Stupid things you've said to people you fancied

[Interval]

Well, I was out to a pub with a few of my mates and his friends from work. There was a cute girl in the group and we got talking. You know, casual stuff like college etc. Now the bar is slightly crowded but not crowded enough that you need to stick to each other. During the conversation she says she can't hear me and comes and stands next to me almost sticking to me.

Now, logical as I am, I tell her that there is enough space and she needn't stick to me. She then says, "you know, most guys I know would love to be this close to me." I don't know what got into me. Maybe I was trying to be funny. Or not, but I told her, "thats coz, unlike them, I'm not into men."

Next thing I know, she tells me what is wrong with me and storms off. The entire bunch of people are staring at me as if I molested her and after 10 minutes of awkward silence, I made a petty excuse to bugger off.

Brain Farts

 

[Scholesgoals]

Well, I was out to a pub with a few of my mates and his friends from work. There was a cute girl in the group and we got talking. You know, casual stuff like college etc. Now the bar is slightly crowded but not crowded enough that you need to stick to each other. During the conversation she says she can't hear me and comes and stands next to me almost sticking to me.

Now, logical as I am, I tell her that there is enough space and she needn't stick to me. She then says, "you know, most guys I know would love to be this close to me." I don't know what got into me. Maybe I was trying to be funny. Or not, but I told her, "thats coz, unlike them, I'm not into men."

Next thing I know, she tells me what is wrong with me and storms off. The entire bunch of people are staring at me as if I molested her and after 10 minutes of awkward silence, I made a petty excuse to bugger off.

Brain Farts

what an arrogant bitch, i would have done the same.

 

[Adzzz]

Well, I was out to a pub with a few of my mates and his friends from work. There was a cute girl in the group and we got talking. You know, casual stuff like college etc. Now the bar is slightly crowded but not crowded enough that you need to stick to each other. During the conversation she says she can't hear me and comes and stands next to me almost sticking to me.

Now, logical as I am, I tell her that there is enough space and she needn't stick to me. She then says, "you know, most guys I know would love to be this close to me." I don't know what got into me. Maybe I was trying to be funny. Or not, but I told her, "thats coz, unlike them, I'm not into men."

Next thing I know, she tells me what is wrong with me and storms off. The entire bunch of people are staring at me as if I molested her and after 10 minutes of awkward silence, I made a petty excuse to bugger off.

Brain Farts

Oh dear. Well, live and learn mate, live and learn.

 

[adexkola]

Well, I was out to a pub with a few of my mates and his friends from work. There was a cute girl in the group and we got talking. You know, casual stuff like college etc. Now the bar is slightly crowded but not crowded enough that you need to stick to each other. During the conversation she says she can't hear me and comes and stands next to me almost sticking to me.

Now, logical as I am, I tell her that there is enough space and she needn't stick to me. She then says, "you know, most guys I know would love to be this close to me." I don't know what got into me. Maybe I was trying to be funny. Or not, but I told her, "thats coz, unlike them, I'm not into men."

Next thing I know, she tells me what is wrong with me and storms off. The entire bunch of people are staring at me as if I molested her and after 10 minutes of awkward silence, I made a petty excuse to bugger off.

Brain Farts

Petty bitch

 

[Ole90+3]

After a good hour and a half, I've just finished reading this whole thread. Brilliant. Just brilliant!

 

[Adzzz]

Probably the best thread ever.

 

[IhabX7]

Just read the whole thread. Hilarious

 

[B20]

that's sounds about right. this is how i dealt with my exSunshine and she was a looker i tell you that. we met in a pub and we started arguing. at the end of the night she asked for my phone number. i asked her why she wanted it (well she was way out of my reach ) and she said " You're the only guy i've met that has guts to question what i say". yeah acting hard pays off.

Reminds me of new year's eve a little while back. I had spent the less drunk part of the evening inadvertedly and indirectly critisising everything about this bird. I made it the table conversations that brunettes were inherently prettier than blondes (she is blonde), that smokers suck (she smoked) and girls who wear all black have mental issues (she were black jeans, black shirt and black jacket, but somehow I hadn't noticed this).

