The Omegle Collection

[Hectic]

To be updated!

 

[MJLD]

Hectic I thoroughly enjoyed your 'test thread' and tried to post 'hello!' to feck it up. Alas, it was not to be.

 

[mariachi-19]

You: -_ You are connecting with an Omegle Chat Operator. Please wait a few moments while we connect you _ -
You: -_Connected_-
You: Hello Stranger! I am Dave, one of the Omegle Chat Staff, is there anything I can help you with?
Stranger: woww
Stranger: is this for real? are you really working omegle?
You: Yes I am, there's a group of us who regulate the Omegle chats after security concerns were raised several months ago.
You: Have you heard of chatroulette?
Stranger: lol yah of course
You: Well, this is why we are here. It's become a risk to allow all chats to go unsupervised, we just can't be sure the content and direction of the chats are safe.
Stranger: that makes sense actually. alot of weirdos here
Stranger: not as bad as the other place but still
You: Is English your first language?
Stranger: no no but i think i speak very well
You: Have you had any problems or issues with any recent conversations?
Stranger: yes! I had a racist guy abuse me for about 5 mins
You: May I ask when this was, I can bring up the log and ban his IP Address so he can not make that mistake again.
Stranger: awesome!!!! i think it was about 2 nights ago maybe
You: Okay, I'm going to bring up the chat and review it now.
Stranger: i told him i would have the last laugh hahaa
You: Okay, I have seen the chat, and have banned him as a consequence, please bare with me.
Stranger: no problems man thanks for all of this too
You: I've just checked a few of your older chats, it appears you aren't that innocent either.
Stranger: what?!!? when?! no i never do bad on here
You: I can see you've called yourself John in many of these chats, we do not encourage or allow users to post links to pornographic content, or insulting minorities
Stranger: wow! no please listen you got it all wrong here, im minority
Stranger: my names not john though and i never done any of that i swear it
You: John, I can see your chats as clear as day, you can't complain of racism one day, then insult an entire continent the next.
Stranger: no no i dont even know what that is!!
Stranger: he was the racist not me, i just said i would laugh is all
You: Not laughing now though are you John?
Stranger: not anymore no
You: John, by Omegles rules I have to report your IP Address to both your ISP and the ISPACT (Internet Security Protocols & Anonymous Counter-Threat)
Stranger: wait wait wait please i dont know what these means
You: This means your recent activity on Omegle and your internet in general will come under review. Your ISP will build a case, and if ISPACT act on it, then you will be in severe trouble with the law.
Stranger: honestly please i only mess around on here a little bit, cyber and insults is all
Stranger: i have never in my life sent pornographic stuff, and im not a racist please dont do this
You: John, why should I believe you? You couldn't even admit this is your name.
Stranger: i admit it i do. its john alright
You: Alright John. I'm going to put you on a probation period.
Stranger: what does this mean for me
You: This means all of your internet usage will be under temporary review, this doesn't just mean Omegle, but everything.
Stranger: oh my god why is this happening
You: I strongly recommend you stay off the porn sites, as I can see you use them alot, and focus on contributing something sensible to the internet.
You: Do I have your word?
Stranger: you do, you do. word. its not me who uses the porn stuff, my sister also uses computer so i dont know
Stranger: i will contribute just please dont do anything
You: This is your last warning John, okay?
Stranger: yes i am sorry, no more!
You: No more.
Stranger: no.
You: I'll be watching you John. Now get out of here.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

fecking detective Hectic! Get a job on CSI with crime solving like that.

 

[Thoraximus]

lol @ the "btard?" guy.

