1886: Gooner Stench. Formed from leftovers and crap in South London Dial Square as they were originally known played their first match on a field with an open sewer running through the middle – the stench remains an integral part of them to this day 1913: Gypsies: Henry Norris was a west London estate agent who dreamed of challenging the dominance of Northern and midlands clubs in the English League early in the last century. Norris, who later became mayor of Fulham, a Conservative member of parliament and earned a knighthood as well as a lifetime ban from soccer, believed that if he merged ailing Woolwich Arsenal of south London with Fulham in west London his dream of a London super-club could take shape. But the League blocked his proposals, so he cut his ties with Fulham, gambled all on Arsenal and moved them across the River Thames and north to the wide-open spaces of Highbury. The only trouble with this plan was that the new stadium was close to the established homes of Tottenham three miles north and Clapton Orient, two miles east. Despite Spurs and Orient's protests, the League was powerless to prevent the move and in 1913 the North London rivalry between Arsenal-Spurs began. 1919: Get Spurs relegated and Arsenal promoted from 6th position - In 1915, when Football ended because of World War One, Chelsea and Spurs had finished bottom of the first division and Arsenal were sixth in Division two. The League planned to expand the first division by two clubs and precedent dictated that the two bottom clubs would stay up and the top two in the second division would join them. Sir Henry had other ideas. To this day the details of exactly what occurred at the league's meeting in March 1919 remains a mystery, but by the end of the day, Arsenal had been voted into the first division and Spurs voted out. Arsenal have never been out of the top flight since. 1924: Druggie cheats – More tales of Gooners up to no good with manager Leslie Knighton admitting giving performance enhancing drugs to his shit players during their unsuccessful 1924 FA Cup run. 1929: Justice for the First of the Gooners - Henry Norris – a lifetime ban from Football. In 1929 the FA banned him from soccer because he constantly flouted their rules and was also suspected of making illegal payments to players. 1974: Don Howe – Criminally Insane individual 1979: Alan Sunderland - "and you're just a murderer, Sunderland" 1979: Peter Story - jail for running a brothel 1980: Peter Story - jail again, this time for counterfeit gold coins 1987: Paul Vassen - Drug stuff 1988: Paul Davis - breaking Glenn Cockerill's jaw during a first division game 1989: Paul Merson and Steve Bould are "disciplined by Arsenal" after late night incident at sponsor's function. 1989: Arsenal are fined £20,000 by FA for part in brawl during game against Norwich 1989: Andy Cole - Lightfingers with wallets and stuff in the dressing room apparently 1990: Peter Story - jail again - this time for porn smuggling conviction 1990: Merson, Groves, Winterburn & Richardson sent home from club tour of Singapore following another alleged "late night incident". 1990: Arsenal fined £50,000 by FA and docked two points after Old Trafford brawl. The Club in turn fined manager George Graham two weeks wages after holding him responsible for lack of discipline on the field. 1990: Tony Adams - Jailed on drunk-driving charges. 1991: Paul Merson, Ian Wright and David Seaman charged by FA with misconduct after incidents at end of first division match at Oldham. 1982: Lee Dixon – played for England, and even Adams used to sing “if Dixon plays for England so could I” to him in training 1993: Andy Linaghan makes anti Semitic remarks to Jewish Taxi driver 1993: Ian Wright banned for punching David Howells 1994: Paul Merson , probably for a bet or when he was pissed, was sent to drug addiction clinic 1994: David Seamen dumped his Mrs and Kids for some floozy 1994: George Graham's £430,000 bungs first reported 1995: Ray Parlour arrested after punch-up with Hong Kong taxi-driver on a club tour 1995: Graham found guilty by FA inquiry and banned from football for 12 months. 1995: David Hillier charged by police for credit card and luggage theft at airport. 1996: Donkey Adams confesses to his teammates that he is an alcoholic (and then puts his arm round them telling them they are his best mate). 