Football phrases that grinds your gears

Nero

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Low-block.

Before people just said 'sitting back', 'playing deep', 'defensive'. Then this hip term arrived.

Not sure if it's because Mourinho started saying it as a Sky Sports pundit.
 

Pagh Wraith

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Supporters urging to "shooooot" everytime the goal is within sight, even if there are 20 players between ball and net. What they should be shouting is "don't shoot", "retain possession" or "pick a pass". Admittedly not as pithy.
 

Sara125

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When the ball goes into row z and the commentators say ‘he hit it too well’ umm no. If he hit it well it would’ve gone straight to the back of the net. Duh.
 

Josep Dowling

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‘The Arsenal’

‘The GOAT’ followed by the goat emoji on any social media post involving Messi or Ronaldo.
 

Tel074

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Calling people plastic fans just annoys my happiness I don't know why but it does
 

Remember the geese

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Not football specific, but I've always cringed a little when hearing the word "cool" when money is mentioned. Example: United snap up Dan James for a cool £15m. Or however much it was.
 

lsd

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Low-block.

Before people just said 'sitting back', 'playing deep', 'defensive'. Then this hip term arrived.

Not sure if it's because Mourinho started saying it as a Sky Sports pundit.

Mourinho didn't start that
 

Bocca9978

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“Philosophy“

Only really hung around for a couple of season, but pissed me off hearing it.
 

Art Vandelay

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Footballers and managers adding the words "Football Club" when talking about the team they play.

Also "This moment in time" football is the only place you hear it when managers randomly chuck it in.
 

renandstimpyfan83

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“My captain” and “my striker” used by Twitter knobs.

“Left hand side” - Not just a football thing but the “hand” is superfluous

“Foot race” - Again, “race” suffices

Managers being “backed” used to mean given endless money to buy players.

“He got the ball!” That’s not the rule!

Most of Peter Drury’s attempts to be poetic.

Any idioms or clichés like “fast out of the traps”

Calling a yellow card a “caution” like it’s 1954. See also: “centre half”.

“The little magician”

“Technician”

“Gully”

“In and around”

The use of “cup tie” instead of just “match” or “game”

Essentially any romanticising of the FA Cup, particularly the third round. Generally awful football played between weakened and substandard teams.
 
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renandstimpyfan83

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Players moving to a new club....

“It is a dream to move to this club”.

alright mate, you’ve grown up in Belarus, it’s clearly a dream to move to Sheffield fecking Wednesday, all the kids there watch them....

literally every random move is a “dream”.
To be fair, it’s usually not the club they’re referring to as a dream, it’s playing in the Premier League.
 

renandstimpyfan83

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Always makes me laugh when English pundits refer to players as “cute”.

Technically it’s an acceptable use of the word but it’s not commonly used that way in any other sphere and just makes it sound like Andy Townsend has a crush on Riyad Mahrez.

This isn't really football specific, I think: https://www.phrases.org.uk/meanings/close-but-no-cigar.html
The phrase, and its variant 'nice try, but no cigar', are of US origin and date from the mid-20th century. Fairground stalls gave out cigars as prizes, and this is the most likely source, although there's no definitive evidence to prove that.
Not being American, it took me many years to discover that “step up to the plate” was a baseball reference and even now I can’t get the image of Wayne Rooney walking towards Alan Partridge’s 12 inch dinner plate out of my head whenever I hear it.

"It's meat and drink to this goalkeeper"
Very irritating and doesn’t make sense. At least “food and drink” would be consistent.

“The league is your bread and butter.” How does comparing it to the blandest most boring option possible mean it’s the most important thing?
 
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Robertd0803

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Pretty much only ever refers to resorting to route one football. Funnily enough, no one ever says Burnley need a plan B.
I shudder to think of what their plan b could be.

Referring to players wages around the time of the FA Cup third round does my head in these days.


"Premier League player is on astronomical wages vs non league player whose boots are tied together with string and borrowed from his Grandfather" kind of nonsense.

Everyone loves the romance of the FA Cup (supposedly) but when commentators make it almost a personal attack on the player for being paid stupid wages in an effort to hype the under dog story it gets a little much. Not their fault a club pays them insane money.