 

[Pat_Mustard]

You: Well, hello there, may I ask, male or female?
Stranger: hey. female here!
You: Wonderful to speak to you, miss stranger. Are you well?
Stranger: yes lol...a bit posh for omegle
You: Well, as they say, politeness is next to godliness.
Stranger: do they say that?
You: I do. I used to follow a different philosophy, but my life changed.
Stranger: ok sounds a bit serious
You: You could say it was an awakening of sorts.
You: Would you be up for acting out a little role play?
Stranger: sexual ??
You: That's entirely upto you, my sweet.
Stranger: ok yeah but i want you to lead
You: Not an issue. I turn on some music, pavarotti's voice circles the room, creating a warmth inside both of us. I take your hand and place a gentle kiss on the surface.
Stranger: oooo, i let out a moan
You: I survey the view from my balcony, life is good, I remove my pipe and my monacle, and let of a rich, hearty laugh.
Stranger: what are you laughing at?
You: I turn around, slowly, I can almost hear your heart thumping against your chest.
You: My mask slips off slowly, I see your mouth open in shock, as I say,
You: I'M ONLY DANNY DYER AINT I!!
You: feckin ell love, its me DANNY LIVE UNTIL I DYER.
Stranger: danny dyer? omg not again
You: AGAIN?
You: NAH
You: NAH. ITS ME. THE feckING BUSINESS.
You: FORGET ROSS KEMP, IM THE REAL GANG WHISPERER
Stranger: well this was a big turn off
Stranger: feck off
Stranger: did you see what i said?
You: I SAID NICE 1 BRUVVVAAAAAAAA!!!
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Brilliant.

 

[Adzzz]

Hectic, this is brilliant. Each one, fecking funny. Mad Props G.

 

[adexkola]

Classics worthy

 

[Sw33t]

Just read the whole thread, and my stomach hurts from laughing.

 

[Hectic]

lol @ the "btard?" guy.

I never fully understood that reply.

 

[Xander45]

I never fully understood that reply.

Isn't that the what the /b/ forum lot call themselves?

 

[Zarlak]

Epic. Puts 'wizard hat and robe' to shame.

 

[Hectic]

Isn't that the what the /b/ forum lot call themselves?

I believe you are right, and I have heard that before after all!

 

[Mickey]

You: -_ You are connecting with an Omegle Chat Operator. Please wait a few moments while we connect you _ -
You: -_Connected_-
You: Hello Stranger! I am Dave, one of the Omegle Chat Staff, is there anything I can help you with?
Stranger: woww
Stranger: is this for real? are you really working omegle?
You: Yes I am, there's a group of us who regulate the Omegle chats after security concerns were raised several months ago.
You: Have you heard of chatroulette?
Stranger: lol yah of course
You: Well, this is why we are here. It's become a risk to allow all chats to go unsupervised, we just can't be sure the content and direction of the chats are safe.
Stranger: that makes sense actually. alot of weirdos here
Stranger: not as bad as the other place but still
You: Is English your first language?
Stranger: no no but i think i speak very well
You: Have you had any problems or issues with any recent conversations?
Stranger: yes! I had a racist guy abuse me for about 5 mins
You: May I ask when this was, I can bring up the log and ban his IP Address so he can not make that mistake again.
Stranger: awesome!!!! i think it was about 2 nights ago maybe
You: Okay, I'm going to bring up the chat and review it now.
Stranger: i told him i would have the last laugh hahaa
You: Okay, I have seen the chat, and have banned him as a consequence, please bare with me.
Stranger: no problems man thanks for all of this too
You: I've just checked a few of your older chats, it appears you aren't that innocent either.
Stranger: what?!!? when?! no i never do bad on here
You: I can see you've called yourself John in many of these chats, we do not encourage or allow users to post links to pornographic content, or insulting minorities
Stranger: wow! no please listen you got it all wrong here, im minority
Stranger: my names not john though and i never done any of that i swear it
You: John, I can see your chats as clear as day, you can't complain of racism one day, then insult an entire continent the next.
Stranger: no no i dont even know what that is!!
Stranger: he was the racist not me, i just said i would laugh is all
You: Not laughing now though are you John?
Stranger: not anymore no
You: John, by Omegles rules I have to report your IP Address to both your ISP and the ISPACT (Internet Security Protocols & Anonymous Counter-Threat)
Stranger: wait wait wait please i dont know what these means
You: This means your recent activity on Omegle and your internet in general will come under review. Your ISP will build a case, and if ISPACT act on it, then you will be in severe trouble with the law.
Stranger: honestly please i only mess around on here a little bit, cyber and insults is all
Stranger: i have never in my life sent pornographic stuff, and im not a racist please dont do this
You: John, why should I believe you? You couldn't even admit this is your name.
Stranger: i admit it i do. its john alright
You: Alright John. I'm going to put you on a probation period.
Stranger: what does this mean for me
You: This means all of your internet usage will be under temporary review, this doesn't just mean Omegle, but everything.
Stranger: oh my god why is this happening
You: I strongly recommend you stay off the porn sites, as I can see you use them alot, and focus on contributing something sensible to the internet.
You: Do I have your word?
Stranger: you do, you do. word. its not me who uses the porn stuff, my sister also uses computer so i dont know
Stranger: i will contribute just please dont do anything
You: This is your last warning John, okay?
Stranger: yes i am sorry, no more!
You: No more.
Stranger: no.
You: I'll be watching you John. Now get out of here.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Hectic you bully

