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22nd February 2006, 03:25
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#81 (permalink) |
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Banned Jackie Chan lookalike
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: Luzern
Posts: 6,041
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Little Johnny was busy doing his homework. As his mother approached she heard: "One and one, the son-of-a-bitch is two." ; "Two and two, the son-of-a-bitch is four." ; "Three and three... "
His mother interrupted, asking where he had learned this way of doing math. Johnny remarked that his teacher Ms. Clara Jones taught him. His mother was rather upset and told him to stop the homework. The next day she approached Ms. Jones and told her what happened. The teacher was flabbergasted. She said that she couldn't understand why Johnny had said what he did. Then suddenly, Ms Jones exclaimed, "Oh, I know... here in school we say, one and one, the sum-of-which is two." |
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22nd February 2006, 07:05
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#82 (permalink) |
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AKA Bruff, hunted by the cops, not wanted by school, owned by Redcaf
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Only member (to my knowledge) to have their computer taken away by the police for posting on redcafe.
Posts: 760
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That's not so much of a joke, as it is a misunderstanding.
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25th February 2006, 20:37
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#85 (permalink) |
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First Team Sub
Join Date: May 2004
Location: "I Don't Want To Be Compared To Anyone, I'd Like To Impose My Own Style Of play And Do The Best For Myself And For My Club" - Cristiano Ronaldo
Posts: 8,895
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Only about 3-4 good jokes in the whole thread...You lot should be ashamed of yourselves!
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25th February 2006, 20:58
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#86 (permalink) | |
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Spam, Spam, Spam....
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: Hard Rock Hallelujah !!!
Posts: 20,760
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Quote:
 As I said, it´s because you´re gay and have a crap haircut. |
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25th February 2006, 21:16
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#87 (permalink) | |
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First Team Sub
Join Date: May 2004
Location: "I Don't Want To Be Compared To Anyone, I'd Like To Impose My Own Style Of play And Do The Best For Myself And For My Club" - Cristiano Ronaldo
Posts: 8,895
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Quote:
 haha, VR's a definete homo.VR how you going to tell your Parents about your Bf's? You must be scared. Why don't you go stick you dildo where the sun don't shine. |
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26th February 2006, 02:32
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#88 (permalink) | |
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Healthy, safe and neutered
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Quit yo' jibba jabba
Posts: 8,654
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27th February 2006, 07:18
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#89 (permalink) |
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First Team Sub
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Singapore
Posts: 7,912
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Knock! Knock!
The madam opened the brothel door to see a rather dignified, well-dressed good looking man in his late 40s or early 50s. "May I help you?" she asked. "I want to see Valerie," the man replied. "Sir, Valerie is one of our most expensive ladies. Perhaps you would prefer someone else," said the madam. "No. I must see Valerie," was the man's reply. Just then, Valerie appeared and announced to the man that she charged $1,000 a visit. Without hesitation, the man pulled out ten one-hundred dollar bills, gave them to Valerie, and they went upstairs. After an hour, the man calmly left. The next night, the same man appeared again, demanding to see Valerie. Valerie explained that none had ever come back two nights in a row--too expensive--and there were no discounts. The price was still $1,000. Again the man pulled out the money, gave it to Valerie and they went upstairs. After an hour, he left. The following night the man was there again. Everyone was astounded that he had come for the third consecutive nig ht, but he paid Valerie and they went upstairs. After their session, Valerie questioned the man. "No one has ever been with me three nights in a row. Where are you from?" she asked. The man replied, "South Carolina." "Really" she said. "I have family in South Carolina." "I know," the man said. "Your father died, and I am your sister's attorney. She asked me to give you your $3,000 inheritance." The moral of the story is that there are three things in life that are certain: 1. Death 2. Taxes 3. Being screwed by a lawyer. |
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27th February 2006, 15:08
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#91 (permalink) |
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First Team Regular
Join Date: Feb 2004
Location: Between a bad girls thighs
Posts: 22,154
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A drunk staggers into a Catholic Church, enters a confessional booth, sits down but says nothing.
