If you could invent a job for yourself at a football club, what would it be? (Come join INEOS United!)

[top1whoisman]

slope safety officer. during matchdays, i’d patrol the touchline, catching players before they shot down the slope, into the advertising hoardings. as i’d have more ground than the players to cover to keep up with the ball, play would have to be slowed down enough for me to do my job properly. some of our players already play like that, so it shouldn’t be a big adjustment.

Unless it's Di Maria.

 

[Stobzilla]

Psychedelics Officer.

 

[Moriarty]

Any volunteers for Groom of the Players' Stool?

 

[GhastlyHun]

Executive Ball Inflater

It's called 'fluffer'

 

[Oranges038]

Head & ball cleaner.

 

[diarm]

Away Game Facilities & Accommodations Inspector.

Travel the World, staying at 5 star hotels, inspecting facilities and attending games of future opponents, to decide on the best places to stay and train during summer tours or European away legs. I'd obviously have an assistant who I would send to places like Hull and Grimsby to scout out cup fixtures that needed staying over.

 

[Wednesday at Stoke]

Head of sleep research.

 

[Mb194dc]

Transfer value sanity advisor.

When it's obvious the club are about to waste another £100m+ on some guy with 30 first team appearances, possibly not even in the same league, who'll flop, then it's your time to shine...

Tell the owners what they don't want to hear.