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Crap Michael Owen article


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Old 6th July 2009, 12:34   #1 (permalink)
 
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Crap Michael Owen article
http://blogs.telegraph.co.uk/sport/r...ment-100000171

What a crap piece of journalism . Not funny or anything. Just embarrassing.
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Old 6th July 2009, 12:39   #2 (permalink)
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Lets all register and slate him in the comments
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Old 6th July 2009, 12:40   #3 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by Man Utd Mrs View Post
http://blogs.telegraph.co.uk/sport/r...ment-100000171

What a crap piece of journalism . Not funny or anything. Just embarrassing.
I'm at work, and the article is blocked, Quick summing up Mum?
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Old 6th July 2009, 12:40   #4 (permalink)
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presumably he gets paid for this tripe....
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Old 6th July 2009, 12:42   #5 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by Partizan View Post
I'm at work, and the article is blocked, Quick summing up Mum?
Quote:
Originally Posted by shit blog
When Michael Owen signed on the dotted line at Old Trafford last week, many were stunned, others shaken, while quite a few more laughed hysterically, unsure as to what they were actually laughing about.

A slew of commentators prematurely rushed to hail another Sir Alex Ferguson masterstroke, others merely questioned his sanity. It is one of the most confusing transfers of recent years. No one quite seems to know what to make of it. Even Owen seems a bit puzzled.

The 29 year-old has agreed a “highly incentivised” two-year deal with Manchester United, and thanks to information supplied by made up secret sources at Carrington, I can reveal the full details of Owen’s unusual contract*.

It includes:

£30,000 per week basic pay.
£20,000 per starting appearance, conditional on Owen completing at least three minutes on the pitch without collapsing in an anguished heap.
£20,000 per goal scored, as long as he doesn’t break his arm/hip/entire skeletal frame celebrating with Rio Ferdinand.
£30,000 for every goal scored against Liverpool, conditional on Owen dancing a jig in front of Rafael Benitez. Owen must not injure himself mid-jig.
£20,000 for every successful hounding of a referee. Must ensure official is too scared to award any controversial decisions against United for the rest of the match/season/eternity.
£20,000 one-off fee to take Nani on a helicopter ride to a small island off the coast of Iceland, and leave him there.
£20,000 one-off fee payable upon Owen burning all copies of his promotional brochure. He must never mention said brochure again.
£70,000 reduction in pay if Owen ever declares himself fit to play for England again.

* Information supplied here may not strictly be true
...
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Old 6th July 2009, 12:42   #6 (permalink)
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That was quite awful. Unfortunately most journos these days go down the 'cheap shots at United' route when they run out material.
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Old 6th July 2009, 12:44   #7 (permalink)
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My comment...

Wow, is that the sort of stuff you dreamed about writing way back in journalism school, you know when you were still idealistic and before your dream of being a journalist of worth died.
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Old 6th July 2009, 12:44   #8 (permalink)
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...
Thanks Mate. I thought Bill Hicks had died?
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Old 6th July 2009, 12:44   #9 (permalink)
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I found the Nani bit quite amusing
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Old 6th July 2009, 12:50   #10 (permalink)
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That was quite awful. Unfortunately most journos these days go down the 'cheap shots at United' route when they run out material.
To be fair, a blog isn't journalism and should never be considered as such. I doubt it was printed in the paper itself, not even as an opinion piece.
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Old 6th July 2009, 12:54   #11 (permalink)
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Left a comment

Before reading this I was told ‘Rob Kelly’s blog provides a witty and uncharitable commentary on football’.

Why was I lied to?
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Old 6th July 2009, 13:00   #12 (permalink)
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I found the Nani bit quite amusing
must admit I laughed at that as well !
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Old 6th July 2009, 13:49   #13 (permalink)
 
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It's been removed.
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Old 6th July 2009, 13:53   #14 (permalink)
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Too embarrassing to keep around...maybe the Sun would like to buy and publish that 'article'
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Old 6th July 2009, 13:54   #15 (permalink)
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Another victory for the caf
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Old 6th July 2009, 14:42   #16 (permalink)
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Poor Telegraph... they've never really quite got the hang of Sports based humour. Think they're better off leaving it to the guardian.

