Crap Michael Owen article

Man Utd Mrs · 6th July 2009, 12:34

http://blogs.telegraph.co.uk/sport/r...ment-100000171

What a crap piece of journalism . Not funny or anything. Just embarrassing.

Eyepopper · 6th July 2009, 12:39

Lets all register and slate him in the comments

Partizan · 6th July 2009, 12:40

Quote:

Originally Posted by Man Utd Mrs

http://blogs.telegraph.co.uk/sport/r...ment-100000171

What a crap piece of journalism . Not funny or anything. Just embarrassing.

I'm at work, and the article is blocked, Quick summing up Mum?

1211+subs · 6th July 2009, 12:40

presumably he gets paid for this tripe....

R_Nick · 6th July 2009, 12:42

Quote:

Originally Posted by Partizan

I'm at work, and the article is blocked, Quick summing up Mum?

Quote:

Originally Posted by shit blog

When Michael Owen signed on the dotted line at Old Trafford last week, many were stunned, others shaken, while quite a few more laughed hysterically, unsure as to what they were actually laughing about.

A slew of commentators prematurely rushed to hail another Sir Alex Ferguson masterstroke, others merely questioned his sanity. It is one of the most confusing transfers of recent years. No one quite seems to know what to make of it. Even Owen seems a bit puzzled.

The 29 year-old has agreed a “highly incentivised” two-year deal with Manchester United, and thanks to information supplied by made up secret sources at Carrington, I can reveal the full details of Owen’s unusual contract*.

It includes:

£30,000 per week basic pay.
£20,000 per starting appearance, conditional on Owen completing at least three minutes on the pitch without collapsing in an anguished heap.
£20,000 per goal scored, as long as he doesn’t break his arm/hip/entire skeletal frame celebrating with Rio Ferdinand.
£30,000 for every goal scored against Liverpool, conditional on Owen dancing a jig in front of Rafael Benitez. Owen must not injure himself mid-jig.
£20,000 for every successful hounding of a referee. Must ensure official is too scared to award any controversial decisions against United for the rest of the match/season/eternity.
£20,000 one-off fee to take Nani on a helicopter ride to a small island off the coast of Iceland, and leave him there.
£20,000 one-off fee payable upon Owen burning all copies of his promotional brochure. He must never mention said brochure again.
£70,000 reduction in pay if Owen ever declares himself fit to play for England again.

* Information supplied here may not strictly be true

...

Solius · 6th July 2009, 12:42

That was quite awful. Unfortunately most journos these days go down the 'cheap shots at United' route when they run out material.

Eyepopper · 6th July 2009, 12:44

My comment...

Wow, is that the sort of stuff you dreamed about writing way back in journalism school, you know when you were still idealistic and before your dream of being a journalist of worth died.

Partizan · 6th July 2009, 12:44

Quote:

Originally Posted by R_Nick

...

Thanks Mate. I thought Bill Hicks had died?

Count Duckula · 6th July 2009, 12:44

I found the Nani bit quite amusing

WeasteDevil · 6th July 2009, 12:50

Quote:

Originally Posted by Solius

That was quite awful. Unfortunately most journos these days go down the 'cheap shots at United' route when they run out material.

To be fair, a blog isn't journalism and should never be considered as such. I doubt it was printed in the paper itself, not even as an opinion piece.

Solius · 6th July 2009, 12:54

Left a comment

Before reading this I was told ‘Rob Kelly’s blog provides a witty and uncharitable commentary on football’.

Why was I lied to?

Rood · 6th July 2009, 13:00

Quote:

Originally Posted by Count Duckula

I found the Nani bit quite amusing

must admit I laughed at that as well !

Man Utd Mrs · 6th July 2009, 13:49

It's been removed.

Justin · 6th July 2009, 13:53

Too embarrassing to keep around...maybe the Sun would like to buy and publish that 'article'

Solius · 6th July 2009, 13:54

Another victory for the caf

Sir A1ex · 6th July 2009, 14:42

Poor Telegraph... they've never really quite got the hang of Sports based humour. Think they're better off leaving it to the guardian.

True about blogs, Weastie. Am i the only person who thinks that they've had a negative impact on the media, letting writers get away with a much lower standard than previously? They are fine in the context of independant blogs which live or die by their own qaulity, but established media outlets gain no benefit from them, other than a drop in quality. What's the point?

