I banged my friends ex last night

Snow · 29th April 2012, 15:42

Quote:

Originally Posted by That'sHernandez

So what do you do when two of your friends start going out and then break up? Do you stop being friends with one of them? Ridiculous idea.

I wouldn't feel bad about it, Solius. Doesn't sound like your friend is too bothered about it really, this stuff happens all the time and I don't think you're breaking any social rule. I wouldn't consider it a faux par at least.

No. You just don't shag either one of them.

DouLou · 29th April 2012, 16:31

I wouldnt say what you did was right or wrong Solius, it depends on the situation. I couldn't give a shit if any of my friends slept with my ex, because she is my ex for a reason, she wasn't for me. So unless it was some sort of hideous break-up which left him heart broken then it's not big deal.

101 · 29th April 2012, 16:32

It's taken 42 replies but alas:

Veiled attempt at boasting to the Caf that you got laid last night.

SirAF · 29th April 2012, 16:59

Quote:

Originally Posted by 101

It's taken 42 replies but alas:

Veiled attempt at boasting to the Caf that you got laid last night.

cesc's_mullet · 29th April 2012, 17:19

Quote:

Originally Posted by Annihilate Now!

Meh... it's not a black & white issue I don't think. Several shades of grey too it... If he never really loved her, and (from the sounds of it) ended it himself, then I can imagine he won't be too beat up by it.

I dated out with one of my friends ex's... he was with her for about a year, she left the country for a year, and when she came back, I dated her for a year and a bit. He was totally fine with it... but then he is the most laid back person I know.

Happened to me twice - one of my very best mates has now been dating one of my ex's for about a year and a half now. I was seeing her years ago, only for her to move interstate and us to end... A few years later she calls me saying she's coming back down to study. Everyone that knew us thought we'd start up where we left off, but I wasn't keen (and I assume she wasn't either) in the end. A few weeks later we were all out and I picked up her best friend (whilst she was there), she didn't care it seemed. A little while later my mate drops a few hints and when I realise what's up I tell him to go for it... No issues all round...

It really just depends on the person or how much/long something meant to them.

cesc's_mullet · 29th April 2012, 17:20

Quote:

Originally Posted by 101

It's taken 42 replies but alas:

Veiled attempt at boasting to the Caf that you got laid last night.

FortBoyard · 29th April 2012, 17:43

My mate did this to me, shagged my ex-missus.

We are still friends, and he did the same thing as you Sol and told me. But I must say relationship has never been the same.

B20 · 29th April 2012, 17:46

Quote:

Originally Posted by FortBoyard

My mate did this to me, shagged my ex-missus.

We are still friends, and he did the same thing as you Sol and told me. But I must say relationship has never been the same.

why the fuck does it matter to you? Do you imagine you have some sort of lifelong claim on people you've shagged?

If anything, it's the ex-bf holding grudges who violate bro codes with unreasonable expectations of who should and should not be shagged long after they have moved on.

FortBoyard · 29th April 2012, 17:50

Quote:

Originally Posted by B19

why the fuck does it matter to you? Do you imagine you have some sort of lifelong claim on people you've shagged?

If anything, it's the ex-bf holding grudges who violate bro codes with unreasonable expectations of who should and should not be shagged long after they have moved on.

Clearly spoken from a bloke who has never had a serious girlfriend.

I was very close to this girl and all my mates knew that, I accepted his apology because he regretted it, but I did seem to lose my liking for him deep down.

rcoobc · 29th April 2012, 18:08

Quote:

Originally Posted by FortBoyard

Clearly spoken from a bloke who has never had a serious girlfriend.

Or never lost a serious relationship

solvista · 29th April 2012, 18:16

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dr. Dwayne

As my missus says, there's a big difference between fuckin' and building a relationship.

She told you that aswell? She's consistent at least.

rednev · 29th April 2012, 18:19

Quote:

Originally Posted by FortBoyard

Clearly spoken from a bloke who has never had a serious girlfriend.

