101 Uses for Emmanuel Eboue

BazzaBear · 19th May 2006, 13:55

30. Giant yoyo. Tie a bit of string round his waist, throw him off a high building, and watch him 'walk the dog', and all the other tricks I can't remember the name of.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Namliam

Yes he does. He actually gets faster 'mid roll'.

He defies all laws of physics.

Eboue.

He doesn't defy the laws of physics, I think you'll find that Eboue is such a pro-roller that he manages to impart spin to himself, in much the same manner as a snooker player putting top-spin on a shot.

noodlehair · 19th May 2006, 13:56

31. An Astronaught

I don't think any further explaining is required

Elliott · 19th May 2006, 14:00

32. lower-level fullback

fredthered · 19th May 2006, 14:05

33 An old fashioned music machine.

Get him to stick his arms and legs out and as they hit Ronaldos teeth he can play "waltzing matilda"

fredthered · 19th May 2006, 14:06

34 Stick a broom up his arse and you have an instant paint roller...

fredthered · 19th May 2006, 14:08

35 Cant give up smoking ? Try the Eboue hypnosis machine. Keep your eyes on the Arsenal badge and repeat to yourself "I hate fags".

Job done...

fredthered · 19th May 2006, 14:11

36 WHolegrain flour anyone ? Place your Eboue on a circle of concrete. Tie his feet to a pole in the middle. Place the wheat on the conrete and lo and behold. 20 minutes later perfectly ground flour.

fredthered · 19th May 2006, 14:13

37 Ten pin bowling. Become an olympic gold medallist with Eboue ball. Unlike the Henry model it never misses a strike....

Stick · 19th May 2006, 14:14

38. Crop circle maker. Tired of spending those endless hours stamping down corn. Simply thether eboue to a post and watch the crop circles grow.

Dumpstar · 19th May 2006, 14:16

39. Prototype rolling barrel (one of many) in the forthcoming Mario vs Kong movie.

fredthered · 19th May 2006, 14:19

40 Dual drill attachment. On one side fluffy matting ( hair) to polish and shine, the other end is rough ( studs) for removing rust and sanding down...

Stick · 19th May 2006, 14:21

Quote:

Originally Posted by fredthered

40 Dual drill attachment. On one side fluffy matting ( hair) to polish and shine, the other end is rough ( studs) for removing rust and sanding down...

Sorry this could sound racist but you could label the brand a "black and hit the decker"!! Sorry!!

fredthered · 19th May 2006, 14:21

41 Got a carpet that needs lifting. Just tape to the Eboue and let him loose. 10 seconds later perfectly rolled carpet, and just move to desired location, then let go and it rolls itself back out again...

fredthered · 19th May 2006, 14:22

Quote:

Originally Posted by Stick

Sorry this could sound racist but you could label the brand a "black and hit the decker"!! Sorry!!

Brilliant...

( I would use the smileys but mine arent working for some reason).

Thats superb though...

Stick · 19th May 2006, 14:24

Quote:

Originally Posted by fredthered

Brilliant...

( I would use the smileys but mine arent working for some reason).

Thats superb though...

I bet ye I get banned for it though....I couldnt resist!!

Dumpstar · 19th May 2006, 14:26

42 - Deep-excavation oil drill. Put him on his head and watch him go down under. Note: tie rope to feet to pull out before he ends up in China.

Stick · 19th May 2006, 14:30

43. Tsunami defence mechanism. Simply release eboue into the ocean facing the oncoming tsunami and watch as the awesome power of his roll quashes the tidal wave.

RedCanuck · 19th May 2006, 14:39

44 - Sewer cleaner.
Kind of like a big swab.

FlawlessThaw · 19th May 2006, 14:50

45- Human Woodstain cleaner- Tired of all the woodstains going out? Just get Eboue to roll about and clean it all off. It does exactly what it says on the tin.

Giggsy PO · 19th May 2006, 15:22

46. main driving axle

Rona1do · 19th May 2006, 15:45

47. U.S.O.

Unidentified Spinning Object. A new fad begins....

Plechazunga · 19th May 2006, 15:59

This is a brilliant thread. Well done me for suggesting it to Noodle.

48. Jacuzzi

Stick Eboue in the bath and watch those bubbles go!

roonaldinho · 19th May 2006, 16:09

49. Fitness Instrument

Want to keep fit?

Try and chase down this rolling Eboue! We guarantee you won't stop him.

green demon · 19th May 2006, 16:11

50. Government Health Warning. Advising children what would happen if they drink alcohol or take drugs.

Plechazunga · 19th May 2006, 16:13

51 Retro Arcade Game

Stare at it long enough and it stops rolling, and the yellow bit looks like Pac Man, eating a pair of legs

Dumpstar · 19th May 2006, 16:25

52 - Politically correct tumbleweed in Spike Lee movies

roonaldinho · 19th May 2006, 16:26

53. Dangerous Weapon

Attach Knifes, bats, whatever you want, this Eboue is more useful than a Swiss Army Knife, attach what you require and throw him at your mates.

green demon · 19th May 2006, 16:27

Quote:

Originally Posted by roonaldinho

53. Dangerous Weapon

Attach Knifes, bats, whatever you want, this Eboue is more useful than a Swiss Army Knife, attach what you require and throw him at your mates.

