holy feck.
"Would you like some words of comfort, Admiral."
The Omegle Collection
- Thread starter Hectic
- Start date
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In the latest episode of the United Hour Podcast, Nik and Imran hold a long overdue conversation about United's awful league form with 1 win in 7. They discuss a disappointing draw at Bournemouth, a not so disappointing draw against Liverpool and a crushing defeat at Chelsea - Is time nearly over for Erik Ten Hag?
Then in a special second half of the pod, Nik welcomes Natalie ( https://twitter.com/natalie_17) to discuss the fortunes of Manchester United Women as they booked a place in the FA Cup Final after a historic first ever win vs. Chelsea.
holy feck.
"Would you like some words of comfort, Admiral."
You: Pleased I'm sure.
Stranger: hello
You: Yes, quite.
Stranger: alright
You: Yeah, I'm alright, alright.
Stranger: goo
Stranger: good
You: I prefer goo actually. But still, carry on.
Stranger: i wasnt saying anything
You: Then why are you here, if you have nothing to say.
Stranger: to chat
You: But you have nothing to talk about. You understand this yes?
Stranger: yes?
You: Can I ask you to conduct some tests for me?
Stranger: yes?
You: Do you have a mirror close by?
Stranger: I do
You: Please look into it and tell me if you are retarded.
Stranger: im not
You: Well, I must say I am surprised.
Stranger: are you?
You: Yes. Yes I am retarded.
Stranger: oh my im so sorry
You: You should be, do you know what it is like?
Stranger: no?
You: It's like living in a room, with one lightbulb, but you can't reach the light switch.
Stranger: oh my god that sounds terrible
You: It's worse, I hear cats, always the cats.
Stranger: alley cats?
You: Yes. Alley Cats. Thousands of them. Sometimes I feel like they are trying to bundle on top of each other, and turn on that light switch.
Stranger: to help you?
You: Maybe. Maybe to kill me.
Stranger: No!
You: Do you like cats?
Stranger: yes very much
You: Same here, but they don't like me all that much, suppose it's probably down to all the cats I've killed.
Stranger: what?!
You: It's dark here. I can't tell where I'm walking, what I'm kicking, if that's a cat I'm picking up by it's stupid cat neck and then punching it back and forth across the room.
Stranger: you cant do this!
You: I'm doing this right now.
Stranger: no please its not right to do this
Stranger: cats are careful animals, not causing harm to anything
You: They gang up on me, and then I have to fight them. Everyday, either a bunch of these cats go, or I do.
Stranger: but why cant they leave then
You: They don't want to, they want to stay and fight me.
Stranger: cats dont do this
You: Can you wait one moment?
Stranger: okay
You: Meeeeiiiiooooowwwwwww.........[thump]
Stranger: what was that?
You? Oh, nothing, I just booted a cat into the wall. My mistake.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
Stranger: hello
You: Yes, quite.
Stranger: alright
You: Yeah, I'm alright, alright.
Stranger: goo
Stranger: good
You: I prefer goo actually. But still, carry on.
Stranger: i wasnt saying anything
You: Then why are you here, if you have nothing to say.
Stranger: to chat
You: But you have nothing to talk about. You understand this yes?
Stranger: yes?
You: Can I ask you to conduct some tests for me?
Stranger: yes?
You: Do you have a mirror close by?
Stranger: I do
You: Please look into it and tell me if you are retarded.
Stranger: im not
You: Well, I must say I am surprised.
Stranger: are you?
You: Yes. Yes I am retarded.
Stranger: oh my im so sorry
You: You should be, do you know what it is like?
Stranger: no?
You: It's like living in a room, with one lightbulb, but you can't reach the light switch.
Stranger: oh my god that sounds terrible
You: It's worse, I hear cats, always the cats.
Stranger: alley cats?
You: Yes. Alley Cats. Thousands of them. Sometimes I feel like they are trying to bundle on top of each other, and turn on that light switch.
Stranger: to help you?
You: Maybe. Maybe to kill me.
Stranger: No!
You: Do you like cats?
Stranger: yes very much
You: Same here, but they don't like me all that much, suppose it's probably down to all the cats I've killed.
Stranger: what?!
You: It's dark here. I can't tell where I'm walking, what I'm kicking, if that's a cat I'm picking up by it's stupid cat neck and then punching it back and forth across the room.
Stranger: you cant do this!
