the adventures of rimaldo

rimaldo

last night i went home and had some toast. wholemeal bread on setting 3. managed to burn it quite badly though. had some cereal instead. then i went to the pub for a bit before coming home, having a shower and going to bed. had to come into work early today to fix some problems. now it is lunchtime and my lunch has been stolen. i blame the squirrels. there are loads of them round here.

jgraham

Squirrels are right cunts for doing that, clever little fecklers though.

And setting 3 Rim?? i hope you'll take something from that experience.

rimaldo

i am going to chase them across the lawn here in my car until i splat at least one of the bastards. one even ran out in front of me as if to mock me after i discovered my lunch was missing. little rodent fuckers.

setting three normally works. rubbish toaster. someone has been tampering with it so i accidently burnt my toast. i will have my vengeance though. mark my words.

jgraham

I have a suggestion, everybody knows squirrels can't resist a bit of an 'assault course' lots of ropes and crap like that off of that advert. What you need to do is mock up a mini course and along the way leave secret glue patches. Then towards the end of the course the little rodent will start to find its paws/feet sticking to th efloor and then finally it will not be able to move. Its at this point you walk over to it and flick it in the balls, then walk off and leave it stuck to the floor or rope depending on how far through the assault course it gets.

Thats just a suggestion mind.

rimaldo

i will trial that this afternoon. crafty little swines won't know what has hit them. if i can smell tuna on any of them i will boot them in the face.

WeasteDevil

You had cereals for your dinner, but were planning to have toast?

rimaldo

that is about the long and short of my adventure yeah. way better than some half brained trek up a mountain side i think we will all agree.

jgraham

If that plan fails, i can't see it happening but you never know. Then i think your next point of attack could be to lace some sandwiches in glue and leave then in an obvious place. Then the little beggars will wolf down your lunch and find its mouth glued shut. Not only will it be amusing to see the panic on the face of the squirrel as it tries to talk, but it will make sure it doesn't each your lunch again.

Again only a suggestion

rimaldo

i could do that but would probably forget i had put super glue in my lunch and that would lead to an embarrassing trip to a&e.

jgraham

Thats a good point, scrap the glue sandwich idea then it has disaster written all over it.

Going off topic and at the risk of seeming erm...concerned, how is rimaldo feeling lately?

Red Hand Devil

What type of Squirrel - the African or the European Squirrel?

rimaldo

it does have disaster written over it indeed. it was embarrassing enough the last time i had to go to a&e after i confused the lube with the super glue. not sure how i could explain away this one so soon after the last escapade.

ha. i am good thanks jgray. pretty much everything that i have any control over is now sorted. with everything else i have adopted a c'est la vie approach to. life is fairly good at the minute.

rimaldo

its name was cecil. didn't get any further along in the conversation before i noticed my lunch was missing. i will ask him next time.

SmashedHombre

I played civilization 4 last night but it all went tits up when my war against the Aztecs in the West came to an abrupt end after the sneaky Japanese broke off our alliance and invaded in the East with the biggest army of elephants and grenadiers you have ever seen. Canterbury fell after my 4 redcoats put up a heroic defence but couldn't hold back the tides of swarming Japanese. I turned it off after I lost Canterbury as that was the city that had both the pyramids and the great lighthouse.

Much better than your squirrell chasing escapades rimaldo.

jgraham

I'm sure the doctor would be more than understanding - i bet they too have have lunch stolen by the furry kind.

Good to hear things have picked up for you since i last asked. Will this signal a return to the old posting habits?

Jiggs'Hamstring

- A bowl of cereal
- A bowl of cereals

I don't think I'll ever be able to decide

rimaldo

chasing squirrels > sitting and wanking in front of a war game.

well the super glued sandwich is back on the agenda in this case.

thanks mate. if you are extremely unlucky then probably yes.

SmashedHombre

war is not a game rimaldo

sincher

It is when there are squirrels involved.

SmashedHombre

Squirrels don't kill people. People kill people

rimaldo

it is when you sit in your room with your trousers round your ankles moving a mouse pointer around the screen.

especially crafty ninja squirrels who seem to be able to stand on each other's shoulders and impersonate me well enough to steal my lunch from the staff restaurant. bastards.

rimaldo

what about squirrels dressed as people? do they kill people or just other squirrels dressed as people?

jgraham

This little man doesn't think its a game, look he's wearing his serious hat!!

Red Hand Devil

Right man, there's only one way to fight against such heinous crimes & thats to beat the fuckers at their own game.

So i've took it upon myself to teach the little fucker a lesson on your behalf, i hope you like my work:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EXMl2sp3BpM

I'm eating his nuts right now.......

rimaldo

ha. most kind of you rhd. i will dance merrily upon the grave of the lunch thieving rodent.

does he have tasty nuts? are they salted?

Red Hand Devil

Dance the funky chicken to the rhythm of the birdie song & that shall banish the rodent of the trees to the realms of hell: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qeswZaReE0I

His nuts are quite mellow & bland, with a sneaky aftertaste of stolen Salmon. Me thinks this Tree Rodent has been a very very very naughty boy but his days are now numbered & stroked off the calendar!!

Fuck you Cecil - you Tree Rodent Cuntio!!!

AdZzUtd

Will there be a part 2?

Red Hand Devil

Might be if Rims lunch gets taken again - someone will paaaaaaaaaaaaaay

solvista