Unexpected answers to funny jokes

samabachan · 7th June 2007, 04:31

OK this might sound like a weird premise, but it genuinely can work and be hilarious. Basically, take a well-known joke and put in a completely serious answer.

A man walks into a bar

His rampant alcoholism is tearing his family apart

Man Utd Mrs · 7th June 2007, 10:55

There was an Englishman ,an Irishman,a Jew and a Pakistani in a phonebox....

What a lovely example of integration in todays society.

CounterStrike · 7th June 2007, 11:27

A skeleton walks in a bar and asks for beer

...and a mop

p_ps_sock · 7th June 2007, 11:28

marcosdeto · 7th June 2007, 11:43

Quote:

Originally Posted by CounterStrike

A skeleton walks in a bar and asks for beer

...and a mop

CounterStrike · 7th June 2007, 12:06

Quote:

Originally Posted by Man Utd Mrs

There was an Englishman ,an Irishman,a Jew and a Pakistani in a phonebox....

What a lovely example of integration in todays society.

comlag · 7th June 2007, 14:35

Doctor, Doctor, I think I'm a pair of curtains!

Ok, what I'm going to do is refer you to a specialist psychiatrist and in the meantime if you take this prescription ....4 pills 2 times a day, should help you sleep. Are you allergic to anything?

Fearless · 7th June 2007, 14:41

Knock Knock

'Whose there?

The Inland Revenue

'The Inland Revenue who?'

The Inland Revenue

ZaPpeh · 7th June 2007, 14:59

Two cows are in standing in a field.

Just mooing and stuff.

LizardKing · 7th June 2007, 15:01

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fearless

Knock Knock

'Whose there?

The Inland Revenue

'The Inland Revenue who?'

The Inland Revenue

mrgratis · 7th June 2007, 15:20

why did the chicken cross the road?

Because the genetically modified foodstuff it had been forced to eat had enlarged it's brain and it had developed road sense

mrgratis · 7th June 2007, 15:21

not exactly a joke as such but similar principal

Humpty dumpty sat on wall
Humpty dumpty had a great fall

But it's ok because he will sue the council and get a massive grant and a free house and incapacity support for the rest of his life

cesc's_mullet · 7th June 2007, 15:26

Little bo-peep lost her sheep.

So she called the park ranger to help her find them.

sully07 · 7th June 2007, 15:35

The grand old duke of York
He had ten thousand men
He died of an aids related illness

cesc's_mullet · 7th June 2007, 15:41

Mary had a little lamb.

The roast was good that night.

sammymc · 7th June 2007, 15:41

Mary had a little Lamb

the doctors were astounded.

ZaPpeh · 7th June 2007, 15:47

What do you call a Black man flying a plane?

The pilot.

cesc's_mullet · 7th June 2007, 15:49

Quote:

Originally Posted by ZaPpeh

What do you call a Black man flying a plane?

The pilot.

Good to see you around ZaPpeh.

cesc's_mullet · 7th June 2007, 15:50

Why did the horse cross the road?

Because it was in the carriage on the way to the knackery.

sammymc · 7th June 2007, 15:51

fuck me...great minds think alike...apart from the serious bit.

ZaPpeh · 7th June 2007, 15:53

Quote:

Originally Posted by cesc's_mullet

Good to see you around ZaPpeh.

Thanks.

What's the difference between a blonde and a PC?

You only need to punch the information into a PC once.

cesc's_mullet · 7th June 2007, 15:53

Quote:

Originally Posted by sammymc

fuck me...great minds think alike...apart from the serious bit.

Too true.

ZaPpeh · 7th June 2007, 15:59

Little Girl: "Doctor, I don't seem to be able to feel my legs."

Doctor: "Yes dear, we had to amputate both your arms."

sammymc · 7th June 2007, 16:02

How many protestants does it take to change a light bulb.

one.

sully07 · 7th June 2007, 16:11

2 gay blokes walk into a pub and the barmen says

'Hi lads, what can I get you'

sammymc · 7th June 2007, 16:19

How many elephants can you fit in a mini.

None theyre simply too big.....well maybe a baby one but youd need to take the seats out and sedate the elephant as it would cause it great distress if you tried to do it normally.

cesc's_mullet · 7th June 2007, 16:23

Quote:

Originally Posted by sammymc

How many elephants can you fit in a mini.

None theyre simply too big.....well maybe a baby one but youd need to take the seats out and sedate the elephant as it would cause it great distress if you tried to do it normally.

Nearly wet meself.

