Absolutely Random footballers from the 1990's

Wes

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#1 Guy "Corporal Punishment" Whittingham



This bloke was pronounced a legend by many and more often as Villa Ace Guy Whittingham. Scored goals of majesty and genius, nearly signed for Man United, and eventually bankrupted both Newport and Newbury before fading into complete abscurity.

Guy Whittingham
 

Wes

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#2 Ian Walker, aka that Arsehole



Notable for looking a complete knobhead every time you saw the cnut, Beckham before Beckam really. Went on to marry a page 3 girl, and then feck some random blonde for the laugh, disgracing himself and his well respected old man. In May 2006 Walker was rewarded for his patience in not playing a single league game for Bolton by being given a further two year contract. Presumably dead.

Ian Walker.
 

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#3 Ian Woan



A decent left winger thought by many to be the key to Englands troubles down the left side of midfield, but alas, never got the call up. Many say it's becasue he lacked passion. An absolute nobody of a man. Woan has recently been garnering plaudits in recent times within the music circle, having formed a promising Sludgecore outfit named Cretinous Cavern with former Forest teammate Steve Chettle.
 

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#4 Jason Lee aka Pineapple head



Got his chance in the first team at Notts Forrest when Stan Collymore (another lunatic who deserves a mention) fecked off to Liverpool. Looked a promising footballer, but once the Fantasy football programme with Badiel and Skinner got a hold of him, he was never the same. Had a rather impressive chant which went "He's got a pineapple, on his head, he's got a pineapple, on his head!" (to the tune of He's Got The Whole World In His Hands by Laurie London). Since moved to Notts County and shaved his head.

Jason Lee.
 

lynchie

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Remember them all from the Premier League Sticker book...

Chris Woods? Andy Pearse? Really anyone that ever played for Sheffield Wednesday turned into a nobody.
 

Wes

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#5 Ruel Fox



best described as a fast, tricky wing wizard who was a handful for defenders and provided good crosses. Described by Kevin Keegan as the best winger in the league by miles in 1995/1996, feckin numpty that he was and is. He is currently coach of non-league Whitton United F.C., who play in the Ridgeons League. In 2002, Norwich supporters voted Fox an inaugural member of the Norwich City F.C. Hall of Fame, which says a fair bit about how shit Norwich City really are.

Ruel Fox
 

Wes

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#6 Richie Humphreys



Scored two of the most amazing goals I've ever seen early on in the 1995-6 season, scored a goal that was recorded at 95.9mph, one of the hardest goals in the history of football. Humphreys also scored in the following match against Leeds United. Two games later, Humphreys scored a much talked about goal when he went on a 50 yard run and scored a spectacular chipped goal against Leicester City

Johan Cruijff, the guest of honour for a preseason game against Utrect praised Humphreys and said he was the next Marco van Basten. Was Englands next big hope, wearing the famed number 9 jersey at the 1997 under 20 FIFA world cup. Next seen playing for Hartlepool United.
 

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Wes said:
#5 Ruel Fox



best described as a fast, tricky wing wizard who was a handful for defenders and provided good crosses. Described by Kevin Keegan as the best winger in the league by miles in 1995/1996, feckin numpty that he was and is. He is currently coach of non-league Whitton United F.C., who play in the Ridgeons League. In 2002, Norwich supporters voted Fox an inaugural member of the Norwich City F.C. Hall of Fame, which says a fair bit about how shit Norwich City really are.

Ruel Fox
Click to expand...
Isn't his biggest claim to fame the fact that he was the only Premiership player to score a penalty at OT for about 10 years...
 

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#7 Nicky Summerbee



Booed all the way out of Manchester city, and nearly every club he ever played for, thats our Nick (the prick). A particular high point being a well-publicised liaison with TV presenter, Melanie Sykes. Released by Tamworth at the end of the 05-06 season the reason being that he's Nicky Summerbee, an absolute wanker. Presumably playing parks football whilst having unresolved issues with his dada, a proper footballer.

Nicky Summerbee.
 

ciderman9000000

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#8 Tino Asprilla



Asprilla left Parma for Newcastle United for 6.7 million pounds in 1995 where he played for three seasons and was hot one minute and cold the next. There were problems off the field too. He famously scored a hat-trick for Newcastle against Barcelona in an unforgettable 1997 Champions League game at St James' Park, which ended in a 3-2 win for Newcastle. This would be the high point in his time playing for the Magpies, marking the tail end of The Entertainers era of the club but making him a cult hero on Tyneside.

