Discussion in 'General Forum' started by bazalini, Jan 23, 2009.
Page 17 of this thread is solid gold
My dad used hit me with a camera. I keep getting flashbacks.
Getting a blowjob from a ugly person is just like rock climbing; never look down!
MSN News: 'Men Who Rape Will Be Named'
Cool, can I have 'Nightstriker' or has that already been taken?
I've always said I'd go to Africa at some point in my life, and do what I could to help all the poor, starving children.
I've just had too much on my plate recently.
I came home from the club this morning, late and very drunk.
My gf said 'OK smartarse, explain the lipstick on your shirt'.
'Fuckin easy', I said. 'I used my shirt to wipe my cock'.
still funny though.
I've just phoned Lib Dem HQ and asked for a copy of their manifesto.
They told me they've sold out.
I said, I know you have, but I still want the manifesto.
Now that's just cruel.
Sterling work Sir !!!
Gary Glitter has asked to become the new Manager of Aston Villa.
After seeing the strikers as Young, Bent & Keane he wanted to be part of the set-up
Which Keane would that be?
An Italian, a Scotsman and a Chinese man are hired at a construction site.
The foreman points out a huge pile of sand.
He says to the Italian guy, 'You're in charge of sweeping.'
To the Scotsman he says, 'You're in charge of shovelling.'
And to the Chinese guy, 'You're in charge of supplies.'
He then says, 'Now, I have to leave for a little while. I expect you men to make a dent in that pile of sand.'
So when the foreman returns after being away for a couple of hours the pile of sand is untouched.
He asks the Italian, 'Why didn't you sweep any of it?'
The Italian replies, 'I no hava no broom. You saida to the Chinesea fella he a wasa ina charge of supplies,
but he hasa disappeared and I no coulda finda him nowhere.'
Then the foreman turns to the Scotsman and says, 'And you, I thought I told you to shovel this pile.'
The Scotsman replies, 'Aye, that ye did laddie, boot ah could nae get meself a shoovel.
Ye left th' Chinese gadgie in chairge of supplies, boot ah couldna fin' him neither.'
The foreman is really angry now. He storms off toward the pile of sand to look for the Chinese gent.
Just then, the Chinese man leaps out from behind the pile of sand and yells,
He got the joke wrong.
Gary Glitter has taken over as manager of Aston Villa. It is rumoured he took the job after seeing the strikeforce was Young, Bent and possibly Keane.
This baby seal walks into a bar and the bartender says,"What'll ya have..." The seal says, "Anything but a Canadian Club...
Where's the Doc????
It was a doctor's regular habit to stop off at a bar for a hazelnut daiquiri on his way home and, aware of his habit, the bartender would always have the drink waiting for him at precisely 5:18 PM. One afternoon as the end of the work-day neared the bartender was dismayed to find he was out of hazelnut extract but, thinking quickly, he threw together a daiquiri made with hickory nuts and set it on the bar. The doctor came in at his regular time, took one sip of the drink, then exclaimed: "This isn't a hazelnut daiquiri", to which the bartender replied, "No, I'm sorry, it's a hickory daiquiri, doc."
The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered..
Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine.
There was once a cross-eyed teacher who couldn't control his pupils.
The one who invented the door knocker got a No-bell prize.
Old power plant workers never die they just de-generate.
He drove his expensive car into a tree and found out how the Mercedes bends.
He often broke into song because he couldn't find the key.
Marathon runners with bad footwear suffer the agony of defeat.
I'm looking after an elderly neighbour at the moment. I feel really sneeky about having to crush tablets up and put them in her food. Having said that, if I got her pregnant I'd never forgive myself.
Just read this gem.
A man wakes up early one morning and decides to go duck hunting.
He tells his wife, "You've got three choices; you can go duck hunting with me, I'll do ya anally or you can give me a blowjob. I'm gonna load up the truck and get the dog out. Make up your mind before I get back."
The man returns twenty minutes later and says, "Well what's it gonna be?"
The wife says: "There's no way I'm going duck hunting and you're not doing my ass so I guess it's a blowjob."
She gets started and then pulls back with choking and gagging: "Jesus, you taste like shit."
"Yeah," he replies, "the dog didn't want to go duck huntin' either."
Brad goes into a bookstore and asks the young lady assistant,
"Do you have the new book out for men with short penises?"
She replies, "I'm not sure if it's in yet."
"That's the one; I'll take a copy."
Be careful - this video could make you piss yourself
The Barman says, " We don't serve time travelers in here".
A time traveler walks into a bar.
My OH had a burning sensation in his rear and asked me what it was. "Ring sting," I suggested. "And how the feck will he know?" he asked.
(Courtesy of a FB friend.)
Imagine you were a body guard for the Libyan President and you saw someone pulling out a gun and take aim, you’d have to shout “Gaddafi Duck”..... got this as a text, makes me chuckle
My friend's daughter was asked to do a farmyard impression at school today, apparently "Get the fuck off my land before I shoot you, you pikey bastard" wasn't quite what the teacher was expecting.
My mrs says she's going to leave me because of all the ridiculous things I do.
I think she'll change her mind when she sees these rocket boots I've made for the dog.
Separate names with a comma.