What nice mates you must have.

manifique · 19th May 2006, 16:27

107 Pitch/paint markings tester....

Find out if the paint is dry by watching his judo rolling then checking his shirt to see if the paint is dry.

Stick · 19th May 2006, 16:28

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dumpstar

52 - Politically correct tumbleweed in Spike Lee movies

Stick · 19th May 2006, 16:30

53. Chimney sweep.

CHIM CHIMENEY CHIM CHIMENEY CHIM CHIM CHEYROU

No one cleans chimneys like Manni Ebou........................e

Plechazunga · 19th May 2006, 16:32

54. Carwash

Attach bristles to the Eboue by ramming porcupines into him, then foam up your car and run him over

cesc's_mullet · 19th May 2006, 16:33

Quote:

Originally Posted by Elliott

32. lower-level fullback

Funny how he's surpassed Neville as the quality RB of the EPL, along with Chimbonda. But don't just take my word for it mate, go ask the experts, they all seem to agree.

54- As a top quality Right Back. Oh wait, he is.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dumpstar

52 - Politically correct tumbleweed in Spike Lee movies

PS: That rolling was over the top.

Plechazunga · 19th May 2006, 16:37

Moving on from Cesc's spastic and innumerate outburst...

55. Minesweeper

Roll him at mines...if he survives, you know where to follow, if he doesn't, you know where the mines are, and as a bonus get to watch him explode

19th May 2006, 16:26	#67 (permalink)
roonaldinho Youth Team Player Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: 'I saw my mate, the other day, he said he's seen the white Pele, I asked my mate, who is he, he goes by the name of Wayne Rooney, Wayne Rooney Wayne Rooney, Remember the name of Wayne Rooney' Posts: 340	53. Dangerous Weapon Attach Knifes, bats, whatever you want, this Eboue is more useful than a Swiss Army Knife, attach what you require and throw him at your mates. Last edited by roonaldinho : 19th May 2006 at 16:26. Reason: already a 52

19th May 2006, 13:56	#42 (permalink)
noodlehair Can't drive! Can't text! Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: It is a mistake to think you can solve any major problems just with potatoes. Posts: 29,202	31. An Astronaught I don't think any further explaining is required

19th May 2006, 14:00	#43 (permalink)
Elliott Likes Loan Stickies Join Date: May 2004 Posts: 3,513	32. lower-level fullback

19th May 2006, 14:05	#44 (permalink)
fredthered I want Peter Kenyon back Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: UK Posts: 14,194	33 An old fashioned music machine. Get him to stick his arms and legs out and as they hit Ronaldos teeth he can play "waltzing matilda"

19th May 2006, 14:06	#45 (permalink)
fredthered I want Peter Kenyon back Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: UK Posts: 14,194	34 Stick a broom up his arse and you have an instant paint roller...

19th May 2006, 14:08	#46 (permalink)
fredthered I want Peter Kenyon back Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: UK Posts: 14,194	35 Cant give up smoking ? Try the Eboue hypnosis machine. Keep your eyes on the Arsenal badge and repeat to yourself "I hate fags". Job done...

19th May 2006, 14:11	#47 (permalink)
fredthered I want Peter Kenyon back Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: UK Posts: 14,194	36 WHolegrain flour anyone ? Place your Eboue on a circle of concrete. Tie his feet to a pole in the middle. Place the wheat on the conrete and lo and behold. 20 minutes later perfectly ground flour.

19th May 2006, 14:13	#48 (permalink)
fredthered I want Peter Kenyon back Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: UK Posts: 14,194	37 Ten pin bowling. Become an olympic gold medallist with Eboue ball. Unlike the Henry model it never misses a strike....

19th May 2006, 14:14	#49 (permalink)
Stick Reserve Team Player Join Date: Jul 2005 Posts: 2,975	38. Crop circle maker. Tired of spending those endless hours stamping down corn. Simply thether eboue to a post and watch the crop circles grow.

19th May 2006, 14:16	#50 (permalink)
Dumpstar Prat Join Date: Jul 2002 Location: London Posts: 3,634	39. Prototype rolling barrel (one of many) in the forthcoming Mario vs Kong movie.

19th May 2006, 14:19	#51 (permalink)
fredthered I want Peter Kenyon back Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: UK Posts: 14,194	40 Dual drill attachment. On one side fluffy matting ( hair) to polish and shine, the other end is rough ( studs) for removing rust and sanding down...