Asprilla had to be officially working as a construction worker to gain a visa into Italy, where he rejoined Parma in 1998, scoring the goal that brought Milans "Invincible" run to an end. His career then wound down from that point, playing for various clubs in Argentina, Mexico, Chile and Colombia. He was known by his supporters in his home country as The Octopus for his uniquely flexible and fluid style. To everyone else he was 'Tino', or '2 goal Tino', as his goals usually came in twos.
 

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Andy Sinton, noted for resembling a serial killer and being crap at football


currently the manager of Fleet Town.
 

el eric

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Chris Bart-Williams



getting his name on the back of your replica shirt would have cost a fortune back in the day
 

RedLars

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Erland Johnsen



Set the standard for below par redheaded Norwegians playing for mediocre Premier League clubs.
 

duffer

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RedLars said:
Erland Johnsen



Set the standard for below par redheaded Norwegians playing for mediocre Premier League clubs.
Click to expand...
He was very good for us back then.Our player of the years once I think.

Here's a few more....
Gavin Peacock, Nigel Spackman, Craig Burley, Paul Furlong and David Hopkin (he was shite).

Also, how nice was our kit back then?

Gavin Peacock- good little player, scored in 1994 at Old Trafford and Stamford Brdge in two 1-0 wins for Chelsea. Hit the woodwork in the cup final before we got crushed.

Nigel Spackman- I always remember him as a really old, slow player (he played for some decent clubs though).

Craig Burley- no front teeth, scored a few good goals for us.

Paul Furlong- Our big money signing one year £2.5mil. Was cack but worked hard. Scored a strange goal after charging down a goalkeepers attemted clearance and the ball twatted him on the back of the head and went in.

David Hopkin- The worst player i've seen wear the blue (or orange and grey) of my club. Was slow, could not cross or pass well.
 

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#Whatever the feck - Regi Blinker



Notable for having the stupidest name on the planet (bar Neville Neville, obviously). A powerhouse central midfielder he wasn't. A low rent Ruud Gullet impersonation for the old firm, he was. Pretty funny dreadlocks. Just another geebag off the Dutch machine of the 1990's. Did well to get paid by Celtic for 3 years untill they realised he was complete garbage.
 

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Phil Babb
How was he ever a footballer? always remember him sliding Travellers first into the goal post

 

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Graham Fenton



Back in April 1996 we needed Blackburn to take something off Newcastle, as it would of effectively end their title challenge. It didnt start good as Newcastle went 1-0 up, on came Fenton as late substitute and he did us proud by scoring both goals to inflict a 2-1 defeat and put us into the driving seat for the league title.

I'll never forget this man :devil:
 

duffer

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golden_blunder said:
Phil Babb
How was he ever a footballer? always remember him sliding Travellers first into the goal post
Click to expand...
That was against us, Casiraghi had just scored.

Anyway,

246# John Jensen


Scored a screamer in the Euro 92 cup final, George Graham got given a brown envelope full of cash to sign him for Arsenal (which got him the sack a few years later) where he did not score another goal for about 100 games.
Is now assistant coach at Getafe.
Bit of a cult hero for Gooners I think (same as Perry Groves- who really was shit- Jensen was decent).
 

Wes

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#9 Peter Ndlovu



Former Coventry City striker, currently playing for a team named Mamelodi Sundowns, which sound delighful, if a bit zingy. Involved in a fair amount of off field bother involving several local women who claimed he had fathered their children - he hold them all to feck off and eventually left for Birmingham City because of it. Scored the odd goal here and there aswell.
 

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#78 - Marco Boogers



Absolute git of a man, played for West Ham twice after being signed for a million odd, and in his second (and last) game for the 'am, came on against United and sythed down Gary Neville. Noticable for being the worst buy by a manager, ever, in the history of football. West Ham fans have t-shirts made up with "I saw Marco Boogers Play" emblazened on them, the spastics.

I'm reliably informed he fled London after the United match and began living in a dutch caravan park, which no-one really must've saw coming. What a strange, strange man.

Marco Boogers
 

golden_blunder

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Wes said:
#9 Peter Ndlovu

Former Coventry City striker, currently playing for a team named Mamelodi Sundowns, which sound delighful, if a bit zingy. Involved in a fair amount of off field bother involving several local women who claimed he had fathered their children - he hold them all to feck off and eventually left for Birmingham City because of it. Scored the odd goal here and there aswell.
Click to expand...
his brother Adam, had a trial at United in the 90's
 

Wes

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#0 - Hamilton Ricard



Middlesborough striker who scored a feckin shitload of goals when he was there, though never smiled once in his entire career. To describe him as a journeyman would be an understatement, he's played in about 20 leagues never mind clubs. Currently serving 4 years for a car accident.

Hamilton Ricard.
 
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