Imagine the best goal ever (a Paint contest)

Discussion in 'Football Forum' started by Nani Nana, Jan 18, 2010.

  1. Jan 18, 2010
    #1

    Nani Nana Full Member

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    Here are the two actions that fed my dreams since I was a kid :

    • The Ultimate Maradona
    It's 87th minute at the Santiago Bernabeu Stadium, and Liverpool leads 1-0 against United in the dying minutes of the Champions League final. A penalty is awarded to the dippers after yet another shameful dive by Liverpool's most loyal player ever that gets our goalkeeper sent off. Jack Kerouac takes off his gloves and goes out in tears. Fergie has already made his three replacements, it will be down to an outfield player to replace Kerouac in goal. Before leaving the pitch, the Pole picks up the gloves and decides to give them to you, with a glimmer of light in the eye, and utters : "TY CZAS NA GOWNO" (good luck).

    You put on his gloves and go between the goal posts. Fernando Torres takes a deep breath, confident of converting this marvellous opportunity and secure a Champions League win for Liverpool. He thrusts, shoots towards his left.. But you squeeze to the ground and have a slight touch on the ball, slight enough to prevent the ball from entering the net, but not to evade Torres who runs to it.. Yet suddenly you get up, do a Fellaini.. and counter attack yourself under the heavy rain of Madrid !! (it's a dream, it cannot rain in Madrid..) Liverpool players are baffled as your pace sees off one, two and three opponents. You approach the half way line and do a Ronaldinho flip-flap to Jamie Carragher who had already seen this before on TV, but can't prevent it ! Skrtel makes a desperate come-back as you let the ball past him and collect it again in a Pelé fashion !

    Pepe Reina is powerless as you fire a rocket into the top right corner, take off Kerouac's gloves and run around, as Alan Hansen is overheard in the stands shouting.. "that's diabolical...perhaps the second best goal ever after Dirk Kuyt's tap in against West Brom"



    • "This is like the love child of Dennis Bergkamp and Dennis Bergkamp's fist"
    The Olympic stadium of Johannesburg is packed up as England takes on Denmark in an improbable final to the World Cup. Rio Ferdinand gives the ball to Michael Carrick whose through ball finds Wayne Rooney, preparing a majestic scissor-kick volley.. but Simon Kjaer head the ball away. A massive, massive head kick that gets to you, on the brink of England's penalty area. You fight with John Terry as the ball rebounds to the ground. In an incredible strike of inspiration, you then flick the ball with the heel while circling an amazed Terry, in an aerial remake of Dennis Bergkamp's beauty.

    Ashley Cole runs at you, but you see him off with a Zidane feint.. David Seaman, who made an unexpected come-back in the English squad, is ready to parry your try but the curler goes straight into the back of the net.. Joe Cole shouts "Golaaaazo" and reveals a Viking tattoo on his chest that finally explains his amazing pale but sieved looks that render him the only human being looking better with a shaven head than with hair...

    [​IMG]

    Here's the pattern.. up to you lads

  2. Jan 18, 2010
    #2

    Diablodave Full Member

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    Nani Nana NONO!!!
  3. Jan 18, 2010
    #3

    x42bn6 Full Member

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    :lol: Good one, I'll post mine up later tonight.
  4. Jan 18, 2010
    #4

    SharkyMcShark Horrified

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    World Cup Final, 2010.

    Tim Cahill picks up the ball in the England penalty area, but under pressure from big man JT and his offsider Cashley, he is forced right the way back to the right back position with the ball. He dribbles around them in a circle, and then ignoring all of him training he dribbles across the goal mouth into the left back position. When there he makes a surging run back to where he started, then loops back when confronted by Stevies G. His circle complete, het cuts back towards his own goal a few steps and backheels it in. 1 - 0 to Australia in the 90th minute.
  5. Jan 18, 2010
    #5

    hungrywing Full Member

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    Fastest-ended Thread 2010.
  6. Jan 18, 2010
    #6

    vuc First Team Serb

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    :lol:
  7. Jan 18, 2010
    #7

    Xander45 Know-It-All Champion May 2009

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    Nani you don't half have some weird threads. You really were freed from desire.
  8. Jan 18, 2010
    #8

    MUFC07 Full Member

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    :lol::lol::lol:
  9. Jan 18, 2010
    #9

    MrMarcello Full Member

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    Nani Nana should have posted this in the weed thread as it fits in well there.
  10. Jan 18, 2010
    #10

    Doevle Full Member

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    Free Dolan
    :lol:
  11. Jan 18, 2010
    #11

    Collina Full Member

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    I hate you.
    Brilliant, Sharky :lol:
  12. Jan 18, 2010
    #12

    Moston Red Formerly Giggs1973

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    Brilliant...hats off to Nani and Sharky!
  13. Jan 20, 2010
    #13

    Crustanoid Full Member

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    I'm pissing myself laughing at the penis one. Mine's more simple....After trailing Chelsea by 2-0 in the FA Cup Semi Final, Crusty Crustinho has made a comeback to the United side, seven years after er....being away for a while after the incedent with the sheep. SAF has used two of his subs, Titus and Zinedine, but to little effect. Chelsea are controlling the game.

