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7th August 2009, 11:12
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#161 (permalink) |
 Join Date: May 2000
Location: RIP "The General"
Posts: 22,609
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I saw on the news that some die hard fans are still laying flowers outside Neverland ranch three weeks after Michael Jackson's death.
What the fuck are die hard fans doing there? Let the Michael Jackson fans grieve in peace and wait your turn. Bruce Willis has got a good few years in him yet! |
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7th August 2009, 11:13
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#163 (permalink) |
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Join Date: May 2000
Location: RIP "The General"
Posts: 22,609
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You know you're getting old when....
I was watching Babe Station. There was this gorgeous girl in a skimpy little French maid's outfit, pushing a vacuum cleaner around, bending over provocatively, and as her little skirt rode up exposing her lovely little bottom with the little strip of black material covering her crack, all I could think was: "We used to have a hoover like that one." |
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7th August 2009, 15:54
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#165 (permalink) |
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Join Date: May 2000
Location: RIP "The General"
Posts: 22,609
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A little girl down my road went missing this morning. Her parents asked everyone in the neighbourhood to help search for her.
They didn't seem too impressed when I came out of the house with my scuba gear. |
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7th August 2009, 15:55
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#166 (permalink) |
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Join Date: May 2000
Location: RIP "The General"
Posts: 22,609
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A mother was working in the kitchen, listening to her five year old son playing with his new electric train set in the living room.
She heard the train stop and her son saying, 'All of You bastards who want off, get off now, 'cos we're in a hurry! And all of you wankers who are getting on, get on now, 'cos we're going down the tracks'. The horrified mother went in and told her son, 'We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and stay there until I tell you to come out! Two hours later, and after another severe reprimand, the son came out of the bedroom and resumed playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say, 'All passengers who are disembarking the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for travelling with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one.' She hears the little boy continue, 'For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today.' As the mother began to smile, the child added.......... 'For those of you who are pissed off about the two hour delay, please see the fat bitch in the kitchen.' |
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7th August 2009, 20:14
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#167 (permalink) | |
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Reserve Team Player
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: :lol:
Posts: 16,412
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Quote:
 SO WRONG !!!
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13th August 2009, 10:51
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#169 (permalink) |
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Join Date: May 2000
Location: RIP "The General"
Posts: 22,609
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McDonalds has released a statement reassuring that their sponsorship of the swimming and diving events at the London 2012 Olympics won't harm the integrity of the games. However they did go on to say that lanes 7 and 8 will be closed off due to a childrens party.
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13th August 2009, 10:52
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#170 (permalink) |
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Join Date: May 2000
Location: RIP "The General"
Posts: 22,609
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Footballers life on facebook
----------------------------- Rio Ferdinand: going to hit the Amsterdam cafes before the game, who's in? Gareth Barry likes this ------------------------------ Bobby Zamora rejected Phil Brown's friend request Fraizer Campbell rejected Phil Brown's friend request Marc-Antoine Fortune rejected Phil Brown's friend request Michael Owen rejected Phil Brown's friend request --------------------------------------------------------------------- Arsene Wenger is not worried about his lack of transfers this summer as he has internal solutions 1 hour ago Alexander Song Billong likes this Visakri Diaby likes this Denilson likes this ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- Joleon Lescott has to go to work tomorrow : ( 13 minutes ago Craig Bellamy has joined the group Money is ruining football - Benjani likes this ------------------------------------------------------------------------- Alberto Aquilani: Oh no! I've just had my new house robbed!!! Steven Gerrard, Jerzy Dudek, John-Arne Riise, Lucas Leiva, Dirk Kuyt, Peter Crouch, Jose Reina and Daniel Agger like this ------------------------------------- Sat'day random drinks n' antics LOLZ Ledley King has been tagged --------------------------------------- Ashley C can't find his fone, can some1 give it a buzz for us? Jermaine Jenas likes this ----------------------------------------------------------------------- Roque Santa