You don't know Brendan.
The Brendandoor
The purpose is to sit and smell your own farts in the livingroom, while closing them in. Outsiders can still look in and look at you in awe, but not have the joy of smelling your wonderful moist farts.
The Brendan & Gerrard Show
- Thread starter SteveJ
- Start date
The Brendandoor
The purpose is to sit and smell your own farts in the livingroom, while closing them in. Outsiders can still look in and look at you in awe, but not have the joy of smelling your wonderful moist farts.
The Brendadoor
He has a red button next to his huge self portrait in the living room. When you push the button a carefully replicated scent gets released out of a small hole in his mouth of the picture. It is to give eventual visitors the true essence of his success.
Angry Celtic Fan #49687 vents his frustration
Following his success hit in the 70s with D.I.V.O.R.C.E (google it), Billy Connolly is back with a cover of Ugly Kid Joe's "Everything about You"
I, hate the rain and Leicester weather,
And I, hate the pitch and sponsors too
(And) I don't like a thing about the city, no, no
And I, I, I, hate the Premier League too!
And I, hate everything about you!
Everything about you!
And I don't like a thing about your portrait
And I, I hate your Brendan's memes too, (they're cringe)
And I don't like a thing about your BrandBren no, no
'Cause I, I, I, thinks tans are overrated too.
And I, get sick of envelopes,
I, can't stand your character
I, hate everything about you!
Everything about you, everything about you,
Everything about you
Following his success hit in the 70s with D.I.V.O.R.C.E (google it), Billy Connolly is back with a cover of Ugly Kid Joe's "Everything about You"
I, hate the rain and Leicester weather,
And I, hate the pitch and sponsors too
(And) I don't like a thing about the city, no, no
And I, I, I, hate the Premier League too!
And I, hate everything about you!
Everything about you!
And I don't like a thing about your portrait
And I, I hate your Brendan's memes too, (they're cringe)
And I don't like a thing about your BrandBren no, no
'Cause I, I, I, thinks tans are overrated too.
And I, get sick of envelopes,
I, can't stand your character
I, hate everything about you!
Everything about you, everything about you,
Everything about you
Shredding his legacy at every turn!
Next thing you know he'll be editing his Wikipedia, saying how he was forced out by the Celtic board and how the fans are still chanting his name for the next 10 years
The Crying Game
Peak Brendan (again)
JUST a week ago Brendan Rodgers was treated as a Celtic messiah. Now the departed Hoops boss is regarded as a very naughty boy.
The Life of Bren has taken a crazy twist, with the new Leicester City manager an unlikely HATE figure at Parkhead.
Rodgers was taken aback by the level of vitriol from the fans who once idolised him during Wednesday’s Hearts match. But the history-making ex-Hoops boss insists he’s no fraud and claims he should be able to return to Celtic Park one day.
Rodgers said: “I would be hugely, hugely disappointed if I never could go back. I would be incredibly disappointed if I never could after everything I’ve given.
“If that was the case then... For someone who turned up at 7.30am every morning of his life? Who was in there until all hours of the night, took over 60 games a season, preparing a team, changing a culture and a standard at a club, filling the support again?
“It’s just time. I’m experieced enough now and I’ve been around football for long enough. The experience I’ve gained has allowed me not to get too affected by words and whatnot.
“I tend to focus more on the good side.
“Supporters will hurt and I get that. I understand that. That’s why I’ll never come out and kill them.
“But I’ve already been thanked by fans for delivering the memories they’ve had in the last three years.
“They’ve been grateful, so I hang on to that.
“It’s important I know I made people happy.
“I know we succeeded and ultimately that’s the measure I look at. The changes we made off the pitch, the success we had on it. That’s my measure of success.”
Rodgers has had the toughest week of his football life as he quit Celtic for mega-rich Leicester.
He revealed even his brothers were CRYING after he accepted a job back in the Premier League.
Rodgers said: “My brothers were shocked. The family was shocked and in tears.
“They were in tears when I took the job and then when I was leaving. It is still hard for them to comprehend, probably because they were living the dream — and I was living my dream.
“Unfortunately, dreams do come to an end sometimes. Then there’s another professional side. It was so quick. It wasn’t something that was planned because my plan was to get to the end of the season and then, like I always do, review.”
