Great Bullshit to put on your C.V.

KingMinger22

Any recommendations?

I'm applying for jobs, and a few white lies, convincigly told, wouldn't hurt my C.V.

GiggsysGirl

You volunteer at the local animal shelter.

KingMinger22

pretty good

I couldn't pull that one off though

UBERScholes

- You once saved Christmas for the Tribly family down the road
- In your spare time you fight crime with your pet Rottweiler

busbysaces

You want to be careful, they do check. Ask Lee Mqueen from the apprentice.

If you tell white lies be creative and cover your tracks. Dont lie about grades at school or time in jobs.

Lie about tasks you've done in jobs, responsibilities you have been given, the sort of thing you can talk about in an interview.

GiggsysGirl

You can type 60 words a minute.

solvista

Don't miss out the fact that you once posted this:

Slevin

Say you invented football.

solvista

Say you invented the Dyson Triple Cyclne Vacuum cleaner but were shy so you lied about your name.

roodboy

make sure you make things up that cant be checked

e.g. lots of work experience at companies that went bankrupt and no longer exist

Reddevil1971

You shit in handbags, are on the sex offenders register, give good head

Storm

Tell them you were employee of the month three times during your 11 year stint with Mcdonalds.

Slevin

You once kissed a girl and you liked it

a_devil_inside

mention you have a video of he interviewer fondling baby otters. Blackmail is always best option

Wonder Pigeon

Tell them that you're a little kid lover.

utdalltheway

tell them that in your spare time you're real handy about the house. last job you had the bosse's wife had you come over during work hours to fix her plumbing, don't forget to wink.

Saints RL MUFC

Didn't Brad lose a job before starting about something he posted on here?

rednev

Fuck the CV, it's all about the interview..

Eyepopper

You've never been caught masturbating in a public toilet!

Collina

1,288 posts.

Redlambs

Your cock sucking technique has improved ten fold.



So, what was this question thing?

Psmith

Yep,

Active contributer at a leading Manchester United forum.

Or if you're brave you could say

Moderator of a popular football forum. Duties include moderating the forums, handling requests and calling people spastics.

RandomHer0723

- Am a perfectionist and rarely if if ever forget details
- It’s best for employers that I not work with people.
- Let’s meet, so you can ‘ooh’ and ‘aah’ over my experience
- Skills: “I can type without looking at thekeyboard.”

mexos

I always say I teach children to play piano and guitar, thats a nice one

1871_Biscuit

You play with little kids.

mjs020294

Not very often they don't.

Alex

Maybe if you are working for McDonalds

x42bn6

Can microwave food without burning it.

Knows how to turn appliances on.

Isn't pregnant.

mjs020294

I have had a few pretty well paid professional jobs, and no one as ever checked or questioned my CV. I have been interviewing recently and the only thing I have been asked about is my last position. Not been asked a single question about my other jobs or education.

I have also interviewed a fair few people with degrees and MBAs, and personally couldn't careless what is on their CV.

Put what you want on your CV but be prepared to back it up in an interview, and once you start a new position.

busbysaces

That depends on the type of job and the company I suppose.

Some, probably never check, others will check everyone.

Slevin

Put that you knocked a bull out with once punch.... your left hand too. Then say you did it again to prove it wasn't a fluke.

bananaman

Why dont you say you used to work in Bank! thats the biggest lie ever! you dosser !! ;-)

Stanley Road

"Surfing the web at work is a terrible thing, i never spend any time on the Redcafe"

FranklyVulgar

say you coined the phrase "pardon my french".

Cling Bak