Cruz is looking forward to starting on Saturday Craig Bellamy is looking forward to starting on Saturday Carlos Tevez is looking forward to starting on Saturday Emmanuel Adebayor is looking forward to starting on Saturday Robinho is looking forward to starting on Saturday Benjani is looking forward to starting on Saturday ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Steven Gerrard hopes his 'groin' injury clears in time for Sunday z Yesterday at 20:03 · Comment · Like Ben Foster Ditto z ------------------------------------------ Joleon Lescott became a fan of money. Gareth Barry likes this ------------------------------- Marcus Bent is hoping to start at Old Trafford - 1 hour ago Sir Alex Ferguson Likes This. -------------------------------------------------------------------- Andy Goram became friends with Andy Goram ------------------------------------------------------- Jamie Redknapp is literally on facebook -------------------------------------------------- Frank Lampard is LOLing at Stevie G - 3 hours ago 3 comments -Steven Gerrard ****** off Lamps -Rio Ferdinand oi oi epic banter lads -Steven Gerrard did he dedicate the banter to his Mum -------------------------------------------------------------------- Mike Ashley My evil plan is almost complete. Niall Quinn & Peter Reid like this. ------------------------------------- Glen Johnson is looking at new toilet seats in B&Q ------------------------------------------------------------ Tomas Rosisky is fit and loving life! can't wait for the new season 1 week ago Tomas Rosisky is depressed 3 days ago --------------------------------------------- Samir Nasri is watching Top Gear on Dave. Cheers Abou ------------------------------------------ David Moyes is skint Mark Hughes likes this --------------------------------- Didier Drogba poked Jens Lehmann 3 years ago Jens Lehmann went down holding his face ---------------------------------- Rio Ferdinand feels like a prick after his mistake tonight 10 mins ago Dirk Kuyt likes this ------------------------------------ mark hughes sent jolean lescott invitation to join the group 'Mancity' invite was rejected ----------------------------------- Steven Gerrard has created a group, "Court, it's fucking easy!" Eric Cantona does not like this Joey Barton does not like this __________________ |
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13th August 2009, 11:11
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#171 (permalink) | |
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Executive Manager being kept sane only by her madness
Join Date: Jun 2000
Location: Someone said that half of Caf members were thick. It's not true. Half of you aren't thick at all.
Posts: 38,490
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Quote:
When I first heard it, it was Irish hunters. 
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13th August 2009, 11:49
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#172 (permalink) | |
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Company man, hitched.
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: punching cats for eggs at a dustbin near you
Posts: 16,523
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Quote:
Fantatisc post!!! best so far |
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13th August 2009, 13:27
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#173 (permalink) | |
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Executive Manager being kept sane only by her madness
Join Date: Jun 2000
Location: Someone said that half of Caf members were thick. It's not true. Half of you aren't thick at all.
Posts: 38,490
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Quote:
There aren't enough sBaz, that is singularly, the funniest thing you have ever posted. I think it even calls for a Facebook forum - footballers, models, actors - the possibilities are endless. Thank you for that. You've cheered me up. |
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13th August 2009, 13:46
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#174 (permalink) | |
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Company man, hitched.
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: punching cats for eggs at a dustbin near you
Posts: 16,523
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Quote:
Baz will you start an appropriate thread, it is your baby so to speak. If not, Livvie i'll leave it upto you! |
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13th August 2009, 13:49
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#175 (permalink) | |
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9 Pages of infractions
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Lake Fianga
Posts: 24,793
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Quote:
Fantastic |
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13th August 2009, 13:53
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#176 (permalink) | |
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Executive Manager being kept sane only by her madness
Join Date: Jun 2000
Location: Someone said that half of Caf members were thick. It's not true. Half of you aren't thick at all.
Posts: 38,490
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Quote:
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13th August 2009, 13:55
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#178 (permalink) | |
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Cat freak
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: North West
Posts: 14,255
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Quote:
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13th August 2009, 13:56
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#179 (permalink) |
 Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: Lake Ch...
