I personally took the point about Aoyama to be that what he's doing doesn't seem wrong but undeniably is. However, he's also a victim of social pressures which creates his (unquestioned) motives throughout the film.
Lest we forget, it's his son who forces him to find a bride and being in the role of patriarch, which he naively accepts it without question. This leads him to doing the audition under false pretense, which affects Asami negatively even though she's aware of what's happening and even plays into it. Having been the victim of abuse earlier in life, truly she is the empowered one throughout the story, not Aoyama despite us feeling that he's the one in control due to power/status.
Aside from putting us as the spectator into a compromised position - we think we/Aoyama is in control when he's not - a great quality is that the film doesn't tell you who to actively root for. Both characters end up having humongous flaws and it ends up being a not-so-subtle look at the dynamics of power relations between men and women under a horror framework, which I think is a much more realistic take on things even in spite of the truly horrific and disturbing last scene.
The line for example where Asami is torturing him and says 'but I thought you loved only me' stood out as a reminder that Aoyama isn't doing what he's doing because he loves her, though he might, but more because he wants to please his son. That she's actually wrong to make the claim ends up being a huge flaw of her character but not a total disregard of the truth she's referring to - which is a distillation I think of how she as a younger female has been led on by Aoyama.
Your point about how he ignores his co-worker's affection is a good one and I think meant to refer to ageism. He seems genuinely bothered at first when she tells him she's engaged but then begins to ignore her affections later on when he falls for Asami. That she appears in his nightmares comes across like deep down he knows he should be looking for someone like her, but he's gone for a younger, more attractive girl in Asami. Somebody he can show off.
The scene also where he introduces Asami to his ex-wife (deceased) and she says 'no, she's not good for you' also strikes me this way.
As well, an interesting sub-point is that actress playing Asami, Eihi Shiina was a model prior to getting this part. There's a glaring point there I'm sure about objectification the film is trying to remind us about.
Anyway, bit of a text dump here and I don't disagree with you that the film isn't masterful. I'd put it under the lines of 'more interesting to talk about afterwards than watch'
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