Gary Cook's Wikipedia Page

FlawlessThaw

most 'know it all' poster
Joined
Oct 26, 2005
Messages
29,602
:lol: that was funny


Liking this bit which I sent to a bitter friend of mine.

Cook also did much work away from transfers introducing the "I'm From Manchester, Honest" campaign where supporters of the club write in their opinions of why Stockport is actually in Manchester & that they shouldn't go to watch County instead, these have then been placed around the interior of the stadium. Many fans have contributed to this including the likes of Ricky Hatton.
 

Hectic

Full Member
Joined
Jun 8, 2006
Messages
75,346
Supports
30fps
Read any paragraph and assume otherwise.
 

Rado_N

Yaaas Broncos!
Joined
Apr 6, 2009
Messages
111,159
Location
Manchester
I assume it's been corrected.
if it has....

Career

Cook worked at sports were giants Nike for 12 years, working his way up to head of the Nike project "Brand Opportunism", before leaving Nike in June 2008 to take over as CEO of Manchester City. Although he’d been a resident of the USA since 1985, and spent four years in Amsterdam, Garry currently lives in a f*****g dreamworld. He’s an experienced liar, with experience at covering up child slavery at Nike, making him ideal for a deluded Manchester City.

Nike

Cook says he moved to the U.S in 1996 and started working for Nike eleven years earlier in 1985, presumably using a DeLorean DMC-12 travelling at 88 miles per hour. He would spend 12 years at Nike where he would become president of the very successful Brand Jordan, Cook says that he worked very closely with basketball superstar Michael Jordan while working at Nike. But then, he also told everyone that his dad is Thor, Norse god of thunder.

Manchester City

This attracted the interest of former Manchester City owner and civil rights campaigner Thaksin Shinawatra, who contacted Cook about becoming CEO of the club after the departure of Alistair Campbell, who was sacked for not telling enough lies. Cook accepted the offer and was appointed CEO of the club in May 2008.

One of Cook's first tasks with his new club was to find a new manager after Sven Goran-Eriksson had been dismissed; he targeted Herbert Chapman of 1930's Arsenal. After finding out that he'd been dead for 74 years, he reluctantly settled on Mark Hughes of Blackburn Rovers. On 4 June 2008, Hughes signed a three-thousand year deal with the club, the fool.[1] On the day Hughes was unveiled to the media, Cook couldn't hide his delight, stating, "I am delighted to welcome Mark on board. In our view he is the brightest young manager in the game and he was our number one target for the manager's job. Honest."

2008/09 Season

Cook's new task was player recruitment,[2] and he did deals for Tal Ben-Haim, Jo, Vincent Kompany, Pablo Zabaleta and Shaun Wright-Phillips but failed in a bid for Roy Race, who doesn't actually exist.

However, this was all overshadowed when on 1 September, City were taken over by the Abu Dhabi United Group; within a few hours of news of the takeover Cook completed the transfer of Brazil international Robinho to the club from Real Madrid for a British transfer record of £32.5 million. Cook suggested that the signing ceremony was watched by 10 billion people. Critics pointed out that this figure is some 3.5 billion more people than actually exist, but Cook simply stated that it reflected the magnitude of the news.

After the arrival of the new Abu Dhabi based owners many thought that they would opt for their own CEO but they decided to keep Cook on after being impressed by his vision for the club, the fools. They did, however, appoint a new chairman, Sheikh Yabhouti, who replaced the outgoing Thaksin Shinawatra.

After the 2009 January transfer window opened Cook sealed deals for Wayne Bridge, Craig Bellamy, Shay Given and Nigel de Jong. However, he failed in a world record bid to bring Pele to the club, blaming the breakdown in negotiations on Santos, stating, "If you want my personal opinion they bottled it, He clearly was for sale but we never got to meet with the player, the behaviour of Santos got in the way." Santos replied by pointing out that Pele retired from football more than thiry years ago.

Cook also did much work away from transfers introducing the "I'm From Manchester, Honest" campaign where supporters of the club write in their opinions of why Stockport is actually in Manchester & that they shouldn't go to watch County instead, these have then been placed around the interior of the stadium. Many fans have contributed to this including the likes of Ricky Hatton.

