Worst Football Article Ever Written?

Gee Male · 5th February 2012, 09:18

Post your nominations here.

There definitely have been some classics over the years, articles predicting the end of this current successful period in United's history will obviously feature high on any list here, but what others can you guys think of?

I'm looking for a laugh here basically.

The inspiration for this thread came just now while I was reading an online version of my local newspaper at home, the Mayo News. This article below is from their "resident scouser" written after the Liverpool wins over ourselves and City:

Quote:

KENNY Dalglish is one shrewd operator after this week of weeks for Liverpool.

On Wednesday he set up his team to play football against a footballing team and won. Then, on Saturday, he out-hoofed the hoofers and won. Not a bad week at all, was it?

I was lucky enough to be in the Kop on Wednesday night to experience a truly wonderful occasion. The tickets, atmosphere, and result were great and I witnessed the best team in England play some beautiful football with all four goals being a demonstration on the art of football as it should be played.

In fairness to City they do possess some truly gifted players. I, for one, was wondering were they right to jettison Given in favour of Hart some years ago but that has proved eminently correct as he now ranks as the best keeper in England, bar none.

City also have in their ranks a certain David Villa whose close control and deft touches would remind you of a certain Diego Maradona. Still, we crossed over the line (or should that be fell?) and now a final in Wembley await us after sixteen long years.

The Saturday morning kick-off was a decidely different affair, Liverpool relinquished large chunks of possession and relied on set-pieces and counter-attacks to deliver a result.

We scored from a corner — a header — from a British style Dane, although the keeper got little or no protection from his defenders. In fact I felt it kind of strange that when Carroll and Skertel where throwing shapes in the box, it was Evans and Valencia who squared up to them.

Our winner came from the original ‘route one’ up the middle to the big man, the flick on to the willing runner, and voila! You’re in the last sixteen.
This style of play is what football detractors use to insult us. It is ‘caveman football’ perpetrated by Wimbledon FC, George Graham’s Arsenal, and Jack Charlton’s Republic of Ireland to name but a few.

Unfortunately, it also is successful and wins you leagues, particularly in England, as few English teams are set up to play the beautiful game. If you watch ‘Match of the Day’ on any given weekend you will see most goals are a result of this strategy.

Dalglish knew this on Saturday and set up his team to defend the long balls and, more importantly, to stop the wingers from getting the crosses in. In other words, he said give them the football and see can they play football?
Well, only for one glaring error by Enrique the plan would have worked 100%. Unfortunately, Enrique’s error led to United’s only chance which they converted following a hoof to the winger who in turn. . . Ah, you know it by now!

The game itself was overshadowed by the ‘race card’ with ITV trying gamely to provide some incident when none was apparent. The TV cameras did pick up some character dressed in white doing some monkey dance as if this is news apparently. I would give a wild guess that this poor individual has little interest, if any, in football, beautiful or otherwise.
Meanwhile, some of the chants performed by the City fans on Wednesday night were hilarious, with one particular rebuttal staying in my head since.
The Kop were in full voice with, “We only hate Manc’s, We only hate Manc’s, We’re not racist, We only hate Manc’s” when the City fans countered, “Ye only hate work, Ye only hate work, Ye lazy scousers, Ye only hate work”.

A United banner on Saturday also read, “United defending champions, Liverpool defending racists’. So they must have some locals following them after all, as I dare say their London-based ‘fans’ could not invent a chant like their brethren in the Bridge or the Library...

We beat United at their own game

I don't think I need to dissect the above to point out that the guy that wrote it is clearly an idiot of the highest order.

But come on, give me your worst!

Interval Level · 5th February 2012, 09:22

Villa?

Gee Male · 5th February 2012, 09:24

I know, and that's not even the tip of the iceberg when it comes to the retardation written.

Quite clearly the article was never even proof read - some quality editorial work there.

Irwinwastheking · 5th February 2012, 10:12

Quote:

So they must have some locals following them after all, as I dare say their London-based ‘fans’ could not invent a chant like their brethren in the Bridge or the Library...

Is he fucking serious. He's a Mayo man following an English team, criticising another team for having OOT fans. Does he not see the Irony in that alone?? Fucking idiot.

Gio · 5th February 2012, 10:13

Mayo News?

There's this gem from Kevin McCarra - Worst written football article ever?

lysglimt · 5th February 2012, 10:21

My favourite is the one Paul Wilson from Guardian wrote after we sold Nistelrooy. We were gonna fall apart - noone was gonna score any goals and we would end up 5th.

