Liverpool FC jokes

Striker10

"Ronaldo and trophies > Manchester United football
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Sep 21, 2004
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18,857
not a joke but was on uniteds website :)

Finally, former Red Mickey Thomas blamed rival Scousers for nicking his car at the recent United v Liverpool game at Anfield — but he simply forgot where he parked it!
 

Mombi

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Pissing in the Kop....
SKY SPORTS BREAKINGS NEWS:

Liverpool football club have announced that next year's shirt sponsor will be Tampax. A spokesman for Tampax said, "To sponsor a bunch of cnuts going through a bad period is exactly what our company is all about."
 

Forever Red

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Maths teacher in Liverpool asks little Becky what comes after 69 ?

She says " A wet wipe and some mouth wash Miss "
 

green demon

Caf Nostradamous 2008
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Near to nowhere, in the suburbs of Amnesia.
Two scousers riding on a motorbike on the East Lancs Road break down. They manage to flag down a lorry driver and ask him to give them and their bike a lift in the back of his lorry. He says "It's full of bowling balls." "No marra wack. We'll squeeze in." they reply. He lets them get their bike in and after they've climbed in after it he closes the door and sets off.

Shortly after this he's stopped by the police, "What have you got in the back?" asks the copper, trying to be funny the driver replies "Scouse eggs." "all right sonny - let's have a look." He opens the back for them and the first policeman looks in and his jaw drops. He immediately gets on his radio, "Sarge I need backup, there's a lorryload of Scouse Eggs, but two have hatched and they've already stolen a motorbike."
 

KGBhoy

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SKY SPORTS BREAKINGS NEWS:

Liverpool football club have announced that next year's shirt sponsor will be Tampax. A spokesman for Tampax said, "To sponsor a bunch of cnuts going through a bad period is exactly what our company is all about."

Nice! :lol::lol::lol: Haven't heard this one before!
 

Pablo76

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Rafa benitez, seeking advice and guidance to help him and his club through difficult times, decides to visit a priest.
On entering the church he sees there is a queue so waits in line patiently.
Nervously approaching the front, Rafa wonders what exactly he should ask for, drifting off in a daydream of titles and trophies, he is summoned by the priest. Inviting Rafa over, the priest tells him "come forth my son".
To which the deluded Spaniard replies "I would settle for seventh father"
 

SharkyMcShark

Horrified
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Using location as a tagline: because I'm just not
Rafa benitez, seeking advice and guidance to help him and his club through difficult times, decides to visit a priest.
On entering the church he sees there is a queue so waits in line patiently.
Nervously approaching the front, Rafa wonders what exactly he should ask for, drifting off in a daydream of titles and trophies, he is summoned by the priest. Inviting Rafa over, the priest tells him "come forth my son".
To which the deluded Spaniard replies "I would settle for seventh father"
:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
 

anver

Shart stop
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Dec 28, 2006
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Colombo. Sri-Lanka
A woman walks into the Liverpool benefits office, trailed by 15 kids...
>
> 'WOW,' the social worker exclaims, 'Are they ALL yours?
>
> 'Yeah they are all mine,' the flustered mother sighs, having heard that
> question a thousand times before. She says, 'Sit down Terry.' All the
> children rush to find seats.
>
> 'Well,' says the social worker, 'then you must be here to sign up. I'll
> need all your children's names.'
>
> 'This one's my oldest - he is Terry.'
>
> 'OK, and who's next?'
>
> 'Well, this one he is Terry, also.'
>
> The social worker raises an eyebrow but continues. One by one, through the
> oldest four, all boys, all named Terry. Then she is introduced to the
> eldest girl, named Terri. 'All right,' says the caseworker. 'I'm seeing a
> pattern here. Are they ALL named Terri?'
>
> Their Mother replied, 'Well, yes-it makes it easier. When it is time to get
> them out of bed and ready for school, I yell, 'Terry!' An' when it's time
> for dinner, I just yell 'Terry!' an' they all come runnin.' An' if I need
> to stop the kid who's running into the street, I just yell 'Terry' and all
> of them stop. It's the smartest idea I ever had, namin' them all Terry.'
>
> The social worker thinks this over for a bit, then wrinkles her forehead
> and says tentatively, 'But what if you just want ONE kid to come, and not
> the whole bunch?'
>
> 'I call them by their surnames!'
 

Forever Red

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Rafa goes into church and says "Forgive me Father for I have sinned "

Priest says " Come forth my child"

Rafa says " Come forth we'll be lucky if we finish fecking 10th "




Ground staff at Anfield were seen planting potatoes.

A Liverpool FC spokesman said it was so they had something to lift at the end of the season
 

odinnh

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Scientists have confirmed that the dust cloud that has grounded all UK aircraft is not from the volcano in Iceland as originally believed. Investigations have shown that cleaners have been dusting the trophy cabinet at the Liverpool stadium
 

MacMUFC

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Scientists have confirmed that the dust cloud that has grounded all UK aircraft is not from the volcano in Iceland as originally believed. Investigations have shown that cleaners have been dusting the trophy cabinet at the Liverpool stadium
Link?
 

St Red

KRAP
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Scientists have confirmed that the dust cloud that has grounded all UK aircraft is not from the volcano in Iceland as originally believed. Investigations have shown that cleaners have been dusting the trophy cabinet at the Liverpool stadium
Fail.

It's fuller than yours.
I assume you're counting League Cups these days.
 

Ole's_toe_poke

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Fail.

It's fuller than yours.
I assume you're counting League Cups these days.
Fail. He meant it hasn't been used in a long time.


But I'm not making fun of Liverpool. They are my second favorite team till after the Chelsea game. C'mon you REDMEN. Gerrard forever. YAWN etc etc etc.
 

Random Task

WW Lynchpin
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Feb 7, 2010
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Chester
Why do pigeons fly upside down in Liverpool?
Because there's nothing worth shitting on.

What's long, scouse and goes round corners?
The dole queue.

What do you call a scouser in a white shellsuit?
The bride.

What do you call a scouser in a suit?
The defendant.

What does a Liverpool fan do after watching his team win the Premiership?
Turns his Playstation off and gets into bed with his sister.
:lol::lol:

There are some classics in there.