Jokes

Donado · 21st October 2006, 04:12

Can we please delete regusons posts from this thread?

Red Rat Racer · 21st October 2006, 12:02

During the World Cup the government decided to do a survey on UK penis sizes , they asked anybody with a penis 3 inches or less to signify it by flying a white flag with a red cross on their car.

Red Rat Racer · 21st October 2006, 12:06

A bear, a lion and a chicken are sitting talking about who is the hardest. The bear says "when I roar the whole forest trembles", the lion says "when I roar, the whole jungle shakes with fear", the chicken says "all I have to do is cough and the whole fucking world shits itself!!"

Reddish · 25th October 2006, 10:03

A muslim woman knocked on my door last night

I didn't open the door, just spoke to her through the letter box to see how she f*cking liked it!

P.Head · 26th October 2006, 01:48

Quote:

Originally Posted by bigjet66

hahahahahahahaha

Freak · 27th October 2006, 07:35

Quote:

Originally Posted by Red Til I die

A muslim woman knocked on my door last night

I didn't open the door, just spoke to her through the letter box to see how she f*cking liked it!

that's racist, but funny.

kkcbl · 27th October 2006, 11:55

Squeezing Every Last Drop

The local bar was so sure its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a standing $1000 bet. The bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and hand the lemon to a patron. Anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the money.

Many people had tried over time, including the professional wrestlers and bodybuilders, but nobody could do it. One day a scrawny little man came in, wearing a tie and a pair of pants hiked up past his belly button.

He said in a squeaky annoying voice, "I'd like to try the bet."
Even the hillbilly chicks burst into laughter.

After the laughter had died down, the bartender said, "Ok," grabbed a lemon, and squeezed away. He then handed the wrinkled remains of the rind to the little man.

But the crowd's laughter turned to total silence as the man clenched his fist around the lemon and six drops fell into the glass. As the crowd cheered, the bartender paid the $1000, and asked the little man, "What did you do for a living? Are you a lumberjack, weight lifter, or what?"

The man replied, "I work for the IRS."

p_ps_sock · 29th October 2006, 11:30

Broo · 30th October 2006, 23:07

Broo · 30th October 2006, 23:20

A businessman got into a taxi and asked to go downtown. When he was approaching his destination he tapped the taxi driver on the shoulder and told him to turn left at the lights. The driver let out a shriek and crashed into a lamppost. The passanger, who luckily was wearing a seatbelt, asked the taxi driver "What's wrong with you, all I did was tap you on the shoulder and ask you to turn left". The taxi driver responded "I'm terribly sorry, it's my first day on the job. I used to drive a hearse".

Wizard Keyaz · 31st October 2006, 14:19

As usual, things were not going well at the United Nations. Thus, many visiting ambassadors had to room together. It just so happend that Vladimir, the Russian Ambassador, and Umballa, the Zambian Ambassador, were sharing a suite. To pass the time, Vladimir introduced his fellow dignitary to the Russian game of roulette. He produced an antique Soviet revolver, and a single bullet. It took a while, but he was finally able to explain the gist of the game to Umballa. Intrigued and excited, Umballa loved the game. By the time the U.N. meeting was over, the two had become fast friends. As they parted company at the airport, Umballa told Vladimir, ''One day, you must visit my country, and try our version of your roulette.''
A year later, Vladimir was in Zambia, and looked up his old friend. Umballa remembered him, and welcomed him with open arms.
''I have come, my comrade, to try your game.''
''Very well. Come with me.'' Umballa took his friend before six, buck-naked bush women. ''Pick one. Any one. And she will give you a blowjob.''
''But my friend, where is the danger in this?''
Umballa replied with a toothy smile, ''One of them is a cannibal.''

