Discussion in 'General Forum' started by Solius, Apr 29, 2012.
No. You just don't shag either one of them.
I wouldnt say what you did was right or wrong Solius, it depends on the situation. I couldn't give a shit if any of my friends slept with my ex, because she is my ex for a reason, she wasn't for me. So unless it was some sort of hideous break-up which left him heart broken then it's not big deal.
It's taken 42 replies but alas:
Veiled attempt at boasting to the Caf that you got laid last night.
Happened to me twice - one of my very best mates has now been dating one of my ex's for about a year and a half now. I was seeing her years ago, only for her to move interstate and us to end... A few years later she calls me saying she's coming back down to study. Everyone that knew us thought we'd start up where we left off, but I wasn't keen (and I assume she wasn't either) in the end. A few weeks later we were all out and I picked up her best friend (whilst she was there), she didn't care it seemed. A little while later my mate drops a few hints and when I realise what's up I tell him to go for it... No issues all round...
It really just depends on the person or how much/long something meant to them.
My mate did this to me, shagged my ex-missus.
We are still friends, and he did the same thing as you Sol and told me. But I must say relationship has never been the same.
why the fuck does it matter to you? Do you imagine you have some sort of lifelong claim on people you've shagged?
If anything, it's the ex-bf holding grudges who violate bro codes with unreasonable expectations of who should and should not be shagged long after they have moved on.
Clearly spoken from a bloke who has never had a serious girlfriend.
I was very close to this girl and all my mates knew that, I accepted his apology because he regretted it, but I did seem to lose my liking for him deep down.
Or never lost a serious relationship
She told you that aswell? She's consistent at least.
It sounds to me like you still held feelings for your ex when this happened. If you're over someone, why would it bother you if she shags one of your mates?
Then that's completely different to the OP's example isn't it? It's pretty much agreed upon by most here (although I'm talking for B19...) that if they are still close then any sort of hook-up should be out of the equation, especially if the possibility isn't discussed with your mate first.
But if they aren't close, have been separated for a while and weren't even that into each other (like Sol's example) then there should be no complaint. Obviously out of respect the ideal thing to do would be to run things past your mate first, but if there should be no issue at all with a drunken hook up. The mate and the girl have no other connection other than previously, a long time ago, being together and they both are now distant. There's no problem.
My ex-wife was the ex-gf of a mate of mine. He had the last laugh.
Why do adults feel the need to tell people who they have slept with. If you end up in bed with someone its between the two of you and nobody else needs to know.
We're not all disapproving, Solius
But then the Caf wouldn't know about Solius scoring last night...
This. Can't people keep secrets anymore?
I'd imagine it's fairly normal to have feelings for an ex. Assuming there was a solid, long-term relationship there in the first place.
Its not really a secret TBH. Its sex between two consenting adults and quite frankly its not normal to go telling other people. Letting a mate know you banged his ex serves absolutely no purpose.
Presumably it serves the purpose of being man enough to tell him directly, rather than waiting for him to find out from someone else.
We are talking about girls here.
A fight between both ex and she will be all like 'I slept with your mate. Tells me all about what others think about you.'
There's no right answer here to be fair. If a mate told me they'd banged my ex, I'd think they were a weirdo for telling me...but if I found out some other way, then depending on the ex, it would be a bit annoying.
The thing is though. Single people + booze...it happens. If I did take exception to it I reckon I'd also be the one more in the wrong, since it's none of my business who either my mate or my ex decides to shag.
I would say its fuck all to do with his mate. Two consenting single adults ended up in bed. Its between them and no one else. I have found women to be fairly discreet, they don't usually go around blabbing.
I agree. There's also the issue of whether or not the girl in question wants her ex to know that's she's slept with one of his mates. Unless it's common knowledge and it's very likely that the ex will find out, there should be no expectation on the ex's mate to inform him.
I only wish I had enough experience to give advice UN the op.
No, exactly. So why is THM saying you can't be friends with people your friends have broken up with?
What do you mean it's got fuck all to do with his mate? Of course he would want to know. Depending on how tight the circle of friends is, chances are he'd find out eventually. Hence, it's better that solius is the one to tell him. I'm sure he would appreciate the honesty.
Its obviously better that he told him, even if his mate thinks he's a bit weird. Keep it quiet and you run the risk of it coming out in a way that makes you looks like a sneaky little bollocks.
Yep, it'll be weird for a few days probably but I think it was the best way to go about it.
You wont truely know if he pissed til one day you're sat together and you say 'so...... did she do the 'finger up the arse' thing with you?'.....
There's no point spouting rules here about what's right and wrong.
It entirely depends on the situation and the people involved. Solius used his feminine judgement and handled it the best he could.
Shit thread title though.
I lost my virginity to a mate's older half-sister. We kind of fell out for a few years over it and even after that were never the same by a long chalk.
It is missing an apostrophe, yes.
I actually lost my virginity to a mates ex
Sounds like you are well placed to comment in this thread on every front.
We didn't really know the rules, I was only 14... she was an older woman at 16.
Separate names with a comma.