Who would you choose to own Manchester United?

Discussion in 'Manchester United Forum' started by Florida Man, Oct 10, 2019.

  1. Oct 10, 2019
    #1

    Florida Man Cartoon expert and crap superhero

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    There's a lot of disagreement on the caf lately. But we can all agree that the Glazers are an oily gang of cnuts. Let's just say for argument's sake that something happened — I'll leave it up to your imagination — and they’re not our owners anymore. Time to choose a new one. Who they gonna be?

    Some leading candidates based on wealth, power, and potential interest.

    1. Kingdom of Saudi Arabia

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    Once heavily rumored last year and still debated by fans worldwide to this day. They denied all the rumors in public, but they can't deny how enticing the opportunity is. And at the humble price of $4B, they could easily swoop it up. We'd be able to afford any player to fulfill even the wildest muppet fantasies, but at the cost of selling our soul. But hey, what would a Red Devil be if we didn't sell our soul? And it would be hard to hear the cries of the tortured souls in KSA when we're celebrating our next Treble.


    2. Jim Ratcliffe

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    I've never heard of this guy until two minutes ago but I'm going to write like I'm an expert on him anyway. He's done it all. Finance. Cuisine. Entrepreneurship. The Arts. But what challenge lies ahead for a bored billionaire? The only answer is football. Jim is a huge United fan, and is reported to be worth between £12–21B. Going by the lowest number, £12B - £4B is still a whopping £8B. If my calculations are correct, he'd still be a billionaire. Hardly a risky investment for him. And with him being a fan, it's certain he'll want to see us winning again in no time. He's already bought Nice and that could be the grounds for a farmers team.


    3. Kim Jong Un

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    It was revealed a couple of years ago that he's a huge United fan so this could be promising. Now I know some people say he killed a few people in his country, but who's keeping count these days? At least he never said a curse word on live television or flashed a nipple. How many of us have been crying out for a hard man who will whip our social media-obsessed team of overgrown kids into shape? Well you can't get harder than a literal hard man (politically, not physically). If he wants a deal done, he'll get it done. If he wants a manager to perform, he'll demand it. If he wants a player to give 110%, he'll ensure it. Failure to do any of the above will result in an immediate sacking and subsequently thrown over a bridge.


    4. Tim Apple Cook

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    It's not certain if he's a United fan, but he runs the world's only trillion dollar company, so that's gotta be worth entertaining. Apple is without a doubt the gold standard in personal computing where all products are sleek, fast, durable, well-functioned, and expensive. You wanna know what isn't that? Our squad, except for the expensive part. Get this guy and watch our profits not only soar, but so will our "flagship product" in the table. We'll get the most modern up-to-date stadium where every seat is a smart seat and our official shop will look like an Apple store complete with a genius bar of top reds who know everything about United. We'll not only get the best players, but we'll implant AI computer chips into their heads to ensure maximized footballing intelligence. Imagine Fred becoming a prime Xavi.
  2. Oct 10, 2019
    #2

    Mark Pawelek Full Member

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    Asset strippers and hedge funds. MUFC shares must be at the lowest level for sometime. Just need to tart the outfit up a bit and move the shares on sometime in future when the price-to-dividend ratio looks good again. The notion that anyone will pay more than $3B for United seems very fanciful. Yet it it would still be a hansom profit for Glazers and would free up their capital to wreck havoc at some other football club. What they need to do - share the pain.
  3. Oct 10, 2019
    #3

    Sky1981 Fending off the urge

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    Any of them come, I'd fecking support something else.
  4. Oct 10, 2019
    #4

    Eric7C Full Member

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    You haven't been keeping up with Apple :lol:
  5. Oct 10, 2019
    #5

    Pexbo has never watched Star Wars

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    Wow what a commendable moral stance. Please do go on to explain who you have been continuing to support for the last 15+ years.
  6. Oct 10, 2019
    #6

    Schmeichel's Cartwheel Full Member

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    Jeff Bezos

    I'd let him rename Old Trafford the Amazon Arena. Who gives a feck? The guy is worth $110 billion.
  7. Oct 10, 2019
    #7

    JPB New Member

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    Kim Jong fecking Un :lol:
    You can't be serious. The guy's a criminal who kidnaps, tortures and murders people.
  8. Oct 10, 2019
    #8

    roonster09 Correctly predicted France to win World Cup 2018 Scout

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    Not sure how true this is btw.

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  9. Oct 10, 2019
    #9

    SirAF Ageist

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    Apple, definitely. Brand match made in heaven :drool:

    @villain
  10. Oct 10, 2019
    #10

    tenpoless Full Member

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    5. JP MORGAN BANKER WANKER
  11. Oct 10, 2019
    #11

    Port Vale Devil Full Member

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    6. Donald J Trump
  12. Oct 10, 2019
    #12

    ArjenIsM3 Full Member

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    I prefer options 2 and 4 but 1 would be better than our current situation too. Option 3 would see us nuked after we inevitably lose to the likes of Liverpool and City.
  13. Oct 10, 2019
    #13

    deleon Full Member

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    This. The guy knows how to make strategic decisions that look past short term profits.

