Fuck Brown Vs Blaine! Mears Vs Grylls is where shit's at!

Hectic

Also, everything Grylls eats is full of protein, no matter what it is.

Hectic

So Brown & Grylls vs Blaine & Mears.

I'm split here.

Spammy

No you idiot, you have to put the two queers together.

rimaldo

id keep them apart and see if they could queer up the other two whilst alone in the wilderness. now that would make for great tv.

Hectic

If I do that, then I get the choice I automatically want, Mears and Brown. Does that make me a closet flagrot (gay)?

Spammy

Derren Brown could make anyone queer, Mears probably fucks bears.

Hectic

Blaine looks a lot higher on the gayerscale then Brown, but that's not the case apparently.

ciderman9000000

Yes Sherlock, we all know that already. The fact of the matter is though: nobody gives a flying fuck where he sleeps once the camera is off, you don't see that bit so it makes shit all difference to the entertainment seeking viewer. As long as he eats a live scorpion or tucks into a rotting animal corpse or jumps in a freezing pool or pisses his pants and puts them on his head we, as intelligent, quality conscious, members of the viewing public, are entirely satisfied. If i want waste an entire hour of my precious life learning how to make a shitty gay canoe I'll stick Ray Mears on. If, on the other hand, i'd rather watch some clown drink the fluids from an elephant turd and butcher a happy little tortoise, it's Grylls every time.

In conclusion:
Mears = fat, berry-bothering, puff
Grylls = godlike harbinger of tortoise genocide

rimaldo

derren's surname gives him away. the filthy bummer.

Hectic

All you are doing is giving me incentive to make my Ted Bundy of the jungle series with rimaldo.

Anyway, Grylls is a clown, yes an entertaining one but an idiot nonetheless.

ciderman9000000

Any man who can make viable revenue in the entertainment industry from the selfless slaughter and subsequent violent and gory devouring of baby animals is ok in my book. Mears needs to book his ideas up if he wants my viewing attention in future, Bear Grylls has raised the bar and is now the undisputed benchmark for survivor based tip-shows. Come on, Ray! Gouge a panda's eyes out or something! FFS!

ciderman9000000

Hectic

RedNome

rimaldo

Hectic

ciderman9000000

Stanley Road

Ciderman's missed the point here

The programs are supposed to be educational, full of tips on how to survive

Bears tips = get the shits by eating giant maggots on camera during the day, tuck into fine dining at Gordon Ramseys while the camera is off at night

Fattys tips = make tools and fishing rods out of what you can find, catch what bear is eating at the restaurant for free and cook it on campfire

EspadaYdaga

i go with bear.

also... he did fly a fukin engine powered paraglider thing up as high as everest too, which is probably pretty dangerous

EspadaYdaga

ciderman9000000

I never miss the point: I simply alter it to fit my argument. Anyway... i think you've missed the point, stan. Anyone who, as a matter of course, would generally need survival tips would likely have a book on the subject. The shows are aimed at the mass viewing audience, the majority of which will unlikely ever need to knock up a canoe from some berries and twigs and catch fish using the drawstring from their cagoule and a bent paper-clip. Therefore, viable and logical survival tips are unnecessary for high viewing figures. Rather, by showing a man at his wit's ends of desperation (real or otherwise) chow down on a rotting caribou cadaver and drink stomach acid direct from the anus of a goat, Grylls' backers are guaranteeing they'll pull in the punters. Just because the show goes under the guise of a 'survival guide', doesn't mean, in terms of entertainment value, and subsequently - profit - solid tips on survival are a prerequisite.

Stanley Road

You're missing the point even with your daft way of thinking

Watching someone drinking pigs vomit in order to survive is entertaining, watching an ex etonian do it whilst thinking of his Fois Gras that he'll be tucking into later is not

And while he keeps saying "what you need to survive is......" obviously means he's trying to educate you

Why read books? Fatty has read them all and is demonstrating concisely how to execute all the techniques in them. The same way i don't want to read the papers for hours, i watch the news on the telly, it tells me the same story without any effort

Bear is just trying to display some kind of shock factor into 'Survivor' techniques. If he died in the process, fuck me, that would be entertaining. At the end of the day the only thing he is able to survive convincingly is a night on a dodgy matress in his hotel room

Decotron

Used to be a big Grylls fan but not anymore. He lied to me, He lied to us all! Dont really like Mears. Survivor man is where its at, watched it last nite very good show.

Stanley Road

Survivor Man = "Right that's it, i feel that i'm getting heatstroke so i quit"

Excellent technique there SM

rimaldo

im quite partial to the seed man who follows mears about. he knows about seeds. that's why he is known as seed man. he is seed man.

Hectic

I think ciderman is right though.

I came into this thinking which one is the better survival expert, it's clearly going to be Mears all day long. However, when you think about Grylls stopping in hotels, getting help from his crew etc, that just makes what he does even funnier. That means there is no reason to carve up turtles and live in animal skin, but he does it anyway. The one where he killed and ate the rabbit, there's behind the scenes footage of his crew bringing a wild rabbit in for him because he couldn't find one, it's brilliant!

He's basically just going around murdering animals, making stupid huts that don't last and eating berries that are poisonous, all for no actual reason.

rimaldo

i think my initial post on the matter sums this debate up perfectly.

solvista

Has anyone ever seen Grylls actually light a fire? We see him scratching away and ten suddenly he is blowing onto flames. Lighting fires the old way is a lot more fuckin difficult than that cunt makes out.

If you followed his survival tips, in general, you would end up in serious shit. The cunt is a danger to the public and should be shot, but not really shot, just pretend to shoot him for the sake of the camera then dump the cunt alone somewhere and see how long he takes to fuckin die. Not very long i'd wager.

ciderman9000000

Exactly. I don't expect Sylester Stallone, in reality, to run around slaughtering seven members of the Viet Cong per minute whilst visibly remaining in touch with the criminal inhumanity of his actions. But, when it's on camera, it works.

bazalini

Another good Gryllis clip.


Christ he has gone down in my estimation

Stanley Road