The Priest coughs a few times to get his attention but the drunk continues to sit there. Finally, the Priest pounds three times on the wall. The drunk mumbles, "ain't no use knockin, there's no paper on this side either." |
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1st March 2006, 00:28
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#93 (permalink) | |
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Poncey film buff
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: Combatting ignorance, dust and disease | MUFC Champions 2006/2007: Where will the goals come from?| Wave upon wave of demented avengers march cheerily out of obscurity into the dream
Posts: 26,130
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Quote:
Wizard Keyaz in defying 'Monkey and typewriter' theory. |
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1st March 2006, 10:31
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#95 (permalink) |
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Alex's Dad
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: or nail her, nile
Posts: 8,599
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A bear, a lion and a chicken meet.Bear says: "if I roar in the forest, the entire forest shivers withfear."Lion says: "if I roar in the desert, the entire desert is afraid of me."Says the chicken: "big deal I only have to cough, and the entire planetsh!t's itself."
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3rd March 2006, 08:42
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#96 (permalink) | |
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Executive Manager being kept sane only by her madness
Join Date: Jun 2000
Location: Someone said that half of Caf members were thick. It's not true. Half of you aren't thick at all.
Posts: 27,388
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Quote:
I got that in a text message last night - but I'd it here first. Not sure if this will work here..... Once upon a time in the White House: After numerous rounds of "We don't even know if Osama's still alive", Osama himself decided to send George W. Bush a letter in his own handwriting to let him know he was still in the game. Bush opened the letter and it appeared to contain a coded message: 370HSSV - 0773H Bush was baffled, and called in some of his aides, but they had no clue either, so they sent it to the FBI. No one there could solve it, so it went to the CIA, then on to the Pentagon. With no clue as to its meaning, they eventually asked Britain's MI-6 for help. After only a couple of minutes an MI-6 e-mail returned to the White House. It's only sentence read: "Tell the president he's been holding the message upside down." |
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5th March 2006, 06:22
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#97 (permalink) | |
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Banned
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: The wrong end of Big Brother's telescope.
Posts: 11,186
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5th March 2006, 19:54
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#98 (permalink) | |
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Banned Jackie Chan lookalike
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: Luzern
Posts: 6,041
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6th March 2006, 11:27
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#99 (permalink) | |
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Spam, Spam, Spam....
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: Hard Rock Hallelujah !!!
Posts: 20,760
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6th March 2006, 14:26
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#100 (permalink) |
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Banned
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Gashout
Posts: 7,330
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>> Two kids are playing football in a park in Manchester. Suddenly one of
>> them is attacked by a rottweiler which clamps its mouth around the kid's >> neck. The other kid, seeing the danger his pal is in, picks up one of the >> sticks they were using as a goal post, puts it through the dog's collar, >> and using all his strength twists it until the dogs neck breaks and his >> friend is saved. This is all seen by a Manchester Evening News reporter >> who sees a possible national headline in the incident, and goes over to >> the kids. That was really heroic" he says "I can see it now: Heroic >> United fan risks life to save best friend. "But I don't follow United" >> says the kid. "Ok, how about: Super City Kid fights off rabid rottweiler >> to save his pal." "But I don't follow City either" says the kid. "Well >> who do you support" asks the reporter. "Liverpool" he says. "Even better" >> says the reporter "Scouse bastard murders family pet"! |
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7th March 2006, 18:08
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#101 (permalink) |
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Banned
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Gashout
Posts: 7,330
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Fish Market
One day there was a blind man walking down the street and he smelled oranges, so he bought some fruit. He smelled some pastries, so he bought some donuts. Then he walked passed a fish market, took a hard sniff, and said, "Hello ladies!" |
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17th March 2006, 22:17
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#106 (permalink) |
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I boned a mod and all I got was this lousy tagline!
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: The 'Stock
Posts: 19,019
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an elephant was walking through the jungle when he stepped on a thorn that lodged in his foot. unable to get it out, he started to cry. a mouse who happened by heard his cries and offered to pull it out with his teeth.
"But in return," the mouse said. "You must allow me to have sex with you!" in so much pain, the elephant agreed and the mouse removed the thorn. then he climbed on top of the elephant and started to have sex with it. just then, some monkeys in a nearby tree saw what was happening and began to hurl coconuts at the elephant. when one hit the elephant square between the eyes, he let out a loud, "OW!" to which the mouse replied, "Yeah! Take it all, bitch!" |
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17th March 2006, 22:42
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#107 (permalink) | |
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causes posters to develop an inability to understand irony
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Bergen, Norway
Posts: 3,283
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18th March 2006, 14:46
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#109 (permalink) |
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Executive Manager being kept sane only by her madness
Join Date: Jun 2000
Location: Someone said that half of Caf members were thick. It's not true. Half of you aren't thick at all.
Posts: 27,388
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What's an Australian kiss?
Same as a French kiss, but it's down under. |
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21st March 2006, 15:23
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