There's a theme developing here, linking you spackers together...
The theme appears to be rape
Stupid things you've said to people you fancied
- Thread starter Plechazunga
- Start date
The theme appears to be rape
It's the rohypnol....rape in a bottle.
couple of rapes and a beheading
sounds almost like a Hugh Grant movie
sounds almost like a Hugh Grant movie
I had been going with this girl for a few months and one drunken night we were doing the biz in my room. She asks me not to wear a condom for a change and im like "what?". She says "well two, into one won't go" (indicating that she was on her period and in her drunken wisdom was telling me that she wanted to go bareback). I'm like "what?". I tell her that im wearing a condom because Im too young to be a father. So I wear a condom. It rips and comes off.
Thankfully no kiddies running about. In hindsight i should have enjoyed that bareback
Thankfully no kiddies running about. In hindsight i should have enjoyed that bareback
Don't be sorry i'm in good company with those spazzers.
The other day a quite lovely girl in work caught me singing to girls aloud on the radio and flirtily said "Girls Aloud fan are you" to which I replied without thinking "not as much as mcfly".......bad times
You're off on a bit of a tangent with your stories today geebs
That one's less saying something stupid to a girl you fancy, and more just being a bit shambolic in the sack
I once asked a girl out at school. But she was the girl everyone fancied (you know the type), and a gossip. Friendly enough, and not a bitch or anything, but in with the cool crowd and dated all the rugby players and the popular people.
So there's me, a fat, acne-ridden retard, asking her out in a tremlbing voice. Thinking about it now, it was never going to end well. And it didn't,
Ooooohhhh no. I'd say about twenty seconds after I'd asked (well, it FELT like twenty seconds), EVERYONE in the school knew. I mean EVERYONE. Lippy little year nines who arn't even fifteen yet were giving me abuse as I waddled out of school.
Oh the joys.
Things havn't really improved from there.
So there's me, a fat, acne-ridden retard, asking her out in a tremlbing voice. Thinking about it now, it was never going to end well. And it didn't,
Ooooohhhh no. I'd say about twenty seconds after I'd asked (well, it FELT like twenty seconds), EVERYONE in the school knew. I mean EVERYONE. Lippy little year nines who arn't even fifteen yet were giving me abuse as I waddled out of school.
Oh the joys.
Things havn't really improved from there.
Aw...
We love you, Count Duckula
We love you, Count Duckula
Yeah but looking at our track records it isn't going to go anywhere.
It probably was one of the most stupid things I've ever doneHard luck fatty
I mean it was CLEARLY going to backfire, yet I went ahead with it anyway I was recently speaking to a girl that I was very interested in and she was clearly interested in me too. The conversation went towards jobs and she suggested I get a job in a local chip shop. I scoffed at the suggestion and told her I'd have to be a retard to want a job in that place. No prizes for guessing where she worked.
Not so much what I said, but what I did...
I was in WH Smith and I was just walking up the stairs leading to the exit. I looked up, and walking the other way, towards me, was this really hot girl. I thought to my self, just play it cool, walk past her and see if she smiles or anything. So I continued walking, I was just nearing her, when I bloody tripped on one of the steps. I got back up and just though, pretend it didn't happen and continue walking , which I did, for about 3 steps before I tripped again. By now I was really pissed off and decided I had no chance with this girl, so I got up and continued to the top of the stairs, where I managed to trip for the 3rd fecking time, and to rub salt in, I looked back and the girl was walking off, pissing herself laughing.
I was in WH Smith and I was just walking up the stairs leading to the exit. I looked up, and walking the other way, towards me, was this really hot girl. I thought to my self, just play it cool, walk past her and see if she smiles or anything. So I continued walking, I was just nearing her, when I bloody tripped on one of the steps. I got back up and just though, pretend it didn't happen and continue walking , which I did, for about 3 steps before I tripped again. By now I was really pissed off and decided I had no chance with this girl, so I got up and continued to the top of the stairs, where I managed to trip for the 3rd fecking time, and to rub salt in, I looked back and the girl was walking off, pissing herself laughing.
That's an easy trap to fall into, I once told a story to a bunch of girls... not that I fancied all of them, you understand... which hinged on all girls who work at Woolworths tills being imbeciles... obviously, like 3 out of the 5 of them hard worked in Woolworths.
To be honest, even when she told me she worked in this chip shop I couldn't bring myself to retract my statement. By this point I'd already told her that I had a degree and was considering going back in the near future to do a PGCE. Yet she thought it was appropriate to suggest working in a chip shop as a career option. In all fairness she's still a student and that's why she's working there. However, oddly enough, I haven't insulted her so much that she doesn't want anything to do with me... yet. I'm guessing it's going to be one of those watch this space moments.
There was a photo on facebook that made me look like I had a big nose, being a bit of a casual racist (all in jest) I changed my status to "Adam is thinking he might be Jewish". Next time i'm out i'm talking to a girl I know who happens to have a reasonably large nose and is self conscious about it so when she asked why I though I was Jewish I thought it would be rude to tell her the nose story, the next best thing that I could think of....."my foreskin fell off". She tends to avoid me now.