I was very close to this girl and all my mates knew that, I accepted his apology because he regretted it, but I did seem to lose my liking for him deep down.

It sounds to me like you still held feelings for your ex when this happened. If you're over someone, why would it bother you if she shags one of your mates?

Persian-Fred · 29th April 2012, 18:20

Quote:

Originally Posted by FortBoyard

Clearly spoken from a bloke who has never had a serious girlfriend.

I was very close to this girl and all my mates knew that, I accepted his apology because he regretted it, but I did seem to lose my liking for him deep down.

Then that's completely different to the OP's example isn't it? It's pretty much agreed upon by most here (although I'm talking for B19...) that if they are still close then any sort of hook-up should be out of the equation, especially if the possibility isn't discussed with your mate first.

But if they aren't close, have been separated for a while and weren't even that into each other (like Sol's example) then there should be no complaint. Obviously out of respect the ideal thing to do would be to run things past your mate first, but if there should be no issue at all with a drunken hook up. The mate and the girl have no other connection other than previously, a long time ago, being together and they both are now distant. There's no problem.

B20 · 29th April 2012, 18:23

Quote:

Originally Posted by Urban-Ned

Then that's completely different to the OP's example isn't it? It's pretty much agreed upon by most here (although I'm talking for B19...) that if they are still close then any sort of hook-up should be out of the equation, especially if the possibility isn't discussed with your mate first.

yup.

solvista · 29th April 2012, 18:44

My ex-wife was the ex-gf of a mate of mine. He had the last laugh.

mjs020294 · 29th April 2012, 18:46

Why do adults feel the need to tell people who they have slept with. If you end up in bed with someone its between the two of you and nobody else needs to know.

Rado_N · 29th April 2012, 18:47

Well done.

Crustanoid · 29th April 2012, 18:48

We're not all disapproving, Solius

kps88 · 29th April 2012, 18:50

Quote:

Originally Posted by mjs020294

Why do adults feel the need to tell people who they have slept with. If you end up in bed with someone its between the two of you and nobody else needs to know.

But then the Caf wouldn't know about Solius scoring last night...

B20 · 29th April 2012, 18:52

Quote:

Originally Posted by Crustanoid

We're not all disapproving, Solius

adexkola · 29th April 2012, 18:55

Quote:

Originally Posted by mjs020294

Why do adults feel the need to tell people who they have slept with. If you end up in bed with someone its between the two of you and nobody else needs to know.

This. Can't people keep secrets anymore?

Pogue Mahone · 29th April 2012, 18:55

Quote:

Originally Posted by rednev

It sounds to me like you still held feelings for your ex when this happened. If you're over someone, why would it bother you if she shags one of your mates?

I'd imagine it's fairly normal to have feelings for an ex. Assuming there was a solid, long-term relationship there in the first place.

mjs020294 · 29th April 2012, 18:58

Quote:

Originally Posted by adexkola

This. Can't people keep secrets anymore?

Its not really a secret TBH. Its sex between two consenting adults and quite frankly its not normal to go telling other people. Letting a mate know you banged his ex serves absolutely no purpose.

Pogue Mahone · 29th April 2012, 19:00

Presumably it serves the purpose of being man enough to tell him directly, rather than waiting for him to find out from someone else.

Trionz · 29th April 2012, 19:10

Quote:

Originally Posted by mjs020294

Its not really a secret TBH. Its sex between two consenting adults and quite frankly its not normal to go telling other people. Letting a mate know you banged his ex serves absolutely no purpose.

We are talking about girls here.

A fight between both ex and she will be all like 'I slept with your mate. Tells me all about what others think about you.'

noodlehair · 29th April 2012, 19:11

There's no right answer here to be fair. If a mate told me they'd banged my ex, I'd think they were a weirdo for telling me...but if I found out some other way, then depending on the ex, it would be a bit annoying.