19th May 2006, 15:45	#61 (permalink)
Rona1do A very special idiot Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: Sky1981 says I am not Cristiano Ronaldo. Why? 1. I don't have nice enough boobs for Sky1981 to dream on grapling 2. I am sweaty all over and smell like salted fish 3. Sky 1981 say no offence he is not gay 4. I am Rona1do, not Ronaldo. Posts: 2,412	47. U.S.O. Unidentified Spinning Object. A new fad begins....

19th May 2006, 14:21	#53 (permalink)
fredthered I want Peter Kenyon back Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: UK Posts: 14,194	41 Got a carpet that needs lifting. Just tape to the Eboue and let him loose. 10 seconds later perfectly rolled carpet, and just move to desired location, then let go and it rolls itself back out again...

19th May 2006, 14:26	#56 (permalink)
Dumpstar Prat Join Date: Jul 2002 Location: London Posts: 3,634	42 - Deep-excavation oil drill. Put him on his head and watch him go down under. Note: tie rope to feet to pull out before he ends up in China.

19th May 2006, 14:30	#57 (permalink)
Stick Reserve Team Player Join Date: Jul 2005 Posts: 2,975	43. Tsunami defence mechanism. Simply release eboue into the ocean facing the oncoming tsunami and watch as the awesome power of his roll quashes the tidal wave.

19th May 2006, 14:39	#58 (permalink)
RedCanuck First Team Sub Join Date: May 2004 Location: Toronto Posts: 5,669	44 - Sewer cleaner. Kind of like a big swab.

19th May 2006, 14:50	#59 (permalink)
FlawlessThaw most 'know it all' poster Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: London Posts: 7,298	45- Human Woodstain cleaner- Tired of all the woodstains going out? Just get Eboue to roll about and clean it all off. It does exactly what it says on the tin.

19th May 2006, 15:22	#60 (permalink)
Giggsy PO First Team Sub Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: Shame on you Shane Vendrell. You little bastard! Posts: 9,057	46. main driving axle

19th May 2006, 15:59	#62 (permalink)
Plechazunga Phones, soup, paint and chairs are troubling. Join Date: May 2003 Location: My enthusiasm is the same. I love this club. It is not about brochures. Posts: 49,326	This is a brilliant thread. Well done me for suggesting it to Noodle. 48. Jacuzzi Stick Eboue in the bath and watch those bubbles go!

19th May 2006, 16:09	#63 (permalink)
roonaldinho Youth Team Player Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: 'I saw my mate, the other day, he said he's seen the white Pele, I asked my mate, who is he, he goes by the name of Wayne Rooney, Wayne Rooney Wayne Rooney, Remember the name of Wayne Rooney' Posts: 340	49. Fitness Instrument Want to keep fit? Try and chase down this rolling Eboue! We guarantee you won't stop him.

19th May 2006, 16:11	#64 (permalink)
green demon Reserve Team Player Join Date: Sep 2003 Location: That would be an Ecumenical Matter Posts: 4,383	50. Government Health Warning. Advising children what would happen if they drink alcohol or take drugs.

19th May 2006, 16:13	#65 (permalink)
Plechazunga Phones, soup, paint and chairs are troubling. Join Date: May 2003 Location: My enthusiasm is the same. I love this club. It is not about brochures. Posts: 49,326	51 Retro Arcade Game Stare at it long enough and it stops rolling, and the yellow bit looks like Pac Man, eating a pair of legs

19th May 2006, 16:25	#66 (permalink)
Dumpstar Prat Join Date: Jul 2002 Location: London Posts: 3,634	52 - Politically correct tumbleweed in Spike Lee movies

19th May 2006, 16:27	#69 (permalink)
manifique DangerMouse Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: No longer unbeaten...... Posts: 4,289	107 Pitch/paint markings tester.... Find out if the paint is dry by watching his judo rolling then checking his shirt to see if the paint is dry.

19th May 2006, 16:30	#71 (permalink)
Stick Reserve Team Player Join Date: Jul 2005 Posts: 2,975	53. Chimney sweep. CHIM CHIMENEY CHIM CHIMENEY CHIM CHIM CHEYROU No one cleans chimneys like Manni Ebou........................e

19th May 2006, 16:32	#72 (permalink)
Plechazunga Phones, soup, paint and chairs are troubling. Join Date: May 2003 Location: My enthusiasm is the same. I love this club. It is not about brochures. Posts: 49,326	54. Carwash Attach bristles to the Eboue by ramming porcupines into him, then foam up your car and run him over

19th May 2006, 16:37	#74 (permalink)
Plechazunga Phones, soup, paint and chairs are troubling. Join Date: May 2003 Location: My enthusiasm is the same. I love this club. It is not about brochures. Posts: 49,326	Moving on from Cesc's spastic and innumerate outburst... 55. Minesweeper Roll him at mines...if he survives, you know where to follow, if he doesn't, you know where the mines are, and as a bonus get to watch him explode