Dunno, asking every bird you meet for a shag isn't such a bad strategy (if you're thick skinned enough to take a lot of knock backs)It probably was one of the most stupid things I've ever done
idiot classDidn't really say anything stupid, but felt so afterwards.
When I was a much younger man I really liked this girl, that I thought was way out of my league. Anyway, I summoned up the courage to ask her out and she politely let me down. I said something like "Sure, that's ok" and embarrased, delibrately kept out of her way and avoided her from then on.
Years later I ran into her best friend and she told me that she knew I was going to ask her out and that she really liked me, and actually thought I was "the one". but wanted to play hard to get and didn't want me to thing she was "easy". She planned to say "Yes" the next time I asked her. Apparently she even cried when I started avoiding her thinking she had scared me away.
I was shattered when I heard that. Why the feck do women have to play stupid games?
When I was a much younger man I really liked this girl, that I thought was way out of my league. Anyway, I summoned up the courage to ask her out and she politely let me down. I said something like "Sure, that's ok" and embarrased, delibrately kept out of her way and avoided her from then on.
Years later I ran into her best friend and she told me that she knew I was going to ask her out and that she really liked me, and actually thought I was "the one". but wanted to play hard to get and didn't want me to thing she was "easy". She planned to say "Yes" the next time I asked her. Apparently she even cried when I started avoiding her thinking she had scared me away.
I was shattered when I heard that. Why the feck do women have to play stupid games?
No, I'd give it to Carpy, since the thread title is "Stupid things you've said". Telling women rape jokes doesn't make you stupid. It makes you an asshole.
Unless of course her best friend was some evil twisted psycho bitch who only wanted to twist the knife further into your heart.
But its best not to dwell on these things.
But its best not to dwell on these things.
Eh? I told a girl I would be retarded to work in a chip shop (a chip shop it turned out that she worked in) and you got rape from that? You're one fecked up individual my friend.
Years ago, I was out with friends and some ladies we knew ended up being at the same place. One of the ladies friends I had never met before. I'd look over to her every now and then and noticed she'd been looking at me. So I finally decide to go over and start talking to her. I ask her what her name is. She asked me what my name was, and for some reason, to this day I don't know why, I replied with 'Pat McCrotch'(which if you say it fast roughly says pat me crotch). Brilliant moment on my part.
Can't you read?!
He said he gave the best one to you seen as the story plech thought was funniest didn't really count as it was about rape.
Thank you for pointing out how idiotic I have been Hectic. Earlier today I wrote the word your instead of you're. I fear that this latest bout of retardedness is an indication that I'm becoming more and more stupid by the hour. I apologise to you and everyone else who has read my post and thought to themselves, 'carpy can't read the fecking idiot'. I especially apologise to Chris H who no doubt now thinks of me as 'guy who reads not so good' or at least as the 'guy who needs to pay more attention to things before responding'.
I'm off to poke myself with a fork and see if my reaction times have slowed at all (I have no point of reference though so it's basically just going to be me poking myself with a fork. This will clearly be another indication of my mental decline). Do you think I'll be able to get away with blaming it all on the time?
I think thats the best way to check for early signs of dementia and senileness.
We are missing you in the Tuesday thread. If it's not Tuesday in your land, then don't bother posting in the thread, just kill yourself.
No worries. Go easy with that fork though.
I was talking to this bird at a bucks(stag) party. She was a scottish back packer and etremelley fit. I was getting on fine and she told me she hates football, loves tennis and can't see what the fuss is with football. I pretty much told her shes an idiot... my mates were like your the king. However for a few days later i felt like the idiot.
Should have waited to tell until you boned her
class threadI once had a few mates over, and was playing FIFA Road to the world cup (when xbox 360 just released), and this girl i had fancied a while and wasnt sure about her feelings, comes, sits next to me and talks. Starts off easy enough just how are you etc..
now after about 2 minutes the match went to extra time, and i started to zone her out, during which time the girl apparently asked if i liked her after admitting she liked me, at which point i got scored on, and sunk into the coach and let out an irritated nooo.......
then when i turned to say "sorry what were u saying.." she got up and left...
sensitive bitch
Haha bad luck, but tbf if she had a nice enough body or face you would have been paying more to her than the game, shame you lost on two fronts
I once had a few mates over, and was playing FIFA Road to the world cup (when xbox 360 just released), and this girl i had fancied a while and wasnt sure about her feelings, comes, sits next to me and talks. Starts off easy enough just how are you etc..
now after about 2 minutes the match went to extra time, and i started to zone her out, during which time the girl apparently asked if i liked her after admitting she liked me, at which point i got scored on, and sunk into the coach and let out an irritated nooo.......
then when i turned to say "sorry what were u saying.." she got up and left...
sensitive bitch
the winner
haha she was pretty decent, just i had an unbeaten streak going, didnt wanna lose
Anyone notice how girls always go on text frenzies to u while playing video games? Bloody annoying that is.
the worst is when your in the middle of a game and they ring and expect you to drop the game and 'talk' to them. Its so annonying. Even if she finds out im playing Football maanger whilst talking to her she cracks the shits.