MikeUpNorth · 7th June 2007, 16:36

Quote:

Originally Posted by sully07

The grand old duke of York
He had ten thousand men
He died of an aids related illness

Ivor Ballokov · 7th June 2007, 16:40

Why doesn't ayrton senna play football?

Because he died in a horrific car accident.

Melbourne Red · 7th June 2007, 16:52

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ivor Ballokov

Why doesn't ayrton senna play football?

Because he died in a horrific car accident.

utdalltheway · 7th June 2007, 16:53

what did Lord Mountbatten leave on the beach?

nothing. he carefully packed everything before going out on the boat that was bombed. and now he's dead.

utdalltheway · 7th June 2007, 16:56

what does NASA stand for?

National Aeronautics and Space Administration.

cesc's_mullet · 7th June 2007, 17:03

A.D.I.D.A.S.

Is the letters to adidas spelt out with fullstops in between.

MikeUpNorth · 7th June 2007, 17:04

What do you get if you cross a giraffe and a squirrel?

Well although it is possible for them to partake in intercourse (through the use of either a stepladder or a trench), it is not possible for either animal to become fertilised due to their DNA being incompatible. Therfore, no hybred animal is possible.

MarliMan · 7th June 2007, 17:10

Quote:

Originally Posted by utdalltheway

what does NASA stand for?

National Aeronautics and Space Administration.

Dumbstar · 7th June 2007, 17:17

What did the tourettes sufferer say to the nun?

H-h-h-h-hello

Dumbstar · 7th June 2007, 17:17

What were the last words on the space shuttle Challenger?

Help

MarliMan · 7th June 2007, 17:19

why did the chicken cross the road?

i dunno, why don't you ask the fucking bird, it's still there!

bergen · 7th June 2007, 17:31

Quote:

Originally Posted by MarliMan

why did the chicken cross the road?

i dunno, why don't you ask the fucking bird, it's still there!

Poor attempt.

Hectic · 7th June 2007, 17:54

What did the snowman say to the other snowman?

Nothing, that would be because snowman to do not possess the capabilities to speak to each other. They also don't breathe or have mouths making this task completely impossible.

7th June 2007, 04:31	#1 (permalink)
samabachan Banned Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Football is about glory, it is about doing things in style and with a flourish, about going out and beating the lot, not waiting for them to die of boredom Posts: 9,822	Unexpected answers to funny jokes OK this might sound like a weird premise, but it genuinely can work and be hilarious. Basically, take a well-known joke and put in a completely serious answer. A man walks into a bar His rampant alcoholism is tearing his family apart

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7th June 2007, 10:55	#2 (permalink)
Man Utd Mrs Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: M.U.M. knows best. Posts: 26,237	There was an Englishman ,an Irishman,a Jew and a Pakistani in a phonebox.... What a lovely example of integration in todays society.

7th June 2007, 11:27	#3 (permalink)
CounterStrike Banned Join Date: May 2007 Location: In Drogba's Hair Grease Posts: 1,279	A skeleton walks in a bar and asks for beer ...and a mop

7th June 2007, 11:28	#4 (permalink)
p_ps_sock Reserve Team Player Join Date: Jun 2006 Posts: 4,059

7th June 2007, 14:35	#7 (permalink)
comlag Reserve Team Player Join Date: May 2006 Location: Daydream Nation Posts: 1,787	Doctor, Doctor, I think I'm a pair of curtains! Ok, what I'm going to do is refer you to a specialist psychiatrist and in the meantime if you take this prescription ....4 pills 2 times a day, should help you sleep. Are you allergic to anything?

7th June 2007, 14:41	#8 (permalink)
Fearless Mighty Mouse Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: Cuntastine Posts: 2,650	Knock Knock 'Whose there? The Inland Revenue 'The Inland Revenue who?' The Inland Revenue

7th June 2007, 14:59	#9 (permalink)
ZaPpeh Banned Join Date: Mar 2007 Posts: 180	Two cows are in standing in a field. Just mooing and stuff.

7th June 2007, 15:20	#11 (permalink)
mrgratis Reserve Team Player Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Cockermouth Posts: 603	why did the chicken cross the road? Because the genetically modified foodstuff it had been forced to eat had enlarged it's brain and it had developed road sense

7th June 2007, 15:21	#12 (permalink)
mrgratis Reserve Team Player Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Cockermouth Posts: 603	not exactly a joke as such but similar principal Humpty dumpty sat on wall Humpty dumpty had a great fall But it's ok because he will sue the council and get a massive grant and a free house and incapacity support for the rest of his life

7th June 2007, 15:26	#13 (permalink)
cesc's_mullet Get a haircut Hippy! Join Date: Apr 2006 Posts: 18,781	Little bo-peep lost her sheep. So she called the park ranger to help her find them.