 

[Hectic]

You: Hello!! First time on here!!
Stranger: hey whats up
You: Nothing much, I'm a bit sad and needed someone to talk to.
Stranger: how come?
You: I have this friend, and he's been getting me down lately.
Stranger: aww we all have tests in life, its how we come through them that counts
You: Very true.
You: It's just, he's been acting so weird lately and I can't speak to anyone about it. Do you mind if I bore you with my problem?
Stranger: lol it makes a nice change from the creeps on here
You: I'm sure! Last week he was having some sort of breakdown. I'll tell you his story.
You: He used to be in the military, then he was discharged and put in jail for manslaughter, even though he was attacked.
Stranger: oh my god, which country is this?
You: America
You: Anyway, he came out right, and then he's had all this drama with an attempted plane hi-jacking (it worked out okay) and he hasn't seen his baby girl yet either. And this is after he used to be a Scientist and was ordered to go to Alcatraz to sort out a very stressful situation.
Stranger: wow thats some real bad luck
Stranger: alcatraz the island?
You: Tell me about it, but wait for this part
You: He came back a different man, he was...knowing. He knew things that I couldn't fathom, and then he went to Bangkok, and it was very dangerous for him
You: Adaptation kicked in and he had to have a Face Off with his consciounce. He realised he was a Bad Luietenant and was becoming the Lord of War.
Stranger: wait a minute
You: Anyway soon he realized what his National Treasure was.
Stranger: you are talking about Nicholas Cage!!
You: Excuse me?
Stranger: the whole thing was about nicholas cage?! Those are the names of his movies
You: Who is Nicolas Cage?
Stranger: i waited a long time for you to type that
Stranger: what was the point
You: Your argument is invalid, my hair is like a bird.
Stranger: what?!
You: No No, when I get angry I turn into Nic Rage but that's my alter-ego.
Stranger: what the hell are you talking about
You: Put the Bunny down.
Stranger: what?!!?!
You: I am actually Nicolas Cage though, you should take advantage of this oppertunity.
Stranger: where is the proof
You: Do you want me to take your Face Off?
Stranger: thats a threat stupid
You: Okay, I could make my eyes go a bit crazy see, do a high-pitched laugh see and then scream, that's my trademark see.
Stranger: why do you keep saying see?
You: Because I'm a 60's gangster seeeeeee!
Stranger: this is the worst conversation ive had on here
You: No no, I'm not really a 60's gangster, it's me Cage!
You: Snake Eyes, you lose.
Stranger: jokes on you, i havent even seen snake eyes
You: Jokes on you bitch, I'm Nicholas Cage
Stranger: i dont get it
You: Look in the mirror, what do you see.
Stranger: myself, a girl
Stranger: what do you see
You: I see John Travolta, WHAT THE feck?! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! NOT AGAIN!!!!
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

 

[ben_united]

Hectic have my babies you funny funny bastard.