Later that evening, she comes up to me in a huff and had no idea why as I had barely talked to her (me being an indirect asshoke to her was only pointed out to me later by a mutual friend there). I was talking to another philosophy major (like myself) about political philosophy and she, despite being rather dim, butts in and decides to disagree with whatever I said. I was really drunk at the time and figured if she is intent on arguing despite being dumb as feck and not having a real clue about the topic, fine let her have it. So I basically ripped her apart in the most condescending fashion possible. From there, I don't really remember how, the conversation actually turned into a discussion between me and her about her being dumb.

From there, things kinda black out for me (I was that drunk) but about 15 minutes later, we're snogging in the corner and 20 minutes after that, we're in her flat having sex.

Still have no fecking idea how that happened.

 

[rimaldo]

that’s rohypnol for you.

 

[rimaldo]

we could do a test? i'll give you some, we'll let the night pan out and see if you feel roughly the same the next morning. at least we'll know for sure.

 

[SteveJ]

I was waiting in a queue for a club once and a girl starting chatting to me and things were going well until she mentioned her two friends who she was trying to get together but they were too shy to talk to one another. Being me I instantly reeled out an in depth plan that involved rope, rohypnol and sexual abuse.

See, this is how the Way of the Caf warps us until we're unfit for female company; instead of smooth soundbites leading to romance and intercourse, our pitiful Caf-bound convos have led us to gibber about Date Rape, Sian Massey and the art of dumping in handbags. Tragically, we are the Gibson Generation.

 

[Adzzz]

I've probably enough stuff to add to make this thread about two pages longer than it is even if it were just me posting.

Sadly it's all locked in the vaults.

 

[Brophs]

My mate reminded of this one the other week...

We were on a night out in Uni once and one of the girls had some sort of problem with her phone. Wanting to impress her I made myself out to be some sort of expert on mobile phones, despite the fact that I'd only just gotten my first phone. I turned the phone off and took out the battery, went to start the phone again and it brought me to the pin screen. I asked her for her pin and over the music I distinctly heard her say her number, let's say it was 6857. I tried it and it didn't work. Two attempts remaining. I figured I'd typed it in wrong so I tried it again. No joy. One attempt remaining.

I didn't want to look a dickhead so I decided that I must have gotten it wrong both times beforehand (much easier than admitting I'd probably been staring at her tits while she called out the number) and went for broke - I tried it again. For a third time. It locked the phone. I stood there staring at the phone, turning it off and on again etc. in the hope I'd be able to get another go at the pin (I'd probably have tried the same number one more time. Just in case like). It didn't work.

After a few minutes of this she arrived back and asked if I had finished. I mumbled something and said 'Oh, the phone is pin-locked'. She asked me what had happened and I said 'Oh, you must have given me the wrong pin'. She denied this and said 'But even if I did, why would you enter the same pin three times? You must have known it was wrong.' I, being pretty quick on my feet replied (and I still cringe when I think about this) 'No. I very rarely, if ever, get numbers that people call out wrong. I have a brilliant memory for numbers. I think this was your fault'

She looked at me like you do at a child with a learning disability that has just written on the wall with crayon, took the phone and walked off. She barely spoke to me for the rest of college. The stuck up bitch.

 

[Mickey]

but the worst one ever was a girl who I practically loved, I was so besotted by her...one night in laverys her mate told me I had to ask her out this night...so I walks up to her and says "so joanne would you like to go out with me sometime then?" (yes i am that smooth) to which she replied "No"...now i later found out she was about to follow up what she had just said by saying "i dont want to go out with you sometime I want to go out with you now" or something but I didnt give give her the chance as I interrupted and said "well feck you then you ugly cnut" and walked off. later her mate said she had cried all night cause she had really fancied me, but I couldnt convince her mate to say i was only hurt and joking and that i really fancied her still.

 

[SteveJ]

As we got to her house at about 7am in the morning it started to rain. I said "feck it's starting to rain". Her reply haunted me for years. She said "Well it's the only fecking way I'm going to get wet, isn't it?" and she walked into her house.

Killer line. Unnamed-frustrated-girl, I salute you!
*salutes*

 

[Rado_N]

My mate reminded of this one the other week...

