What do we do well as a football club?

[Paxi]

Well we're not in administration, so there is a fecking positive.

We've started a womens team. Again, no doubt because of equality..

We have an incredibly low staff turnover, which is good I suppose... I'm all for keeping the tea lady on for fecking 50 years but signing up Phil Jones to a new contract is quite frankly bizarre. I'm pretty sure he could feck Edward Woodwards wife in front of him and Judge would still retain him.. cause financial sence.

We're changing the culture at the club. That's definitely a positive, I think. Though, I've no fecking idea what the culture is? I mean our culture is -- "Not arrogant, just better" -- I'm pretty sure that's our culture. We've poached, tapped, signed every single talent over past 30 years. Fergie was a bit of cnut. Don't get me wrong a great man but anyone in football will tell you he was a bit a nasty fecker too. I'm not even going to get into the Rock of Gibraltar thing.

Of course this thread is in jest, but think about it, apart from the basics as a big corparate business, and the rules to which we have to abide to, do we do anything noteworthy?

How did we let it get this bad?
I'm not even mad at the result. I'm just fecking sad that I want to be taken back to when Nani was sent off against Real Madrid. I'm sorry I couldn't explain myself more eloquently, but I'd fecking kill to be anywhere remotely as relevant again.

Sorry. Rant over.

 

[T00lsh3d]

Short term we are shite but, somewhat unbelievably, our long term picture is much much worse. We’re losing our stature and along with it future generations of fans. The damage now will resonate long into the future if we don’t get our shit together. I’m sure the owners can grasp this relatively obvious point, which only leads me to believe that they aren’t in it for the long term

 

[Paul_Scholes18]

We have been great at getting fans over the years so we have a high income. Not sure we are growing that much anymore though.

 

[tentan]

We're changing the culture at the club. That's definitely a positive, I think.

What, from winners to players who are more interested in instagram followers rather than being a footballer?

 

[Paxi]

We have been great at getting fans over the years so we have a high income. Not sure we are growing that much anymore though.

That's pretty amazing, to be fair.

 

[RedDevil@84]

Be so famous that you could still fill up the ground on a consistent basis either with the faithful or tourists.
Be able to convince United fans buy merchandise, kits., etc for some strange reason year after year.

 

[Paxi]

What, from winners to players who are more interested in instagram followers rather than being a footballer?

The culture is changing. We're doing something about culture. Culture.

 

[noodlehair]

Still producing more good youngsters than a vast majority of other teams, including the big ones.

 

[Class of 63]

Attract negativity like no other club on the planet, we're in a League of our own on that front.

 

[Enigma_87]

Find excuses like no others. Liverpool used to be like that, but we took their perch.

 

[Schmeichel's Cartwheel]

Play our shit academy players

 

[Josep Dowling]

Make other clubs richer?

 

[Valuedrug]

False dawns and unwarranted hype. United are really good at those.

 

[Nickelodeon]

One thing we're undeniably good at is lowering expectations. Disappointments in the past used to be not winning the title. Then we had a shambolic year and the manager was rightly sacked. We have somehow decided that since there is no Fergie to lead us anymore, we can never get back to the top so we settled for reaching the top 4. Managers who couldn't get us that were being sacked. Now, not even competing for top 4 has seen many fans still stating some positives. Soon, we'll be aiming for (and failing to achieve) top half positions followed by relegation battles and eventual relegation.I can only see one other club which was decidedly okay with not competing for titles which is Arsenal and their demise is yet to stop.

To sum it up, we're good at being shite and being okay with being shite.

Fin.

 

[AaronRedDevil]

Just sit and wait for lingard and others to leave.

 

[Skills]

Worshipping managers. If we were a cult, the cult leader would be the richest man on the planet.

 

[Cloud7]

Tolerating mediocrity. We do that like no other club of our stature.

That and a cult like worship of managers. Nowhere else in world football do you see managers being worshipped like they are at United.

 

[Robbie Boy]

Lowering expectations and giving poor managerial appointments far more time than they deserve.

 

[Kamprad]

I thought arrogance was something this club loved. A positive kind of arrogance. Cantona type of arrogance. Or Zlatan.

Then again ”Not arrogant, just better” is an arrogant motto

 

[Machine Elements]

Turning corners. We're pretty good at that. Don't know how many corners we turned in the last year but it must be a hell of a lot. Well done to Ole and his "coaching" team.

Paying ridiculous amount of money in both fees/wages for players who are mediocre/make no difference like Lingard (100 k), Maguire (£80 m) etc.

Standing still or going backwards. We don't like to move with the times so we happily ignore the holes in our team for years and let even the clubs like Spurs, Leicester, Wolves etc. to get ahead of us.

Overhyping youngsters and treat all of them as Busby Babes just because they're "local lad"s or from the academy. Jesse Lingard has been more or less a starter in Manchester United first team in the last 5 years. Let that sink in. Remember the reaction when Welbeck sold? That also applies to our ex-players, legends etc. That's why Ole got the job. Sentimentality over actual quality.

 

[OnlyTwoDaSilvas]

We're good at getting a ton of people through the turnstiles, despite being one of the least entertaining sides in the league to watch. Our reputation is still enormous, even though we are shit.

I'm wary that this won't last forever as less younger fans will flock to us over City or Liverpool. Continually not being in the Champions League is damaging too, regardless of what Ed says.