2009/10 Season

After City finished 10th in Cook's first season with the club, Garry suggested that they actually finished 0th, because they're morally better than everyone else.

He went about bringing in further targets of Mark Hughes. In the summer of 2009 Cook brought in Gareth Barry, Roque Santa Cruz, Stuart Taylor, Carlos Tevez, Emmanuel Adebayor, Kolo Toure, [[Joleon Lescott],] Dougie from McFly and Sylvinho to the club. During this period Cook also built his own team of complete charlatans around him with Brian Marwood joining the club amongst others as part of Cooks team.

Along with Khaldoon Al Mubarak, Cook has seen the complete overhaul of the club's training base Carrington and scheduled a 2009 summer tour of the Moon where the squad met Marvin the Martian and played the Arctic Monkeys in the Vodacom Challenge.

He made a gaffe by welcoming Uwe Rosler to the Manchester United Hall of Fame instead of the Manchester City Hall of Fame and was booed by Manchester City fans, although that didn't actually happen because City fans are the most loyal in the world and never boo. He wrote apology letters to 70,000,000,000,000 Manchester City supporters clubs.

On 19th December 2009, Mark Hughes was relieved of his duties as City's manager after just 200 untruths in twelve games, about half the required amount. It is understood that Cook and Marwood played a large part in convincing chairman Al-Mubarak that Hughes wasn't the man to take City forward based on what Cook managed to achieve on Championship Manager 01/02; former Inter Milan manager Roberto Mancini was appointed as his replacement, the fool.

Personal life

Cook is married tp Girls Aloud and is a keen player of Golf amongst where he regularly competes against Adolf Hitler, Bananaman and Richard Blackwood. Garry invented the colour yellow
 

Anderson Searl

Reserve Team Player
Joined
Dec 9, 2008
Messages
16,380
Location
:lol:
Incase it gets fixed:

Career
Cook worked at sports were giants Nike for 12 years, working his way up to head of the Nike project "Brand Opportunism", before leaving Nike in June 2008 to take over as CEO of Manchester City. Although he’d been a resident of the USA since 1985, and spent four years in Amsterdam, Garry currently lives in a f*****g dreamworld. He’s an experienced liar, with experience at covering up child slavery at Nike, making him ideal for a deluded Manchester City.

Nike
Cook says he moved to the U.S in 1996 and started working for Nike eleven years earlier in 1985, presumably using a DeLorean DMC-12 travelling at 88 miles per hour. He would spend 12 years at Nike where he would become president of the very successful Brand Jordan, Cook says that he worked very closely with basketball superstar Michael Jordan while working at Nike. But then, he also told everyone that his dad is Thor, Norse god of thunder.

Manchester City
This attracted the interest of former Manchester City owner and civil rights campaigner Thaksin Shinawatra, who contacted Cook about becoming CEO of the club after the departure of Alistair Campbell, who was sacked for not telling enough lies. Cook accepted the offer and was appointed CEO of the club in May 2008.

One of Cook's first tasks with his new club was to find a new manager after Sven Goran-Eriksson had been dismissed; he targeted Herbert Chapman of 1930's Arsenal. After finding out that he'd been dead for 74 years, he reluctantly settled on Mark Hughes of Blackburn Rovers. On 4 June 2008, Hughes signed a three-thousand year deal with the club, the fool.[1] On the day Hughes was unveiled to the media, Cook couldn't hide his delight, stating, "I am delighted to welcome Mark on board. In our view he is the brightest young manager in the game and he was our number one target for the manager's job. Honest."

2008/09 Season

Cook's new task was player recruitment,[2] and he did deals for Tal Ben-Haim, Jo, Vincent Kompany, Pablo Zabaleta and Shaun Wright-Phillips but failed in a bid for Roy Race, who doesn't actually exist.