1996:Nigel Winterburn under investigation by the FA after the police reported him to match officials for making inflammatory gestures towards rival supporters in the wheelchair section 1996: Ian Wright smashes and badly breaks Coventry goalkeeper Steve Ogrizivic's nose 1996. Unfounded & completely untrue rumours circulated about Arsene Wenger being a paedophile! which he most certainly is not. 1998: From the repulsive JVC, they are now sponsored by the Spanish word for Wank, Sega. Apparently “Arsenal” means something disgusting in most languages 1998: Dutch winger Glenn Helder attempted suicide after becoming a compulsive gambler whilst at Scumbury 1999: Despite "New" Arsenal, they still have the worst disciplinary record in the league 1999: Ian Wright Chicken tonight advert 1999: Graham Rix - Old Gooner instincts die hard, as he joins the rest of his former team mates inside for a spot of under age sex 1999: Sheffield United in the Cup scandal - Typical example of their cheating ethos. It was the 5th round, it was 1-1. A Sheff United striker had gone down after a Grimandi challenge and the ball was cleared, eventually coming through to the United keeper and, as Bergkamp closed in, the keeper cleared into touch so his teammate could receive treatment. There followed a break while the United man got treatment, and was substituted. Parlour then took the throw, but rather than give it back to United, as almost all honourable sportsmen will do, he threw it to Kanu who passed it to Overmars who scored the winner. Evil and wicked 2000: Patrick Viera sent off twice in the space of 2 games for violent conduct. 2000: Arsene Wenger charged with charged with threatening behaviour and physical intimidation of fourth official Paul Taylor 2001: Ray Parlour illegal parking of a caravan 2001: Sol Campbell using a public toilet 2001: Monkey Keown assault charge during a game with Leeds 2001: Viera sent off to 8th time – although to be fair he was having a go at Dennis Wise 2001: Silvinho sold for possessing too much flair, Stepanovs, Grimandi, Luzhny breathe a sigh of relief 2001: Monkey Keown pretends to be elbowed to get Hasselbaink sent off 2001: Viera - cheats to win a penalty against Shalke 2001: Gooner Bin Laden – The world most wanted man is revealed as a Gooner 2001: Pires – caught spitting at Kevin Muscat during a France match 2001: Planning permission for New Scumbury – Years after the Gillespie Road station naming fiasco, the Goons are in league with Islington Council to get planning permission to move to the council rubbish dump. No hint of wrong doing at all as the stadium gets the go-ahead despite: - Safety concerns at the North end of the complex, - Real jobs replaced by McJobs as 1,000’s of jobs at risk as the incumbent business have to move - Transportation problems already present on matchdays to double with the increased capacity (assuming they can fill it) - SSSI Gillespie Park to be ruined by Bovine Goons going too and from the match. 2002: Goon Prince – Well known Goon Prince Harold has done his level best to make the rest of the goons proud of him by having an underage drink & drugs problem. All he needs now is to develop a gambling problem (which should not be too difficult considering him relatives) and he’ll be a ringer for a young Merson. 2002: Ticket investigation – Parlour was at the centre of an investigation as to how his complimentary tickets ended up in the hands of touts. Police were alerted by the increased number of caravans within the vicinity of the stadium. 2002: Mockney Twat – Jamie Oliver confirmed as a gooner – all those people you really hated – all goons! 2002: Puddin Alert – Semen lets England down against Brazil in the World Cup 2002: Start as you mean to go on – Diving Ashley Cole gets a Birmingham player sent off. Goons win against 10 men 2002: Puddin Alert (2) – Semen & Rsol lets England down against Macedonia in the European Championships 2003: Reg Hollis – Serially Dull TV copper admits he is a goon to no-one’s surprise 2003: Prostitute Pennant – Step mum of young goon is a £60 hooker according to the People newspaper 2003: Beast is a Gooner – One of the ugliest women ever to lumber around the planet, Eastenders Sonia Jackson has admitted she is goon which is hardly surprising. 2003: Sex offender Goon – Goon youth team player Marcus Artry jailed for 9 years for sex attacks, inc on minors 2004: Sad Man – Record new signing Reyes declares “I am the saddest man” on hearing he is going to be a Goon and tries to fit in by scoring a spectacular own goal Dixon would be proud of to knock the Goons out of the League Cup in his first game 2004: Cheating Goons and the non penalty – For the first time in history a referee changes a decision because of player protests and it comes as no surprise to see that the goons are the beneficiaries against Fulham 2004: Graham Stack on Rape charge – Another Goon in trouble with the old bill 2005: Reyes and the bad men – Less than a year after joining, Reyes is duped into revealing his desperation to leave Arsenal cos of all the “bad men” in a radio wind up. 2005: Pennant banged up – More goons in trouble, this time Jermaine Pennant is locked up for three months for the age old Scumbury tradition of drink driving & crashing motors 2005: Sol Campell's brother convicted of GBH on a man who questioned the former England international's sexuality. He was beaten and punched unconscious in a frenzied attack.