Back again by popular demand! In these troubling times for Manchester Divided, what with no transfers, bad performances, club disharmony, let's have a look and appreciate what we've already got at the club!!
David De Gea/Sergio Romero/Lee Grant
Tough battle this time around, DDG's ponytail experiment has backfired and his rivals are banging on the door, ready to pounce. Romero's got some nice, nondescript good looks and Lee Grant, with his lean, slender features, has got a nice everyday man appeal to him. You could quite easily picture him being a bit of a handyman as well, moving gracefully up a ladder or fixing a leaking sink with just one hand. I'll let the Caf decide this one.
Antonio Valencia - The Indian chieftain of the squad. Should be given special dispensation to play in indigenous warrior gear. Who wouldn't mind an arrow through the heart from him??
Eric Bailly -
When he gives you the look
Victor Lindelöf - Looks a bit like if you took a picture of all white Scandinavian males and morphed them into a single face. Down to earth, sleeve tattooed appeal, when he doesn't look like a startled fox.
Luke Shaw - Who cares about baggage when there's junk in that particular trunk!
Jesse Lingard - A bit controversial perhaps, but a huge improvement recently, less gormless and is beaming with confidence and humour.
Andreas Pereira - Brings a much needed Zayn factor to the Manchester United brand. Needs to get a celebrity girlfriend ASAP, preferably the British equivalent of any Hadid sister.
Paul Pogba - Probably the most attractive man in the squad. Tall, charismatic, the type of larger-than-life man who lights up a room when he walks into it. No one remembers him as Dukie off The Wire anymore.
Anthony Martial - When you're in the mood for some mood. It speaks volumes of his heartthrobness that he could form a new club all by himself and half of the Caf would end up switching allegiances!!
Alexis Sanchez - Very short but has got some nice rugged features. It was like he was carved in granite by those trapped Chilean miners, they knew what they were doing, just couldn't see properly in that pitch black cave.
Romelu Lukaku - Much is said about his physique but he's got a very nice, gentle face. Looks best with a beard on.
Subs:
Diogo Dalot - Yet to see him in action.
Matteo Darmian - https://i.imgur.com/6GADZcY.jpg
Nemanja Matic - Has got a nice large frame, but a very petite head. If he was shaking it you'd hardly see it move.
Juan Mata - https://78.media.tumblr.com/f7f12212f1841c142e4c4a79dd876c04/tumblr_n1zy6ukzDu1qh5gnso1_250.gif
Ander Herrera - See Mata.
Fred - Again, not seen enough of him in action either, quite possibly a contender, he's got a nice smile but looks a bit compressed.
Marcus Rashford - Also a contender, looks a bit gnome-ish from some angles though. But then again so does Lingard...
In the stands:
Chris Smalling - I mean, does anyone really want a guy that can't play out from the back properly??
Marcos Rojo - Bare-chested marauding is not to be underestimated, but nah.
Phillip Jones - Only if you're really into cubism.
David De Gea/Sergio Romero/Lee Grant
Tough battle this time around, DDG's ponytail experiment has backfired and his rivals are banging on the door, ready to pounce. Romero's got some nice, nondescript good looks and Lee Grant, with his lean, slender features, has got a nice everyday man appeal to him. You could quite easily picture him being a bit of a handyman as well, moving gracefully up a ladder or fixing a leaking sink with just one hand. I'll let the Caf decide this one.
Antonio Valencia - The Indian chieftain of the squad. Should be given special dispensation to play in indigenous warrior gear. Who wouldn't mind an arrow through the heart from him??
Eric Bailly -
When he gives you the look
Victor Lindelöf - Looks a bit like if you took a picture of all white Scandinavian males and morphed them into a single face. Down to earth, sleeve tattooed appeal, when he doesn't look like a startled fox.
Luke Shaw - Who cares about baggage when there's junk in that particular trunk!
Jesse Lingard - A bit controversial perhaps, but a huge improvement recently, less gormless and is beaming with confidence and humour.
Andreas Pereira - Brings a much needed Zayn factor to the Manchester United brand. Needs to get a celebrity girlfriend ASAP, preferably the British equivalent of any Hadid sister.
Paul Pogba - Probably the most attractive man in the squad. Tall, charismatic, the type of larger-than-life man who lights up a room when he walks into it. No one remembers him as Dukie off The Wire anymore.
Anthony Martial - When you're in the mood for some mood. It speaks volumes of his heartthrobness that he could form a new club all by himself and half of the Caf would end up switching allegiances!!
Alexis Sanchez - Very short but has got some nice rugged features. It was like he was carved in granite by those trapped Chilean miners, they knew what they were doing, just couldn't see properly in that pitch black cave.
Romelu Lukaku - Much is said about his physique but he's got a very nice, gentle face. Looks best with a beard on.
Subs:
Diogo Dalot - Yet to see him in action.
Matteo Darmian - https://i.imgur.com/6GADZcY.jpg
Nemanja Matic - Has got a nice large frame, but a very petite head. If he was shaking it you'd hardly see it move.
Juan Mata - https://78.media.tumblr.com/f7f12212f1841c142e4c4a79dd876c04/tumblr_n1zy6ukzDu1qh5gnso1_250.gif
Ander Herrera - See Mata.
Fred - Again, not seen enough of him in action either, quite possibly a contender, he's got a nice smile but looks a bit compressed.
Marcus Rashford - Also a contender, looks a bit gnome-ish from some angles though. But then again so does Lingard...
In the stands:
Chris Smalling - I mean, does anyone really want a guy that can't play out from the back properly??
Marcos Rojo - Bare-chested marauding is not to be underestimated, but nah.
Phillip Jones - Only if you're really into cubism.
Some proper gargoyles in there.