Rodgers achieved the lot during his near three-year Celtic stay. Seven trophies, an Invincible campaign, two Trebles and a record-breaking 69-game unbeaten run.
Chuck in two Champions League qualifications and you can see why he’ll go down as one of the best Hoops bosses ever. He cherished the bond he had with players like Scott Brown and admits it was tough to walk out on them.
Rodgers said: “I felt that I put a culture in place that meant leaving the guys was really difficult. It is difficult. These guys and I created memories that will bond us together for a lifetime.
“Every day from the day I walked in, it was absolutely amazing.
“So many games, going 69 unbeaten, creating that record which will be hard to beat, winning the Treble twice. The success we had is actually measured on the fact that the expectancy is now to win a Treble.
“Only two managers in the history of the club managed it before me.
But he claims he parted on good terms and thanked Peter Lawwell and Dermot Desmond for their backing.
He said: “I will always be thankful to Dermot and Peter for giving me the opportunity. The board were absolutely brilliant for me. You have to make decisions for a number of reasons.
“We had success, we played a brand of football.
“When I spoke to Dermot he felt there’s a new Celtic way now.
“He will always be thankful to me for the legacy I have left and everything I have given the club.”
(Source: Scottish Sun)
https://www.thescottishsun.co.uk/sp...brown-only-celtic-player-told-leicester-move/
JUST a week ago Brendan Rodgers was treated as a Celtic messiah. Now the departed Hoops boss is regarded as a very naughty boy.
The Life of Bren has taken a crazy twist, with the new Leicester City manager an unlikely HATE figure at Parkhead.
Rodgers was taken aback by the level of vitriol from the fans who once idolised him during Wednesday’s Hearts match. But the history-making ex-Hoops boss insists he’s no fraud and claims he should be able to return to Celtic Park one day.
Rodgers said: “I would be hugely, hugely disappointed if I never could go back. I would be incredibly disappointed if I never could after everything I’ve given.
“If that was the case then... For someone who turned up at 7.30am every morning of his life? Who was in there until all hours of the night, took over 60 games a season, preparing a team, changing a culture and a standard at a club, filling the support again?
“It’s just time. I’m experieced enough now and I’ve been around football for long enough. The experience I’ve gained has allowed me not to get too affected by words and whatnot.
“I tend to focus more on the good side.
“Supporters will hurt and I get that. I understand that. That’s why I’ll never come out and kill them.
“But I’ve already been thanked by fans for delivering the memories they’ve had in the last three years.
“They’ve been grateful, so I hang on to that.
“It’s important I know I made people happy.
“I know we succeeded and ultimately that’s the measure I look at. The changes we made off the pitch, the success we had on it. That’s my measure of success.”
Rodgers has had the toughest week of his football life as he quit Celtic for mega-rich Leicester.
He revealed even his brothers were CRYING after he accepted a job back in the Premier League.
Rodgers said: “My brothers were shocked. The family was shocked and in tears.
“They were in tears when I took the job and then when I was leaving. It is still hard for them to comprehend, probably because they were living the dream — and I was living my dream.
“Unfortunately, dreams do come to an end sometimes. Then there’s another professional side. It was so quick. It wasn’t something that was planned because my plan was to get to the end of the season and then, like I always do, review.”
Rodgers achieved the lot during his near three-year Celtic stay. Seven trophies, an Invincible campaign, two Trebles and a record-breaking 69-game unbeaten run.
Chuck in two Champions League qualifications and you can see why he’ll go down as one of the best Hoops bosses ever. He cherished the bond he had with players like Scott Brown and admits it was tough to walk out on them.
Rodgers said: “I felt that I put a culture in place that meant leaving the guys was really difficult. It is difficult. These guys and I created memories that will bond us together for a lifetime.
“Every day from the day I walked in, it was absolutely amazing.
“So many games, going 69 unbeaten, creating that record which will be hard to beat, winning the Treble twice. The success we had is actually measured on the fact that the expectancy is now to win a Treble.
“Only two managers in the history of the club managed it before me.
But he claims he parted on good terms and thanked Peter Lawwell and Dermot Desmond for their backing.
He said: “I will always be thankful to Dermot and Peter for giving me the opportunity. The board were absolutely brilliant for me. You have to make decisions for a number of reasons.
