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18th January 2010, 16:27
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#1 (permalink) |
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Reserve Team Player
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Serbia
Posts: 3,969
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Imagine the best goal ever (a Paint contest)
Here are the two actions that fed my dreams since I was a kid :
You put on his gloves and go between the goal posts. Fernando Torres takes a deep breath, confident of converting this marvellous opportunity and secure a Champions League win for Liverpool. He thrusts, shoots towards his left.. But you squeeze to the ground and have a slight touch on the ball, slight enough to prevent the ball from entering the net, but not to evade Torres who runs to it.. Yet suddenly you get up, do a Fellaini.. and counter attack yourself under the heavy rain of Madrid !! (it's a dream, it cannot rain in Madrid..) Liverpool players are baffled as your pace sees off one, two and three opponents. You approach the half way line and do a Ronaldinho flip-flap to Jamie Carragher who had already seen this before on TV, but can't prevent it ! Skrtel makes a desperate come-back as you let the ball past him and collect it again in a Pelé fashion ! Pepe Reina is powerless as you fire a rocket into the top right corner, take off Kerouac's gloves and run around, as Alan Hansen is overheard in the stands shouting.. "that's diabolical...perhaps the second best goal ever after Dirk Kuyt's tap in against West Brom" 
Ashley Cole runs at you, but you see him off with a Zidane feint.. David Seaman, who made an unexpected come-back in the English squad, is ready to parry your try but the curler goes straight into the back of the net.. Joe Cole shouts "Golaaaazo" and reveals a Viking tattoo on his chest that finally explains his amazing pale but sieved looks that render him the only human being looking better with a shaven head than with hair...  Here's the pattern.. up to you lads 
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18th January 2010, 16:35
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#4 (permalink) |
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Horrified
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Using location as a tagline: because I'm just not cool enough to have my own.
Posts: 19,965
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 World Cup Final, 2010. Tim Cahill picks up the ball in the England penalty area, but under pressure from big man JT and his offsider Cashley, he is forced right the way back to the right back position with the ball. He dribbles around them in a circle, and then ignoring all of him training he dribbles across the goal mouth into the left back position. When there he makes a surging run back to where he started, then loops back when confronted by Stevies G. His circle complete, het cuts back towards his own goal a few steps and backheels it in. 1 - 0 to Australia in the 90th minute. |
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18th January 2010, 17:03
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#8 (permalink) | |
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First Team Sub
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Mexico City. "I'm looking for abstract ways of expressing reality, abstract forms that will enlighten my own mistery" Eric Cantona
Posts: 7,484
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18th January 2010, 17:33
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#10 (permalink) | |
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First Team Sub
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Free Dolan
Posts: 6,961
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20th January 2010, 21:35
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#13 (permalink) |
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First Team Regular
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 15,369
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I'm pissing myself laughing at the penis one. Mine's more simple....After trailing Chelsea by 2-0 in the FA Cup Semi Final, Crusty Crustinho has made a comeback to the United side, seven years after er....being away for a while after the incedent with the sheep. SAF has used two of his subs, Titus and Zinedine, but to little effect. Chelsea are controlling the game.
78 minutes gone, Crusty takes to the field (on the way over the touchline he slyly forearm smashes Mourinho who is in his second stint as Chelsea manager). The next twelve minutes go by with sustained United pressure around Chelsea's box, but still nothing doing. Then all of a sudden, Giggsy produces a moment of magic on the edge of the box and squares to Rooney reduces the deficit but surely it's too late. The atmosphere is electric. The Chav$ are chucking celery in the stand and United's fans are urging their heroes on to the end. Then, all of a sudden, a free kick on the edge of the box. Giggsy goes to take it. Curls one over Chelsea's wall and Cech palms it out. there's a scramble in the box and Carvalho desperately toe pokes the ball away out of the box, but then it falls to Crustinho who has been hanging around waiting for a rebound. He steadies himself and unleashes a 25 smasher Paul Scholes would be proud of. The strike is hit with such venom that it hits John Terry who has tried to get in the way of it, but takes his head clean off. Cech, confused, catches JT's disengaged head, thinking it's the ball, but the real ball goes flying into the net! As the crowd scream, and the players crowd round JT, ambulance sirens wailing, Crustinho runs around the stadium to the adulation of his fans. Who said he was finished... |
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20th January 2010, 22:01
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#14 (permalink) | |
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Reserve Team Player
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 4,400
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20th January 2010, 22:02
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#15 (permalink) | |
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Melodramatic, attention seeking space-attacker
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: I left you with enough memories to resurrect me with
Posts: 24,076
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20th January 2010, 22:12
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#18 (permalink) | |
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In most joy
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Redcafe, circa 2006
Posts: 3,693
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Brilliant, best post I've seen here in a long time |
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21st January 2010, 16:58
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#21 (permalink) | |
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Reserve Team Player
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Serbia
Posts: 3,969
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Capello will get the sack after this |
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21st January 2010, 21:54
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#28 (permalink) | |
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First Team Regular
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 15,369
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The penalty shootout begins. The first eight are converted and the scores level at 4-4. The tension from the crowd is overwhelming. Cashley steps up to take the 9th one, but suddenly, at the crucial moment when his foot connects with the ball, he slips, in a manner reminiscent of the Big Man's disasterous penalty in Moscow. Only, Cashley continues to jerk and spasm on the floor. Later, it's confirmed that his mobile had gone off at the worst possible moment. Crustinho steps up to take the final penalty. The seconds feel like hours. He takes his run up. Then stops, and using the power of his mind, lifts the ball up to hover at around 3ft high, thus keeping within the rules of the game by not connecting physcally with the ball. He then whips out his knob and baseball bats the ball past the stunned Cech. The game is won. For the second time in the afternoon, sirens are heard, only this time it's the police, following up 6388 complaints of indecent exposure which unfathomably seem to come from the same location. The only thing left for Crusty to do is to hop onto his magic carpet and disappear off to the land of the triple-breasted 8 foot killer-bikini vampire girls...but that's another story... |
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22nd January 2010, 10:20
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#30 (permalink) | ||
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Horrified
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Using location as a tagline: because I'm just not cool enough to have my own.
Posts: 19,965
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