Film Star Wars Episode IX The Rise of Skywalker [Theories]

robinamicrowave

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I heard him described somewhere as looking like a child tried to draw Alan Rickman. I don't get the appeal either.

Episode 1 wasn't overly terrible, I'd rather watch that than the sequels. Episode 2 remains one of the worst films I've ever seen, although at least it seems like part of the story unlike the sequels. A bad, awful part of the story, but part still part of the story.
About six months ago (so before The Rise of Skywalker) a friend of mine described the prequels as "a great story told poorly" and the sequels as an "ordinary story told well enough". With hindsight he was completely right.

Prequels: Story (8/10), Delivery (3/10)
Original: Story (8/10), Delivery (9/10)
Sequels Story (6/10), Delivery (6/10)
 

Sylar

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The turn of Anakin into Darth Vader should have been one of the easiest to deliver imo.
 

Redlambs

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About six months ago (so before The Rise of Skywalker) a friend of mine described the prequels as "a great story told poorly" and the sequels as an "ordinary story told well enough". With hindsight he was completely right.

Prequels: Story (8/10), Delivery (3/10)
Original: Story (8/10), Delivery (9/10)
Sequels Story (6/10), Delivery (6/10)
I get that.

The problem with the sequels, and if you don't mind me saying even your version, was the weight of the world landed on what already happened. The original films, 4-6, should never have been fecked with in terms of recreating the magic, as they were made up as they went. The magic should have been in taking them icons and pushing them forward gradually introducing the cast that will take them on in future films. Not in ending the saga. The fact they chose to go with the myth of "lucas had 9 films, 3 trilogies" hamstrung them, then further when they allowed TLJ to happen after TFA.

What they should of done was simply shown Luke's academy rising and restoring the light side and then introduce the beaten down bad side to take them down, Ren and his knights fall foul and Luke fights them all off. The bad side weren't all powerful again magically, this time they have to work for it. Leading Luke to find new force sensitives to train, but in his own image of what the light side should be NOT the Jedi. That's when he finds Rey, some nobody who just happens to be very powerful in the force. Plus others like Finn and Poe along the way. Not weak Solo rip off "rogue" characters.

The story then writes itself, it's easy. Nothing complicated about it.
 

padr81

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The absolute worse criticism you can level against the sequels is that they're mindless, unambitious, bland, by the numbers CGI action fests with the warmth and depth of cardboard, but which can be enjoyed by switching off your brain, stuffing your face with popcorn and not thinking about them.

The prequels by comparison are in large parts an utter chore and only fleetingly hit the very low bar of being sort of watchable.

Anyone that seriously thinks the prequels are better needs to be institutionalised, and I'm saying that as someone who strongly dislike the sequels.
This guy gets it.

Give me 9 hours of poor writing and brain dead leave your mind at the door fun over 9 hours of boring, meandering political rubbish poorly implemented any day.
 

Fingeredmouse

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About six months ago (so before The Rise of Skywalker) a friend of mine described the prequels as "a great story told poorly" and the sequels as an "ordinary story told well enough". With hindsight he was completely right.

Prequels: Story (8/10), Delivery (3/10)
Original: Story (8/10), Delivery (9/10)
Sequels Story (6/10), Delivery (6/10)
You are incredibly generous regarding the story quality of the prequels...and the delivery.
 

Mr Pigeon

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You are incredibly generous regarding the story quality of the prequels...and the delivery.
I think he means that the story on paper - the synopsis at least - should have been a 8/10 but the way they did it made it a 3/10, which I totally agree with.
 

Art Vandelay

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About six months ago (so before The Rise of Skywalker) a friend of mine described the prequels as "a great story told poorly" and the sequels as an "ordinary story told well enough". With hindsight he was completely right.

Prequels: Story (8/10), Delivery (3/10)
Original: Story (8/10), Delivery (9/10)
Sequels Story (6/10), Delivery (6/10)
The problem is that the prequels feel like part of the story, despite how bad they are. The sequels feel like they hijacked the story to tell a completely different story which is somehow still a rehash of the originals.
 

Fingeredmouse

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I think he means that the story on paper - the synopsis at least - should have been a 8/10 but the way they did it made it a 3/10, which I totally agree with.
I agree and think there should've been an 8/10 story but even a synopsis of what we actually got on paper was well off the mark.

