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How do you deal with defeat?

Discussion in 'Football Forum' started by Ødegaard, Jan 31, 2018.

  1. Jan 31, 2018
    #1

    Ødegaard formerly MrEriksen

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    I don't mean this as a knee-jerk thread, I won't be talking in depth about today's game and would appreciate it if people could stick to the topic.
    I want to talk about defeats in general and how they impact us as fans and supporters.


    Personally I struggle a lot with defeats, although I'm already at a disadvantage with being mentally ill and depressed in general. I think my best mechanisms for coping has been my tendency to shut myself off from the football world for a little while after losses. I've had a month now (since Christmas) without feeling depressed, but now I feel like it's dragged me back down. I don't know if I'd be able to handle it if I was a supporter of Arsenal for example where many fans still have hopes of doing well but have to deal with declines, top-players moving constantly and a manager & board that most fans seem to want out of the club but to no avail.

    Had a small chat with Damien about it, and I'm lucky from the perspective that the club I have close to my heart has been massively successful over the entirety of my life up until recent years, and I do believe we'll see more success in the future. I also think we have had more to be happy about this season than to be depressed about, but on days like today I wonder if I'm able to take the bad days well enough for it to be mentally healthy to hold on to the beautiful game.
    Not that I have a choice of course...

    So how do you guys cope with defeats? Any game in particular that stand out to you that took longer to get over? I'd happily take in some tips if anyone has any to offer.
    Last edited: Feb 1, 2018
  2. Jan 31, 2018
    #2

    spiriticon Full Member

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    I look forward to the next game. And the next.

    And suddenly, 4 years have passed....
  3. Jan 31, 2018
    #3

    el3mel Full Member

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    Too many more important things to do in my life. Next day I completely forget any bad result whatever it was.
  4. Jan 31, 2018
    #4

    Jaae Full Member

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    Realise it's just a game/entertainment and don't take things too seriously.

    Placing your happiness on multi-millionaires running around a pitch kicking a football is just a bit weird.
  5. Jan 31, 2018
    #5

    cyberman Full Member

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    Tonight isn't that bad for me. It was such a shocking performance that it just has to be an off day.
    City and Chelsea felt worse, it seemed we really tried and came up short but tonight looked like a side who have accepted being 15 behind City.
    It had that aura of when we concentrated on EL last year so why should it hurt me if our players seemed untroubled by it?
  6. Jan 31, 2018
    #6

    Zlatattack Full Member

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    :lol: :lol: :lol: me too.

    I open knee jerk threads on redcafe and slag off our players. I don't do that.
  7. Jan 31, 2018
    #7

    Ødegaard formerly MrEriksen

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    Oh I agree in principle. It's absolutely not logical, neither is it the only illogical thing that can massively affect my mood. But it's hard... My life is pretty much games, pains, food, hospital visits and sleep. Football tends to be the thing I look forward too as a thing I watch (physical & mental limitations), so I seem to place way too much emotionally into how the team I support does it. If we lose in a game between good sides I'll begrudgingly accept it most often, but losing when we play terribly or losing when we're great seem much harder to take.
  8. Jan 31, 2018
    #8

    MaxiPaxi likes to shove his mum's boiled eggs up his rectum

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    Depends on the nature of the defeat.

    If it's like tonight, I get so depressed and frankly I can't deal with these type of defeats too well. Probably take them a bit too hard. I can't help it but I go all knee jerky and start doubting everything regarding United. I'm just fecking in no mood for anything or anyone for next couple of days. I was planning on paying Uncharted after the game but feck that! I think I'll just lie on the sofa and feel horrible. Very illogical, considering it's only a game.
  9. Jan 31, 2018
    #9

    GaryLifo Nice Bloke

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    I boot up the PS4 and shoot people in the face in destiny.

    If I can't do that I find I need to be left alone for about half an hour to cool off.

    I was a lot worse in my younger days when united losing used to keep me awake at night going over and over the key moments in my head until I could have screamed.
  10. Jan 31, 2018
    #10

    Red Katie The least positive person in match threads ever

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    Online shopping.
  11. Jan 31, 2018
    #11

    Pexbo has never watched Star Wars

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    I like reading the United forum.
  12. Jan 31, 2018
    #12

    Yagami Full Member

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    I vent a bit on here and that's it. Having already got pretty much everything off my chest I'm pretty much over the Spurs defeat. Although it wasn't so much the result; rather José showing, again, that he's out of his depth here.