    Or Alphabet. At this point, I'd rather trust AI to run the club.
  14. Oct 10, 2019
    #14

    Bwuk Full Member

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    Vince McMahon
  15. Oct 10, 2019
    #15

    Bubz27 No I won’t change your tag line

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    Imagine he has to play the "No chance, so that's what you got..." track to his own team!
  16. Oct 10, 2019
    #16

    Will Singh Full Member

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    Big Hong Kong based billionaires are now buying assets outside there country so who knows, the biggest asset company out there is about to take over Green King Brewery and it’s just the start..who knows, anything but those Glazer cnuts!
  17. Oct 10, 2019
    #17

    Resch Full Member

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    Owned by United Fans, no one is allowed to more than 10 %.....
  18. Oct 10, 2019
    #18

    Zlatattack Full Member

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    The most likely to splash cash like it doesn't matter are the Saudi's. Considering they haven't worked to earn it, they'd fit right in with a lot of our first team too.
  19. Oct 10, 2019
    #19

    Zlatattack Full Member

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    Actually the Amazon guy is a good shout. He sounds like a man who knows what he wants.
  20. Oct 10, 2019
    #20

    Jacckk1985 New Member

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    Elon Musk :D
  21. Oct 10, 2019
    #21

    Scriblerus New Member

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    I believe that Steve Dale is looking for a new project.
  22. Oct 10, 2019
    #22

    PaulRich Full Member

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    Replace the bolded with Tony B.liar, George Bush, Donald Trump.

    If the Saudi money gets offered take it - feck any moral high ground. If we're going to question morality we may as well ask Adidas how much they pay the kids sewing our shirts together?? Workers rights in the factories of our official Noodle partner or whoever Ed's signed up this year?? Catering staff in our VIP suites on zero hour contracts?? Where to we end?
  23. Oct 10, 2019
    #23

    711 Full Member Scout

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    We should petition Corbyn to nationalise all the clubs and give them to elected fan committees. What could go wrong?
  24. Oct 10, 2019
    #24

    RUCK4444 New Member

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    I believe in terms of football and success the Saudi’s are the best possible owners.

    They have Endless Money.

    They will have the Desire to be the absolute best.

    They Will want to out perform the other Mega rich club owners.

    They will pump huge money into Old Trafford and the training facilities.

    They will no doubt gut the entire management hierarchy including Ed.

    You can’t over estimate the endless money point above, any businessman will want a return on investment. City have been fast tracked because their owners simply are not interested in profit returns.

    We have money, that’s not the issue, the benefit would be owners that would spend that entire budget without looking to suck dividends and loan payments out of it.

    It’s not ridiculous to demand an owner that lets us operate to our absolute limit, see Madrid, Barca, PSG, City.
    We are one of the biggest clubs in football, we absolutely must be able to operate in same way as our rivals or any success will be short lived.

    I’ve argued in other threads about the moral conflict of accepting the Saudi’s as owners.
    In my opinion the more ties they have to westernised brands/businesses the better, if you think about it, the more we are connected to them the more the spotlight will be on them.
    Any benefit of ‘soft-power’ that people argue they want to gain would be hampered by negative press after more atrocities.
    United sell papers and make headlines and the new owners would be well aware of that.
  25. Oct 10, 2019
    #25

    Betson Full Member

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    Has to be Kim Jong Un , imagine knowing you could face a firing squad every time you lost a match , no better motivation for player or manager than that.
  26. Oct 10, 2019
    #26

    Needham Full Member

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    Bill Gates. He'd sort the toilets out at OT.
  27. Oct 10, 2019
    #27

    Reynoldo Full Member

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    Your location makes sense ;)
  28. Oct 10, 2019
    #28

    Eric's Seagull Full Member

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    I would take Bernard Arnhault. If there was any truth in the rumours he was going to but AC last month, he may be interested and is worth $97.7B.
  29. Oct 10, 2019
    #29

    el diablorojo New Member

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    In a fantasy world it would be a United fan with BIG pockets and a proper vision for the club. Having spent many years watching Brentford scrabble around the bottom two divisions and be screwed over by a couple of charlatan owners, the relief to be saved by a fan with the money to finance the club but also the skill, knowledge and vision to run the club at a higher level competing against far, traditionally, bigger clubs has been amazing. Buying Brentford and buying United though are two very different scenarios :)
  30. Oct 10, 2019
    #30

    freeurmind weak willed

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    None of them. I'd rather United go into receivership and be reformed being owned by the supporters trust with all profits going back into the club or towards community projects in Manchester and the North-West. Rather that than selling them club to more billionaire cnuts.
  31. Oct 10, 2019
    #31

    MikeUpNorth Wobbles like a massive pair of tits

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    Me.
  32. Oct 10, 2019
    #32

    DoomSlayer Full Member

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    George Soros. :angel:
  33. Oct 10, 2019
    #33

    Robbie Boy Full Member

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  34. Oct 10, 2019
    #34

    Stadjer Full Member

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    Is that before or after the divorce?
  35. Oct 10, 2019
    #35

    HowieC New Member

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    We need a corporate raider PE fund to do a leveraged buyout on United contributing only 200$ m in equity, while loading us up in debt.

    Our cashflow would completely be used up to pay down debt. We would sell Pogba for 160$ m and these nasty pe dudes would find a way to get rashford off our books (no one will pay for him)

    In 3 years we would be sold to a random asian billionaire who will rule as a benevolent dictator, rearranging old trafford according to the whims of feng shui.
  36. Oct 10, 2019
    #36

    Bulldog United Full Member

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    We're more likely to end up with Steve Balmer than Jeff Bezos or Tim Cook.
  37. Oct 10, 2019
    #37

    Rooney in Paris Gerrard shirt..Anfield? You'll Never Live it Down Scout

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    Jeff Bezos so @Eboue becomes a Utd fan
  38. Oct 10, 2019
    #38

    Green_Red Full Member

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    Us. I would happily give up any dividends on shares so that it could reinvested into the club.
  39. Oct 10, 2019
    #39

    Untd55 Full Member

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    Sure you would. I bet if you saw a nice sizeable dividend you would throw those ideals straight out of the window. I know I would.
  40. Oct 10, 2019
    #40

    EverReddy Full Member

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    The soon to be richest man in the world is a United fan. Saudi's time at the top of the heap will last only another few years - definitely less than 10.