We were on a night out in Uni once and one of the girls had some sort of problem with her phone. Wanting to impress her I made myself out to be some sort of expert on mobile phones, despite the fact that I'd only just gotten my first phone. I turned the phone off and took out the battery, went to start the phone again and it brought me to the pin screen. I asked her for her pin and over the music I distinctly heard her say her number, let's say it was 6857. I tried it and it didn't work. Two attempts remaining. I figured I'd typed it in wrong so I tried it again. No joy. One attempt remaining.

I didn't want to look a dickhead so I decided that I must have gotten it wrong both times beforehand (much easier than admitting I'd probably been staring at her tits while she called out the number) and went for broke - I tried it again. For a third time. It locked the phone. I stood there staring at the phone, turning it off and on again etc. in the hope I'd be able to get another go at the pin (I'd probably have tried the same number one more time. Just in case like). It didn't work.

After a few minutes of this she arrived back and asked if I had finished. I mumbled something and said 'Oh, the phone is pin-locked'. She asked me what had happened and I said 'Oh, you must have given me the wrong pin'. She denied this and said 'But even if I did, why would you enter the same pin three times? You must have known it was wrong.' I, being pretty quick on my feet replied (and I still cringe when I think about this) 'No. I very rarely, if ever, get numbers that people call out wrong. I have a brilliant memory for numbers. I think this was your fault'

She looked at me like you do at a child with a learning disability that has just written on the wall with crayon, took the phone and walked off. She barely spoke to me for the rest of college. The stuck up bitch.

Smooth, Brophs, real smooth.

 

[SmashedHombre]

Well, if you very rarely, if ever, get numbers that people call out wrong then it must have been her fault. But you know what women are like when it comes to admitting they're in the wrong.

I'm planning on working mymagic on a girl in one of my Tuesday classes, so expect this thread to be bumped at some point tomorrow.

 

[Brophs]

In my defence, I was trying not to seem like a dickhead....

 

[Adzzz]

Well, if you very rarely, if ever, get numbers that people call out wrong then it must have been her fault. But you know what women are like when it comes to admitting they're in the wrong.

I'm planning on working mymagic on a girl in one of my Tuesday classes, so expect this thread to be bumped at some point tomorrow.

I actually believe we are nemesis. I too am conducting covert operations on a certain lady and I must say reading this thread again has only made realise how drastically I'm going to fail.

While we both live, one must die. Or something. I mean you, not her.

 

[Heardy]

"I've ripped my cock."

Mid-session my banjo had gone. Four words i hoped never to repeat.

Unfortunately I did, just over two weeks later when I hadn't quite healed.

We should both have been scarred for life, but bizarrely she allowed me back for more.

 

[SmashedHombre]

I actually believe we are nemesis. I too am conducting covert operations on a certain lady and I must say reading this thread again has only made realise how drastically I'm going to fail.

While we both live, one must die. Or something. I mean you, not her.

This is where you an I differ AdZz, I learn from my mistakes. For example I now know locking a lady in a bathroom does not constitue most womens idea of a good date. I have also learned never to liken sex with them to making love to an Andrex puppy.

I learn from my mistakes, I'm an ever-changing, ever-adapting super-dating machine and I know that tomorrow, when I make my move, all those years of mistakes will culminate in one unforgettable, unrefusable chat up line.

 

[CallyRed]

I was with a girl(that I fancied the hell out of), in an Anne Summers Shop, and she went in and tried on a really hot nurses uniform in the changing room.
I waited outside in the seating area, and she sent me a message saying "did I want to come in and have a look?".

I replied back "I'm fine out here thanks"

feck me what a twat

 

[phelans shorts]

This is where you an I differ AdZz, I learn from my mistakes. For example I now know locking a lady in a bathroom does not constitue most womens idea of a good date. I have also learned never to liken sex with them to making love to an Andrex puppy.

I learn from my mistakes, I'm an ever-changing, ever-adapting super-dating machine and I know that tomorrow, when I make my move, all those years of mistakes will culminate in one unforgettable, unrefusable chat up line.

