Discussion in 'General Forum' started by Jippy, Sep 30, 2011.
No, though I've touched cloth a few times.
Reminds me of when i had an exam at the age of about 16, i really needed a fart but i knew that if i did one it would be a stinker so i tried to hold it in as long as possible. Bad thing is that because of holding it in i had to shake my body like i was doing the fucking salsa so it wouldn't slip out. Plus cause i was holding it in it would only build and build. Fuck me, it erupted out my arse like a volcano and the plastic chairs schools have made it sound like a chainsaw.
Everyone who was close knew that it was me but the people at the other end of the hall (they heard it) thought it was my mate because as i did it he stood up to leave. Had to leave early because i was laughing so much.
I told you before, journalism college does not prepare you for the real life world of being a pissed up junior, sleeping in the stairwell cos you can't afford a cab, pissing in the corporate flower display and using a ream of paper as a pillow. Maybe that was so 2002
Once couldn't go out cos I had the runs, invited my pal over to play Lego instead, sharted while playing but got away with it.
I can't match that but have pissed into a half litre coke bottle in a traffic jam on the A18- trying to align my hog's eye and the bottleneck...
Great thread Jippy
Like elmo, I just touched the cloth.
it never ceases to amaze me how many people trust their arses so much.
they'll burn you people, you only fart when you're sure...and even then, be skeptical.
Yeah, I've never understood that myself. At what point does it seem logical to go ahead blow your bum trumpet, when there is even the slightest possibility of shit coming out?
Sometimes you have no reason to suspect it will be liquid...the Doc is right though, never trust your arse, especially in public. At an awards do last week I managed to do one of the smelliest farts ever- smelt like I had shit myself and it lingered for ages....
A few years back when I was still chasing my current girlfriend we were in a club, me and a mate of mine, her and her mate. I gave her and her friend some money to go and get me and my mate drinks (makes me sound like a dick head but it was always packed there and with 6 guys working behind the bar it was about 10 minutes quicker if the girls got them and we were buying all their drinks as well...).
Anyway, long story short, somewhere along the way someone had spiked the drinks. Obviously thinking they were for my Girlfriend and her friend and me and my mate end up all over the place despite drinking about 3 pints and a couple of shots.
Luckily I didn't shit myself in public but we both barely remember getting home luckily his ex was driving and dropped us both back and of the vague memories I have of that night were standing up on my bed and pissing on my laptop and then sitting on the tailboard of my bed and taking a shit.
Literally the worst feeling in the world waking up with shit on your hands, all over your legs and all over your bed.
Lovely story isn't it.
Must have been a horror to wake up to that with a banging hangover.
Weaste hasn't darkened this thread yet...
What the fuck is wrong with all of you.
If I am not mistaken Girish has been know to meticulously examine his own shit. That is all.
I don't understand all the CAF related shitting problems. I take a shit at pretty much the same time everyday, at home. I never use public toilets and never encounter any problems.
I would only shit at home, never in a public toilet.
What about at work?
No, I like the comfort of my toilet at home for a nice dirty shit
Spent a half an hour in the work toilet this morning. Absolute monster of a thing. My arse is stinging.
Did you get his number?
I prefer to shit at home but like it at work too. Isn't many better feelings that getting paid to take a shit.
Interesting line of work. Do you do parties?
Happened at a home and home match. I was batting. Thought it was a fart. But once I let go there was no stopping. The gooee stuff was running down my shorts.
I left the arena amidst a huge applause from the fielders.
As a matter of fact yes, it's a little game called Laxative Roulette.
Bloke I used to live with had a great poo yourself story in a night club. He'd taken yolks and was feeling absolutely incredible. So incredible that his sphincter relaxed and he dropped a massive log into his pants. Standing in the middle of a packed and sweaty dancefloor. He could barely see straight because of the drugs and waddling his way to the (incredibly grotty) jacks, waiting in a queue and trying to clean himself up when he finally got a cubicle was the worst 15 minutes of his life. He had to take off his underpants and flush them away, which momentarily threatened to cause the toilet to back-up and overflow. Can't imagine the horror that must have caused.
And that's still not as many yokes as Pogue took on his trips to Sides.
you might want to get checked up for an irritable bowel or at least lactose intolerance mate
That's horrific it's the sheer panic of it that's so hilarious. I wonder if anyone has ever shat themselves a little in public and then due to the sheer panic, shat themselves again.
An old boy I used to play Snooker with told me a story of when he was at a wedding in the 70's and as it was in fashion then, he wore white trousers. The recpecption was in a posh hotel and they had white leather banquet seating. It was about 3 in the morning and they were all still up chatting, smoking cigars and drinking whisky. He farted, the inevitable happened and he looked down to see it right though his trousers on the banquet. He looked around at every one and realised he didn't have a chance of doing anything discreetly and just came straight out with it "sorry guy's I've shat myself". He said luckily everyone was too drunk to care and he drunkenly sorted it all out and got changed. Nightmare though!
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