Sod's Law

Pogue Mahone

Often known as Murphy's Law (that's racist) and summed up as whatever can go wrong, will go wrong. I like to think of it as the cruel hand of fate, doing it's evil best to ensure that anything involving an element of chance will always come up with an outcome that will piss you off as much as possible.

From the persepctive of a United fan, I reckon Sod's Law will have fecking loads of chances to kick us in the teeth this season.

In no particular order;

• Having been mercilessly slated about his resemblance to a character in an M. Knight Shymalan movie, Lous Saha will go to prove he really is unbreakable (see what I did there?) by staying fit until the end of the season, scoring 20+ goals in the process.

• Having forked out a monstrous fee to replace said fragile(ish) striker - and provide some much-needed cover up front - our new strikeforce will remain, bizarrely fit and available all season long, causing Fergie a massive selection headache and many long (and occasionally, hideously scarred) faces on the bench.

• After almost a season and a half, hoping against hope that Gary "2 weeks" Neville might return to the right-back slot - and provide some much needed balance to our attacking football - he turns out to be a shadow of his former self, with the only effect of his return being to destabilise our back line, strip Rio of the captaincy that was the making of him last season and provide unnecesary competition for the most exciting youngster in our squad this season.

• Guiseppe Rossi will score the winning goal against us in the Champion's League, before going on to be awarded the Pichichi.

• Gerard Pique will play the game of his life, in shutting us out over two legs in the knockout stages of the CL.

• After spending the last couple of years agonising about poor old Rooney being forced to struggle manfully, out of position, we will realise that he's actually just as capable of playing mystifyingly crap through the middle as he ever was on the left-wing.

• Having reeled in the infamous "18-5", through almost two decades of staggeringly effective football, SAF is one title away from knocking Liverpool right off their fucking perch, for good, only for our most bitter rivals to suddenly discover how to play football and complete the best opening set of league results of any team in the history of the Premier League. Ever.

Feel free to add your own below.

This is not intended to be a happy thread.

Floyd

I can certainly see that.

Crustanoid

Anderson, the FM God, and Muppet's archangel, arrives at United in a haze of promise, and then proceeds to not score once, whilst raining shot after shot on goal only for magnets, forcefields and spasticitis to prevent him from doing so

Lot 49

I'm begging you Pogue, delete your Richard Dunne thread in the football forum. Yes it was funny that he has turned into Bramble since you made it but it's inevitable given how everyone has taken the piss he's going to play a blinder against us in the derby and score the winner and I CANNOT take losing to city again.

Also:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/foot...td/7570206.stm

JezChan

You mean Nani?

INF-AMOS

Nahhh.

Nani finally scores through a long range deflected effort after 3 months of putting the ball in row Z, then he fractures an over exuberant Rio Ferdinand’s collar bone whilst our pivotal defender tries to celebrate with him mid summersault.

Pogue Mahone

I can't do that. Deleting that thread would only create a powerful counter-jinx, for the fickle hand of fate to ram right up my arse.

The Richard Dunne thread is amongst us now and cannot be put back in it's box. A bit like AIDS.

theimperialinn

thanks pogue I feel all miserable now after reading that!

Decotron

Chin up Pogue!!! Although the Saha thing is v annoying. Whatever people say about Berbatov imo IF Saha remained consistantly fit we wouldnt have bought the bulgarian.

Could be worse.........ive a 2500 word assigment due at 630pm today. Ive 116words done thus far and Im in work! Worst subject ever aswell.

SAred

Always look on the bright side of life - repeat often.

Anderson will break his duck - law of averages. The flood gates will open.
Nani - well become the new Ronaldo
Ronaldo - After signing his bumper new deal will convert those doubles into hattricks.
Rio - The real Rio shall return
Rooney - Shall keep his cool and regain his england form.
Berb - Well run around abit more with a smile on his face and shows his worth.
VDS - Eyesight shall return

Another double is there for the taking.

Always look on the bright side of life.

P.s- Liverpools yearly declime will happen in March ( The new November . )

Chelsea will have to sell there best players due to the credit crisis.

Arsenal Kids will almost win the Carling Cup.

Always look on the bright side of life.

Brophs

Annoying thing is, 1, 2, 3 & 6 are entirely possible, if things go awry. Sod does work in mysterious ways after all.

peterstorey

Of course, Sod usually wanders off into left-field and slings a few in from there just to liven things up.

Pogue Mahone

Is this bloke Sod?

Scholesgoals

whats it on?

Wibble

Neither ironic nor sod's law but close enough

An old man turned ninety-eight
He won the lottery and died the next day
It's a black fly in your Chardonnay
It's a death row pardon two minutes too late
And isn't it ironic... don't you think

It's like rain on your wedding day
It's a free ride when you've already paid
It's the good advice that you just didn't take
Who would've thought... it figures

Mr. Play It Safe was afraid to fly
He packed his suitcase and kissed his kids goodbye
He waited his whole damn life to take that flight
And as the plane crashed down he thought
"Well isn't this nice..."
And isn't it ironic... don't you think

It's like rain on your wedding day
It's a free ride when you've already paid
It's the good advice that you just didn't take
Who would've thought... it figures

Well life has a funny way of sneaking up on you
When you think everything's okay and everything's going right
And life has a funny way of helping you out when
You think everything's gone wrong and everything blows up
In your face

A traffic jam when you're already late
A no-smoking sign on your cigarette break
It's like ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife
It's meeting the man of my dreams
And then meeting his beautiful wife
And isn't it ironic...don't you think
A little too ironic...and, yeah, I really do think...