You: I'm doing this right now.
Stranger: no please its not right to do this
Stranger: cats are careful animals, not causing harm to anything
You: They gang up on me, and then I have to fight them. Everyday, either a bunch of these cats go, or I do.
Stranger: but why cant they leave then
You: They don't want to, they want to stay and fight me.
Stranger: cats dont do this
You: Can you wait one moment?
Stranger: okay
You: Meeeeiiiiooooowwwwwww.........[thump]
Stranger: what was that?
You? Oh, nothing, I just booted a cat into the wall. My mistake.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
brilliant hecticYou: hey
Stranger: yeah fag
You: Straight into the nicities I see, thanks.
Stranger: black fag
You: It's funny you should say that....
Stranger: why is it funny?
You: I used to be very involved in a skinhead gang.
Stranger: oh yeah? good to hear it brother!
You: Yes, you would think so. Things got a bit heavy though, I did some time.
Stranger: are you serious dude?
You: Yeah man. Murder charge. I was part of a small movement, but jail turned me around.
Stranger: oh man this is crazy! Who were you with? Gang I mean.
You: Can't go into it, but when I got into prison, I realized it isn't just black and white.
Stranger: but it is
You: I was raped by white people, how does that make sense?
Stranger: holy shit, didnt they have your back though?
You: You would have thought so. It was a black guy who saved me though, we would just talk all day, and eventually I realized everything I had been doing was wrong.
Stranger: that is some bullshit dude
You: No, I'm serious. I did my time, turned my life around, grew my hair back and everything. My brother wasn't so fortunate though.
Stranger: why
You: He heard my message, and he was working on this term paper. He ended up writing about my life instead, and that it helped to turn his one around. As he went to hand the paper in, he was shot and killed in the toilets of his school.
Stranger: what the feck man, that is serious shit
Stranger: wait a minute ive heard that before
You: I had to hand his paper in for him, it was so good that a filmaker picked it up and ran with it. They released it several years ago, it's a small town movie called 'American History X'.
Stranger: ah what the feck
Stranger: all this fecking time dude
You: I'm Edward Norton, goodnight.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
Stranger: yeah fag
You: Straight into the nicities I see, thanks.
Stranger: black fag
You: It's funny you should say that....
Stranger: why is it funny?
You: I used to be very involved in a skinhead gang.
Stranger: oh yeah? good to hear it brother!
You: Yes, you would think so. Things got a bit heavy though, I did some time.
Stranger: are you serious dude?
You: Yeah man. Murder charge. I was part of a small movement, but jail turned me around.
Stranger: oh man this is crazy! Who were you with? Gang I mean.
You: Can't go into it, but when I got into prison, I realized it isn't just black and white.
Stranger: but it is
You: I was raped by white people, how does that make sense?
Stranger: holy shit, didnt they have your back though?
You: You would have thought so. It was a black guy who saved me though, we would just talk all day, and eventually I realized everything I had been doing was wrong.
Stranger: that is some bullshit dude
You: No, I'm serious. I did my time, turned my life around, grew my hair back and everything. My brother wasn't so fortunate though.
Stranger: why
You: He heard my message, and he was working on this term paper. He ended up writing about my life instead, and that it helped to turn his one around. As he went to hand the paper in, he was shot and killed in the toilets of his school.
Stranger: what the feck man, that is serious shit
Stranger: wait a minute ive heard that before
You: I had to hand his paper in for him, it was so good that a filmaker picked it up and ran with it. They released it several years ago, it's a small town movie called 'American History X'.
Stranger: ah what the feck
Stranger: all this fecking time dude
You: I'm Edward Norton, goodnight.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
You: Hello sexy,
Stranger: hey how did you know?
You: Know what?
Stranger: that I was a girl?
You: I didn't, I like to gamble.
Stranger: oh you do, do you?
You: Oh yeah I do. I take your hand in mine and give it a gentle squeeze
Stranger: what kind of gambles?
You: All kinds....I peer into your eyes, the depth behind them takes my breath
Stranger: haha not the usual sort you get on here!!
You: You can say that, and you would be right in saying it.
You: I lean over, my lips touch across your cheek in passing....
You: The question is, do you want to gamble with me?
Stranger: yes I do
Stranger: I turn my head into yours and go to kiss you
You: I dodge out of the way in the final moment, and whisper into your ear, "feeling lucky punk?"