    It helps reading other posters perspective/opinion on here, too. I don't know why but just seeing fellow supporters discuss the game helps get over it as quick as I do. Plus, I have things to look forward to/take my mind off it. Like yourself @Ødegaard , it probably involves a game or a TV show/anime.
  13. Jan 31, 2018
    #13

    SuperiorXI Full Member

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    Beer
  14. Jan 31, 2018
    #14

    Jaybomb Banned

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    I rant on Redcafe about Smalling and Jones.
  15. Jan 31, 2018
    #15

    Red Katie The least positive person in match threads ever

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    I also find that going to work helps.
  16. Jan 31, 2018
    #16

    SteveJ all-round nice guy, aka Uncle Joe Kardashian Scout

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    [​IMG]
    [​IMG]
  17. Jan 31, 2018
    #17

    abdo99 Full Member City Lover

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    It hurts for a little while but you just have to forget it and move on to the next one. Life is too short and you got to make the most of it. Crying after defeats isn't going to make things better and it isn't going to change the result.
  18. Jan 31, 2018
    #18

    Turkleton Full Member

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    I feel like my diet is about to go out of the window for a junk food binge.
  19. Jan 31, 2018
    #19

    Toad Full Member

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    Honestly, I ignore the mrs for the rest of the evening, drink a couple more beers, usually have a wank then go to bed.

    The next day I get past the banter from Work mates which are half arsenal and half United so it’s pretty easy to give it back to the arsenal mates.

    When it comes to the afternoon I’m usually at the stage where I am thinking it was just a one off game, then comes the ‘oh shit, what if this is the start of something’ phase.

    By the evening I’m usually laying down on the floor at home being a patient to my 3 year old daughter who is playing doc mcstuffin and at that point is when I really couldn’t give a shit about the football result anymore because there are far more important things to worry about and life is to short to mope around for a week and dwell on one bad result.
  20. Jan 31, 2018
    #20

    adexkola Arsenal supporter Verified Moaner City Lover

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    In college, a United defeat had me dejected for days. Now it's a minor annoyance at the back of my head that dissipates after a few hours.
  21. Jan 31, 2018
    #21

    ZupZup Full Member

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    I get really annoyed and frustrated watching... I was in the pub watching the match tonight and couldn’t get any enjoyment at all. Felt a bit sorry for my mate who had joined me as I don’t even feel like talking when I’m pissed off.

    Afterwards I’ve gotten much better at letting go and forgetting about it. Bad results used to stay with me for a good 24 hours but not any more. Que sera...
  22. Jan 31, 2018
    #22

    Zarlak my face causes global warming

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    Truth like rain don't give a fuck who it falls on.
    I just go about my day as normal.
  23. Jan 31, 2018
    #23

    James Peril Full Member

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    Gets better when you reach 30 and have more important things to think about in life. Although losing sucks, especially after a really tight game or by dramatic events, things are looking decent for us this season. We are not five points behind Spurs, we are five points ahead and they play Liverpool on Sunday - which means one or both teams will lose points. We will most likely trounce Huddersfield, we should be filled with vengeance. A couple of goals and everything is fine once more.

    The loss tonight is fine, we didn't show up and they were better - nothing to bitch about anymore. Losing to a dodgy penalty after an Alli-dive in the 96th minute would be way worse, especially if we had been the best team. Losing to Spurs, Swansea or Huddersfield, it doesn't really matter - a loss is a loss. Losing away from home is not extraordinary. Not showing up for a game is nothing special, although if it happens many more times over a season questions should be asked.
  24. Jan 31, 2018
    #24

    The holy trinity 68 The disparager

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    I visit the caf to read the opinions of other football experts and join in with having a good whinge as if we have just been relegated by the boot of Denis Law. The next day I look forward to the next game.
  25. Jan 31, 2018
    #25

    TehRed Full Member

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    More important than any wins or losses United may have, I hope you're not struggling too much with that depression. I know that United's performances are really important to you and it hurts when we lose, but when we do suffer a defeat, take some solace in the fact that you get to come here and connect with fellow fans as you discuss this beautiful game that we all love. We're mostly all on the same page, win or lose, and we're always here to talk about it with you.

    For me, when we lose, I like to see if I can pinpoint why we lost - was it individual errors, an issue with the formation or the team's instructions, or were we just outplayed? I like to then think that if I can spot the issues, so can Jose and the coaching staff, and i'll look in the next games to see if they have been rectified or not. Makes me feel a little more invested in the games going forward.
  26. Jan 31, 2018
    #26

    Jaae Full Member

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    If you place so much in to it emotionally then it's bound to hit you hard when it goes wrong. That's just a personal thing really and I don't think anyone can help you out there. You could always try not watching the big games if the outcome can potentially affect you so much?

    Some people LOVE their club where as for others it's just entertainment; A pass-time. I'm the latter so I'm in a fortunate place where I can enjoy the highs yet don't seem to be affected by the lows, bar being a little disappointed during the game.
  27. Jan 31, 2018
    #27

    Striker10 "Ronaldo and trophies > Manchester United football

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    It was harder before when we had great teams because they fought until the 90+ minute. This team lacks fight. It lacks pride when it comes to overcoming a challenge and is short but Jose knows that. Will be another important summer. So defeats are annoying but our fight is protecting second place which is worse anyway.
  28. Jan 31, 2018
    #28

    Ban Full Member

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    Do you want your jaws snapped?
    I feel bad but life goes on. I have a lot of things in my life and on my mind and football isn't as important as it used to be.

    It's worse when I read caf and it's something I don't want to do but I do it. Here I am tonight.

    It's better than in LVG, Moyes days cause I see a progress. Saying all that there's still work to do but it's not the end of the world after every defeat like caf makes you believe.

