Let's establish the facts from fiction, Watson. [X] "Tired" and wanting help from other men. [X] Eager to show off round bed to the forum. [X] Repeated references of a "huge", "hidden" organism. [..] Considers Lady Gaga a role model. [X] Afraid the noise generated by the "suction power" will "wake your dad". [X] Sharing a fear of spiders. [X] Have strange, suggestive wrappers lying under the bed. [..] Posters of George Michael. Now, I'm no sexologist. But are you by any chance, say, making a veiled attempt at coming out of the closet?