Barbara Charles · 2nd November 2006, 14:45

Subject: Flowers.......
>
>Two friends, a blonde and a redhead, are walking down the street and
>pass a flower shop where the redhead sees her boyfriend buying flowers.
>
>The Redhead sighs and says: "Oh, crap, my boyfriend is buying me
>flowers again."
>
> The blonde looks quizzically at her and says: "You
> don't like getting flowers from your boyfriend?"
>
> The redhead replies: "I love getting flowers, but he always has
>certain expectations after giving me flowers, and I just don't feel
>like spending the next three days on my back with my legs in the
>air."
>
> The blonde says, "Don't you have a vase?"

marcosdeto · 2nd November 2006, 14:55

Quote:

Originally Posted by Barbara Charles

Subject: Flowers.......
>
>Two friends, a blonde and a redhead, are walking down the street and
>pass a flower shop where the redhead sees her boyfriend buying flowers.
>
>The Redhead sighs and says: "Oh, crap, my boyfriend is buying me
>flowers again."
>
> The blonde looks quizzically at her and says: "You
> don't like getting flowers from your boyfriend?"
>
> The redhead replies: "I love getting flowers, but he always has
>certain expectations after giving me flowers, and I just don't feel
>like spending the next three days on my back with my legs in the
>air."
>
> The blonde says, "Don't you have a vase?"

utdalltheway · 2nd November 2006, 15:13

I'm going with an oldie here:

two lads are walking down the street when they come across a dog sitting on the pavement licking his balls.
One lad says " I wish I could do that"
the other says " I think you'd have to pet him first".

goldenballs · 2nd November 2006, 20:07

My grandfather was a bus driver and when my time comes i would like to die peacefully and with dignity in my sleep like he did and not screaming like his passengers

Marching · 2nd November 2006, 20:23

Why should you never fuck a dwarf with learning difficulties?

Because it's not big and not clever.

goldenballs · 2nd November 2006, 21:35

What does a cannibal do after he dumps his girlfriend...???

Wipes his arse

Only1Keano · 3rd November 2006, 20:59

Quote:

Originally Posted by utdalltheway

I'm going with an oldie here:

two lads are walking down the street when they come across a dog sitting on the pavement licking his balls.
One lad says " I wish I could do that"
the other says " I think you'd have to pet him first".

kkcbl · 5th November 2006, 19:01

Q :Why are Little Miss Muffet and Saddam Hussein so alike?

A :They both had curds in their whey!

EspadaYdaga · 6th November 2006, 07:51

Quote:

Originally Posted by Brooo

A businessman got into a taxi and asked to go downtown. When he was approaching his destination he tapped the taxi driver on the shoulder and told him to turn left at the lights. The driver let out a shriek and crashed into a lamppost. The passanger, who luckily was wearing a seatbelt, asked the taxi driver "What's wrong with you, all I did was tap you on the shoulder and ask you to turn left". The taxi driver responded "I'm terribly sorry, it's my first day on the job. I used to drive a hearse".

Nialler · 6th November 2006, 11:14

Quote:

Originally Posted by Marching

Why should you never fuck a dwarf with learning difficulties?

Because it's not big and not clever.

marcosdeto · 6th November 2006, 16:23

David Beckham at a Press conference:

"well, I really like them because they taste nice and make my breath smell good"

The reporter shouts back "I SAID TACTICS YOU THICK CUNT!"

Barbara Charles · 7th November 2006, 13:36

A rather confident man walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman. He gives her a quick glance, then casually looks at his watch for a moment.
The woman notices this and asks, "Is your date running late?"
"No," he replies, "I just bought this state-of-the-art watch and I was just testing it."
The intrigued woman says, "A state-of-the-art watch? What's so special about it?"
"It uses alpha waves to telepathically talk to me," he explains.
"What's it telling you now?" she asked.
"Well, it says you're not wearing any panties." he said.
The woman giggles and replies, "Well it must be broken then because I am
wearing panties!"
The man explains, "Damn thing must be an hour fast."

noodlehair · 7th November 2006, 13:52

I liked that one

Fearless · 8th November 2006, 23:05

A little boy has lost her mum in a supermarket.
Crying, he's approached by the store guard and the little boy explains why he's so upset.
The store guard asks what his mum's like

He replies 'anal sex and vodka'

golden_blunder · 9th November 2006, 20:23

John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life!, between the legs of me wife!"

That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night!

He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the Best toast of the night".
She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?"
John said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife."
"Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!" Mary said.

The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies on the street mcorner.

The man chuckled leeringly and said, "John won the prize the other night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary."
She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised myself. You know, he's only been there twice in the last four years. Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come."