 

[Hectic]

You: Oh my god. Please help me. Please!
Stranger: what?!
Stranger: whats wrong!
You: The night beast. Oh god the night beast.
Stranger: what in the world is a night beast?
You: It's terrifying! It was first spotted on a photo in the background. It's a shapeshifter.
Stranger: are you for real
You: Listen, have you ever watched Eastenders?
Stranger: yes lol all the time!
You: Right, remember the Cake Monster from that?
Stranger: cake monster?!
You: Sonia. The Cake Manipulator!
Stranger: lmao thats so cruel
You: Yes, but it's true. She was banned from food on set. Anyway. Picture her.
Stranger: okay
You: Now picture Paul Bearer!
Stranger: i dont know who that is
You: Google it! Quickly.
Stranger: is it gross?
You: Depends on your definition. It's a man.
Stranger: okay
Stranger: omg
You: Now.
You: Imagine the teenage daughter of both Cake Monster, and Paul Bearer.
Stranger: i dont want to
You: Put the images up side-by-side next to each other and god damn imagine.
You: Well, are you imagining it?
You: LIVES DEPEND ON IT!
Stranger: yes yes im looking at them
Stranger: its horrible
You: That, is the Night Beast.
You: Now go and spread the word quickly.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

 

[Dr. Dwayne]

 

[Xander45]

The night beast will kill us all in time. There is no stopping her now.

 

[Karel_Poborsky]

I love the way he disconnected immediately, I hope to spread the word.

 

[Hectic]

I figured it was probably a she, but yeah, they definitely believe.

 

[Hectic]

You: Hello Stranger
Stranger: hello
You: And how are you on this fine day, which country are you from?
Stranger: nice and warm thanks
You: BONUS ROUND!!!!
You: Can you name the first 20 states in America.
Stranger: what?!
Stranger: where did that come from
You: Time is RUNNING out!
Stranger: lol
Stranger: wait how can you have the first 20 states? theres no order for them
You: CORRECT ANSWER!
You: 200 Points!!
You: You see, these games can be fun.
Stranger: im still very confused
You: ROUND 2!!!!
You: Give me the first singles of these two artists, Britney Spears & Raekwon
Stranger: raekwon? come on dude
You: Time is RUNNING out. Hands on the Buzzers!
Stranger: Hit me one more time
You: One CORRECT answer. 100 Points!!
Stranger: haha yeah just in time
You: Where you from dude?
You: QUICK FIRE ROUND!!!!
You: What is Mickey Mouses dogs name?!
Stranger: pluto!
You: What do you get when you multiply 40 by 5?!
Stranger: 200!!
You: Was Malcolm X either an:
You: a) White Supremacist
Stranger: b)
Stranger: b b b!
You: B) Latino King
You: That is INCORRECT. You have lost the game. Game over.
Stranger: what the feck King wasnt no latino king
You: I think you will find you have just proven he was/is.
Stranger: where did i do that? what are you talking about dude
Stranger: oh i see very clever. no he was no king.
You: Martin Luther KING!!!
You: Take the first letter from each of his names. What does it say?
Stranger: mlk
You: MLK = Me, Latin King!
Stranger: thats real fecked up
You: You lost the game by the way.
Stranger: i dont care!
You: I know man, imagine if he had put half as much time and effort into the Civil Rights Movement?
Stranger: thats some ignorant shit
You: I know man, I apologize.
You: Malcolm X though, he was a great leader....
Stranger: he had his strengths and weaknesses
You: ......For the Triads.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

 

[MJLD]

'Stranger: thats some ignorant shit'

 

[MG]

How do you think this stuff up Hectic?