Sir A1ex · 6th July 2009, 14:42

Quote:

Originally Posted by Solius

Another victory for the caf

Really? When was the first, I must have missed it!

B Cantona · 6th July 2009, 14:46

A proud day in the journalistic career of Rob Kelly, well done sir

Solius · 6th July 2009, 14:48

Quote:

Originally Posted by Brad

A proud day in the journalistic career of Rob Kelly, well done sir

They should hire Mockney. He is genuinely better and funnier than him.

Sir A1ex · 6th July 2009, 14:51

Quote:

Originally Posted by Solius

They should hire Mockney. He is genuinely better and funnier than him.

Re-reading it, I'm pretty sure this man didn't write it. It was clearly written by a computer, programmed to produce stock Michael Owen and Man Utd jokes. This is the future of journalism. It just needs fine-tuning a bit.

Eyepopper · 6th July 2009, 14:52

what a fucking idiot!

Scholesgoals · 6th July 2009, 14:52

why did they remove it?

Sir A1ex · 6th July 2009, 14:54

Quote:

Originally Posted by Scholesgoals

why did they remove it?

It's natural to try and cover your mistakes...

Sir A1ex · 6th July 2009, 14:55

Quote:

Originally Posted by Solius

They should hire Mockney. He is genuinely better and funnier than him.

I've heard that Kelly paints a mean front door though...

Redfighter · 6th July 2009, 15:04

What a douche bag.

How the hell do these retards get their fucking jobs!?! It's supposed to be a competitive industry to break into, yet you read the shite they write and it's quite obvious that half these people are witless morons who couldn't get an English Language A-Level.

B Cantona · 6th July 2009, 15:06

Quote:

Originally Posted by Redfighter

What a douche bag.

How the hell do these retards get their fucking jobs!?! It's supposed to be a competitive industry to break into, yet you read the shite they write and it's quite obviously that half these people are witless morons who couldn't get an English Language A-Level.

'Obvious'

Glad you went back and edited 'there' though

B Cantona · 6th July 2009, 15:06

Oh you edited obviously too

Top job!

Redfighter · 6th July 2009, 15:08

Quote:

Originally Posted by Brad

Oh you edited obviously too

Top job!

Well sometimes you just get on auto pilot don't ya

I'm left handed too, so I have special needs.

Sir A1ex · 6th July 2009, 15:08

I think douchebag should really be one word, or at least hyphenated.

Redfighter · 6th July 2009, 15:09

Quote:

Originally Posted by A1Dan

I think douchebag should really be one word, or at least hyphenated.

just checked, it's one word douchebag, interesting.

Mad · 6th July 2009, 15:12

Quote:

Originally Posted by Redfighter

I have special needs.

Yes, you do.

B Cantona · 6th July 2009, 15:12

So just to clear up then Redfighter

Do you have an English A level?

I do

B Cantona · 6th July 2009, 15:13

Oh no I don't, I have English GCSE grades, both 'A'

Redfighter · 6th July 2009, 15:39

Quote:

Originally Posted by Brad

So just to clear up then Redfighter

Do you have an English A level?

I do

Yes and a degree in it too

Sir A1ex · 6th July 2009, 15:47

Quote:

Originally Posted by Redfighter

Yes and a degree in it too

But you still can't spell douchebag? Don't they teach anything in schools these days?

Tumbling-Dice · 6th July 2009, 15:53

O level English > GCSE English Brad.

B Cantona · 6th July 2009, 16:03

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tumbling-Dice

O level English > GCSE English Brad.

If you're 100 years old perhaps

Tumbling-Dice · 6th July 2009, 16:24

Quote:

Originally Posted by Brad

If you're 100 years old perhaps

Eeeee, when I were a lad.

6th July 2009, 12:34	#1 (permalink)
Man Utd Mrs Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: M.U.M. knows best. Posts: 23,541	Crap Michael Owen article http://blogs.telegraph.co.uk/sport/r...ment-100000171 What a crap piece of journalism . Not funny or anything. Just embarrassing.