Dr. Dwayne · 9th November 2006, 20:24

Quote:

Originally Posted by golden_blunder

John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life!, between the legs of me wife!"

That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night!

He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the Best toast of the night".
She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?"
John said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife."
"Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!" Mary said.

The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies on the street mcorner.

The man chuckled leeringly and said, "John won the prize the other night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary."
She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised myself. You know, he's only been there twice in the last four years. Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come."

That's gold, gb, gold.

Freak · 13th November 2006, 06:34

A little boy about 10 years old was walking down the sidewalk, dragging a flattened frog on a string behind him. He came up to the doorstep of a $#&%$ house and knocked on the door. When the Madam answered it, she saw the little boy and asked what he wanted. He said, "I want to have sex with one of the women inside. I have the money to buy it, and I'm not leaving until I get it." The Madam figured, why not, so she told him to come in. Once in, she told him to pick any of the girls he liked.

He asked, "Do any of the girls have any diseases?" Of course, the Madam said, "No!" He said,
"I heard all the men talking about having to get shots after making love with Amber. THAT'S the girl I want." Since the little boy was so adamant and had the money to pay for it, the Madam told him to go to the first room on the right. He headed down the hall dragging the squashed frog behind him.

Ten minutes later he came back, still dragging the frog, paid the Madam, and headed out the door! . The Madam stopped him and asked,
"Why did you pick the only girl in the place with a disease, instead of one of the others?" He said, "Well, if you must know, tonight when I get home, my parents are going out to a restaurant to eat, leaving me at home with a baby-sitter. After they leave, my baby-sitter will have sex with me because she just happens to be very fond of cute little boys. She will then get the disease that I just caught. When Mom and Dad get back, Dad will take the baby-sitter home. On the way, he'll jump the baby-sitter's bones, and he'll catch the disease. Then when Dad gets home from the baby-sitters, he and Mom will go to bed and have sex, and Mom will catch it. In the morning when Dad goes to work, the Milkman will deliver the milk, have a quickie with Mom and catch the disease, and HE'S the son-of-a-^#!#@ who ran over my FROG!"

Justin · 14th November 2006, 03:48

A man has spent many days crossing the desert without water. His camel dies of thirst. He's crawling through the sands, certain that he has breathed his last, when all of a sudden he sees an object sticking out of the sand, several yards ahead of him. He crawls to the object, pulls it out of the sand, and discovers what looks to be an old brief case.

He opens it and out pops a genie. But this is no ordinary genie. He is wearing an Inland Revenue ID badge and a dull grey suit. There's a calculator in his pocket, and a pencil tucked behind one ear.

"Well, kid," says the genie. "You know how it works. You have three wishes."

"I'm not falling for that old chestnut!," says the man. "I'm not going to trust a tax inspector!"

"What do you have to lose? You've got no transportation, and it looks like you're a goner anyway!"

The man thinks about this for a minute, and decides that the genie is right. "Ok, I wish I were in a lush oasis with plentiful food and drink."

* P O O F *
The man finds himself in the most beautiful oasis he has ever seen. And he is surrounded with jugs of wine and platters of delicacies.

"Ok, kid, what's your second wish?""

"My second wish is that I were rich beyond my wildest dreams."

* P O O F *
The man finds himself surrounded by treasure chests filled with rare Gold coins and precious gems.

"Ok, kid, you have just one more wish. Better make it a good one!"

After thinking for a few minutes, the man says: "I wish that no matter where I go beautiful women will want and need me."

* P O O F * He is turned into a tampon.

And the moral of the story?...............

If the Inland Revenue offers you anything, there must be a string attached.

utdalltheway · 14th November 2006, 13:34

Today my baby girl's 18th birthday I be so glad that this be my
last child support payment! Month after month, year after year, all
those damn payments! So I call my baby girl, LaKeesha, to come to my
house, and when she get here, I say, "Baby girl, I want you to take this
check over to yo momma house and tell her this be the last check she
ever be gettin' from me, and I want you to come back and tell me the
'spression on yo mama's face."

So, my baby girl take the check over to her momma. I be anxious
to hear what she say, and bout the 'spression on her face. Baby girl
walk through the door, I say, "Now what yo momma say 'bout that?"

