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19th December 2006, 17:04
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#361 (permalink) | |
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self confessed womens pantie wearer
Join Date: May 2006
Location: form is emptiness, emptiness is form.
Posts: 12,548
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Quote:
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21st December 2006, 19:00
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#371 (permalink) |
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I want Peter Kenyon back
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: UK
Posts: 14,491
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Teacher is in class and she says "today class we are going to do words. I will give you a word and I want you to use a sentence with that word in it, or an example of when you've heard that word"
So she asks little Jane "can you use a sentence with the word "FASCINATE" in it. "yes miss" replies Jane. "I have a coat with 9 buttons but I can only fascinate" . "Stupid girl, " shouts the teacher and marks her down for detention. "OK lets try you tommy" she continues "I want you to use the word "CONTAGIOOUS" "OK miss" says Tommy, "my dad was watching my neighbour paint his fence and when he came inside he said "with that brush it will take that contagious" "NO NO NO YOU FOOL" screams the teacher. "thats terrible. YOU ARE IN DETENTION" Losing her patience she turns to Billy and says "RIGHT now I want you to use the word "MARVELLOUS", "OK" says Tommy. "well last night I went home, and I got washed ready for bed, and when Daddy came home we all sat round the dinner table, when my mother looked at my older sister Becky and said "are you going to tell him or shall I". "carry on" said the teacher.. "Well" said Tommy, " my sister looked at my dad and said "Dad I'm Pregnant, to which my dad shook his head and said "great.... Thats just fucking marvellous" |
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21st December 2006, 21:22
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#372 (permalink) | |
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Reserve Team Player
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Mine eyes have seen the glory. Five times in fact.
Posts: 4,857
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Quote:
'it fell in love with a fart'. |
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21st December 2006, 21:41
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#373 (permalink) |
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Reserve Team Player
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Manchester's got everything except a beach!
Posts: 1,749
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When the policeman took the 'Ipswich killer' suspect to prison, he said;
"can I get you anything? Water? A brew? No replied the suspect, but I could murder a tart. |
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28th December 2006, 16:47
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#376 (permalink) |
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Executive Manager being kept sane only by her madness
Join Date: Jun 2000
Location: Someone said that half of Caf members were thick. It's not true. Half of you aren't thick at all.
Posts: 27,719
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How many animals can you find in a pair of tights?
Ten little piggies, two calves, one ass, countless hares, and one pussy. |
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3rd January 2007, 22:49
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#383 (permalink) |
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Cockface McSticklebrick
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: He plays on the left, he plays on the riiiiiiiight, our boy Ronaldo made you look shite.
Posts: 4,003
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What's the difference between Fergie and James Brown?
Fergie will still be playing Giggs in the new year. |
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6th January 2007, 14:13
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#385 (permalink) |
 Join Date: Sep 2001
Location: "I was never a great player" - Roy Keane, after being reminded that great players rarely make great managers.
Posts: 5,140
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Julius Caesar returns to Rome after his ten year campaign to subjugate
the Gauls. He gets up to make a speech in the forum and begins "Fellow citizens, I return to you from Transalpine Gaul and Gallia Comata, where I have extended the Roman hegemony and contibuted to the glory of Rome. In battle, we have killed 50,000 Gauls." Up pipes Decimus Junius Brutus " Liar, we only killed 25,000 Gauls' "Shhh ! Says Mark Anthony "Don't you know that in Europe, away Gauls count double ?" |
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6th January 2007, 15:32
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#386 (permalink) |
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First Team Sub
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Singapore
Posts: 7,911
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Before the 2001 inauguration of George Bush, he was invited to a get acquainted tour of the White House.
After drinking several glasses of iced tea, he asked President Bill Clinton if he could use his personal bathroom. When he entered Clinton 's private toilet, he was astonished to see that President Clinton had a solid gold urinal. That afternoon, George told his wife, Laura, about the urinal. "Just think," he said, "when I am President, I could have a gold urinal, too. But, I wouldn't do something so self-indulgent!" Later, when Laura had lunch with Hillary at her tour of the White House, she told Hillary how impressed George had been at his discovery of the fact that, in his private bathroom, the President had a gold urinal. That evening, when Bill and Hillary were getting ready for bed, Hillary smiled, and said to Bill: "I found out who pissed in your saxophone." |
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6th January 2007, 19:09
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#387 (permalink) |
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Executive Manager being kept sane only by her madness
Join Date: Jun 2000
Location: Someone said that half of Caf members were thick. It's not true. Half of you aren't thick at all.
Posts: 27,719
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What is the difference between "I can" and "I do"?
I can is a short sentence, I do is a life sentence. This should be in the Cracker jokes, but I can't be arsed to look for it. |
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9th January 2007, 03:21
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#389 (permalink) |
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running through your veins
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: in a pond
Posts: 3,813
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Little johnny comes home from school with a note from his teacher indicating that "johnny seems to be having some difficulty with the deferences between boys and girls" and would his mother "please sit down and have a talk with johnny about his"
so johnny's mother takes him quitely, by the hand, upstairs to her bedroom First johnny, you take my blouse off......... so he unbuttons her blouse and takes it off.. ok, now take my skirt off........ and he takes off her skirt.. now take off my bra......... which he does.. and now johnny, please take off my panites....................................... and when johnny finishes removing those, she says "johnny, PLEASE dont wear my fucking clothes to school any more!!!" |
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10th January 2007, 12:18
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#391 (permalink) |
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Red Rascal
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: Was in the Nou Camp, and was in Moscow... Anyone for Rome :-) ??
Posts: 5,897
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A man is walking down the street...
And on his way, he meets a friend, who just happens to have only one arm. "So, what are you up to?", says the man. "I'm going to change a light bulb." "Won't that be difficult, with just the one arm?" "I shouldn't think so, I've still got the receipt." ( bum bum ) |
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10th January 2007, 16:37
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#392 (permalink) |
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self confessed womens pantie wearer
Join Date: May 2006
Location: form is emptiness, emptiness is form.
Posts: 12,548
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A small boy was lost at a large shopping mall. He approached a uniformed policeman and said, "I've lost my grandpa!"
The cop asked, "What's he like?" The little boy hesitated for a moment and then replied, "Crown Royal whiskey and women with big tits." |
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