1.
During an attempt to end an inexplicable trade dispute and ineffective blockade of a planet which seemed to cause no impact to either the indigenous racial stereotype frog rabbits or humans anyway, a couple of Jedis and a disguised queen end up acquiring an extraordinarily force sensitive slave child through an impenetrably complex bet with a racial stereotype flying elephant shrew. The two Jedi fight a Sith on their own because the rest of the Jedi appear not to care and one of them dies. The surviving Jedi, Renton, then begins to train said child as a Jedi, at the blessing of the Jedi council, who had spent the entire rest of the film pointing out training him now was likely a very bad idea, especially with another Sith Lord known to be kicking about.

2.
Increasingly transparently evil Sith Lord plots to overthrow galactic democracy using the most racist frog rabbit he could find, whilst Renton finds a secret army and our young force sensitive child is now wandering around in ominous black being an embarrassing teenager, going on murderous rampages and "romancing" our queen through the medium of conversation about minerals. She, naturally, succumbs to this geology obsessed psychopath's seduction. The Jedi continue to not be bothered particularly about a Sith Lord kicking about.
Oh, and someone's trying to kill the queen for some reason. But they sort of forget about that in all the thrilling excitement.

3.
In a shocking twist, our young Jedi turns to the dark side suddenly, despite two and half films running time to set his descent up properly, because the obviously evil disguised Sith Lord, who now cackles and actually talks about his extensive Sith knowledge, makes some very on the nose vague promises regarding his fears that his queen girlfriend might die in childbirth.
Our now bad Jedi goes on an utter atrocity spree and, meanwhile, almost all the Jedi get killed by soldiers because they now appear to no longer be able to see the future. Democracy collapses or something.
Good Jedi fights bad Jedi. Bad Jedi loses and shouts "Noooooo"! as he realises his queen girlfriend did in fact die in childbirth after all.

It's not great stuff.
 

Welsh Wonder

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During an attempt to end an inexplicable trade dispute and ineffective blockade of a planet which seemed to cause no impact to either the indigenous racial stereotype frog rabbits or humans anyway, a couple of Jedis and a disguised queen end up acquiring an extraordinarily force sensitive slave child through an impenetrably complex bet with a racial stereotype flying elephant shrew. The two Jedi fight a Sith on their own because the rest of the Jedi appear not to care and one of them dies. The surviving Jedi, Renton, then begins to train said child as a Jedi, at the blessing of the Jedi council, who had spent the entire rest of the film pointing out training him now was likely a very bad idea, especially with another Sith Lord known to be kicking about.
:lol:
 

dumbo

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:lol: These repeated attempts to try to rehabilitate the pequels are so strange, they were dead on arrival. Great story wow.
 

Mr Pigeon

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I agree and think there should've been an 8/10 story but even a synopsis of what we actually got on paper was well off the mark.

1.
During an attempt to end an inexplicable trade dispute and ineffective blockade of a planet which seemed to cause no impact to either the indigenous racial stereotype frog rabbits or humans anyway, a couple of Jedis and a disguised queen end up acquiring an extraordinarily force sensitive slave child through an impenetrably complex bet with a racial stereotype flying elephant shrew. The two Jedi fight a Sith on their own because the rest of the Jedi appear not to care and one of them dies. The surviving Jedi, Renton, then begins to train said child as a Jedi, at the blessing of the Jedi council, who had spent the entire rest of the film pointing out training him now was likely a very bad idea, especially with another Sith Lord known to be kicking about.

2.
Increasingly transparently evil Sith Lord plots to overthrow galactic democracy using the most racist frog rabbit he could find, whilst Renton finds a secret army and our young force sensitive child is now wandering around in ominous black being an embarrassing teenager, going on murderous rampages and "romancing" our queen through the medium of conversation about minerals. She, naturally, succumbs to this geology obsessed psychopath's seduction. The Jedi continue to not be bothered particularly about a Sith Lord kicking about.
Oh, and someone's trying to kill the queen for some reason. But they sort of forget about that in all the thrilling excitement.

3.
In a shocking twist, our young Jedi turns to the dark side suddenly, despite two and half films running time to set his descent up properly, because the obviously evil disguised Sith Lord, who now cackles and actually talks about his extensive Sith knowledge, makes some very on the nose vague promises regarding his fears that his queen girlfriend might die in childbirth.
Our now bad Jedi goes on an utter atrocity spree and, meanwhile, almost all the Jedi get killed by soldiers because they now appear to no longer be able to see the future. Democracy collapses or something.
Good Jedi fights bad Jedi. Bad Jedi loses and shouts "Noooooo"! as he realises his queen girlfriend did in fact die in childbirth after all.