However, this was all overshadowed when on 1 September, City were taken over by the Abu Dhabi United Group; within a few hours of news of the takeover Cook completed the transfer of Brazil international Robinho to the club from Real Madrid for a British transfer record of £32.5 million. Cook suggested that the signing ceremony was watched by 10 billion people. Critics pointed out that this figure is some 3.5 billion more people than actually exist, but Cook simply stated that it reflected the magnitude of the news.

After the arrival of the new Abu Dhabi based owners many thought that they would opt for their own CEO but they decided to keep Cook on after being impressed by his vision for the club, the fools. They did, however, appoint a new chairman, Sheikh Yabhouti, who replaced the outgoing Thaksin Shinawatra.

After the 2009 January transfer window opened Cook sealed deals for Wayne Bridge, Craig Bellamy, Shay Given and Nigel de Jong. However, he failed in a world record bid to bring Pele to the club, blaming the breakdown in negotiations on Santos, stating, "If you want my personal opinion they bottled it, He clearly was for sale but we never got to meet with the player, the behaviour of Santos got in the way." Santos replied by pointing out that Pele retired from football more than thiry years ago.

Cook also did much work away from transfers introducing the "I'm From Manchester, Honest" campaign where supporters of the club write in their opinions of why Stockport is actually in Manchester & that they shouldn't go to watch County instead, these have then been placed around the interior of the stadium. Many fans have contributed to this including the likes of Ricky Hatton.

2009/10 Season

After City finished 10th in Cook's first season with the club, Garry suggested that they actually finished 0th, because they're morally better than everyone else.

He went about bringing in further targets of Mark Hughes. In the summer of 2009 Cook brought in Gareth Barry, Roque Santa Cruz, Stuart Taylor, Carlos Tevez, Emmanuel Adebayor, Kolo Toure, Joleon Lescott, Dougie from McFly and Sylvinho to the club. During this period Cook also built his own team of complete charlatans around him with Brian Marwood joining the club amongst others as part of Cooks team.

Along with Khaldoon Al Mubarak, Cook has seen the complete overhaul of the club's training base Carrington and scheduled a 2009 summer tour of the Moon where the squad met Marvin the Martian and played the Arctic Monkeys in the Vodacom Challenge.

He made a gaffe by welcoming Uwe Rosler to the Manchester United Hall of Fame instead of the Manchester City Hall of Fame and was booed by Manchester City fans, although that didn't actually happen because City fans are the most loyal in the world and never boo. He wrote apology letters to 70,000,000,000,000 Manchester City supporters clubs.

On 19th December 2009, Mark Hughes was relieved of his duties as City's manager after just 200 untruths in twelve games, about half the required amount. It is understood that Cook and Marwood played a large part in convincing chairman Al-Mubarak that Hughes wasn't the man to take City forward based on what Cook managed to achieve on Championship Manager 01/02; former Inter Milan manager Roberto Mancini was appointed as his replacement, the fool.

Personal life

Cook is married to Girls Aloud and is a keen player of Golf amongst where he regularly competes against Adolf Hitler, Bananaman and Richard Blackwood. Garry invented the colour yellow.

References
1.^ McNulty, Phil (4 June 2008). "Hughes becomes Man City manager". BBC Sport. BBC SPORT | Football | My Club | Man City | Hughes becomes Man City manager. Retrieved 4 June 2008.
2.^ Oscroft, Tim (4 June 2008). "Manchester City appoint Mark Hughes". Official Manchester City Website | News | Fixtures | Player Profiles| Christmas Gifts & Shop | Tickets - Manchester City FC. http://www.mcfc.co.uk/default.sps?pagegid={DBD12D53-8346-431D-A04F-5D0F8664DE80}&newsid=6610904. Retrieved 4 June 2008.
Retrieved from "http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Garry_Cook_(CEO)"

Categories: Living people | English businesspeople | People from Birmingham, England | Manchester City F.C. directors and chairmen | THIS MAN IS A COMPLETE AND UTTER IDIOT, WHY OH WY GOD DO YOU LET HIM EXIST YET ALLOW BRITTANY MURPHY TO DIE, IT'S JUST NOT FAIR
:lol:
 

1211+subs

Full Member
Joined
Jul 12, 2002
Messages
453
Location
Scotland
"On 4 June 2008, Hughes signed a three-thousand year deal with the club, the fool.[1] On the day Hughes was unveiled to the media, Cook couldn't hide his delight, stating, "I am delighted to welcome Mark on board. In our view he is the brightest young manager in the game and he was our number one target for the manager's job. Honest."


