Steven Gerrard: "I have allegedly slept with ferrets"

Discussion in 'Football Forum' started by SteveJ, Nov 4, 2015.

  1. Nov 4, 2015
    #1

    SteveJ all-round nice guy, aka Uncle Joe Kardashian

    Joined:
    Oct 22, 2010
    Messages:
    48,288
    Location:
    Tunnel of Goats
    [​IMG]
    Steven Gerrard ‘in talks’ over Liverpool return to work with Klopp


    Former Anfield captain eyeing role on German’s coaching staff
    Gerrard may also be back as a Liverpool player
    Yet more bullet points

    In Halloween news, Steven Gerrard is reportedly holding talks with Jürgen Klopp over a surprise return to Liverpool, with the former captain considering ending his spell with LA Galaxy early for reasons of crapness. Recently, Los Angeles-based sports papers have been calling for the ex-England star to be benched or, at least, to be dumped in Boston Harbour. So, the timing seems right - and entirely coincidental - that Gerrard now longs for a return to his Liverpool home.

    The Independent has claimed that the 35-year-old has told the German of his interest in a potential role at Anfield, preferably as manager once he's undermined Klopp.

    The report also claims that “there is a chance of a formal playing agreement being brokered”. Klopp and his staff apparently laughed a lot, then said "Wait...you're serious?", and finally asked BT to cut their phone off.

    Gerrard’s season ended last week when Galaxy were knocked out of the MLS Ultimate Final All-star Super Mega World Series of Play-offs by The Goonies.

    The speculation comes at a time when Gerrard admitted that his time on the field was coming to an end. "It could be my last season as a footballer, and my first as a team-player," he told Oprah. “It's like a different country over here, and I certainly don’t want to feel like I’m feeling right now come next year. Going on the road, playing on artificial turf, playing at altitude, playing in humidity, passing to my teammates - those are the unprecedented hurdles that I’ve had to fall over these last three torrid months. If I wasn't so humble, I'd say that Jesus had it easy compared to me. But I won't go on about my immense suffering, Oprah - I'll suffer in silence, and carry everyone on my broad shoulders as usual. You can call me a hero if you like; in fact, I'll punch you if you don't."

    http://www.theguardian.com/football...verpool-return-anfield-la-galaxy-jurgen-klopp
    Last edited: Nov 4, 2015
  2. Nov 4, 2015
    #2

    AltiUn likes playing with swords after fantasies

    Joined:
    Apr 29, 2014
    Messages:
    6,264
    Location:
    Leyland/Liverpool
    I'm no detective but I think this might be a joke.
  3. Nov 4, 2015
    #3

    Galactic Incorrigible pest

    Joined:
    Aug 4, 2006
    Messages:
    7,159
    Location:
    Never Forget
    As a United fan, I would love this to actually happen.
  4. Nov 4, 2015
    #4

    harms Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 8, 2014
    Messages:
    10,991
    Location:
    Moscow
    :lol: at the edits
  5. Nov 4, 2015
    #5

    Americano Make America Great Again!

    Joined:
    Jun 6, 2013
    Messages:
    3,972
    Location:
    Home of the 2015 World Cup Champions
    MLS is unlikely to release him. He hasn't exactly had a great few months here. One year left on his contract.

    http://www.espnfc.us/blog/transfer-...opp-may-want-steven-gerrard-back-at-liverpool

  6. Nov 4, 2015
    #6

    Angelinho Full Member

    Joined:
    Oct 3, 2013
    Messages:
    1,022
    His last twelve months or so in the Premier League were beyond parody. He is in denial if he thinks he can still play at this level. Whilst I wouldn't put it past Klopp to make a populist gesture, I think this particular ship has long since sailed.
  7. Nov 4, 2015
    #7

    MoBeats Conspiracy Buff

    Joined:
    Sep 24, 2005
    Messages:
    2,899
    :lol:
  8. Nov 4, 2015
    #8

    Varun Moderator

    Joined:
    Mar 16, 2011
    Messages:
    39,878
    Location:
    Mumbai
    Please let it happen.
  9. Nov 4, 2015
    #9

    2 Man Midfield Incestuous Modern Woman (Dumper!)

    Joined:
    Sep 4, 2012
    Messages:
    23,271
    Location:
    Legalise drugs and murder
    :lol: You're wasted on here Steve.
  10. Nov 4, 2015
    #10

    Mr Pigeon baldy fatty bum bum

    Joined:
    Mar 27, 2014
    Messages:
    7,497
    Location:
    Staging a 'coo' against my enemies in Fife
    :lol: Ffs Steve.
  11. Nov 4, 2015
    #11

    Kostur Full Member

    Joined:
    Mar 8, 2012
    Messages:
    22,903
    Location:
    Poland, Kraków
    Laughed too hard at this :lol: Great job Steve, you sure were missing in the Boro matchday thread because it was a fecking party back then.