It's not great stuff.
:lol: bravo
 

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So is Star Wars dead now? Only Chewie left and the bland Rey can't carry any more films. Besides, who is left to rebel against...the Sequel Order?

What's currently in the Disney pipeline? There's nobody left for an origin story either, is there?
 

Mr Pigeon

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So is Star Wars dead now? Only Chewie left and the bland Rey can't carry any more films. Besides, who is left to rebel against...the Sequel Order?

What's currently in the Disney pipeline? There's nobody left for an origin story either, is there?
They can go back to the Jedi Civil War if they want or have another galaxy that's far far away...
 

Yagami

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I'd be shocked if anybody in their right mind felt the new movies were worse than the prequels.
A lot do! Myself included :D
Outside a tiny bubble of hardcore Star Wars nerds, barely anyone thinks the sequels are worse the the like of TPM and AOTC. That's the kind of opinion you get from people whose minds are addled by fandom, nostalgia and/or poor taste.
I watched a Nostalgia Critic/Channel Awesome video on the subject, and he said the prequels had something the sequels didn't. I agreed with him, and as bad as they are were, the prequels didn't have you feeling numb to the franchise after it was all said and done.
 

Yagami

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So is Star Wars dead now? Only Chewie left and the bland Rey can't carry any more films. Besides, who is left to rebel against...the Sequel Order?

What's currently in the Disney pipeline? There's nobody left for an origin story either, is there?
They've got Ewan McGregor coming back to play Obi in a Disney+ series.

Rumours that Hayden Christensen will be reprising his role as Anakin/Vader in the series, too.
 

LInkash

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Although they were bad, I have to say that the prequel had it's iconic moments, characters and music whereas there was nothing memorable about the sequels at all.
 

Revan

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So is Star Wars dead now? Only Chewie left and the bland Rey can't carry any more films. Besides, who is left to rebel against...the Sequel Order?

What's currently in the Disney pipeline? There's nobody left for an origin story either, is there?
The sequel order will expose the new super weapon: thousands of TIE fighters, all of which have weapons which can create supermassive black holes, capable of devouring entire solar systems.

Then the new Resistance, created from General Calrissian junior (cause it is a small universe) will attack with all they have: the entire seven old aircrafts.

All in this while Rey is chilling in a beach in the planet Nolterton.
 

padr81

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The sequel order will expose the new super weapon: thousands of TIE fighters, all of which have weapons which can create supermassive black holes, capable of devouring entire solar systems.

Then the new Resistance, created from General Calrissian junior (cause it is a small universe) will attack with all they have: the entire seven old aircrafts.

All in this while Rey is chilling in a beach in the planet Nolterton.
You forgot the part where we get a female suicide bomber for no particular raisin because womens can be bad ass too, all while making them look stupid instead of bad ass.
 

GBBQ

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They've got Ewan McGregor coming back to play Obi in a Disney+ series.

Rumours that Hayden Christensen will be reprising his role as Anakin/Vader in the series, too.
Think they are going to incorporate Red Dawn as well, the criminal enterprise headed up by the very much not dead Darth Maul.
 

kafta

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I would like to see more of Maul, he is one of the most interesting characters to me. He has a great backstory too.
 

Bilbo

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I'm not a guy that likes to hammer movies or pick them apart to be cool, but I watched it last night and thought it was laughably bad. Laughable as in I laughed a few times when I wasn't supposed to, and I was really quite bored from about 45 minutes in.
 

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I'm not a guy that likes to hammer movies or pick them apart to be cool, but I watched it last night and thought it was laughably bad. Laughable as in I laughed a few times when I wasn't supposed to, and I was really quite bored from about 45 minutes in.

Same. It just see,ed to be a rehash of bits from all the previous films. I'm glad it's all over now.
 

Yagami

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:lol:

I think Hayden gets too much stick, personally. There wasn't much more he could've done with the awful script and direction he was given. 2 was just bad all over, but I enjoyed his performance in 3.
Think they are going to incorporate Red Dawn as well, the criminal enterprise headed up by the very much not dead Darth Maul.
I would like to see more of Maul, he is one of the most interesting characters to me. He has a great backstory too.
I'd love to see more of Maul.

Did you guys see the fan made film about him, which kinda takes place just before The Phantom Menace? It actaully won an award in Germany!