 

[Hectic]

You: Hello, and good afternoon.
Stranger: howdy
You: I'm going to hazard a guess here. Are you American?
Stranger: ha! well yes I am!
Stranger: how did you know
Stranger: ??
You: The howdy bit gave it away, after all, that is all you said....
Stranger: oops that was a bit dim
You: I'm from England by the way, have you ever made the trip?
Stranger: Oh cool! no I never have but I got friends over there and some extended family
You: That's cool, you should come over some time, we have a lot of attractions these days.
You: Several of my American friends keep coming back for more, they say it's unbeatable.
Stranger: really?
Stranger: how come?
You: Take our Corn Dogs for instance. This is a hot dog, fried in corn and presented on a stick. Prepostourous but that's England for you. Or Tivo. American's can't get enough of Tivo over here.
Stranger: im not sure you have that right
You: And of course there's Disney Land London. The home of Disney.
Stranger: you got a disney london?!
Stranger: we started that though, Walt Disney was from America.
You: Then of course we manufacture some of the best cars, i.e Ford.
Stranger: thats wrong buddy.
Stranger: are you being for real here?
You: I've never been much of a rugby fan, but we have the London Red Sox and the Manchester Bulls etc, and the Statue of Ability, and Las Wrexham.
Stranger: i dont believe you
Stranger: i know rugby teams dont have American BASEBALL names though
You: Shut up you gimp. I don't need to take history lessons from you tea drinkers.
Stranger: feck you we dont drink tea
You: And your crumpets....Can I have a Scon please sir. Talking all posh.
Stranger: its the wrong way round dude
Stranger: your an idiot
You: You are breaking my 4th amendment rights.
Stranger: YOU DONT HAVE AMENDMENTS
You: No, I may not. But we still have our Declaration of Independence.
Stranger: im going to leave dude
You: Wait. Please wait just for one more minute.
Stranger: this is stupid
You: What about homegrown talent?
Stranger: what about it
You: Have you heard of an upcoming movie star from Peckham, called Nic Cage?!
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

 

[Sw33t]

Statue of Ability, I like it!

 

[Hectic]

I should of said Statue of Liability.

 

[FlawlessThaw]

Need to steer clear of this thread whilst I'm at work!

 

[AgainstAllOdds]

It now says this on Omegle (because of Hectic probably )

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Official messages from Omegle will not be sent with the label 'Stranger:'. Strangers claiming to represent Omegle are lying.

The new thing is they have a camera chat now.

 

[Solius]

That's not new.

 

[kps88]

I've bookmarked this thread. It has helped me in my darkest times. No matter how down I get, all I have to do is read this thread and I'm laughing again. All praise Hectic.

 

[Zarlak]

Hectic are you on now?

 

[AgainstAllOdds]

I will make a print screen of everyone I see on Omegle and make a collection.

Then I will post it here and see how many Caftards will there be there.

I already saw emo Mockney and straight girish.

 

[phelans shorts]

Hectic are you on now?


You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Official messages from Omegle will not be sent with the label 'Stranger:'. Strangers claiming to represent Omegle are lying.
Stranger: Hey boy or girl? Do you have a skype?
You: Guy, no sorry
Stranger: Make one!
Stranger: so u can strip 4 me

You don't hold back do you?

Vivs really can be a menace sometimes!

 

[Hectic]