She say to tell you that "you ain't my daddy".... and
watch the 'spression on yo face!

14th November 2006, 13:34	#310 (permalink)
utdalltheway First Team Sub Join Date: Aug 2001 Location: USA (orig. Cobh) Posts: 6,354	Last Child Support Check Today my baby girl's 18th birthday I be so glad that this be my last child support payment! Month after month, year after year, all those damn payments! So I call my baby girl, LaKeesha, to come to my house, and when she get here, I say, "Baby girl, I want you to take this check over to yo momma house and tell her this be the last check she ever be gettin' from me, and I want you to come back and tell me the 'spression on yo mama's face." So, my baby girl take the check over to her momma. I be anxious to hear what she say, and bout the 'spression on her face. Baby girl walk through the door, I say, "Now what yo momma say 'bout that?" She say to tell you that "you ain't my daddy".... and watch the 'spression on yo face!

21st October 2006, 04:12	#281 (permalink)
Donado Caf Vigilante Join Date: May 2003 Location: Goes it so. Posts: 11,203	Can we please delete regusons posts from this thread?

21st October 2006, 12:02	#282 (permalink)
Red Rat Racer Reserve Team Player Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: On the O'Neil (no wise cracks, it is a spaceship)....on my way to fight the hypocritical replicators Posts: 966	During the World Cup the government decided to do a survey on UK penis sizes , they asked anybody with a penis 3 inches or less to signify it by flying a white flag with a red cross on their car.

21st October 2006, 12:06	#283 (permalink)
Red Rat Racer Reserve Team Player Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: On the O'Neil (no wise cracks, it is a spaceship)....on my way to fight the hypocritical replicators Posts: 966	A bear, a lion and a chicken are sitting talking about who is the hardest. The bear says "when I roar the whole forest trembles", the lion says "when I roar, the whole jungle shakes with fear", the chicken says "all I have to do is cough and the whole fucking world shits itself!!"

25th October 2006, 10:03	#284 (permalink)
Reddish Banned Join Date: Dec 2005 Posts: 3,030	A muslim woman knocked on my door last night I didn't open the door, just spoke to her through the letter box to see how she f*cking liked it!

27th October 2006, 11:55	#287 (permalink)
kkcbl First Team Sub Join Date: Aug 2002 Location: Singapore Posts: 7,911	Squeezing Every Last Drop The local bar was so sure its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a standing $1000 bet. The bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and hand the lemon to a patron. Anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the money. Many people had tried over time, including the professional wrestlers and bodybuilders, but nobody could do it. One day a scrawny little man came in, wearing a tie and a pair of pants hiked up past his belly button. He said in a squeaky annoying voice, "I'd like to try the bet." Even the hillbilly chicks burst into laughter. After the laughter had died down, the bartender said, "Ok," grabbed a lemon, and squeezed away. He then handed the wrinkled remains of the rind to the little man. But the crowd's laughter turned to total silence as the man clenched his fist around the lemon and six drops fell into the glass. As the crowd cheered, the bartender paid the $1000, and asked the little man, "What did you do for a living? Are you a lumberjack, weight lifter, or what?" The man replied, "I work for the IRS."

29th October 2006, 11:30	#288 (permalink)
p_ps_sock Reserve Team Player Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: You're a fucking wanker. I didn't rate you as a player, I don't rate you as a manager, and I don't rate you as a person. You're a fucking wanker and you can stick your World Cup up your arse. Posts: 3,030

30th October 2006, 23:07	#289 (permalink)
Broo Get a brew on Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Manchester, Inglaterra Posts: 1,267

30th October 2006, 23:20	#290 (permalink)
Broo Get a brew on Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Manchester, Inglaterra Posts: 1,267	A businessman got into a taxi and asked to go downtown. When he was approaching his destination he tapped the taxi driver on the shoulder and told him to turn left at the lights. The driver let out a shriek and crashed into a lamppost. The passanger, who luckily was wearing a seatbelt, asked the taxi driver "What's wrong with you, all I did was tap you on the shoulder and ask you to turn left". The taxi driver responded "I'm terribly sorry, it's my first day on the job. I used to drive a hearse".