    Anyway answer is I maniacally open about 10 threads here and try to find something positive which is similar to what I think, feel. :D
  29. Jan 31, 2018
    #29

    puNANI Full Member

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    This.

    Depends on the type of loss as well. If our players try their best but get outclassed I can accept it. If they play like today where there was no energy and they were physically outmatched it irritates the hell out of me.

    Generally I'll just shut social media off for a few hours and get over it.
  30. Jan 31, 2018
    #30

    Red Katie The least positive person in match threads ever

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    Yep, I was the same. Now it annoys me for a bit and then you just move on.
  31. Jan 31, 2018
    #31

    ivaldo Mediocre Horse Whisperer, s'up wid chew?

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    Whiskey.
  32. Jan 31, 2018
    #32

    David Court Banned

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    Accept it's more likely than not?
  33. Jan 31, 2018
    #33

    Frasbul Full Member

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    everclear is a cool band. yeah they still exist.
    It usually takes me about the same amount of time to get over it as Spurs needed to score the opener.
  34. Jan 31, 2018
    #34

    .Phil1968 Full Member

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    I used to get really moody after a defeat when I was younger, now I rant for 5 minutes or so then get my guitar out and lose myself in music for a while. Must be an age thing I think it doesn't matter as much anymore.
  35. Jan 31, 2018
    #35

    Jazz Full Member

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    First of all, avoid all reports on the match for 48 hours. Don't read any opinion pieces or anything. Total media blackout helps.

    Takes me 24 hours to usually get over a loss. This happens when we drop points to dross. Like Huddersfield, Stoke etc. It pisses me off.
    Funnily, I'm pretty ok with this defeat tonight. Even in our 'good days' Spurs would always cause some problem or the other, so shit happens.

    I also smoke a lot to calm down..:nervous::)
  36. Jan 31, 2018
    #36

    DatIrishFella Band of Brothers, Thief

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    Constantly think about, especially if it's a dire performance, and mutter to myself "ah for feck sake", usually avoid the footie forum, play videogames, then remind myself "ah, it's only football".
  37. Jan 31, 2018
    #37

    hn4manunited Full Member

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    I take a step back and look at the bigger picture, understand why we lost, then move on to the next game. Upset but not the end of the world.

    This game wasn’t so upsetting because it wasn’t a close game. I get way more upset when we let a lead slip at the end of the game from doing stupid unreasonable things.
  38. Jan 31, 2018
    #38

    Jacko21 Full Member

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    Hell of a lot better than I used to be. Defeat washes over me now. Age and perspective helps a lot.

    Not like when I spent the week sulking after Louis Saha missed a last minute penalty at Celtic Park after Nakamura scored a ridiculous free kick. Bloody Boruc.

    To this day I don’t know why that game annoyed me so much. :lol:
  39. Jan 31, 2018
    #39

    SteveJ all-round nice guy, aka Uncle Joe Kardashian Scout

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    Things haven't felt the same for me since Moyes & LVG, and I can't recapture the enthusiasm I once had. Plus, managers retaining SAF leftovers - who seem terrified if any attacker runs at them - has caused me to lose faith in positive change. 'Putting a shift in' shouldn't mean that you get a place in United's first team year after year.
  40. Jan 31, 2018
    #40

    Ødegaard formerly MrEriksen

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    I miss work.
    Will put in a request for more welfare money from nav. :lol:

    Tends to be a reaction I have also. Picked my girl up today after she had been out eating with her colleagues and she saw how devastated I was and bought me a panini & a cola zero.

    I clearly need to get myself one of those kids. Apart from fatigue they seem to bring a lot of perspective on things in daily life.

    When I was waiting for my new heart, I jokingly told the doctors when they put me on the transplant-list that if they called during a United game I'd say no thanks. They called a few hours before a game of ours & i (in shock) said no thanks.
    ... First thing I asked about when I woke up post transplant was how the United game had gone, the second thing was what the annoying beating of my new heart was.

    When I had a oarta-balloon pump pre-transplant I "died" 3 times during a game between Chelsea & United and the doctors found the idea of asking me not to watch the game more dangerous to my health than just getting my heart beating again when i flat-lined, so they were stationed outside my room during that game with my father standing by ready to pull the emergency thread. :lol:

    So yeah, I find it impossible not to watch as It's something I've done since I was a kid. I think the best thing that's come out of my health-issues is that I've now got such a terrible memory that I seem to forget bad results rather fast (usually after the next good result).

    It's been under relative control now for quite some time. Apart from individual episodes there has only been one period where I had stupid plans and things were going terribly bad. In general I've settled in with my life as it is and help from people all around me and online makes it much easier. But I often do worry about going back to the dark state of just wanting it to end. Do note that I haven't had that feeling due to football, even during Moyes & Van Gaal's times. So despite football hurting me badly and being something I care massively about, it doesn't seem like it's able to properly make me go all the way down.
    I also seem to find enjoyment in looking at what went wrong and what can be done to fix it over the mid to long-term. Redcafe truly is a amazing place when it comes down to it as a internet-society.