Stranger: why would you do that
You: I spin the barrel on the revolver and place it to your head. Before I squeeze the trigger, I smile and nod my head.
Stranger: get out of here why would you say that
You: Click. It didn't fire.
Stranger: thank god
You: I press the trigger again, click, and again, click.
Stranger: stop that now!
You: BANG! Finally, the bullet rips through your head, and your body slumps to the floor.
You: Russian Roulette. I win.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
Stranger: hey how did you know?
You: Know what?
Stranger: that I was a girl?
You: I didn't, I like to gamble.
Stranger: oh you do, do you?
You: Oh yeah I do. I take your hand in mine and give it a gentle squeeze
Stranger: what kind of gambles?
You: All kinds....I peer into your eyes, the depth behind them takes my breath
Stranger: haha not the usual sort you get on here!!
You: You can say that, and you would be right in saying it.
You: I lean over, my lips touch across your cheek in passing....
You: The question is, do you want to gamble with me?
Stranger: yes I do
Stranger: I turn my head into yours and go to kiss you
You: I dodge out of the way in the final moment, and whisper into your ear, "feeling lucky punk?"
Stranger: why would you do that
You: I spin the barrel on the revolver and place it to your head. Before I squeeze the trigger, I smile and nod my head.
Stranger: get out of here why would you say that
You: Click. It didn't fire.
Stranger: thank god
You: I press the trigger again, click, and again, click.
Stranger: stop that now!
You: BANG! Finally, the bullet rips through your head, and your body slumps to the floor.
You: Russian Roulette. I win.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
"I'm Edward Norton, goodnight!"
To good.
To good. "I win."The American History X one was brilliant
You: So I flipped over, and it's tusks just narrowly missed my skin, I can only imagine the pain it would have caused.
Stranger: what the feck?
You: It was a battle, but I knew if I didn't act, we would all be dead. It's teeth were razor sharp for gods sake.
Stranger: i dont understand what you are talking about
You: I opened up it's jugular, at first I felt guilt, but that was shortly replaced by strength, and relentless joy. We saved the group after all.
Stranger: you killed a animal?
You: No, I saved us from a predator, there is a difference.
Stranger: i love animals dude, predator or not its your fault its dead
You: Not true, I didn't invite it to attack us, and this is a man-eating predator, you take no chances when you have a group of innocents with you.
Stranger: group of innocents? where were you?
You: Zoo.
Stranger: what the feck
You: A zoo. I had kids, parents, teens all over the place, screaming like it was going out of fashion. I had to do something.
Stranger: Why were they screaming?
You: I killed an elephant.
Stranger: jesus christ
Stranger: I thought you said it was a predator
Stranger: Elephants are not predators
You: I had to, it was a me or him type situation, had it ever escaped the metal bars and charged at me.
Stranger: so it was contained
You: Yeah, I contained it's bitch ass alright.
Stranger: no I mean it was already contained in a cage
You: Yeah, put me and an elephant in a cage, only one winner is going to come out.
Stranger: you are misunderstanding me
You: And that dumbass elephant misunderstood me when I said stop where you are. Vicious circle.
Stranger: thats not what a vicious circle is though
You: That's not what witnesses said. It was vicious alright, we circled each other until I handed out an elephant-sized ass-kicking. Bitch ass elephants.
Stranger: if you are only going to talk about hurting animals and elephants Ill leave thanks
You: I'm sorry
You: I get carried away sometimes
You: Let's move on......
Stranger: yes lets do that
You: But the best bit was when I had knocked it on it's ass, all the kids were cheering for me, I ramped up the atmosphere, you know, worked the crowd a bit, then turned around and dropped a mean ass elbow on that long-trunked mother fecker. Obviously it died.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
Stranger: what the feck?
You: It was a battle, but I knew if I didn't act, we would all be dead. It's teeth were razor sharp for gods sake.
Stranger: i dont understand what you are talking about
You: I opened up it's jugular, at first I felt guilt, but that was shortly replaced by strength, and relentless joy. We saved the group after all.
Stranger: you killed a animal?
You: No, I saved us from a predator, there is a difference.
Stranger: i love animals dude, predator or not its your fault its dead
You: Not true, I didn't invite it to attack us, and this is a man-eating predator, you take no chances when you have a group of innocents with you.
Stranger: group of innocents? where were you?
You: Zoo.
