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- Oct 22, 2010
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This coming season sees the beginning of a new chapter in football history, a clash of titans, a battle of the ages, and even more hyperbole. Yes, this summer heralds the start of Rodgers versus Gerrard, and never mind all that 'Old Firm' shite. I present to you the Tale Of The Tape:
GERRARD
Gerrard tries to attract Alonso
Height: Who cares?
Age: 156
Titles: Mr
BREN (and Stimpy)
Brendan, with ear wax
Height: 1 foot 1
Age: Stone
Titles: More than Gerrard
The war of words between the two former colleagues started a while ago, with Stevie G miraculously sounding more big-headed and bolshy than Brendan could even dream of, while Celtic's king of bling has opted for the 'You're in for a bloody big shock, you cheeky bastid. By the feckin' way, my missus Semolina left me after The Demba Disaster...' approach:
GERRARD
Gerrard tries to attract Alonso
Height: Who cares?
Age: 156
Titles: Mr
BREN (and Stimpy)
Brendan, with ear wax
Height: 1 foot 1
Age: Stone
Titles: More than Gerrard
The war of words between the two former colleagues started a while ago, with Stevie G miraculously sounding more big-headed and bolshy than Brendan could even dream of, while Celtic's king of bling has opted for the 'You're in for a bloody big shock, you cheeky bastid. By the feckin' way, my missus Semolina left me after The Demba Disaster...' approach:
Steven Gerrard said:"Celtic have had it their own way for too long, but I'm here now. So Brendan may as well f*ck off and Celtic pack it in and sell their ground. For I, Steven Amadeus Gerrard, guarantee success, and I have the VHS to prove it."
It promises to be a melodramatic season of Gerrard hilariously trying to appear important by posing on the touchline while wearing a club tie that makes him look like he works for Tesco, as Brendan glares at him like Emperor Ming scrutinising his bank charges. I'll keep you all posted about intergalactic Derby clashes, their laughable soundbites etc etc because I have too much time on my hands, have no life, am punching above my weight & other Cafisms.Brendan Rodgers said:"I'll always be thankful for the opportunity to work with Stevie. He's a supernova of a carbon-based lifeform. The swimming pool I ordered before the Liverpool/Chelsea match, complete with mosaic from Pompeii, has gone back to Argos - in fact, they repossessed it after fulltime - so I can truly say that bygones are bygones and that Stevie's unfortunate slip could've happened to anyone named Steven Amadeus Gerrard. But now it's personal - he's lobbed himself into the steaming cauldron of football named Scotland, and wants to rule the world...of Scotland. But this is my turf, so he'll have his work cut out...the title-losing twat."
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