It's like rain on your wedding day
It's a free ride when you've already paid
It's the good advice that you just didn't take
Who would've thought... it figures

Life has a funny way of sneaking up on you
Life has a funny, funny way of helping you out
Helping you out

sincher

'Av you eva 'eard the story of Desperate Dick,
The only man with a corkscrew prick?
Well, on 'e went on his desperate 'unt
For the only woman wiv a corkscrew c*nt,
And when he faand 'er 'e dropped daan dead,
Cos the corkscrew c*nt 'ad a left 'and thread.

Decotron

“Assess HRM/Personnel Management strategy and its link to Corporate and Organisational Strategy within a company/organisation of your choice”

BORING AS FUCK mate. I’m doing my best to plagiarise every bit of info I can find. Did no research myself. Might have to take a penalty and submit on Friday if I dont get my arse in gear.

Pogue Mahone

There's a stand-up comedian (can't remember who) who goes through that song, line by line, pointing that there is not one single anecdote in that song which qualifies as ironic, by any definition.

Of course, when he did it, it was funnier than this post.

Wibble

Which wouldn't be hard.

Pogue Mahone

And kind of ironic.

Or something.

Simon Adebesi

I would be genuinely delighted for Saha if he manages to achieve what the law of Sod has decreed for him. More often than not when people leave United I am indiferent at best, or positively hostile to them doing well at their new clubs. But not in his case.

Sylar

We need new physios <_<

Pogue Mahone

Me too.

But that would be combined with an nagging feeling of "oh for fuck's sake, typical..."

I think cognitive dissonance is the technical term.

Simon Adebesi

Actually, thinking about it I do like to see ex united players do well more often than not. I was delighted for Richardson when he scored that sweet free kick a few weeks ago. I like to see Everton do well, pretty much because of their United rejects, particularly Phil Neville.

It is only when there is a level of acrimony when they leave that I wish them ill.

It also depends on the destination. If Beckham had gone to Barca I would probably have been more interested in his progress in Spain. But my hatred of Madrid, even then, eclipsed my loyalty to a former United player - even one of such immense talent and importance to our success.

Pogue Mahone

I always wish them well.

But the Saha situation is an unusual one in that I think he still owes us, something which could never be said about Neville, Beckham etc.

I'm not blaming him - it's not his fault he was so unlucky with injuries - but every goal he scores for Everton this season kind of feel like it should belong to us, after being so patient with him (the gaffer that is, not the fans)

Simon Adebesi

Yeah, I see what you mean. Although I always feel he was a victim of that as much as we were. I feel sorry for him for having what could have been a fantastic United career cut short by injuries.

Also, I do not for one minute think he has turned a corner with regards to his health. I know he is going to get injurred again with such certainty that I am not even waiting for it. I dont feel I need it to happen to prove me right. Just like night follows day, Saha will get injurred. It is just a matter of when.

Red Hand Devil

Very good Pogue

Pogue Mahone

Ah but the Law of Sod would beg to differ.

peterstorey

He he...he's dirty sod who put two of ours out.

Don't Kill Bill

To add to the weight of sod.

What if after hoping that a side can finally get into the top four to deprive arsenal or even better Liverpool of the champions league entry and throw out the old order. In fact we end up hoping that no change occurs as we scramble with the nearest other team for fourth.

Simon Adebesi

What if I am out on the last day of the season watching our game in the pub and we lose it, therefore losing out on the title to Liverpool. I am consoling myself with a few pints when some very fit bird comes up to me and starts chatting, occasionally brishing my arm with her fingers. I think, ayup, Im in here, and make my way out back with her, expecting to have a quickie in the alley, only to be jumped by a load of young, hood-wearing youth, beaten to a pulp and arse raped?

Not exactly sod's law. But certainly sodomy's law.

GDH

Ed Byrne. Even did an "anniversary" of the joke as the song had reached the grand old age of 10.

Also, Ince, Hughes and Keane will all take points off us this season.

When I look at all the ex-United players who went into management, it makes me feel happy. When I realise they're all going to go all out for results against us, it makes me feel sad. It's not fair, our ex-players go into positions to hurt us, Liverpool's ex-players go on TV and tell the world how great their club is. Can't help but feel we're getting the raw end of this deal.

Simon Adebesi

Im sure our ex players turned managers are just as up for beating liverpool as they are for getting one over on us.

Pogue Mahone

I think Alanis Morrisette would probably classify that as ironic.

marcus agrippa

don't know about the rest of you, but that's fucking depressing Pogue.

spinoza

It's depressing, but likely to come 100% true.

I'll add another one - in addition to all 4 strikers being 100% fit, our midfield will be decimated with injuries, leaving Possebon and Anderson as our first choice central midfield pairing, with the occasional appearance by John O'Shea.

Pogue Mahone

Sometimes staring into the abyss is the best way to appreciate the giddy heights. Or something.

Christ, I'm a pretentious twat sometimes

peterstorey

If you're in the gutter you're supposed to look at the stars not at the drain.

Sam#1

In addition to staying fit all season, Louis Saha will go onto score more goals then his replacement, Dimitar Berbatov, and any other Manchester United striker.

kanchelskis14

According to Sod, shouldn't O'Shea play well this year then?