“We had success, we played a brand of football.
“When I spoke to Dermot he felt there’s a new Celtic way now.
“He will always be thankful to me for the legacy I have left and everything I have given the club.”
(Source: Scottish Sun)
https://www.thescottishsun.co.uk/sp...brown-only-celtic-player-told-leicester-move/
You don't even need to parody the man; just let him speak and gasp at what comes out of his mouth next.
He's more Brent than Brent could ever actually be.
He's more Brent than Brent could ever actually be.
Something happened on the way to Hampden
Steven Gerrard 05/08/18: "We're a class above Aberdeen."
P6 W1 D2 L3
Rangers dumped Steven Gerrard out of the Scottish Cup losing 2-0 to theWind, Rain, Long Balls Aberdeen. Some will say that Rangers season is over, others will say that Gerrard is focused on winning the league. Nevertheless Gerrard acknowledges that he needs more than 3 envelopes but also said he would reluctantly take some responsibility
"Obviously it is disappointing to lose to Aberdeen, who game raised today and will lie down for Celtic, I feel disappointed for myself seeing my philosophy being betrayed like that. Before the game I tried to get my players inspired by telling stories of how Graeme Souness won the cup by walking off a broken leg to score a 96th minute overhead kick or the time I scored a hattrick and saved 3 penalties to win the Champions League. [fake nervous laughter] The wind was bad, I know people may not like me saying it, but the wind was very windy. I would have liked the ref to have given us at least 3 penalties but (fake nervous laughter]. We haven't had a penalty since last week, I'm just saying [unintelligible babbling]
But I'm not one for excuses, so I will t....take some re....re....res.....take some responsbility....why do I feel light headed all of a sudden
According to Clickbait Capital Letters NewsPaper, FANS want Gerrard to be SACKED and replaced. Twitter has GONE into MELTDOWN with a number (8) of fans saying Gerrard needs to go tonight.....
Steven Gerrard 05/08/18: "We're a class above Aberdeen."
P6 W1 D2 L3
Rangers dumped Steven Gerrard out of the Scottish Cup losing 2-0 to the
"Obviously it is disappointing to lose to Aberdeen, who game raised today and will lie down for Celtic, I feel disappointed for myself seeing my philosophy being betrayed like that. Before the game I tried to get my players inspired by telling stories of how Graeme Souness won the cup by walking off a broken leg to score a 96th minute overhead kick or the time I scored a hattrick and saved 3 penalties to win the Champions League. [fake nervous laughter] The wind was bad, I know people may not like me saying it, but the wind was very windy. I would have liked the ref to have given us at least 3 penalties but (fake nervous laughter]. We haven't had a penalty since last week, I'm just saying [unintelligible babbling]
But I'm not one for excuses, so I will t....take some re....re....res.....take some responsbility....why do I feel light headed all of a sudden
According to Clickbait Capital Letters NewsPaper, FANS want Gerrard to be SACKED and replaced. Twitter has GONE into MELTDOWN with a number (8) of fans saying Gerrard needs to go tonight.....
- Clyde, 38, supported Rangers since 1969, Proud Scot, Hates Modern Technology (Followers 13, Tweets 157) says "tHat rangr team Twonite were a lood off sh!e"
- Phil, 22, profile picture of Graeme Murty (Followers 26, Tweets 219), says "We haven't won the treble since 2003, this team is a joke, I want my Rangers back"
- Twitter User No#98080 (Followers 1.6m, Tweets 11) says "Like for Gerrard to be sacked, Re-Tweet for Rangers to hire Kenny Miller"
- McDT (Followers 2k, Tweets 256,930), 39, played 2 games for his school team says "I'm tired Rangers, I've got Celtic fans laughing at me on my Twitter feed!!!"
- Greg, 31, (Followers 320, Tweets 1,598), lecturer on Nuclear Physics, long suffering Rangers fan and parent of two children: "My four year old daughter said to me tonight, Daddy, why are Aberdeen game raising cnuts against us, but never put any effort against the fecking Celtic" she then continued to watch Balamory. I just stood there, tears in my eyes, literally shaking, I turned to my dear wife and I whispered to her 'I miss Dick Advocaat'', she replied 'I miss Dick too' #truestory
- Terence the 'Tw@t who tweets' O'Toole (Followers 9, Tweets 28), 45, loves football, loves freedom of speech, fears Muslims says "I would walk 500 hundred miles to tell Steveen Gerard to feck off out of my club, the wee useles n00B'
McDT
He thinks we're wizards, mate!