Stranger: what the feck
You: A zoo. I had kids, parents, teens all over the place, screaming like it was going out of fashion. I had to do something.
Stranger: Why were they screaming?
You: I killed an elephant.
Stranger: jesus christ
Stranger: I thought you said it was a predator
Stranger: Elephants are not predators
You: I had to, it was a me or him type situation, had it ever escaped the metal bars and charged at me.
Stranger: so it was contained
You: Yeah, I contained it's bitch ass alright.
Stranger: no I mean it was already contained in a cage
You: Yeah, put me and an elephant in a cage, only one winner is going to come out.
Stranger: you are misunderstanding me
You: And that dumbass elephant misunderstood me when I said stop where you are. Vicious circle.
Stranger: thats not what a vicious circle is though
You: That's not what witnesses said. It was vicious alright, we circled each other until I handed out an elephant-sized ass-kicking. Bitch ass elephants.
Stranger: if you are only going to talk about hurting animals and elephants Ill leave thanks
You: I'm sorry
You: I get carried away sometimes
You: Let's move on......
Stranger: yes lets do that
You: But the best bit was when I had knocked it on it's ass, all the kids were cheering for me, I ramped up the atmosphere, you know, worked the crowd a bit, then turned around and dropped a mean ass elbow on that long-trunked mother fecker. Obviously it died.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
I love omegle sometimes, I pose the most random yet basic questions and people fail all the time.
Without air friction, what would fall with highest speed, a feather or a stone?
What weighs the most, a kilogram of cotton or one litre of water?
What is normally the highest in a profitable company, revenues or earnings?
If you travel at 500 metres per hour, how long does it take to travel a distance of 0.5 kilometres?
Without air friction, what would fall with highest speed, a feather or a stone?
What weighs the most, a kilogram of cotton or one litre of water?
What is normally the highest in a profitable company, revenues or earnings?
If you travel at 500 metres per hour, how long does it take to travel a distance of 0.5 kilometres?
I came in here expecting a bump for an epic Hectic omegle conversation......
Disappointed
Disappointed
His convos are fake, he types with himself.
Lies, dirty filthy lies
Lol the guys I used to go to Uni with used to play a game called;
"Lets count the dicks in a minute" - then go on omegle. I think 71 was their record which was a minute straight of just dicks.
I was always baffled why you'd go on such site after experiencing that. It was always very odd.
"Lets count the dicks in a minute" - then go on omegle. I think 71 was their record which was a minute straight of just dicks.
I was always baffled why you'd go on such site after experiencing that. It was always very odd.
You: 4. If you travel at 500 metres per hour, how long does it take to travel a distance of 0.5 kilometres?
Stranger: ummm
You: pressure!
Stranger: well i'm not sure if i am supposed to change that into metres per second
Stranger: because in physics you work in m/s
Stranger: ummm
You: pressure!
Stranger: well i'm not sure if i am supposed to change that into metres per second
Stranger: because in physics you work in m/s
They're still funny though.
you mean they really are fake? damn man, and i have to go to the dentist tomorrow now too. thats shit news.
Made up or not, that elephant one had me in tears of laughter.
What's the temperature?
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: pick a card, any card
Stranger: heart, 7
You: no don't tell me, i need to guess it
You: pick another one
Stranger: ok
Stranger: go
You: have you picked one?
Stranger: ys
You: cool
You: now memorise that card and place it on the deck
Stranger: mkay
You: ok i'll shuffle it
You: now i need to concentrate, i will attempt to guess your card within 52 guesses
Stranger: erp
You: only 3 people can do this trick, it takes years of practice
You: was it a 4 of clubs?
Stranger: no
You: damn, i've only got 51 guesses left, i need to think carefully
You: was it a 5 of hearts
Stranger: no
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
You: pick a card, any card
Stranger: heart, 7
You: no don't tell me, i need to guess it
You: pick another one
Stranger: ok
Stranger: go
You: have you picked one?
Stranger: ys
You: cool
You: now memorise that card and place it on the deck
Stranger: mkay
You: ok i'll shuffle it
You: now i need to concentrate, i will attempt to guess your card within 52 guesses
Stranger: erp
You: only 3 people can do this trick, it takes years of practice
You: was it a 4 of clubs?
Stranger: no
You: damn, i've only got 51 guesses left, i need to think carefully
You: was it a 5 of hearts
Stranger: no
Your conversational partner has disconnected.