This just makes the inevitable bump sweeter

 

[Rado_N]

I think you should try out some potential winning lines in here Smashed, just so make sure you get it right tomorrow...

 

[B20]

In my defence, I was trying not to seem like a dickhead....

I think you meant to say you were trying not to seem like a total moron. And in doing so, came out looking like an autistic dickhead.

Brilliant stuff though.

 

[Brophs]

I think you should try out some potential winning lines in here Smashed, just so make sure you get it right tomorrow...

Yeah, let's do that, Smashed.

Just imagine Top is a pillow which you're pretending is a real woman.

Go.....

 

[Hectic]

"Listen. I've got a piece of wood here that needs taking down and I heard you are a lumberjack. Call me Smashed. It's how I'll leave you."

 

[Hectic]

"Do you want to hang out some time....er...smashed?"
"Nah..I'd rather just hang out the back of you."

 

[SmashedHombre]

I think you meant to say you were trying not to seem like a total moron. And in doing so, came out looking like an autistic dickhead.

Brilliant stuff though.

Oh...to be honest I just figured I would be able to make it up on the spot. I already laid the groundworks a couple of weeks a go by buddying up with her in paired class work, so I'm sort of assuming I'm basically 95% of the way there already.

I do, though, like the sound of this;

"Do you want to hang out some time....er...smashed?"
"Nah..I'd rather just hang out the back of you."

 

[Adzzz]

This is where you an I differ AdZz, I learn from my mistakes. For example I now know locking a lady in a bathroom does not constitue most womens idea of a good date. I have also learned never to liken sex with them to making love to an Andrex puppy.

I learn from my mistakes, I'm an ever-changing, ever-adapting super-dating machine and I know that tomorrow, when I make my move, all those years of mistakes will culminate in one unforgettable, unrefusable chat up line.

I'm just going for my Whitney Houston Text Barrage again.

 

[mehro]

moved

 

[Tibs]

Her (most perfect girl you can imagine)

'Do you want to come over to mine?'

Me: 'No'

Her: 'Why not? Come onnnn'

Me: 'Can't, I have to go somewhere later'

I had nowhere to go, and I just had a major brain freeze moment

 

[Christofaux]

Her (most perfect girl you can imagine)

'Do you want to come over to mine?'

Me: 'No'

Her: 'Why not? Come onnnn'

Me: 'Can't, I have to go somewhere later'

I had nowhere to go, and I just had a major brain freeze moment

Most perfect girl i can imagine ever or right now?

Don't worry mate, you couldn't afford her anyway.

 

[iSparky]

me: "i love you"

her: "have i ever spoke to you before??"

me: "no"

her: "do i know you??"

me: "eeerrrr.....no...."

god damn tequila shots

 

[The Taurean]

So here’s my contribution. And it’s not so much embarrassing as pathetic and cringe worthy.

So, a couple of years ago me and some of my mates went out to this pub (if Pogue’s/Irishmen are reading it was Pogue or Pugg Mahone’s ). Now me, I’m pathetic at spotting the signs, and when I do I’m usually too chicken shit to do anything – or I wait too long and the opportunity passes – Melbourne Red can attest to this.

Anyway, this bird was eyeing me up across the dance floor. Me being me I was totally oblivious to it until one of my mates literally dragged me across to talk to her. She was there with her mate (who was extremely hot too – who apparently had a boyfriend), so I’m battling along being awkward as usual, but in my defence I was rather drunk. Anyway after 10 minutes or so of pathetic chit-chat I look across to see my mate snogging the feck out of her mate, so I figure feck this if he’s hooked in when all he was doing was dragging me along to talk to the bird then I better act fast. So I did.