Keyboard wizards
You're a wizard Harry Redcafe
I wish he'd stop doing that 'tough guy manager' act all the bloody time.
He puts spells out in the universe like: 'slip something something slip' and then something slips. He is the wizard, not us.
This thread is brilliant
This thread has me giggling like a schoolgirl
When I was still a newbie with no powers (I am still a newbie but with a little power), I could not post a tribute to the first post in this thread. @SteveJ take a bow.
The following is the most funny thing I have ever read anywhere:
The following is the most funny thing I have ever read anywhere:
GERRARD
Gerrard tries to attract Alonso
Height: Who cares?
Age: 156
Titles: Mr.
Celtic v Gerrard Rangers, today at 12
Related: Celtic manager hit by grand piano during derby
Celtic beat Real Plasticine by 197-0 and 4 wickets
Rangers face administration after 10p tax demand
https://www.theguardian.com/football/2019/mar/29/neil-lennon-celtic-rangers-gerrardMcGuardian said:
Related: Celtic manager hit by grand piano during derby
Celtic beat Real Plasticine by 197-0 and 4 wickets
Rangers face administration after 10p tax demand
Mr.Rodgers:"I think the team showed great charrrraaaacter"
Thanks for that.Scottish Sun said:
Bad to the Broon
Deep Fried Sergio Ramos
A petition started by Steven Gerrard to get Scott Brown kicked out of the United Kingdom has reached 17 million signatures in just 4 hours. It has been signed by people from North Korea, England, Mexico, Liverpool, Liechtenstein, Uranus, Italy and Redcafe. It follows AlfREDo Morelos receiving yet another red card (estimate=18th of the season) after Scott Brown got in the way of his elbow.
Speaking to the janitor, Gerrard said that Steven Gerrard will take care of Alfredo Morelos.
"Let me just say that Morelos will not be getting his fecking pocket money this week. He will be going on a open bus apology tour. I had a few choice words for him, which included 'you daft tw*t you ruined my title challenge'
Gerrard was disappointed by Scott Brown's contribution to the red card
"Listen, if I had been elbowed in the Merseyside derby when I was a player, it would have taken it like a man and not fallen to the floor. You, me and everyone knows I have always been a player/manager who believes in fair play and hates theatrics"
It has been a interesting week for Gerrard, he returned to Anfield by his own popular demand to play in Liverpool/Ac Milan legend game. He got to meet up with old friends and teammates such as Ian Rush, Steve Mcmanananananan, Milan Baros, Josemi, Charles Itandje and many more.
"It was a great privilege for the Liverpool fans to see me again, funny enough I didn't get an invite for this legends game. Fecking Royal Mail. Anyway to score in front of the Kop again was a great feeling for me. It was also nice to meet up with old friends. Pegguy Arphexad sent his apologies for being unable to attend, but he was at the Leave means Leave march'
Deep Fried Sergio Ramos
A petition started by Steven Gerrard to get Scott Brown kicked out of the United Kingdom has reached 17 million signatures in just 4 hours. It has been signed by people from North Korea, England, Mexico, Liverpool, Liechtenstein, Uranus, Italy and Redcafe. It follows AlfREDo Morelos receiving yet another red card (estimate=18th of the season) after Scott Brown got in the way of his elbow.
Speaking to the janitor, Gerrard said that Steven Gerrard will take care of Alfredo Morelos.
"Let me just say that Morelos will not be getting his fecking pocket money this week. He will be going on a open bus apology tour. I had a few choice words for him, which included 'you daft tw*t you ruined my title challenge'
Gerrard was disappointed by Scott Brown's contribution to the red card
"Listen, if I had been elbowed in the Merseyside derby when I was a player, it would have taken it like a man and not fallen to the floor. You, me and everyone knows I have always been a player/manager who believes in fair play and hates theatrics"
It has been a interesting week for Gerrard, he returned to Anfield by his own popular demand to play in Liverpool/Ac Milan legend game. He got to meet up with old friends and teammates such as Ian Rush, Steve Mcmanananananan, Milan Baros, Josemi, Charles Itandje and many more.