The thing is though. Single people + booze...it happens. If I did take exception to it I reckon I'd also be the one more in the wrong, since it's none of my business who either my mate or my ex decides to shag.

mjs020294 · 29th April 2012, 19:14

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pogue Mahone

Presumably it serves the purpose of being man enough to tell him directly, rather than waiting for him to find out from someone else.

I would say its fuck all to do with his mate. Two consenting single adults ended up in bed. Its between them and no one else. I have found women to be fairly discreet, they don't usually go around blabbing.

rednev · 29th April 2012, 19:23

Quote:

Originally Posted by mjs020294

I would say its fuck all to do with his mate. Two consenting single adults ended up in bed. Its between them and no one else. I have found women to be fairly discreet, they don't usually go around blabbing.

I agree. There's also the issue of whether or not the girl in question wants her ex to know that's she's slept with one of his mates. Unless it's common knowledge and it's very likely that the ex will find out, there should be no expectation on the ex's mate to inform him.

girish · 29th April 2012, 19:54

I only wish I had enough experience to give advice UN the op.

That'sHernandez · 29th April 2012, 19:54

Quote:

Originally Posted by Snow

No. You just don't shag either one of them.

No, exactly. So why is THM saying you can't be friends with people your friends have broken up with?

Pogue Mahone · 29th April 2012, 19:59

Quote:

Originally Posted by mjs020294

I would say its fuck all to do with his mate. Two consenting single adults ended up in bed. Its between them and no one else. I have found women to be fairly discreet, they don't usually go around blabbing.

What do you mean it's got fuck all to do with his mate? Of course he would want to know. Depending on how tight the circle of friends is, chances are he'd find out eventually. Hence, it's better that solius is the one to tell him. I'm sure he would appreciate the honesty.

Moyespopper · 29th April 2012, 20:10

Its obviously better that he told him, even if his mate thinks he's a bit weird. Keep it quiet and you run the risk of it coming out in a way that makes you looks like a sneaky little bollocks.

Solius · 29th April 2012, 20:13

Yep, it'll be weird for a few days probably but I think it was the best way to go about it.

Moyespopper · 29th April 2012, 20:16

You wont truely know if he pissed til one day you're sat together and you say 'so...... did she do the 'finger up the arse' thing with you?'.....

RK · 29th April 2012, 20:16

There's no point spouting rules here about what's right and wrong.

It entirely depends on the situation and the people involved. Solius used his feminine judgement and handled it the best he could.

Shit thread title though.

Jippy · 29th April 2012, 20:20

Quote:

Originally Posted by Eyepopper

I'll tell you whats awkward..... shagging a mates sister..... thats a situation you really wish you're head rather than your cock had taken control.

I lost my virginity to a mate's older half-sister. We kind of fell out for a few years over it and even after that were never the same by a long chalk.

Jippy · 29th April 2012, 20:21

Quote:

Originally Posted by RK

Shit thread title though.

It is missing an apostrophe, yes.

Moyespopper · 29th April 2012, 20:21

I actually lost my virginity to a mates ex

Jippy · 29th April 2012, 20:23

Sounds like you are well placed to comment in this thread on every front.

Moyespopper · 29th April 2012, 20:25

We didn't really know the rules, I was only 14... she was an older woman at 16.

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29th April 2012, 16:31	#42 (permalink)
DouLou Reserve Team Player Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: London Posts: 2,886	I wouldnt say what you did was right or wrong Solius, it depends on the situation. I couldn't give a shit if any of my friends slept with my ex, because she is my ex for a reason, she wasn't for me. So unless it was some sort of hideous break-up which left him heart broken then it's not big deal.

29th April 2012, 16:32	#43 (permalink)
101 2 time, 2 time Grand National Sweepstake Winner Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: Somewhere between a rock and a hard place. Posts: 8,359	It's taken 42 replies but alas: Veiled attempt at boasting to the Caf that you got laid last night.