Anyway as the night goes on she’s like let’s go to this other club and kick it off there, and I’m driving… At first I was like naaah, we should head home, I’ve got no money… But then after a right kick up my arse I said yeah. So she drove us three (me, my mate and her mate) to this other club. Anyway we continue on here ‘til the early in the morning when she offers to give us lifts home. She first dropped her friend off (took half an hour to get there), and then was on her way to drop us off, when I’m like ‘Well I’m on the way first so you can drop me and then drop my mate off……………..’ Having not yet read the signs…. She tells me she’ll drop me off home last…. And so we get out the front of my house, in her car, and she’s asks (and I remember this vividly):

‘So can I stay at yours tonight? I’ve got to drive all the way back to Dandenong and I’m tired (which is a good 30 minutes from my house, which makes implications of dropping me off even more blatant – she’d driven halfway around the city to drop us all off)…’

To which I panicked… ‘ooh aaaaah naaaah you shouldn’t my parents will get angry…’

So I kissed her on the cheek and fecked off inside…. A dead certainty for a root, even if I just shagged her in the car and told her to sod off after!!!! feck I was a softcock back then.



But wait, this isn’t even the end of the story…. It gets fecking worse.



So I message her the next week and we arrange to go out, we decide to go to the city and have a coffee. She comes to pick me up from my house (having just come from getting a tattoo earlier that day), we drive for 30 minutes to get into the city.

We spend 20 minutes driving around trying to decide what we’ll do/finding a carpark. We park.

We go to Starbucks, which we could’ve done (gone to similar places) anywhere around my house.

We talk there for a while, and have a drink. We go back to her car to find she’s got a $150 parking fine. At this stage I was going to leave her, as I had a meeting to go to somewhere else in the City – my mates, in all their infinite wisdom, had decided to start up a night at a club, and I said I’d promote for them so we were all having a meeting at the actual venue – anyway, she says she’ll take me there and even wait for me whilst I’m inside... I agreed.

But unfortunately I didn’t know where abouts the venue actually was, so we spend another 30 minutes driving around trying to find this place (me looking up the directory), in which time she gets a phone call from work, asking why she didn’t come in today…… She got fired (though apparently she didn’t care because she wanted to quit anyway).

Anyway, after another 10 minutes, and some illegal street-moves we find the club. She waits in the car dutifully as I’m inside for half an hour talking to my mates. I come out and say I can catch the train home/get a lift with my mates. She tells me she’ll take me home… I say it’s out of your way, she says it’s fine. I agree.

On the way home we were stopping at some lights, about 2 minutes from my house, when her car gets sideswiped.

I get dropped off, sat down, thought about the whole day and realized I just didn’t have the bollocks to call her again.

So in short, she drove half an hour to get to mine, another half an hour + 20 minutes to get into the city/find a parking spot and decide what to do. She gets a $150 fine. Gets fired. Waits half an hour in the car whilst I’m talking to mates. And then proceeds to get her car side-swiped on the way to dropping me home.

IMG

That’s her back then, on the right.

Sigh.

brilliant thread.
kinel' cesc's. did you ever make-up for that girl who went to so much trouble.

 

[Hitchcocker]

feck cesc's and you didn't offer to split the fine or something?

My contribution: Both happened during the World Cup finals in a bar.

Girl 1 came over beside me as I was sitting at the counter watching the Finals and:

Girl 1 - So who do you support?
Me - England but today, Spain. You?
Girl 1 - Spain too, I fancy Xavi.
Me - Me too.
Girl 1 - Ohhhh...... (walks away)

After half time, I went down to order some chips and smiled at a lady across the bar and went back to my usual seat. She approached me:

Girl 2 - Hey, the match is kinda dull and my mates want to watch the match, would you send me home? I'll make you coffee.
Me - Would we be able to watch the match at your place?
Girl 2 - (Looks back at her friend and at me again) Never mind, I think they're heading back now.

I saw her at the end of the match. That cnut lied to me.

 

[botond]

i was at the club , tipsy and in the mood to party .there was this girl i really fancied , little small skinny one whit big tits .
at one time she comes to me and asks me if i can walk her home because she is afraid to walk alone...she lived close by ...i said sure , walked her next to her flat and at the entrance i said ..you're good from here , by and went back to the club .
the next day my mate comes and tells me that the girl asked him that why i don't fancy her because she thought i do , and she wanted to surprise me since she was home alone that week end

i felt so dumb ..how did i miss it

 

[Excal]

Spoony: "Modric"

 

[PhilipB]

Cesc's story is painful just reading it.

 

[yaps]

I've done some silly things in my time, but not as silly as the rest of you so it seems!