    As for Sliplord himself, yea, come back you cnut, you're exactly what Liverpool need right now.
  12. Nov 4, 2015
    #12

    ants7 Full Member

    Joined:
    Sep 18, 2012
    Messages:
    1,632
    Location:
    Estonia
    :D :D :D great edits
  13. Nov 4, 2015
    #13

    SirAF Ageist

    Joined:
    Sep 28, 2003
    Messages:
    19,775
    Location:
    #Pogboom
    feck sake :lol:
  14. Nov 4, 2015
    #14

    Invictus Poster of the Year 2015

    Joined:
    Mar 22, 2014
    Messages:
    9,843
    Location:
    I am your Nakama!
    Supports:
    Piracy on the High Seas

    :lol:
  15. Nov 4, 2015
    #15

    Anderson's Cat AC

    Joined:
    Jan 18, 2009
    Messages:
    11,489
    Location:
    No longer on the caf.
    Hahahaa... class :lol:
  16. Nov 4, 2015
    #16

    montpelier Full Member

    Joined:
    Oct 24, 2011
    Messages:
    6,835
  17. Nov 4, 2015
    #17

    Joga Bonito Full Member

    Joined:
    Jul 14, 2014
    Messages:
    6,733
    :lol:
  18. Nov 4, 2015
    #18

    Brightonian Full Member

    Joined:
    Sep 22, 2012
    Messages:
    11,502
    Location:
    Juanderlust
    So it sounds like he wants Kuyt to return with him:

    [​IMG]
  19. Nov 4, 2015
    #19

    Ish Lights on for Luke

    Joined:
    Mar 10, 2010
    Messages:
    18,881
    Location:
    Where fans' expectations are too high
    @SteveJ :lol: FFS

    On topic, imagine the return, if it happened and how nauseating it would be. Sky trumping the "return of the prodigal son" line all fecking season.

    Think of it from Gerrard's perspective though...all these years dying for a league title....playing under FSW, King Kenny, Hodgson, Rodgers....the moment he leaves....they get Klopp in :lol:
  20. Nov 4, 2015
    #20

    Amethyst It's banter lads, inn't?

    Joined:
    Jan 17, 2013
    Messages:
    9,383
    Location:
    In an apple vacuum...
    'There were stories about what happened. A slip, a 3-3 draw and a stamp'.

    'It's true la. All of it.'
  21. Nov 4, 2015
    #21

    Sassy Colin Death or the gladioli!

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 2010
    Messages:
    39,060
    Location:
    Aliens are in control of my tagline & location
    Unfortunately for Stevie, Klopp isn't an idiot.
  22. Nov 4, 2015
    #22

    RU Devil Full Member

    Joined:
    Feb 24, 2008
    Messages:
    1,635
    Location:
    New Jersey, USA
    But maybe the "committee" might force it on him. They've made stupider decisions, like Super Mario, and they might be swayed by the $$$$ they think they could milk from The Return.
  23. Nov 4, 2015
    #23

    Skills Snitch

    Joined:
    Jan 17, 2012
    Messages:
    22,401
    Location:
    Birmingham
    Brilliant :lol:
  24. Nov 4, 2015
    #24

    Waltraute She-Devil

    Joined:
    Jun 22, 2009
    Messages:
    6,468
    Location:
    Rafa's high-pressured world
    :lol:

    Nice work, Steve. Although for all those not bothering to click the link, it has to be pointed out that this is a true, unadulterated quote (Unless! The original article is by Steve and he just outed himself as a Grauniad football writer :nervous: )--

    'I certainly don’t want to feel like I’m feeling right now come next year. Going on the road, playing on [artificial] turf, playing at altitude, playing in humidity, those are the hurdles that I’ve had to face over the last three months that I wasn’t aware of.'

