz to his body,attach him on an axle and let him wash your bonnet.

19th May 2006, 13:15	#34 (permalink)
RedCanuck First Team Sub Join Date: May 2004 Location: Toronto Posts: 6,263	23 - Land Mine Clearer Put him in a mindfield and watch him clear a path.

19th May 2006, 13:30	#35 (permalink)
TGA I'm not a loser Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: Winner of the 2006 Red Cafe World Cup! Posts: 1,081	24. WMD US Government could release new footage of a hijacked Eboue crashing into the Pentagon

19th May 2006, 13:39	#36 (permalink)
teh_dog Reserve Team Player Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: greenwich, cutty sark crows nest Posts: 1,736	25 A spin doctor - to make everybody forget how it wasnt arsenal's fault they lost the champion's league final.

19th May 2006, 13:42	#37 (permalink)
Elliott Likes Loan Stickies Join Date: May 2004 Posts: 8,531	26. Deco

19th May 2006, 13:47	#38 (permalink)
teh_dog Reserve Team Player Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: greenwich, cutty sark crows nest Posts: 1,736	27. And with some paint on him art deco.

19th May 2006, 13:47	#39 (permalink)
Justin First Team Regular Join Date: Sep 2004 Posts: 25,109	28 - Live dummy for Fire Safety "Stop, drop, and roll"

19th May 2006, 13:54	#40 (permalink)
Rona1do A very special idiot Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: Sky1981 says I am not Cristiano Ronaldo. Why? 1. I don't have nice enough boobs for Sky1981 to dream on grapling 2. I am sweaty all over and smell like salted fish 3. Sky 1981 say no offence he is not gay 4. I am Rona1do, not Ronaldo. Posts: 2,403	29. Olympic Diving Gold Medallist Just teach him to do the pike.....