So yeah, we are pretty good at resting on our laurels.

 

[Andersonson]

We have a chance in 3 cups. And we're not being relegated.

We have alot of money and a manager who will be given time.

In a couple of years we will be fine

 

[Rhyme Animal]

Nepotism - both at Boardroom and on the Pitch levels

Branding

Overpaying - both wages and contracts

Sentimentalism - a moist-eyed, beyond-nostalgic fanbase that are, in some parts, more concerned with tradition than performance.

 

[clarkydaz]

One thing we're undeniably good at is lowering expectations. Disappointments in the past used to be not winning the title. Then we had a shambolic year and the manager was rightly sacked. We have somehow decided that since there is no Fergie to lead us anymore, we can never get back to the top so we settled for reaching the top 4. Managers who couldn't get us that were being sacked. Now, not even competing for top 4 has seen many fans still stating some positives. Soon, we'll be aiming for (and failing to achieve) top half positions followed by relegation battles and eventual relegation.I can only see one other club which was decidedly okay with not competing for titles which is Arsenal and their demise is yet to stop.

To sum it up, we're good at being shite and being okay with being shite.

Fin.

This is Glazers/Woodwards greatest achievement. they've programmed the manager into it aswell

 

[PoTMS]

Stupid question probably but in their heyday, did Liverpool have more supporters than us? The answer is probably yes but what happened to them all?

 

[matt10000]

Lowering expectations and giving poor managerial appointments far more time than they deserve.

Oh well we should have sacked SAF in 1990 after his fourth season in charge then 11th, 2nd, 11th then 13th......

 

[Robbie Boy]

Oh well we should have sacked SAF in 1990 after his fourth season in charge then 11th, 2nd, 11th then 13th......

Very original. This hasn't been done to death.

 

[Denis79]

We have been great at getting fans over the years so we have a high income. Not sure we are growing that much anymore though.

Kids and teenagers seldom support us nowadays, unless it's passed down from a parent. I "coach" my sons team 8-12 year old year olds, supervise is the more correct term. With the exception of my son who was born in a United family, none of the other kids support us. Some of them were 2 years old the last time we won the PL, hence to them we're a mediocre club.

A few months back one of the kids told my son that it's cool he doesn't support a good club, that always wins

 

[matt10000]

Very original. This hasn't been done to death.

Doesn’t change the fact that it is true and isn’t really much of a counter argument to be honest!

 

[Lynty]

We're joint top with Arsenal for most insufferable fan base.

 

[Paul_Scholes18]

Kids and teenagers seldom support us nowadays, unless it's passed down from a parent. I "coach" my sons team 8-12 year old year olds, supervise is the more correct term. With the exception of my son who was born in a United family, none of the other kids support us. Some of them were 2 years old the last time we won the PL, hence to them we're a mediocre club.

A few months back one of the kids told my son that it's cool he doesn't support a good club, that always wins

Haha. I know some kids supporting us too, but most seem to support pool here too. We got the middle age though. Pool got the old and young ones.

 

[NewGlory]

We manage to extract most sponsorship money out of failing car companies and canned soup corporations?

On a more serious note, Caf is probably the best football forum.

 

[RUCK4444]

We definitely do the very best melodramatic self loathing snowflake fans, this OP is an excellent example.

I mean what sort of question is that? We are a football team, so ya know, we are supposed to be good at football.

Try promoting youth as a possible answer, no other team fields or creates as many players from their academy.

Global reach and support, despite the past years of shite we still have a mammoth following and are still probably the most recognised brand in football.

We generate shite tonnes of money, financially we do very well, again in spite of our last 5 years of misery.

We are officially the archetypal sleeping giant of football clubs.

We generate headlines like no other club, nothing makes as many clicks as United regardless of our league position.
hated adored never ignored.

Stop dragging our name through the mud, this place is becoming worse and more embarrassing than AFTV.

 

[redshaw]

Giving our own young players a chance.

 

[Nevilles.Wear.Prada]

Sponsorships. If there is a trophy for that, they would probably be sponsoring us as well.

 

[Rbrown0806]

I thought arrogance was something this club loved. A positive kind of arrogance. Cantona type of arrogance. Or Zlatan.

Then again ”Not arrogant, just better” is an arrogant motto

Morinhos claim that finishing second with these players was his greatest achievement is looking pretty accurate now. Keane was right...these players will throw the manager under a bus. Too many average players getting paid extortionate sums of money. Why should they care?

 

[Redplane]

Selling ourselves as the biggest club in world football - - it really kind of encapsulates a lot of the things already mentioned.

When it's not because based on performance on the pitch, we can say it's because of a ton of other metrics whether it's no. of fans around the world, amount of money coming, salaries paid, capacity of the grounds, etc etc etc.

There is always something to point at to somehow justify that largest club statement and it unfortunately makes it somehow easier to overlook the drop in performance by sponsors, agents, even our own management team apparently.

 

[el3mel]

Convincing fans to accept mediocrity.

 

[Robbie Boy]

Doesn’t change the fact that it is true and isn’t really much of a counter argument to be honest!

No point me revisiting this. Numerous posters have torn this argument to shreds.

 

[RedB4ndiT]

We're good at getting top sponsorships.