This coming season sees the beginning of a new chapter in football history, a clash of titans, a battle of the ages, and even more hyperbole. Yes, this summer heralds the start of Rodgers versus Gerrard, and never mind all that 'Old Firm' shite. I present to you the Tale Of The Tape: GERRARD Gerrard tries to attract Alonso Height: Who cares? Age: 156 Titles: Mr BREN (and Stimpy) Brendan, with ear wax Height: 1 foot 1 Age: Stone Titles: More than Gerrard The war of words between the two former colleagues started a while ago, with Stevie G miraculously sounding more big-headed and bolshy than Brendan could even dream of, while Celtic's king of bling has opted for the 'You're in for a bloody big shock, you cheeky bastid. By the feckin' way, my missus Semolina left me after The Demba Disaster...' approach: It promises to be a melodramatic season of Gerrard hilariously trying to appear important by posing on the touchline while wearing a club tie that makes him look like he works for Tesco, as Brendan glares at him like Emperor Ming scrutinising his bank charges. I'll keep you all posted about intergalactic Derby clashes, their laughable soundbites etc etc because I have too much time on my hands, have no life, am punching above my weight & other Cafisms.