Posts: 28,457
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http://www.thfctalk.com/forum/showth...617#post159617
I was reading it this morning when I couldn't sleep at like 5am. Also some on here http://www.readytogo.net/smb/showthread.php?t=432041 and a fair few of other forums |
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13th August 2009, 14:08
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#180 (permalink) |
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Executive Manager being kept sane only by her madness
Join Date: Jun 2000
Location: Someone said that half of Caf members were thick. It's not true. Half of you aren't thick at all.
Posts: 38,490
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At the risk of opening another can of worms, do we need to credit anyone for this?
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13th August 2009, 14:11
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#181 (permalink) | |
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Join Date: May 2000
Location: RIP "The General"
Posts: 22,609
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Quote:
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13th August 2009, 14:18
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#182 (permalink) | |
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First Team Sub
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Ol' Adelaide Town
Posts: 8,483
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Quote:
 If it makes you feel better, I'll credit you on facebook now baz. Or rather, your source. |
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13th August 2009, 14:21
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#183 (permalink) | |
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Executive Manager being kept sane only by her madness
Join Date: Jun 2000
Location: Someone said that half of Caf members were thick. It's not true. Half of you aren't thick at all.
Posts: 38,490
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Quote:
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26th August 2009, 14:18
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#185 (permalink) |
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Join Date: May 2000
Location: RIP "The General"
Posts: 22,609
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Paddy and Murphy are in the Wild West looking for work. They enter Dodge City and notice a sign in a shop saying 'Indian scalps-$10 each.' They enter the shop and are given a rifle, ammunition and told that for every Indian scalp they bring back they will get $10.
So the next day they ride out into the desert and hide behind a rock next to a watering hole in the hope that an Indian would come to drink. After hours of waiting, a brave approaches on his horse and gets down to drink. Paddy runs over and grabs the indian in a head lock. Murphy raises his knife ready to scalp him. Suddenly they freeze. On the ridgetop around them, thousandsds of Indians slowly ride up on horseback. Paddy and Murphy look around to see that they are completely surrounded. There is complete silence except for the whistling desert wind. After a long pause Murphy leans slowly over to Paddy and whispers, "Fuck me Paddy....we're gonna make a fortune...." |
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26th August 2009, 14:20
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#187 (permalink) |
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Join Date: May 2000
Location: RIP "The General"
Posts: 22,609
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A guy is sitting in a bar one evening on his own. He keeps catching the eye of a lady at the far end of the bar. This goes on for quite some time, before he musters up the courage to go over to her.
"Hi, what brings a beautiful woman like you here?" he asks "I've broken up with my boyfriend, so I'm just sitting here drowning my sorrows. He said I was too dirty in the bedroom." "Wow, I'm here for the same reason - my girlfriend's just thrown me out, said I was too filthy as well!" They sit drinking together for the rest of the evening. As she goes to leave, she asks if he'd like to come back to hers and he accepts. When they get back to her place she motions to the sofa and says, "I'll be right out, just going to get ready." She goes into the bathroom and gets out her strap-on dildo, anal beads, whip, gimp outfit, Viagra, and a leather dominatrix outfit. When she comes out, the man is heading towards the door. "Where are you going?" she asks. "Well," says the man, "I've fucked your dog and had a shit in your handbag - I'm off." |
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27th August 2009, 11:12
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#190 (permalink) |
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Join Date: May 2000
Location: RIP "The General"
Posts: 22,609
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I bought a deodorant stick today. I'd never used one before, so I read the instructions. They said 'Remove top and slowly push up bottom.'
I'm in Casualty at the moment, but my farts smell lovely!!! |
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27th August 2009, 11:13
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#191 (permalink) |
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Join Date: May 2000
Location: RIP "The General"
Posts: 22,609
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The kids now a days don't realise how lucky they are when it comes to porn. They can switch on the computer and have vast amounts in seconds.
When I was a kid I used to have a wank when I typed the digits 5318008 into a calculator |
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27th August 2009, 21:18
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#197 (permalink) | |
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Join Date: May 2000
Location: RIP "The General"
Posts: 22,609
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