31st October 2006, 14:19	#291 (permalink)
Wizard Keyaz Caf's Confucious Join Date: Dec 2003 Location: To overcome evil with good is good, to resist evil by evil is evil - Mohammed (PBUH) Posts: 10,644	As usual, things were not going well at the United Nations. Thus, many visiting ambassadors had to room together. It just so happend that Vladimir, the Russian Ambassador, and Umballa, the Zambian Ambassador, were sharing a suite. To pass the time, Vladimir introduced his fellow dignitary to the Russian game of roulette. He produced an antique Soviet revolver, and a single bullet. It took a while, but he was finally able to explain the gist of the game to Umballa. Intrigued and excited, Umballa loved the game. By the time the U.N. meeting was over, the two had become fast friends. As they parted company at the airport, Umballa told Vladimir, ''One day, you must visit my country, and try our version of your roulette.'' A year later, Vladimir was in Zambia, and looked up his old friend. Umballa remembered him, and welcomed him with open arms. ''I have come, my comrade, to try your game.'' ''Very well. Come with me.'' Umballa took his friend before six, buck-naked bush women. ''Pick one. Any one. And she will give you a blowjob.'' ''But my friend, where is the danger in this?'' Umballa replied with a toothy smile, ''One of them is a cannibal.''

2nd November 2006, 14:45	#292 (permalink)
Barbara Charles Reserve Team Player Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: Philadelphia, USA Posts: 3,756	Subject: Flowers....... > >Two friends, a blonde and a redhead, are walking down the street and >pass a flower shop where the redhead sees her boyfriend buying flowers. > >The Redhead sighs and says: "Oh, crap, my boyfriend is buying me >flowers again." > > The blonde looks quizzically at her and says: "You > don't like getting flowers from your boyfriend?" > > The redhead replies: "I love getting flowers, but he always has >certain expectations after giving me flowers, and I just don't feel >like spending the next three days on my back with my legs in the >air." > > The blonde says, "Don't you have a vase?"

2nd November 2006, 15:13	#294 (permalink)
utdalltheway First Team Sub Join Date: Aug 2001 Location: USA (orig. Cobh) Posts: 6,354	I'm going with an oldie here: two lads are walking down the street when they come across a dog sitting on the pavement licking his balls. One lad says " I wish I could do that" the other says " I think you'd have to pet him first".

2nd November 2006, 20:07	#295 (permalink)
goldenballs Victoria's secret Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: Super North Wales Posts: 6,520	My grandfather was a bus driver and when my time comes i would like to die peacefully and with dignity in my sleep like he did and not screaming like his passengers

2nd November 2006, 20:23	#296 (permalink)
Marching Active Admin Join Date: Apr 2001 Posts: 27,549	Why should you never fuck a dwarf with learning difficulties? Because it's not big and not clever.

2nd November 2006, 21:35	#297 (permalink)
goldenballs Victoria's secret Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: Super North Wales Posts: 6,520	What does a cannibal do after he dumps his girlfriend...??? Wipes his arse

5th November 2006, 19:01	#299 (permalink)
kkcbl First Team Sub Join Date: Aug 2002 Location: Singapore Posts: 7,911	*Q :Why are Little Miss Muffet and Saddam Hussein so alike?* *A :They both had curds in their whey!*

6th November 2006, 16:23	#302 (permalink)
marcosdeto Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: Buenos Aires - Argentina Posts: 28,377	David Beckham at a Press conference: "well, I really like them because they taste nice and make my breath smell good" The reporter shouts back "I SAID TACTICS YOU THICK CUNT!"

7th November 2006, 13:36	#303 (permalink)
Barbara Charles Reserve Team Player Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: Philadelphia, USA Posts: 3,756	A rather confident man walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman. He gives her a quick glance, then casually looks at his watch for a moment. The woman notices this and asks, "Is your date running late?" "No," he replies, "I just bought this state-of-the-art watch and I was just testing it." The intrigued woman says, "A state-of-the-art watch? What's so special about it?" "It uses alpha waves to telepathically talk to me," he explains. "What's it telling you now?" she asked. "Well, it says you're not wearing any panties." he said. The woman giggles and replies, "Well it must be broken then because I am wearing panties!" The man explains, "Damn thing must be an hour fast."

