Okay, here's the deal. Come up with two obscure and completely randomly remembered footballers, compare them, and decide which one would most likely win in a game of football to the death. Elements that may or may not decide the outcome of said game are numerous, for example: - Vision - Close control - Finishing ability - Long passing accuracy - Their ability to withstand an argument over football with the Chief for more than three minutes - Being or not being Quinton Fortune - Head shapes - Number of burglars they've beaten up I'll get the ball rolling. Mickäel Silvestre vs Duncan Ferguson Most of you remember Agent Silvestre for the splendid work he did at Arsenal, denying them the perk of having an actual defence for the best part of two seasons. But he had many other abilities, for example the supreme shape of his head, which amongst others Freddie Ljungberg felt the full force of at one occasion. However, let's take nothing away from his biggest ever achievement, namely being the only being on the planet capable of having a child with a man over the age of 50. Having made Arjen Robben pregnant, the end result was that the glorious lovechild that is Gabriel Obertan graced and occasionally played football at a host of Premiership grounds during the last couple of years. Part kidney, part chronically old, Obertan is true proof of Silvestre's abilities on and off the pitch. Duncan Ferguson, on the other hand, was a notoriously violent thug who scored some goals. It is once told that he beat up a burglar who broke into his home, but the most probable explanation is that he woke up dazed and confused, and simply thought Mark Wright had entered his home in the middle of the night, thus deciding to "give him a lesson". VERDICT: In a game of one v one football, Silvestre would probably win, due to having at least an ounce of actual footballing ability, or more likely, one of his 80-yard crossfield passes to no-one in particular would end up in goal. Ferguson would probably try to head Silvestre's head into the goal, while occasionally muttering something about Bjørn Tore Kvarme being a pansy. Better luck next time, Big Dunc! Next!