Hilarious....
 

Mockney

Not the only poster to be named Poster of the Year
Joined
Jan 27, 2009
Messages
40,958
Location
Editing my own posts.
That is fantastically good. Get in..

Cook suggested that the signing ceremony was watched by 10 billion people. Critics pointed out that this figure is some 3.5 billion more people than actually exist, but Cook simply stated that it reflected the magnitude of the news.
:lol:
 

Great Hat

New Member
Newbie
Joined
Jun 16, 2009
Messages
2,251
Location
Take yourself to that football ground
:lol:

Brilliant. Sums it all up really.

"200 Untruths". Reminds me of the bollocks Cook was chatting on SSN about a supposed "conspiracy theory" about the replacement of Hughes with Mancini which nobody had really mentioned, and then going on to tell us how and why it didn't exist. They are a massive club though, as he'll happily tell anyone. :D
 

Solius

¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Staff
Joined
Dec 31, 2007
Messages
86,651
"Sir Alex Ferguson is understood to have cited Cook's remarks to his players ahead of Wednesday's 3-1 win which took United into the final with a 4-3 aggregate victory."

Excellent :lol: Cook basically did our team talk for us.
 

Red Hand Devil

Plan M ish
Joined
Aug 15, 2007
Messages
19,511
Location
"I said a hip hop, hippie to the hippie..."
"Sir Alex Ferguson is understood to have cited Cook's remarks to his players ahead of Wednesday's 3-1 win which took United into the final with a 4-3 aggregate victory."

Excellent :lol: Cook basically did our team talk for us.
Its an old cliche regarding the team talk, but you're spot on Sol, the fecker most certainly did :lol:

I'd say Fletch was also referring to Tevez aswell, who incidently hasnt mooted a word in the press since the defeat. fecking cnut :mad:
 

dev1l

Full Member
Joined
Jun 8, 2006
Messages
9,598

Olly Gunnar Solskjær

Marxist bacon-hating kebab-dodging Tinder rascal
Scout
Joined
Jan 26, 2008
Messages
36,895
Location
dreams can't be buy
"Sir Alex Ferguson is understood to have cited Cook's remarks to his players ahead of Wednesday's 3-1 win which took United into the final with a 4-3 aggregate victory."

Excellent :lol: Cook basically did our team talk for us.
Apprently Paul Merson is trying to do the same thing...

Highbury hero: Arsenal could run riot on Sunday
Highbury hero: Arsenal could run riot on Sunday 29 January 2010 - 14:36 | Sport.co.uk :lol:
Thanks guys! Very nice
 

KingEric7

Stupid Conspiracy Enthusiast Wanker
Joined
Aug 1, 2006
Messages
24,005
Cook also did much work away from transfers introducing the "I'm From Manchester, Honest" campaign where supporters of the club write in their opinions of why Stockport is actually in Manchester & that they shouldn't go to watch County instead, these have then been placed around the interior of the stadium. Many fans have contributed to this including the likes of Ricky Hatton.
:lol:
 

beacon

All Creatures Great and Small
Joined
Aug 8, 2005
Messages
2,425
Not worth it's own thread so I thought I'd bump another wiki edit thread.

From Andy Jacobs wiki jut found this:

talkSPORT

Paul Hawksbee and Andy Jacobs became friends in 1998 when Andy invited Paul to join the team on ITV’s Fantasy World Cup. Andy had watched as much football as was humanly possible during the 70-plus shows he’d produced for Baddiel & Skinner and thought he could do with some company. After 11 years on TalkSport he never lead-presents, even when Paul Hawksbee suffers a last-minute illness. He also has personal hygiene issues.
:lol:

The subtle ones are often the best on wiki as they survive the longest.