7th November 2006, 13:52	#304 (permalink)
noodlehair Giggsy Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: It is a mistake to think you can solve any major problems just with potatoes. Posts: 31,503	I liked that one

8th November 2006, 23:05	#305 (permalink)
Fearless Scared shitless Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: Under Frank Cannon Posts: 1,816	A little boy has lost her mum in a supermarket. Crying, he's approached by the store guard and the little boy explains why he's so upset. The store guard asks what his mum's like He replies 'anal sex and vodka'

9th November 2006, 20:23	#306 (permalink)
golden_blunder Manager Join Date: Jun 2000 Location: Swimming against a tide of shite Posts: 44,473	John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life!, between the legs of me wife!" That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night! He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the Best toast of the night". She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?" John said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife." "Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!" Mary said. The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies on the street mcorner. The man chuckled leeringly and said, "John won the prize the other night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary." She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised myself. You know, he's only been there twice in the last four years. Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come."

13th November 2006, 06:34	#308 (permalink)
Freak Born a freak always a freak. Join Date: May 2004 Location: C.Ronaldo > England! Posts: 7,968	A little boy about 10 years old was walking down the sidewalk, dragging a flattened frog on a string behind him. He came up to the doorstep of a $#&%$ house and knocked on the door. When the Madam answered it, she saw the little boy and asked what he wanted. He said, "I want to have sex with one of the women inside. I have the money to buy it, and I'm not leaving until I get it." The Madam figured, why not, so she told him to come in. Once in, she told him to pick any of the girls he liked. He asked, "Do any of the girls have any diseases?" Of course, the Madam said, "No!" He said, "I heard all the men talking about having to get shots after making love with Amber. THAT'S the girl I want." Since the little boy was so adamant and had the money to pay for it, the Madam told him to go to the first room on the right. He headed down the hall dragging the squashed frog behind him. Ten minutes later he came back, still dragging the frog, paid the Madam, and headed out the door! . The Madam stopped him and asked, "Why did you pick the only girl in the place with a disease, instead of one of the others?" He said, "Well, if you must know, tonight when I get home, my parents are going out to a restaurant to eat, leaving me at home with a baby-sitter. After they leave, my baby-sitter will have sex with me because she just happens to be very fond of cute little boys. She will then get the disease that I just caught. When Mom and Dad get back, Dad will take the baby-sitter home. On the way, he'll jump the baby-sitter's bones, and he'll catch the disease. Then when Dad gets home from the baby-sitters, he and Mom will go to bed and have sex, and Mom will catch it. In the morning when Dad goes to work, the Milkman will deliver the milk, have a quickie with Mom and catch the disease, and HE'S the son-of-a-^#!#@ who ran over my FROG!"

14th November 2006, 03:48	#309 (permalink)
Justin First Team Regular Join Date: Sep 2004 Posts: 16,421	A man has spent many days crossing the desert without water. His camel dies of thirst. He's crawling through the sands, certain that he has breathed his last, when all of a sudden he sees an object sticking out of the sand, several yards ahead of him. He crawls to the object, pulls it out of the sand, and discovers what looks to be an old brief case. He opens it and out pops a genie. But this is no ordinary genie. He is wearing an Inland Revenue ID badge and a dull grey suit. There's a calculator in his pocket, and a pencil tucked behind one ear. "Well, kid," says the genie. "You know how it works. You have three wishes." "I'm not falling for that old chestnut!," says the man. "I'm not going to trust a tax inspector!" "What do you have to lose? You've got no transportation, and it looks like you're a goner anyway!" The man thinks about this for a minute, and decides that the genie is right. "Ok, I wish I were in a lush oasis with plentiful food and drink." * P O O F * The man finds himself in the most beautiful oasis he has ever seen. And he is surrounded with jugs of wine and platters of delicacies. "Ok, kid, what's your second wish?"" "My second wish is that I were rich beyond my wildest dreams." * P O O F * The man finds himself surrounded by treasure chests filled with rare Gold coins and precious gems. "Ok, kid, you have just one more wish. Better make it a good one!" After thinking for a few minutes, the man says: "I wish that no matter where I go beautiful women will want and need me." * P O O F * He is turned into a tampon. And the moral of the story?............... If the Inland Revenue offers you anything, there must be a string attached.