7th June 2007, 15:35	#14 (permalink)
sully07 Reserve Team Player Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Limbo Posts: 1,794	The grand old duke of York He had ten thousand men He died of an aids related illness

7th June 2007, 15:41	#15 (permalink)
cesc's_mullet Get a haircut Hippy! Join Date: Apr 2006 Posts: 18,781	Mary had a little lamb. The roast was good that night.

7th June 2007, 15:41	#16 (permalink)
sammymc Reserve Team Player Join Date: Jun 2006 Posts: 3,301	Mary had a little Lamb the doctors were astounded.

7th June 2007, 15:47	#17 (permalink)
ZaPpeh Banned Join Date: Mar 2007 Posts: 180	What do you call a Black man flying a plane? The pilot.

7th June 2007, 15:50	#19 (permalink)
cesc's_mullet Get a haircut Hippy! Join Date: Apr 2006 Posts: 18,781	Why did the horse cross the road? Because it was in the carriage on the way to the knackery.

7th June 2007, 15:51	#20 (permalink)
sammymc Reserve Team Player Join Date: Jun 2006 Posts: 3,301	fuck me...great minds think alike...apart from the serious bit.

7th June 2007, 15:59	#23 (permalink)
ZaPpeh Banned Join Date: Mar 2007 Posts: 180	Little Girl: "Doctor, I don't seem to be able to feel my legs." Doctor: "Yes dear, we had to amputate both your arms."

7th June 2007, 16:02	#24 (permalink)
sammymc Reserve Team Player Join Date: Jun 2006 Posts: 3,301	How many protestants does it take to change a light bulb. one.

7th June 2007, 16:11	#25 (permalink)
sully07 Reserve Team Player Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Limbo Posts: 1,794	2 gay blokes walk into a pub and the barmen says 'Hi lads, what can I get you'

7th June 2007, 16:19	#26 (permalink)
sammymc Reserve Team Player Join Date: Jun 2006 Posts: 3,301	How many elephants can you fit in a mini. None theyre simply too big.....well maybe a baby one but youd need to take the seats out and sedate the elephant as it would cause it great distress if you tried to do it normally.

7th June 2007, 16:40	#29 (permalink)
Ivor Ballokov First Team Sub Join Date: Sep 2004 Location: @arrowsleeper Posts: 7,542	Why doesn't ayrton senna play football? Because he died in a horrific car accident.

7th June 2007, 16:53	#31 (permalink)
utdalltheway Sexy Beast Join Date: Aug 2001 Location: southern California, USA Posts: 11,781	what did Lord Mountbatten leave on the beach? nothing. he carefully packed everything before going out on the boat that was bombed. and now he's dead.

7th June 2007, 16:56	#32 (permalink)
utdalltheway Sexy Beast Join Date: Aug 2001 Location: southern California, USA Posts: 11,781	what does NASA stand for? National Aeronautics and Space Administration.

7th June 2007, 17:03	#33 (permalink)
cesc's_mullet Get a haircut Hippy! Join Date: Apr 2006 Posts: 18,781	A.D.I.D.A.S. Is the letters to adidas spelt out with fullstops in between.

7th June 2007, 17:04	#34 (permalink)
MikeUpNorth Wobbles like a massive pair of tits Join Date: Apr 2007 Posts: 14,254	What do you get if you cross a giraffe and a squirrel? Well although it is possible for them to partake in intercourse (through the use of either a stepladder or a trench), it is not possible for either animal to become fertilised due to their DNA being incompatible. Therfore, no hybred animal is possible.

7th June 2007, 17:17	#36 (permalink)
Dumbstar First Team Sub Join Date: Jul 2002 Location: Going nowhere Posts: 6,966	What did the tourettes sufferer say to the nun? H-h-h-h-hello

7th June 2007, 17:17	#37 (permalink)
Dumbstar First Team Sub Join Date: Jul 2002 Location: Going nowhere Posts: 6,966	What were the last words on the space shuttle Challenger? Help

7th June 2007, 17:19	#38 (permalink)
MarliMan Banned Join Date: Dec 2006 Location: R.I.P Posts: 5,137	why did the chicken cross the road? i dunno, why don't you ask the fucking bird, it's still there!

7th June 2007, 17:54	#40 (permalink)
Hectic Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Mike Phelan WILL kill you. Posts: 64,847	What did the snowman say to the other snowman? Nothing, that would be because snowman to do not possess the capabilities to speak to each other. They also don't breathe or have mouths making this task completely impossible.