Gee Male · 5th February 2012, 10:25

Quote:

Originally Posted by lysglimt

My favourite is the one Paul Wilson from Guardian wrote after we sold Nistelrooy. We were gonna fall apart - noone was gonna score any goals and we would end up 5th.

This is the type of thing I was looking for. You got a link?

Might be interesting to see a compilation of what people view as the worst articles written, especially to see if the same journos can come up in it time and again.

Would also be nice to get some from the perspective of non-United fans too.

Gee Male · 5th February 2012, 10:26

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gio

Mayo News?

There's this gem from Kevin McCarra - Worst written football article ever?

Just a local paper based in the west of Ireland, reporting mainly on local news and issues. They normally don't pay any attention to PL teams or games, but would report extensively on local football and GAA games.

That Kevin McCarra article is really odd, but I'm looking more for examples of idiocy in content rather than writing style!

Gio · 5th February 2012, 10:44

Those Bleacher and Goal websites are littered with idiotic input. Closer to home, Rob Smyth's done a couple (Sir Alex Ferguson powerless to stop Manchester United empire crumbling | Rob Smyth | Football | The Observer and Shredding his legacy at every turn | Football | guardian.co.uk ) despite being an otherwise insightful journalist when he's not writing about United. Obviously the tabloids are full of shite such as this insidious tit creating a shitstorm around Alan McGregor going for a pint with Celtic coach Alan Thomson - Bitter rivals in the game ... big buddies in the boozer | The Sun |Home Scotland|Scottish News

charleysurf · 5th February 2012, 10:53

Crap article? Meh. I´ll show you a whole book thats worse: Above Us Only Sky: Liverpool FC's Global Revolution: Amazon.co.uk: Paul Tomkins: 9780955636707: Books

bsc · 5th February 2012, 15:33

It can't be emphasised enough just how ghastly that article is. Reads like someone talking about football in a pub.

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5th February 2012, 09:22	#2 (permalink)
Interval Level First Team Sub Join Date: Jan 2009 Location: Oh Teddy Teddy Posts: 5,533	Villa?

5th February 2012, 09:24	#3 (permalink)
Gee Male Reserve Team Player Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: Roy Keane is Damien, the devil incarnate off the film The Omen. He's evil. Even in training. - Ryan Giggs Posts: 2,585	I know, and that's not even the tip of the iceberg when it comes to the retardation written. Quite clearly the article was never even proof read - some quality editorial work there.

5th February 2012, 10:13	#5 (permalink)
Gio Reserve Team Player Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: Bonnie Scotland Posts: 4,682	Mayo News? There's this gem from Kevin McCarra - Worst written football article ever?

5th February 2012, 10:21	#6 (permalink)
lysglimt Reserve Team Player Join Date: Jun 2008 Posts: 2,693	My favourite is the one Paul Wilson from Guardian wrote after we sold Nistelrooy. We were gonna fall apart - noone was gonna score any goals and we would end up 5th.

5th February 2012, 10:44	#9 (permalink)
Gio Reserve Team Player Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: Bonnie Scotland Posts: 4,682	Those Bleacher and Goal websites are littered with idiotic input. Closer to home, Rob Smyth's done a couple (Sir Alex Ferguson powerless to stop Manchester United empire crumbling \| Rob Smyth \| Football \| The Observer and Shredding his legacy at every turn \| Football \| guardian.co.uk ) despite being an otherwise insightful journalist when he's not writing about United. Obviously the tabloids are full of shite such as this insidious tit creating a shitstorm around Alan McGregor going for a pint with Celtic coach Alan Thomson - Bitter rivals in the game ... big buddies in the boozer \| The Sun \|Home Scotland\|Scottish News

5th February 2012, 10:53	#10 (permalink)
charleysurf Talks sense Join Date: May 2006 Posts: 9,614	Crap article? Meh. I´ll show you a whole book thats worse: Above Us Only Sky: Liverpool FC's Global Revolution: Amazon.co.uk: Paul Tomkins: 9780955636707: Books

5th February 2012, 15:33	#11 (permalink)
bsc First Team Sub Join Date: Sep 2010 Location: Stretford End - 3103 Posts: 5,714	It can't be emphasised enough just how ghastly that article is. Reads like someone talking about football in a pub.