    78 minutes gone, Crusty takes to the field (on the way over the touchline he slyly forearm smashes Mourinho who is in his second stint as Chelsea manager). The next twelve minutes go by with sustained United pressure around Chelsea's box, but still nothing doing. Then all of a sudden, Giggsy produces a moment of magic on the edge of the box and squares to Rooney reduces the deficit but surely it's too late.

    The atmosphere is electric. The Chav$ are chucking celery in the stand and United's fans are urging their heroes on to the end. Then, all of a sudden, a free kick on the edge of the box. Giggsy goes to take it. Curls one over Chelsea's wall and Cech palms it out. there's a scramble in the box and Carvalho desperately toe pokes the ball away out of the box, but then it falls to Crustinho who has been hanging around waiting for a rebound. He steadies himself and unleashes a 25 smasher Paul Scholes would be proud of. The strike is hit with such venom that it hits John Terry who has tried to get in the way of it, but takes his head clean off. Cech, confused, catches JT's disengaged head, thinking it's the ball, but the real ball goes flying into the net!

    As the crowd scream, and the players crowd round JT, ambulance sirens wailing, Crustinho runs around the stadium to the adulation of his fans. Who said he was finished...
  14. Jan 20, 2010
    #14

    askabob Full Member

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    What about extra time and penalties? Don't leave us hanging!
  15. Jan 20, 2010
    #15

    Boss Melodramatic, attention seeking space-attacker

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    I left you with enough memories to resurrect me wi
    :lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol:
  16. Jan 20, 2010
    #16

    Raees Full Member

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    If you're good enough, the referee doesn't matter
    Early runner for gayest thread of 2010. Fair play Sharky lol
  17. Jan 20, 2010
    #17

    Count Duckula Banned

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    Why the feck did this get made into a blog post?! :houllier:
  18. Jan 20, 2010
    #18

    snootyjim In most joy

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    :lol::lol:

    Brilliant, best post I've seen here in a long time
  19. Jan 20, 2010
    #19

    Boss Melodramatic, attention seeking space-attacker

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    I left you with enough memories to resurrect me wi
    :lol: It's funny as feck
  20. Jan 20, 2010
    #20

    B20 From YNWA

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    Moyes. Ought. Not. Go.
    :lol:

    ./end thread
  21. Jan 21, 2010
    #21

    Nani Nana Full Member

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    Capello will get the sack after this
  22. Jan 21, 2010
    #22

    SharkyMcShark Horrified

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    I see what you did there
  23. Jan 21, 2010
    #23

    Alwyn Got rid of his pee

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    Bell-end of contest.
  24. Jan 21, 2010
    #24

    I_live_cement Cat freak

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    :lol:
  25. Jan 21, 2010
    #25

    SharkyMcShark Horrified

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    Anyway, can I collect my prize for this already? It is a contest after all.
  26. Jan 21, 2010
    #26

    hungrywing Full Member

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    Free copy of MS Paint. Autographed by Top.
  27. Jan 21, 2010
    #27

    IhabX7 Full Member

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    Brilliant thread :lol:
  28. Jan 21, 2010
    #28

    Crustanoid Full Member

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    Ah yes...I had to go away and daydream a bit more to work out what happened. So, extra time commences and for thirty minutes the two teams can't be seperated. It's end to end stuff, and not even a twelve foot resurrection of the Big Man (a cyber-JT who dramatically lurches out of the tunnel, goose-stepping like a cross between Frankensteins monster and Adolf Hitler, five minutes into the first period of extra time) can inspire Chelsea to break the deadlock.

    The penalty shootout begins. The first eight are converted and the scores level at 4-4. The tension from the crowd is overwhelming. Cashley steps up to take the 9th one, but suddenly, at the crucial moment when his foot connects with the ball, he slips, in a manner reminiscent of the Big Man's disasterous penalty in Moscow. Only, Cashley continues to jerk and spasm on the floor. Later, it's confirmed that his mobile had gone off at the worst possible moment.

    Crustinho steps up to take the final penalty. The seconds feel like hours. He takes his run up. Then stops, and using the power of his mind, lifts the ball up to hover at around 3ft high, thus keeping within the rules of the game by not connecting physcally with the ball. He then whips out his knob and baseball bats the ball past the stunned Cech. The game is won. For the second time in the afternoon, sirens are heard, only this time it's the police, following up 6388 complaints of indecent exposure which unfathomably seem to come from the same location. The only thing left for Crusty to do is to hop onto his magic carpet and disappear off to the land of the triple-breasted 8 foot killer-bikini vampire girls...but that's another story...
  29. Jan 22, 2010
    #29

    Nani Nana Full Member

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    The entire discography of Herbie Hancock is on its way
  30. Jan 22, 2010
    #30

    SharkyMcShark Horrified

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    Result!

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