29th April 2012, 17:43	#47 (permalink)
FortBoyard First Team Sub Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: Assuming that all things are equal, who'd want to be men of the people. When there's people like YOU. Posts: 5,609	My mate did this to me, shagged my ex-missus. We are still friends, and he did the same thing as you Sol and told me. But I must say relationship has never been the same.

29th April 2012, 18:44	#55 (permalink)
solvista Shawshank redemption Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: I've given the world this riddle, it's mine ©2010. AdZzUtd® Posts: 14,422	My ex-wife was the ex-gf of a mate of mine. He had the last laugh.

29th April 2012, 18:46	#56 (permalink)
mjs020294 Banned Join Date: May 2008 Posts: 16,908	Why do adults feel the need to tell people who they have slept with. If you end up in bed with someone its between the two of you and nobody else needs to know.

29th April 2012, 18:47	#57 (permalink)
Rado_N Came from nowhere, yet still a better modmin than Weaste ever was Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: mishy gishy gushy gushy mishy meshy mushy, motherfucker Posts: 45,360	Well done.

29th April 2012, 18:48	#58 (permalink)
Crustanoid First Team Regular Join Date: Feb 2008 Posts: 15,368	We're not all disapproving, Solius

29th April 2012, 19:00	#64 (permalink)
Pogue Mahone Poster of the year 2008 Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: "like a man in silk pyjamas shooting pigeons from a deckchair" Posts: 62,724	Presumably it serves the purpose of being man enough to tell him directly, rather than waiting for him to find out from someone else.

29th April 2012, 19:11	#66 (permalink)
noodlehair "It's like..." Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: Flagg Posts: 4,208	There's no right answer here to be fair. If a mate told me they'd banged my ex, I'd think they were a weirdo for telling me...but if I found out some other way, then depending on the ex, it would be a bit annoying. The thing is though. Single people + booze...it happens. If I did take exception to it I reckon I'd also be the one more in the wrong, since it's none of my business who either my mate or my ex decides to shag.

29th April 2012, 19:54	#69 (permalink)
girish I too love women...for their shoes. Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: Kerala,India Posts: 11,831	I only wish I had enough experience to give advice UN the op.

29th April 2012, 20:10	#72 (permalink)
Moyespopper Lowering the tone since 2006 Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, think I'm heading home! Posts: 54,081	Its obviously better that he told him, even if his mate thinks he's a bit weird. Keep it quiet and you run the risk of it coming out in a way that makes you looks like a sneaky little bollocks.

29th April 2012, 20:13	#73 (permalink)
Solius I am a mod, I swear Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: Everybody will be dancing and be doing it right. Posts: 49,477	Yep, it'll be weird for a few days probably but I think it was the best way to go about it.

29th April 2012, 20:16	#74 (permalink)
Moyespopper Lowering the tone since 2006 Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, think I'm heading home! Posts: 54,081	You wont truely know if he pissed til one day you're sat together and you say 'so...... did she do the 'finger up the arse' thing with you?'.....

29th April 2012, 20:16	#75 (permalink)
RK First Team Regular Join Date: May 2008 Posts: 15,123	There's no point spouting rules here about what's right and wrong. It entirely depends on the situation and the people involved. Solius used his feminine judgement and handled it the best he could. Shit thread title though.

29th April 2012, 20:21	#78 (permalink)
Moyespopper Lowering the tone since 2006 Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, think I'm heading home! Posts: 54,081	I actually lost my virginity to a mates ex

29th April 2012, 20:23	#79 (permalink)
Jippy Sleeps with tramps. If you've got the cardboard he'll bring the heat Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: In Neville's Laa Laa Land Posts: 7,612	Sounds like you are well placed to comment in this thread on every front.

29th April 2012, 20:25	#80 (permalink)
Moyespopper Lowering the tone since 2006 Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, think I'm heading home! Posts: 54,081	We didn't really know the rules, I was only 14... she was an older woman at 16.