True about blogs, Weastie. Am i the only person who thinks that they've had a negative impact on the media, letting writers get away with a much lower standard than previously? They are fine in the context of independant blogs which live or die by their own qaulity, but established media outlets gain no benefit from them, other than a drop in quality. What's the point?
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Old 6th July 2009, 14:42   #17 (permalink)
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Another victory for the caf
Really? When was the first, I must have missed it!
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Old 6th July 2009, 14:46   #18 (permalink)
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A proud day in the journalistic career of Rob Kelly, well done sir
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Old 6th July 2009, 14:48   #19 (permalink)
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A proud day in the journalistic career of Rob Kelly, well done sir
They should hire Mockney. He is genuinely better and funnier than him.
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Old 6th July 2009, 14:51   #20 (permalink)
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They should hire Mockney. He is genuinely better and funnier than him.
Re-reading it, I'm pretty sure this man didn't write it. It was clearly written by a computer, programmed to produce stock Michael Owen and Man Utd jokes. This is the future of journalism. It just needs fine-tuning a bit.
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Old 6th July 2009, 14:52   #21 (permalink)
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what a fucking idiot!
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Old 6th July 2009, 14:52   #22 (permalink)
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why did they remove it?
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Old 6th July 2009, 14:54   #23 (permalink)
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why did they remove it?
It's natural to try and cover your mistakes...
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Old 6th July 2009, 14:55   #24 (permalink)
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They should hire Mockney. He is genuinely better and funnier than him.
I've heard that Kelly paints a mean front door though...
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Old 6th July 2009, 15:04   #25 (permalink)
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What a douche bag.

How the hell do these retards get their fucking jobs!?! It's supposed to be a competitive industry to break into, yet you read the shite they write and it's quite obvious that half these people are witless morons who couldn't get an English Language A-Level.
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Old 6th July 2009, 15:06   #26 (permalink)
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What a douche bag.

How the hell do these retards get their fucking jobs!?! It's supposed to be a competitive industry to break into, yet you read the shite they write and it's quite obviously that half these people are witless morons who couldn't get an English Language A-Level.
'Obvious'

Glad you went back and edited 'there' though
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Old 6th July 2009, 15:06   #27 (permalink)
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Oh you edited obviously too

Top job!
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Old 6th July 2009, 15:08   #28 (permalink)
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Oh you edited obviously too

Top job!
Well sometimes you just get on auto pilot don't ya I'm left handed too, so I have special needs.
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Old 6th July 2009, 15:08   #29 (permalink)
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I think douchebag should really be one word, or at least hyphenated.
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Old 6th July 2009, 15:09   #30 (permalink)
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I think douchebag should really be one word, or at least hyphenated.
just checked, it's one word douchebag, interesting.
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Old 6th July 2009, 15:12   #31 (permalink)
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I have special needs.
Yes, you do.
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Old 6th July 2009, 15:12   #32 (permalink)
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So just to clear up then Redfighter

Do you have an English A level?

I do
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Old 6th July 2009, 15:13   #33 (permalink)
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Oh no I don't, I have English GCSE grades, both 'A'
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Old 6th July 2009, 15:39   #34 (permalink)
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So just to clear up then Redfighter

Do you have an English A level?

I do
Yes and a degree in it too
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Old 6th July 2009, 15:47   #35 (permalink)
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Yes and a degree in it too
But you still can't spell douchebag? Don't they teach anything in schools these days?
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Old 6th July 2009, 15:53   #36 (permalink)
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O level English > GCSE English Brad.
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Old 6th July 2009, 16:03   #37 (permalink)
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O level English > GCSE English Brad.
If you're 100 years old perhaps
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Old 6th July 2009, 16:24   #38 (permalink)
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If you're 100 years old perhaps
Eeeee, when I were a lad.
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