You: Hey, hows it bro?
Stranger: hows it what?
You: hows it brew?
Stranger: speak english
You: Oh, English?
You: (Slowly) HOWS IT BRAH?
Stranger: who the feck says hows it?
You: It's good bro, very good!
Stranger: i wasnt asking how you were
Stranger: fecking hell
You: Hell fire brew, scorches the skin bro, I know about it man.
Stranger: i have no idea what you are talking about
You: Let me tell you something bro,
You: Three years ago I met a girl, she was stunning bro.
Stranger: ...
Stranger: and?
Stranger: hello??? and what?
You: Oh that's it bro, she was a stunner! Three years ago it was!
Stranger: you just repeated the entire story again
You: Yah bro, stunner.
Stranger: stop saying that
You: I can't help it bro, she was amazing.
Stranger: cant you describe her as anything else but stunning?
Stranger: well?
You: Sorry bro, just asking my wife hows it.
Stranger: for fecks sake
You: She's good bro, thanks for asking.
Stranger: where did i ask anything?!
You: She was stunning bro. Blonde hair, very small figure brew, longish hair, on her head.
Stranger: whats the difference between brew and bro?
You: Nothing Brah.
Stranger: thats it? wasnt there more to her then blonge hair, a figure and hair?
You: She had brown eyes bro, big koalas and a tight jubbly
Stranger: koalas = titties?
You: Bro, that's offensive
Stranger: jesus christ how is that offensive
Stranger: what was the point of the story dude?
Stranger: ???
You: I'm a slow typer bro.
Stranger: yeah i guessed that since we been talking for about 15 minutes
You: And you know the one thing about her brew? That made her different to all the other women?
Stranger: what
You: She was a fish bro!!!
Stranger: what?
Stranger: what do you mean a fish?
You: She had no legs bro, they were fish legs!!
You: I don't think you have a word for it.
Stranger: a fecking mermaid?
Stranger: i waited all that time for you to tell me about a fecking mermaid
Stranger: i dont even believe that shit
You: Oh it wasn't real bro. I was watching a movie.
Stranger: are you fecking kidding me
Stranger: wait. you said you met her though?
You: No bro, I met her on dvd.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

 

[MJLD]

 

[FranklyVulgar]

Hectic you magnificent bastard you always crack me up!

 

[Hectic]

You: Hey there
Stranger: hullo
You: Yeah, hullo babe
Stranger: good guess haha
You: It's not a guess, I have powers.
Stranger: what kind of powers?
You: I am a wizard, with the power of magic.
Stranger: if you are a wizard then isnt your power already magic?
You: I lift up my wooden stick and start chanting slowly under my breath, the rate increases.
Stranger: are you going to curse me?!
You: I raise the stick up slowly, I start to shout my chants, over and over again, I bring down the stick with force.
Stranger: whats happenening?!!?!?
You: A bright light flashes...
Stranger: what spell was that?
You: I cast the spell of pain. The bright lights were what you saw as I brought the wooden stick down on your forehead.
Stranger: wow
Stranger: thats not really a curse is it
You: I curse you under my breath.
You: (Wanker)
Stranger: I look next to me find another stick and curse you!!
You: I use a tactical curse.
Stranger: whats a tactical curse?!
You: I wave my stick around in specific patterns above your head, the wind picks up.
Stranger: you are going to hit me again? thats not a curse
You: While I am doing this, I whip out my mobile phone, call Trevor and arrange for him to kidnap your family. Tactical Curse.
Stranger: what the hell thats not wizardry
You: I perform some wizardry while I do this. A broth cooks in the distance.
You: I change the setting, it is now dark and we are in a suburban area. The portal-warp has made you fall to the floor.
You: The sight saddens me. I must help you.
Stranger: awww thats better
You: i put out my hand as you come closer
Stranger: I take your hand, and then....
You: ....And then I swing my wizard stick onto your head again. You are disorientated and bleeding.
Stranger: why do you keep beating me, i thought we were going somewhere else with this?
You: You are right.
You: I breathe a sigh of relief, it's almost over.
Stranger: whats almost over?
You: I hear a voice by my feet, asking for it to be over, I nod my head in agreement. Not long now.
Stranger: i didnt say that
You: I perform my greatest trick yet, as I spin around and raise my wizard stick, I jump as high as I can...
Stranger: haha thats not a trick
You: ....And I come down as hard as I can. I have performed the 'Curb Stomp' move.
Stranger: what the feck you weirdo
You: I have performed the 'Ed Norton the Nazi curse'. You are dead.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

 

[Makki]

That last one was brilliant, but this made me laugh out loud

You: I curse you under my breath.
You: (Wanker)

 

[Xander45]

That makes me want to watch American History X.

 

[Biscuit1871]

Shit thread, no fans.