"It was a great privilege for the Liverpool fans to see me again, funny enough I didn't get an invite for this legends game. Fecking Royal Mail. Anyway to score in front of the Kop again was a great feeling for me. It was also nice to meet up with old friends. Pegguy Arphexad sent his apologies for being unable to attend, but he was at the Leave means Leave march'
That's great.Fantastic writing, DavidDeSchmikes!
Tweet
— Twitter API (@user) date
Always the victim.
I think we've found someone to take over from you when you
Lord Lucan?
Smichael de Dave
The "titles: Mr" gets me everytime I open this thread
I guess Aberdeen aren't the only game raisers
https://talksport.com/football/532290/steven-gerrard-rangers-liverpool-under-23/
I'm sure Gerrard said Rangers "are a class above" Aberdeen at the start of the season
SteveJ is the level DavidDeSchmikes aspires to be
Sending Our Love Down the Kop
Steven Gerrard and his Rangers side gave Aberdeen (the game raising tw*ts) a taste of their own medicine by being game raising tw*ts themselves following a 2-0 win. Both goals came from a familiar source, the penalty spot. In fact both goals came from the penalty spot meaning 'penalty' is the second highest goalscorer for Rangers this season.
Gerrard was very emotional following the win, nearly as emotional as when he beat City in 2014 (the game which 'won' the Premier League)
"Annie Lennox, Andrew Cruickshank, David Carry, Graeme Garden, Rose Leslie, Derek McInnes, can you hear me you fecking try hard, your boys took one hell of a beating." he screamed at a youngster on work experience at Rangers State Media.
Gerrard calmed down calmed downed as he began showering compliments on himself, the team and the referee. "I told my team that to beat game raising tw*ts, you have to be a game raising tw*t. And not to my shock my idea worked well.The referee gave us penalties and THEY WERE PENALTIES, don't let the fake news Celtic media tell you weren't. I know we have had 63 penalties this season, but anyone can come up with statistics to prove anything. Forty percent of all people know that.
When asked about his former team's title challenge Gerrard was pleased to announce that everyone at Rangers had been forced to send their best wishes to Liverpool FC and
"Obviously, I wish Liverpool all the very best in their quest of the title. I am routing for Leicester next week, so yes I will be supporting Brendan Rodgers through.....gritted.......fecking..........teeth. I hope the third person talking, shiny tooth smiling, envelope carrying, cliche spewing slumlord gets one over Pep. And I will be sending my love down the Kop, and hoping they don't let it slip...........WAIT, DON'T LET IT SLIP, FECK I DIDN'T MEAN TO SAY SLIP......FECK....DON'T WRITE THAT, DON'T FECKING WRITE THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!
World In Motion 2
Man City v Leicester, Monday 6th May
♪Now this looks like a job for me,
So everybody just follow me,
And we don't need help from Slippy G
'Cause he won't win sh*t for LFC♪
♪Now this looks like a job for me,
So everybody just follow me,
And we don't need help from Slippy G
'Cause he won't win sh*t for LFC♪
Anfield Rap
♪Move in, now move out
Hands up, now hands down
Back up, back up
Tell me what you're gonna do now
Dong in, now Dong out
Hands up, now hands down
Back up, back up
Tell you what I'm gonna do now
Keep slippin slippin slippin slippin' (what?)
Keep slippin slippin slippin slippin' (come on)
Keep slippin slippin slippin slippin' (yeah)
Keep slippin slippin slippin slippin
Now I know you'll be lovin' this sh*t right here
B.R.E.N Rodgers is right here
People on the Cafe put them hands in the air
'Cause if you don't care, then we don't care
One, two, three four ,five to the six
Jolts in for your fix with the Bren Rodgers mix
So where the feck you at RAWK?
Shut the feck up and back the feck up
While I feck this league up♪
Breninem
(intro)
Look la, if you only had one shot, or one opportunity
To seize the Premiership, in one moment,
would you capture it, or let it slip?
(intro)
Look la, if you only had one shot, or one opportunity
To seize the Premiership, in one moment,
would you capture it, or let it slip?
His palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy
There's vomit on his sweater already, John Guidetti
There's vomit on his sweater already, John Guidetti