    He regards playing aways as a hurdle he wasn't aware of?
  25. Nov 4, 2015
    #25

    MyOnlySolskjaer Creator of Player Performance threads

    Joined:
    Nov 27, 2014
    Messages:
    8,672
    Location:
    Pogba Thread
    After that shit-show in his last Liverpool game aka Gerrard's testimonial I'd be surprised if he has the nerve to come back.
  26. Nov 4, 2015
    #26

    SaintTresano Cartoon expert

    Joined:
    Jan 24, 2014
    Messages:
    3,198
    Location:
    In Florida with the rest of the crazies
    Was just skimming through the OP and had a "wait, wut?" moment. Re-read the whole thing afterward. This made my day.
  27. Nov 4, 2015
    #27

    SteveJ all-round nice guy, aka Uncle Joe Kardashian

    Joined:
    Oct 22, 2010
    Messages:
    48,288
    Location:
    Tunnel of Goats
    But..but...the transfer committee doesn't exist, and never has!1!:

  28. Nov 4, 2015
    #28

    RedSky likes to kick 10-year-olds

    Joined:
    Jul 27, 2006
    Messages:
    54,243
    Location:
    Hereford FC (Soccermanager)
    There was no mention of Ewoks, i'm disappointed.
  29. Nov 4, 2015
    #29

    Welsh Wonder A dribbling mess on the sauce

    Joined:
    Dec 11, 2007
    Messages:
    8,650
    Location:
    Wales
    He's such a weakling is Stevie
  30. Nov 4, 2015
    #30

    montpelier Full Member

    Joined:
    Oct 24, 2011
    Messages:
    6,835
    Teflon Ayre makes it (the football stuff) up as he goes long innit?

    Must be the brains behind 'Mighty Red' to wield this amount of influence with no comeback
  31. Nov 4, 2015
    #31

    JB08 Searches for nude pics of Marcos Rojo

    Joined:
    Mar 16, 2013
    Messages:
    4,957
    Location:
    Bristol
    Imagine, just imagine, he slips again and costs them something major. (Like the Europa League/FA Cup/Prem)

    Of course it won't happen, but imagine it did. How amazing would that be.
  32. Nov 4, 2015
    #32

    Ace of Spades Full Member

    Joined:
    Jan 24, 2013
    Messages:
    1,455
    :lol:
  33. Nov 4, 2015
    #33

    Wednesday at Stoke Full Member

    Joined:
    Feb 11, 2014
    Messages:
    8,339
    Location:
    København
    Supports:
    Time Travel
    He sees you when you're improving
    He knows when you've made a change
    He knows you've got Coutinho and Sterling
    He'll still screw you for goodness sake

    So! You better watch out
    You better not cry
    You better not pout, I'm telling you why
    Slippy Claus is coming.. back to Kop!
  34. Nov 4, 2015
    #34

    SteveJ all-round nice guy, aka Uncle Joe Kardashian

    Joined:
    Oct 22, 2010
    Messages:
    48,288
    Location:
    Tunnel of Goats
  35. Nov 4, 2015
    #35

    montpelier Full Member

    Joined:
    Oct 24, 2011
    Messages:
    6,835
    I was wellin' up, this Yeer-gun is a right old spoilsport :(.
  36. Nov 4, 2015
    #36

    Livewire1974 If it moves, report it.

    Joined:
    Jul 14, 2009
    Messages:
    6,575
    Location:
    Dublin
    Slippy was having meetings with one of the FSG leaders in LA, maybe Klopp will be told to accommodate the LFC legend with no title medal.
    Last edited: Nov 4, 2015
  37. Nov 23, 2015
    #37

    marukomu The Gatekeeper

    Joined:
    Jun 5, 2010
    Messages:
    17,726
    Location:
    Your mum's knickers drawer.
  38. Nov 23, 2015
    #38

    SirAF Ageist

    Joined:
    Sep 28, 2003
    Messages:
    19,775
    Location:
    #Pogboom
    Again :lol:
  39. Nov 23, 2015
    #39

    Djemba-Djemba Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 19, 2007
    Messages:
    5,696
    Location:
    Manchester
    Was that guy slagging off Phil Collins?
  40. Nov 23, 2015
    #40

    Galactic Incorrigible pest

    Joined:
    Aug 4, 2006
    Messages:
    7,159
    Location:
    Never Forget
    Don't want to click on the Daily Fail link. Anyone care to summarise?