Richard Keys: The Ramblings of a Madman

Discussion in 'Football Forum' started by Brophs, Apr 1, 2016.

  1. Apr 1, 2016
    #1

    Brophs The one and only

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    His conspirary theory about Fergie apparently thinking that De Gea would be more concerned by the tactical dissection of a pundit whose language he had trouble understanding at the time than he would have been by the criticism of his own manager is genuine tin hat stuff.

    The rest is just utterly bitter. "I've heard it said by some big names in the past that Gary Neville is a "gayface cripple paedo nazi". Do I subscribe to that view? No. And I'm not just saying that because I'm legally obliged to. Though I will say that Andy Gray was never caught molesting himself in the pet toys section of Poundland. Good on you, Gaz. Give it a couple of pulls for me."
  2. Apr 1, 2016
    #2

    Welsh Wonder A dribbling mess on the sauce

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    Keys is a remarkable man. His level of delusion and seeming lack of self-awareness is absolutely incredible.
  3. Apr 1, 2016
    #3

    Ramshock The spacegoats did it

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    That DDG/Hart stuff...what the feck?
  4. Apr 1, 2016
    #4

    Rado_N Go Broncos!

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    Richard Keys has hairy hands.

    I have nothing further to add.
  5. Apr 1, 2016
    #5

    SteveJ all-round nice guy, aka Uncle Joe Kardashian Scout

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    He writes like he's speaking before a camera.
    An absolute clown; the Richard Madeley of football tv.
  6. Apr 1, 2016
    #6

    Samid follows Pogue around, fixing his images

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    Just a random question, what happened to that female linesman? Haven't seen her around for the last couple of seasons.
  7. Apr 1, 2016
    #7

    Stobzilla Official Team Perv

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    He is right about not being able to be honest in his criticisms whilst also having a job within football. Some of the glossing over English players mistakes over the last 15 years or so has been laughable.
  8. Apr 1, 2016
    #8

    SteveJ all-round nice guy, aka Uncle Joe Kardashian Scout

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    Stellar English.
  9. Apr 1, 2016
    #9

    Stobzilla Official Team Perv

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    She's on maternity leave I think. Genuinely.
  10. Apr 1, 2016
    #10

    SteveJ all-round nice guy, aka Uncle Joe Kardashian Scout

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    Now there's a Littlejohn column in waiting.
  11. Apr 1, 2016
    #11

    Damien Self-Aware RedCafe Database (and Admin) Staff

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  12. Apr 1, 2016
    #12

    prateik Full Member

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    Lets hope for her sake its a boy so someone can finally teach her the offside rule.
  13. Apr 1, 2016
    #13

    jderbyshire Full Member

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    :lol:
  14. Apr 1, 2016
    #14

    prateik Full Member

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    I kinda forgot what Keys looked like.. Googled him and it reminded me of

    [​IMG]
  15. Apr 1, 2016
    #15

    Boycott Full Member

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    Loves a conspiracy does Keysey
  16. Apr 1, 2016
    #16

    Adisa Full Member

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    The De Gea part is staggering.
  17. Apr 1, 2016
    #17

    KM I’m afraid I just blue myself Staff

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    Some loons here will believe it.
  18. Apr 1, 2016
    #18

    SteveJ all-round nice guy, aka Uncle Joe Kardashian Scout

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    I see that irony has officially snuffed it.
  19. Apr 1, 2016
    #19

    Physiocrat Full Member

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    :lol:
  20. Apr 1, 2016
    #20

    JohnnyKills Full Member

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    Is that a particularly badly written April Fool?
  21. Apr 1, 2016
    #21

    SteveJ all-round nice guy, aka Uncle Joe Kardashian Scout

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  22. Apr 1, 2016
    #22

    JohnnyKills Full Member

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  23. Apr 1, 2016
    #23

    JohnnyKills Full Member

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    Keys' personal website is absolute gold.

    This section, for example:

    Awards

    In 2003 Richard Keys has received an Honorary title from Coventry University (Honorary Doctor of Letters - Dlitt) for outstanding services to sports broadcasting. In 2012 Richard Keys and Andy Gray received the best sports programme prize for their talkSPORT show at the Sony Radio Academy Awards (equivalent to the radio Oscars). He has also received a variety of best sports presenter awards from different publications.

    Except it's British rather than American and has about 0.00001% of the global recognition.
  24. Apr 1, 2016
    #24

    SteveJ all-round nice guy, aka Uncle Joe Kardashian Scout

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    Next week's blog might read like this:

  25. Apr 1, 2016
    #25

    Eckers99 Michael Corleone says hello

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    Reads like a madman rehearsing a bad speech in a wardrobe.
  26. Apr 1, 2016
    #26

    TwoSheds More sheds than you, probably

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    :lol:
  27. Apr 1, 2016
    #27

    JohnnyKills Full Member

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    :) :) :) I can imagine Richard Keys banging his hairy hands on the table in rage at the mockery he is receiving on RedCafe.
  28. Apr 1, 2016
    #28

    JPRouve can't stop thinking about balls

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    I don't think I understood the Hart part but even if it was true, it's so stupid that you shouldn't talk about it. It's a bit like this guy who lost his virginity to aliens.
  29. Apr 1, 2016
    #29

    2mufc0 Full Member

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    What on earth is that all about?
  30. Apr 1, 2016
    #30

    BobbyManc Full Member

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    He's also seemingly taken up part-time work as a grocer. Tough times for the delusional Richard Keys.
  31. Apr 1, 2016
    #31

    JohnnyKills Full Member

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    Richard Keys didn't actually write that mate.
  32. Apr 1, 2016
    #32

    Brophs The one and only

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    It was just banter.
  33. Apr 1, 2016
    #33

    Classical Mechanic Full Member

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    The rumour was that Mancini wanted shut of Hart and Fergie had raved about him in the past. The swap deal that Keys is getting at must have been for Rooney. It is probably Keys joining the dots for his own agenda but I don't think it is totally far fetched, all things considered.
  34. Apr 1, 2016
    #34

    Chesterlestreet Man of the crowd

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    He's an unlikable - and stupid - twat.

    That's my summary of the man.
  35. Apr 1, 2016
    #35

    RedTiger Full Member

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    I'm more interested in whether he smashed it or not.
  36. Apr 1, 2016
    #36

    JPRouve can't stop thinking about balls

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    A swap deal outside of Italy that alone is far fetched, then we have two local rivals that's also far fetched.
    Last edited: Apr 1, 2016
  37. Apr 1, 2016
    #37

    Steven Seagull Full Member

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    I always read his blog and it's fecking hilarious. He's such a twat.
  38. Apr 1, 2016
    #38

    JohnnyKills Full Member

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    Yeah. I can only think of a handful of swap deals ever happening in my 25 years of football watching.

    Cole-Gallas
    David White-David Rocastle
    Andy Cole-Keith Gillespie (sort of)

    The idea of two of football's biggest rivals swapping key players is absolutely crazy. It's even more bonkers than saying Bush ordered 9/11 and the royal family are a secret race of shape-shifting lizard-people.
  39. Apr 1, 2016
    #39

    .Rossi ever get that feeling of déjà vu?

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    My two recent favourite cousin Richard moments




    Defending such a thing in the 21st century is bad enough but, acting like he's the world's insider into the matter is hilarious. "I will update you all" He's such a cnut that I find it hilarious :lol:
  40. Apr 1, 2016
    #40

    Bubz27 Full Member

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    @Loon