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6th July 2009, 12:39	#2 (permalink)
Eyepopper Lowering the tone since 2006 Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, think I'm heading home! Posts: 49,226	Lets all register and slate him in the comments

6th July 2009, 12:40	#4 (permalink)
1211+subs Youth Team Player Join Date: Jul 2002 Location: Scotland Posts: 409	presumably he gets paid for this tripe....

6th July 2009, 12:42	#6 (permalink)
Solius Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: JAMIE redknapp! u come from the mars? Posts: 38,439	That was quite awful. Unfortunately most journos these days go down the 'cheap shots at United' route when they run out material.

6th July 2009, 12:44	#7 (permalink)
Eyepopper Lowering the tone since 2006 Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, think I'm heading home! Posts: 49,226	My comment... Wow, is that the sort of stuff you dreamed about writing way back in journalism school, you know when you were still idealistic and before your dream of being a journalist of worth died.

6th July 2009, 12:44	#9 (permalink)
Count Duckula Banned Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: Tali'Zorah vas Normandy. Posts: 16,094	I found the Nani bit quite amusing

6th July 2009, 12:54	#11 (permalink)
Solius Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: JAMIE redknapp! u come from the mars? Posts: 38,439	Left a comment Before reading this I was told ‘Rob Kelly’s blog provides a witty and uncharitable commentary on football’. Why was I lied to?

6th July 2009, 13:49	#13 (permalink)
Man Utd Mrs Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: M.U.M. knows best. Posts: 23,541	It's been removed.

6th July 2009, 13:53	#14 (permalink)
Justin First Team Regular Join Date: Sep 2004 Posts: 24,545	Too embarrassing to keep around...maybe the Sun would like to buy and publish that 'article'

6th July 2009, 13:54	#15 (permalink)
Solius Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: JAMIE redknapp! u come from the mars? Posts: 38,439	Another victory for the caf

6th July 2009, 14:42	#16 (permalink)
Sir A1ex First Team Regular Join Date: Jul 2002 Location: Where the goals come from. Posts: 19,596	Poor Telegraph... they've never really quite got the hang of Sports based humour. Think they're better off leaving it to the guardian. True about blogs, Weastie. Am i the only person who thinks that they've had a negative impact on the media, letting writers get away with a much lower standard than previously? They are fine in the context of independant blogs which live or die by their own qaulity, but established media outlets gain no benefit from them, other than a drop in quality. What's the point?

6th July 2009, 14:46	#18 (permalink)
B Cantona Desperate Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Hated, Adored, Never Ignored Posts: 40,400	A proud day in the journalistic career of Rob Kelly, well done sir

6th July 2009, 14:52	#21 (permalink)
Eyepopper Lowering the tone since 2006 Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, think I'm heading home! Posts: 49,226	what a fucking idiot!

6th July 2009, 14:52	#22 (permalink)
Scholesgoals First Team Sub Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: Ogmalocopia Posts: 7,167	why did they remove it?

6th July 2009, 15:04	#25 (permalink)
Redfighter First Team Sub Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: At the secret training camp for United Militia Posts: 5,081	What a douche bag. How the hell do these retards get their fucking jobs!?! It's supposed to be a competitive industry to break into, yet you read the shite they write and it's quite obvious that half these people are witless morons who couldn't get an English Language A-Level.

6th July 2009, 15:06	#27 (permalink)
B Cantona Desperate Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Hated, Adored, Never Ignored Posts: 40,400	Oh you edited obviously too Top job!

6th July 2009, 15:08	#29 (permalink)
Sir A1ex First Team Regular Join Date: Jul 2002 Location: Where the goals come from. Posts: 19,596	I think douchebag should really be one word, or at least hyphenated.

6th July 2009, 15:12	#32 (permalink)
B Cantona Desperate Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Hated, Adored, Never Ignored Posts: 40,400	So just to clear up then Redfighter Do you have an English A level? I do

6th July 2009, 15:13	#33 (permalink)
B Cantona Desperate Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Hated, Adored, Never Ignored Posts: 40,400	Oh no I don't, I have English GCSE grades, both 'A'

6th July 2009, 15:53	#36 (permalink)
Tumbling-Dice Caf Nostradamus Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: Roy Keane has five kids, partly because of his Irish Catholic background, and partly because someone told him that Patrick Vieira has four. Posts: 18,813	O level English > GCSE English Brad.